“Dammit, Aislinn, I don’t know, okay?”
I pulled the phone away and glared at it in confusion. Over the past three weeks, Teagan’s attitude had turned to shit. Right now he was doing a fair impression of said shit. For the past few days, any little thing set him off. He’d snapped at me more times than I could count, and I was getting tired of it.
“You know what?” I snarled. “I’m getting—” I stopped myself and bit my lip to hold back to the words. Words that would do nothing but escalate things.
“What?” he demanded.
“Nothing,” I responded, feeling defeated.
“No. You had something to say, so say it.”
“It wasn’t anything important, Teagan,” I ground out, annoyed. “Look, I need to go. I’ll talk to you later. I love you.”
“Fine.”
My jaw dropped open in shock when I suddenly heard the distinct silence of a disconnected call. My hand trembled and almost dropped the phone as my mind processed the fact that Teagan had just hung up on me. What the hell? I blinked back the tears pricking the backs of my eyes, and my nose began to sting. I struggled to hang on to my anger, but it was hard. Especially when something else dawned on me.
He hadn’t said he loved me.
Hurt and anger were at war as the dominant emotion churning in my gut. I pushed backward to lean against the headboard and tilted my head back with a sigh. The phone dropped from my hand to land on the bed with a soft bounce as I raised it to pinch the bridge of my nose. I was emotionally exhausted from the constant ride on Teagan’s bipolar rollercoaster.
The worst part was I’d only called to see if we were going to have dinner together the following day. That was all. I knew there was the possibility he’d have plans with Corinne. That was why I had a backup option of eating in the student center. But my effort of trying to be considerate and supportive was rewarded by his implication I was demanding all of his attention.
To the contrary, I’d made him cancel several plans with me so he could see Corinne.
The longer I sat alone with my thoughts, the more I stewed. That was never a good thing. Throwing a hissy fit usually followed, and that would accomplish nothing. I scrubbed my face with both hands and let out another sigh. It was obvious I was on my own tonight. I considered calling Annie to see if she wanted to join me tonight, but decided against it. I couldn’t remember if it was a tutor night, and I really just wanted to be alone.
I refused to pay attention to the little voice trying to convince me I’d better get used to being alone. It was an asshole, that voice. It needed to shut the hell up. A big problem was the voice was starting to sound like Penny, and since she was MIA, I was forced to deal with all of my drama on my own.
I got up off the bed, put on my shoes, and grabbed my things. Food was a necessity, so the snack bar on the campus would be my destination. From there, I’d play it by ear. Maybe call Cassia or someone. I positively would not sit around feeling sorry for myself.
I dug out my keys and headed down the stairs, pausing on the bottom step when a sound from the living room caught my attention. A dejected looking Zver sat in the middle of the room. Guilt swept over me. The strife and stress between Teagan and me lately had resulted in the huge ball of fur not getting as much attention as usual. Seeing my keys in hand, Zver flopped down and laid his massive head on his paws with a sad sigh.
I felt like shit.
“We’ve neglected you, haven’t we, boy?”
He responded with a squinty blink and a soft whine.
I shrugged off my bag and my purse and walked over to him. Kneeling down beside the animal, I reached out and sank my hand into the thick, dark ruff around his neck. With a happy groan, Zver rolled onto his side so I had easy access to his belly. The dog sure loved his belly rubs.
I spent the next little while showing Zver some love and telling him everything that had been going on. Truth be told, the hound was an excellent listener. If he weren’t a dog, I’d have sworn he understood every word I spoke to him, if the sympathetic licks were any indication. Surprisingly, I felt a lot better after I poured my heart out to him.
I wasn’t sure what that said about me.
The growling of my stomach reminded me that I’d been on my way to get something to eat. I gave Zver a final pat then stood with a sigh. Despite the soft whine, he didn’t follow me to the door, and that made me feel a little better. It meant he’d been reassured somewhat of his place in his humans’ lives.
I got in the car after locking the front door and sat in the silence. The conversation with Teagan played over in my mind, and all the anger and hurt resurfaced. I really hadn’t deserved that attitude directed at me. However, I was trying to put myself in his shoes and understand what he was going through. Note that I said I was trying, not that I was having much luck. Mostly, I was just pissed off.
I started the car and headed to the campus. It looked like the snack bar would get my business two nights in a row. The drive went quickly, and soon I pulled into a spot near the campus grease pit. I grabbed my things and got out, groaning at the humidity. It seemed like it could be the dead of winter and there’d still be ninety percent humidity.
Taking care to lock the door, I headed to the snack bar. By this point, my stomach felt like it was trying to eat itself, and the smells escaping the building were mouthwatering. I opened the door and immediately the raucous sounds of a crowd greeted me. Perfect, the one night I wanted to be alone, the place was packed.
I debated leaving, but my stomach protested in such a loud manner it bordered on embarrassing. Not seeing another option, I took a deep breath, straightened my shoulders, and walked in. Only to come to a dead stop at what greeted me. This was so not what I needed right now. I’d managed to avoid this very thing. God, would anything go right with the day?
Sitting with several other members of the football team and a couple of cheerleaders was Ryan.
Once again, the thought of leaving crossed my mind. But the hunger won out and I cautiously eased through the crowd along the wall to the counter. I placed and paid for my order and then waited impatiently for them to serve it. Noisy laughter came from behind along with shouts back and forth between the booths that Ryan and the others occupied. I fought the urge to turn around and see what was going on.
I breathed a sigh of relief when my tray was plopped down on the counter in front of me. I gave the cashier a tight smile and picked it up then moved toward the back of the snack bar. Despite being at the opposite end of the building, the din didn’t change. I sat with a huff of acceptance that I wouldn’t be studying anytime soon.
I picked up my burger to start eating, and one bite told a whole different story. It was apparent that my nerves weren’t going to allow me to enjoy my meal. My stomach rolled as soon as the bite hit it. I swallowed hard and put the burger back down on the plate. I stared at it, helpless, and appetite now gone.
Well, this development sucked.
With a sigh, I braced an elbow on the table and rested my head in my hand. I stared at the food in front of me and felt the nausea start to build again. With a sound of disgust, I pushed the tray to the side and closed my eyes. My nerves were all over the place and I needed to get them back in line. My plan was shot to hell, however, when someone sat across from me with a grunt.
I cracked open an eye and barely held back a groan when Ryan’s hazel gaze greeted me. Instead, I turned my head so I could rub my forehead, tired and feeling…something. The thought of dealing with him right now bordered on overwhelming.
“You know, I had this really crazy thought,” he said as he looked at me. “I mean, it’s bizarre.”
I made a disinterested sound, wishing he’d just go away.
“Yeah,” he shifted in his seat and scratched his chin. “You see, I was kinda thinking you were avoiding me.” He met my eyes in a level gaze.
I shifted my weight in my seat, uncomfortable. “What makes you think that?”
“Well, let’s see, sugar,” he drawled. “You don’t answer the phone, only text, you’ve made sure every assignment we’ve done recently could be done on the internet and turned in via email…” He reached over and grabbed a couple of fries off my tray before he finished with, “And I saw you rush to the other side of the quad the other day when I was walking toward you.”
I blushed at his words. I’d been positive he hadn’t seen me. Of course my luck wouldn’t be that good. I opened my mouth to defend myself when he waved me off.
“But all that’s just a crazy misunderstanding, right?”
“Actually, no,” I informed him. “You’re right. I have been avoiding you.”
His eyes widened in surprise before he frowned. “And why is that?”
“Because I don’t have time for your bullshit, Ryan, it’s too exhausting,” I snapped. A hand flew to cover my gaping mouth. Shocked and mortified, I couldn’t believe what I’d just said.
Neither could he, apparently. He sat back in his seat and blinked in surprise. He pointed at me and opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it. He ran a hand through his hair and studied me in silence.
“Yo, Ryan,” one of his buddies from the front called out. “We’re leaving, dude.”
Ryan nodded and raised a hand in acknowledgement, never taking his eyes off of mine. I squirmed slightly, uncomfortable in the silence. The shock of my frustrated announcement still hung between us.
After his friends left, the snack bar became almost eerily still, and Ryan sat back in his seat. He watched me quietly, running a finger along his top lip before he blew out a breath. Resting his forearms on the table in front of him, he laced his fingers together, his eyes never once leaving my face.
I finally couldn’t take it anymore. “What?” I growled at him. He was an easy target and my good manners were too strained at that point.
“What’s going on, Aislinn?”
That surprised me enough to ease some of my boiling irritation. “Huh?”
He leaned toward me, brows knit together as confusion and what looked to be concern crossed his face. “You’re feisty and sassy, sweetheart. It’s one of the things I like about you,” he said, tilting his head. “But what just happened? That kind of ugliness isn’t like you. Even I know that. So, I ask again, what’s going on?”
“Nothing’s going on,” I muttered as I ducked my head. He was hitting a little too close to home for my liking. “Everything’s fine.”
Ryan ducked his head down further to see my face. “No, it’s not.” He was silent for a moment before he asked what I’d been dreading. “Did something happen with Aldridge?”
“Jesus! No. Not that it’s any of your business, anyway.” I swiveled in my seat to grab my bag and purse. There was no way I was going to stay there. Ryan was getting too good at reading me. A hand on my wrist stopped my movements. I glared down at it. “Let. Me. Go,” I ground out.
“Look, I’m sorry, but Aldridge has been a dick lately, okay? I’m glad he plays lacrosse and not football,” he told me softly. He let go of my wrist carefully, as if I might shatter.
I shrugged. “We’re fine.” My throat tried to close up at the lie. Teagan and I weren’t fine. That thought had my eyes and the back of my nose burning. I blinked hard and took a deep breath in an effort to keep my emotions under control.
“Really? Because you don’t seem fine, sugar,” he observed.
I probably would have been okay had my phone not dinged with a text just then. I picked it up and saw it was from Teagan. With shaking fingers, I opened it and read it before I dropped it down on the table.
Teagan: Go on to dinner by yourself tomorrow.
No ‘I love you,’ no ‘I’ll call you later,’ nothing. It was so unlike the Teagan I knew I didn’t know what to think. All of a sudden everything rushed up over me—the arguments, the sleepless nights, the worry…I buried my head in my arms on the table with a shuddering breath. I sniffed as the tears slowly made their way down my face.
I heard the phone scrape on the table surface, click open, then set back down with a restrained snap. There was a heartbeat of silence before a soft hand rested on my head. As the fingers stroked through my curls, I heard Ryan mutter, “Dude’s a dick.”
I kinda agreed with him at the moment.