I’d just taken off my shirt to get ready for bed. When I turned around, the sight of Bridget leaning in my doorway was completely unexpected. Her eyes were fixated on my naked torso, and I noticed she had my fortune in her hand. She swallowed before speaking.
“I might not have wanted you to read my letter, but I meant everything I wrote in it.”
I took a few tentative steps toward her. “Like wanting me?” I didn’t need to hear her say the words to know—I was certain she wanted me. Her eyes and body language had told me that from the first time I met her. Yet I wanted to hear her say them aloud—to accept that it was okay for her to want me.
She looked down. A pink blush tinted her beautiful skin when she looked up. “Yes. I want you more than anything that I’ve ever wanted in my life. Honestly, it scares me how much I’m attracted to you.”
Those words were exactly what I wanted to hear, yet I knew there was a but coming. “Can we just stop there, and I’ll tell you the feeling is mutual? Because I have a feeling whatever you say from this point on, I’m not going to like as much.”
She smiled sadly. “What happens when your residency is over, Simon? Where will you go?”
I nodded, knowing what she was getting at. “Back to England. It’s my home, Bridget. Living here has never felt anything but temporary for me.”
“And do you want to have a family someday?”
I looked down and shook my head. “No. I don’t”
“It’s true that the greatest risk may be not taking one. But a risk is taking a chance when you have the potential to gain or lose something in the future. When that future is certain that you’re going to lose that something—it’s not taking a risk, Simon. It’s jumping out of a plane without a parachute and expecting to land on your feet anyway.”
Of course, she was right. As much as I didn’t want to hear it, deep down, I knew she was doing the right thing—for both of us. I wanted her so badly that I couldn’t focus—but it wouldn’t just be sex with us. Even I knew that much. “I understand.”
Bridget hesitated at my door for a while, looking torn. Finally, she said, “Can I just lie with you for a little while? I’m not ready to be alone, and it’s been a really long time since anyone has held me.”
She mistook my delayed response as a no.
Turning before I could answer, she shook her head and started to walk out of my room. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you that. It’s not appropriate or fair.”
“Bridget, wait!”
She froze with her back to me. I walked over and stood so close that I felt her body shaking. “I want to lie with you. There’s nothing more that I would like right now. It’s just…” I couldn’t believe I was embarrassed to say anything to her after the show I’d put on last week. But I was. “…it’s just that I’m already hard from just being around you, and there’s no way in the world that’s going to change if you get into my bed. If that won’t upset you…if you don’t mind, I’d love it if you would join me in my bed. Maybe I could put a pillow between us so we can spoon without you getting forked.”
She smiled. “I’d love that. Just for a little while.”
I took Bridget’s hand and led her to my bed. Once she got in, I slipped in behind her, put a pillow over my groin, and wrapped my arms around her waist. I pulled her flush against me and held her as if my life depended on it. My hard-on was excruciatingly painful, and I had the strongest urge to thrust back and forth against her soft ass—pillow or not. I could’ve probably come just from dry humping her fully clothed. But I didn’t even attempt to move. Instead, I focused on listening to the sound of her breathing. It was jagged for a long time, but eventually it smoothed out, and I could feel that her body had also relaxed.
There was no way in the world that I could sleep with her pressed up against me. At least not without a quick trip to the bathroom to give myself a good wank so that my cock might deflate a little. But that would have meant letting go of her, and I wasn’t ready to do that because as good as it felt, I knew that this would most likely be the first and only time that we did this. Bridget would begin to distance herself again in the morning, and I wasn’t about to miss a minute of what she was allowing me to have tonight.
After about forty minutes, her breaths slowed even more and her shoulders fully relaxed. Bridget had fallen asleep in my arms.
Hours later, when she stirred, I was still awake, but I pretended not to be for her own sake. She turned to face me, and then I felt her soft lips on my cheek before she whispered. “Thank you, Simon.” And then she was gone.
I had long shifts over the next few days. Since Bridget was off, I hadn’t seen her since she crept out of my bed, and I was feeling some sort of depressing withdrawal. During a particularly slow overnight shift, Brianna, the nurse I’d dated a few times, propositioned me for a quickie in the supply room. Even though it would have probably been the smartest thing for me to do—screw Bridget right out of my head—I doubted if I could even get it up for anyone else at that point.
When my lunch break rolled around, I decided I needed to get some fresh air and headed over to Calliope’s studio for a much-needed pick me up. My friend was always a bright ray of happiness.
As usual, she was teaching a class when I walked in. So, I took my regular position in the back of the room for a session of arse watching while I drank my protein shake. Not even that did anything for me. A bunch of skinny, boyish-shaped arses on women who dressed up in expensive yoga outfits that matched their sneakers couldn’t hold a candle to Bridget in a pair of sweatpants bending over and unloading the dishwasher.
Christ, I’m fucked.
I’d rather be at home watching a mum who was never going to be with me unload her dishes, than checking out a line of twenty-five-year-old arses. This shit is depressing.
Class ended, and I made my way up to the front, genuinely happy to see my friend. “Calli…I’m always dropping by to see you at work. I’m feeling neglected that you don’t at least make an effort to break an arm or need some stitches.”
“Someone might need stitches in the ER, but it won’t be me, you jerk.”
My brows furrowed. What the hell? Where had my ray of sunshine gone? I smiled wide. “Did someone accidentally put two scoops of bitchy in her bowl of grumpy this morning?”
Calli’s hands went to her hips. “I told you not to screw with my friend.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t play innocent with me, Simon Hogue. I know you did something.”
I folded my arms over my chest. “Well then, if you know, fill me in, because I’ve no fucking clue what you’re rattling on about.”
Calliope squinted at me. “What did you do to Bridget?”
“Let’s see. I cleaned up her entire house after a grease fire and then I took her out to dinner on her birthday. Oh, wait, that’s not it. Might it be because I was a perfect gentleman when she rubbed her ass up against my dick half the night?”
“If you didn’t do something, then why is she leaving?”
A sudden panic came over me. “Leaving? What are you talking about?”
“She came in for a class this morning and looked like she’d lost her best friend. When I asked her what was wrong, she said nothing, and then told me she had just booked a trip down to Florida.”
“Okay…”
“So I know you did something.”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“So why does she look so sad, and she’s running down to Florida all of a sudden because she needs to get away.”
I took a deep breath and exhaled audibly. “It’s not what you think.”
“Really? What is it, then?”
“Bridget and I…” I searched for words to explain what the hell was going on, but since I didn’t understand what we had myself, it wasn’t easy. “…it’s complicated, Calliope.”
Suddenly, my friend’s face changed. Her anger morphed into wide-eyed shock. “You have actual feelings for her?”
“I like her. Yes. She’s a good person.”
“Of course, she is. I’m not friends with assholes.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“You’re falling in love with her.”
“No, I’m not.” I’d answered so fast, it made me even question if I was lying. Was I falling in love with Bridget? The thought seemed ludicrous. “I can’t be falling for her.”
“Why not?”
“Because that can’t happen.”
A huge smile grew on Calliope’s face. “Not wanting love to happen doesn’t make it not happen, Simon.”
I’d have to think on that one later. There were more important things to discuss. “When is she going to Florida?”
“Tomorrow morning. Brendan is off of school next week for break so she booked a last-minute flight for tomorrow morning. She’s taking him out of class for a day and was able to get the week off by switching shifts with some other nurses.”
Was she even going to tell me? “I gotta go.” I leaned down, pecked my friend on the cheek, and headed for the door.
She yelled after me. “Don’t hurt her, Simon!”
I was starting to think her warning should have been the other way around.