I couldn’t do this.
It had been three and half weeks since I’d seen him. I stood at the opposite end of the long bank of cashier stands, staring at him, and the pain was still fresh. But then, a big part of the pain had something to do with who he was with. Corinne was high in his arms, and standing with a shopping cart full of food beside him was Lauren.
The pain was like a sucker punch to the gut as I watched him smile at something she said. Looked like his choice on what to do was pretty easy after all. I tried to tell myself it was for the best, but my heart was busy trying to claw its way out to be with the man who still owned it. It felt so real I actually pressed a hand to my chest to keep the betraying bastard in there.
I didn’t know how long I watched as they slowly made their way through the line. But reality checked me when I heard Ryan’s voice beside me. I jumped, startled, and swung around to look at him.
“What?” I had no clue what he’d said to me.
“I’d asked if you were okay, but never mind. I have the answer.” He glanced over my shoulder then back at me. “You need to go? You got everything you need?” He gestured to the basket in my hand.
I nodded, mute.
He took me by the arm and led me over to the self-checkout aisle. “Let’s go through here. We need to get you back so you can finish packing.”
I sighed, displeased.
“If it’s any consolation, he looks like shit,” he observed.
I looked at him, brows drawn together. He looked like anything but shit. “What? What do you mean?”
“Look at him. He’s put on weight. You’re better off without him. And he has definitely downgraded.” He jerked his head over to where the duo stood. “You’re way hotter.”
I let out a bark of laughter. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m being supportive and shit,” he responded. “Isn’t that what you chicks do? Talk shit about us when you’re not dating us anymore?”
Ryan looked so earnest and expectant that I lost it. I started laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe and snorted by accident. That just made me laugh harder, which made him start laughing. Before long, we had to hold each other up, tears of laughter running down our faces.
I happened to glance up and locked eyes with Teagan. I sobered as he looked from me to Ryan then back. My heart lurched when I saw the flash of anger before his face smoothed into a carefully blank expression. It took everything in me not to race over and explain when he pointedly turned away.
Ryan must have sensed my weakening resolve because he reached out and took me by the elbow. I pulled my attention away from Teagan and glanced at him. He tipped his head toward the cash register. “C’mon, sugar, let’s get you out of here, yeah?”
I swung back to Teagan and found him watching us with that neutral expression still in place. I dropped my gaze to the floor and turned toward the register with a nod. I blinked to keep back the tears. “Yeah,” I croaked. “Please.”
Ryan took the basket from my numb hand and quickly ran the items through the self-checkout. I was so out of it that I couldn’t even drum up embarrassment over him handling my tampons. To give him credit, he didn’t pause when he plucked them from the basket. He would never know how grateful I was for the slack he cut me just then. I handed him my money to pay, but he waved me off and pulled out his wallet.
After everything was paid for, he grabbed the bags and then cocked his head toward the exit. I walked ahead in a daze, not paying much attention to my surroundings. Just as I was about to walk through the large double doors out to the parking lot, I glanced back. Teagan stood at the register watching us, jaw clenched and an unreadable look on his face. Lauren said something to him and he swung his head to look down at her. When she reached out and put a hand on his chest and he didn’t move away, I felt my heart shatter all over again.
“Just breathe, Aislinn,” Ryan murmured in my ear. “Keep walking and just breathe.” He nudged me on out to the parking lot and I blinked against the bright sunlight. “Don’t ever look back.”
I nodded in silence, realizing he’d just given me the only advice that would help me survive this.
***
“You didn’t think you could avoid me forever, did you?”
I stared at my brother, the urge to slam the door in his face strong. The issue, however, lay in that Connor would continue to beat on the door until someone answered it. He could be a real pain in the ass on occasion.
I sighed and leaned against the doorjamb. “What do you want, Conn?”
“All right.” He nodded. “I’m gonna give you a few freebie minutes to be a pissy bitch.” He pointed at me with a frown. “Then we’re getting your bags, getting in my car, and going home for Thanksgiving.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Pissy bitch? Really?” Then his words registered. “Wait a second? Thanksgiving? Since when do you go home for the holidays?”
He shrugged. “Since my little sister goes to my college but has made sure I haven’t seen her in over three weeks,” he countered. “I’m sure you haven’t been avoiding me, now have you?” His tone and the knowing look on his face dared me to say otherwise.
“You asked why I bothered with room and board when I was never here.” I crossed my arms over my chest and frowned. “I just figured you were right.”
Connor’s level gaze called out all my bullshit in one glance. I couldn’t maintain that stare and dropped my gaze; his silence was just as bad, though. My brother could shout with silence.
I finally couldn’t take it anymore. “What?”
He snorted and jerked a thumb behind him. “Get your shit, squirt. Let’s go.”
“Uh, excuse me? I’m eighteen, no longer squirt status, and I’m perfectly able to drive myself home.”
“I’m sure you are, but then we wouldn’t have bonding time together.”
I regarded him with suspicion. The options were weighed and debated with quick efficiency. Just as I was about to tell him ‘thanks, but no thanks,’ he grinned.
“And you might have car trouble too.”
I straightened, immediately on alert. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Oh, nothing.” I didn’t buy the innocent act for one second.
I stepped forward and poked him in the chest. He winced but didn’t back away. “What did you do to my car, Conn?”
“Who said I did anything? Jeez. So suspicious.”
I scowled at him. “Connor Dylan! What have you done?” I all but screeched.
“Hey,” he held out his hands, “I’m innocent, Aislinn Margaret.”
“I swear to God, Connor. If you’ve done something to my car…”
“Just get your shit and let’s go,” he broke in. “Time’s wasting. I wanna get home before dawn.”
I glowered at him for several moments before I stepped back. I huffed out a sigh to release some of the building tension. “Fine. But my car better work when we get back.” I paused and pointed at him, a twinge of satisfaction warming me when he flinched. “And for the record, I’m not a pissy bitch.”
His silence spoke volumes.
“Oh, shut up,” I turned to get my things. I didn’t miss the smugness on his face. It was okay, though. He only thought he’d won this one. Really. Besides, I still had Mom to deal with and the fact that I’d been avoiding her calls.
***
I stared out the passenger window at the boring scenery of I-10 as it flashed by. So far we’d made it to Oscela National Forest without saying a word. That had to be a record for Connor. Thus far it’d just been the road noise and the radio. Needless to say, I was on high alert.
I knew the reprieve had ended when he reached over and switched off the music. I tensed, waiting for what I knew would follow. My brother didn’t disappoint.
“How have you been, sis?”
I glanced over to see him looking at me from the corner of his eye. I shrugged and faced the front of the car. “Okay.”
“Okay, eh?” The disbelief laced his voice.
I nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been okay. Why?”
“Because you look like shit,” he told me bluntly.
“Gee, thanks, douche nozzle.”
His lips thinned for a moment. “Just calling it like it is,” he replied, unapologetic. “You’re pale, you’ve lost weight, and look like you haven’t slept in a week.”
I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable. He’d hit a little too close for my liking. I hadn’t had much appetite lately, hadn’t slept through the night in weeks…I was a wreck. But I’d set the course in motion and I couldn’t back down. “I’m fine.”
“Uh huh.”
“What do you want me to say, Conn? I broke up with my boyfriend—who I’m in love with—and it sucks!” I all but shouted. I sat back in my seat and took a deep breath, regaining a little control. “I’ll survive it, though. It’s not like I’m the first person to go through this,” I mumbled.
“No, you’re not,” he agreed. “But everyone else ain’t my little sister either. So while I don’t give a rat’s ass about them, I do give a shit about you.” He held the wheel with one hand and reached over to pat my shoulder with the other. “And for the record, you look far from fine.”
I blinked to clear the tears that suddenly threatened. My hands twisted together in my lap as I stared at them for a minute in silence. I debated what to say next, and then finally said to hell with it.
“I saw him yesterday,” I confessed. “At the store. He was with her.” I swallowed hard against the knot in my throat. “It was…unexpected.” I shook my head. Yeah, unexpected was an understatement.
Connor shifted in his seat and blew out a breath. “Yeah, I know.” He was silent for a second, then continued. “He told me he saw you. He said you were with Caldwell?” His hand tightened on the steering wheel. “What’s going on there? You two dating?”
I snorted a laugh. “Seriously? Ryan?” I rolled my eyes. “He’s a friend, that’s it.”
It was Connor’s turn to snort. “Caldwell doesn’t do ‘friends,’ Ash. He’s just biding his time before he makes a move.”
I sighed and rubbed my forehead. “Look, Ryan and Annie have been the ones to get me through this. I can’t get hold of Penny, I’m not running to Mom, and you’re best friends with Teagan. So, cut me some slack.”
“Whoa! Hold up. Just because he’s my best friend doesn’t mean shit when it comes to you.” He pointed in my direction. “You’re the one I care about in the end.”
Shit, he was totally going to make me cry. The asshole.
“You wanna tell me what happened?” he asked after we’d driven for several miles in quiet.
“You mean he hasn’t told you?” I was more than a little surprised.
Connor made a sound as he braced an elbow in the window ledge. “No, he hasn’t. But then, we’re not exactly on speaking terms right now.”
I looked at him in shock. “What? But, you’re best friends.”
He waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. “Yeah, well…I might have lost that status right after you left the house that day.” He was quiet for a beat and then added, “We don’t talk much these days.”
I blinked and tilted my head. “What does that mean?”
“It means what it means,” was his cryptic response.
I was thoroughly confused. Suddenly, Ryan’s words came back to me. I hadn’t paid them much mind at the time. “Holy shit. Ryan was telling the truth.”
“Huh?”
“You two got into a fight after I left, didn’t you?” I demanded. “Jesus, Connor. Why?”
He shot me a look that said he thought that was the dumbest question he’d ever heard. “Seriously? He made my baby sister ugly cry. That’s not cool.”
“But…”
“No buts. He and I had an agreement. He didn’t keep his end—no making you cry—so I kept mine. It’s that simple.”
“It’s that simple.”
He nodded. “Yeah, that simple.”
“I love you,” I told him with a sniff as my emotions got the better of me.
“Yeah, I love you too, squirt,” he replied with a smirk. “I always got your back, sis. Remember that.”
“I know.” I did know that; I just forgot sometimes.
Connor cleared his throat. “I don’t think he’s with her, you know.” He scratched his chin. “Just in case you were wondering. He comes home every night.”
I turned back and looked out the window again. “It doesn’t matter,” I said with a sigh. “There were other things too.”
“I imagine there were,” he agreed.
“He lied to me,” I whispered. “The rest was bad enough. But he lied to me and then he…” I broke off, not wanting to relive that moment when he called me by her name. “I don’t know…he has a lot going on. I think he needs the freedom to get things in the order he needs them.”
“Well, I don’t disagree there,” he muttered. “I just wish there was an easier way for you.”
“Yeah, well…that’s life, isn’t it?” I asked as I looked at him with a sad smile.
“Yeah, sis. Yeah, it is.”
I turned back to the window and he let the silence fall over us again.
***
I sat up in bed with a shriek of surprise when the blankets were suddenly and rudely swept off my body. Frantically blinking away the sleep from my eyes, I tried to figure out what the hell was going on. My attention fell to the foot of the bed, and I saw Mom, arms crossed and The Look firmly in place as she stared at me.
“Mom! What was that for?”
“You and your brother are hiding something,” she said pointedly. “One of you is going to ’fess up.”
I set my jaw and glared up at her. Conn and I had been home for two nights and we hadn’t said a word about what had happened. It had been a silent agreement that we’d keep it to ourselves until after all the holidays had passed. I’d thought we’d done a good job. That’s not to say she hadn’t noticed Teagan wasn’t there and he hadn’t called. I’d had to deflect quite a few questions regarding that little development.
Too bad we’d forgotten Mom worked in a police station. Not much got past that woman. I was going down swinging with my ignorance, however.
“I have no idea what you mean,” I said, my tone firm. I was quite proud of how my voice didn’t waver. Trust me, that was a feat when facing down Mom the Interrogator. Now I knew why Connor was always in trouble. She’d break him like the canary he was.
She met my gaze with narrowed eyes. I refused to look away. God, did I want to look away. I wanted to run away and hide in a corner with my blanket. Mom held great power in The Look.
After several long moments, she blew out a breath. Her hands dropped to her hips and she frowned. “Your brother is easier than you,” she muttered. “I’ll give you credit, Ash. I thought you’d break for sure.”
I blinked at her as a feeling of satisfaction filled me. It quickly changed to alarm when she gave me a calculating look. “That’s okay,” she said as she spun around. “He’s next.” She strode out of the room.
Before I could react, I heard Connor’s door slam open and a yelp. With a groan I reached down and grabbed my blanket from the foot of the bed. There was nothing to do but wait for the hammer to drop. Connor always broke. He was, for lack of a better word, a pussy when it came to Mom.
All was quiet for several minutes. I heard Mom come storming down the hall to the landing of the stairs. “Fine!” she yelled. “Since you two don’t wanna tell me what’s going on, I’m not making my homemade chocolate pie for dinner tonight.” Then the sound of her stomping down the stairs was overlaid with Connor’s indignant ‘fuck!’ shouted from his room.
Without warning, there was a heavy thump at my door. I snatched the blanket down and looked over in alarm. My eyes widened when I saw Connor standing there, arms spread and clutching the jamb on both sides as he glared at me. I looked at him, bewildered. “What?”
“You owe me,” he ground out.
“Wait, what?” I was so confused.
“That woman,” he spat, “isn’t making my pie.” He pointed at me. “You so fucking owe me!” With that, he turned around and stomped back to his room, muttering. I flinched at the sound of his door slamming.
Sweet. Happy Thanksgiving.