The doorway held me captive as I silently eyed Teagan sitting at his desk. I’d avoided him for two days, using mid-terms as an excuse. My thoughts and emotions had been all over the place and this was a situation that needed calm. I couldn’t lie to myself and pretend that it didn’t bother me when he didn’t protest my absence. That shit hurt.
As if sensing my presence, Teagan finally looked over at me. He gave me a tired smile that looked more like grimace. Sitting back in his chair, he held a hand out to me. I found myself still drawn to him and walked over without thought. Once I was within arm’s reach, he took my wrist and tugged me onto his lap. Wrapping his arms around me, he buried his face in my neck and took a deep breath. “Hey, baby,” he whispered.
“Hey,” I said quietly as I twisted to wrap an arm around his neck. “How you been?”
“Missing you,” he replied while studying me. “Where you been?”
“Trying to finish up mid-terms,” I hedged. I wasn’t entirely sure I was ready for the conversation that needed to happen.
He was silent for a moment before he tightened his arms around me. He rested his forehead on my shoulder then whispered, “What’s wrong, Aislinn?”
Despite my best effort, I stiffened in his lap. Not my terms, not how I wanted to do this, I thought frantically. Though, to be honest, there was the distinct possibility what I thought ‘my terms’ were would never have happened. Sometimes you just wanted to bury your head in the sand.
So, with that in mind, I chickened out. “Nothing’s wrong.”
Teagan huffed a laugh. “You still can’t lie for shit,” he said, “so you might as well come out with it.”
“I really don’t want to talk about it right now.” And I didn’t. The more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that this was a bad road to go down.
He sighed and leaned back in his chair. I could feel his eyes boring into the back of my head but refused to turn around. There was no way this would happen like this. Quiet settled around us, almost deafening in its lack of noise.
That was nearly as unsettling as the conversation had been. Even though I fought it, I couldn’t help but fidget. The tension that had now made itself known was deep enough to be a tangible thing.
“Yeah, this is bullshit,” he muttered as he suddenly removed my arm from around his neck. He tapped my leg and shifted to let me know he wanted up. I scrambled from his lap and stood beside his desk as he got up and looked down at me.
The seconds ticked by in silence as we stared at each other. He broke first and turned slightly, raising a hand to rub the back of his neck. His shoulders were drawn tight with tension and his jaw ticked repeatedly.
Finally, he dropped his head forward and stared at the floor. “I’m going to ask again, what’s wrong?” He turned back to look at me again.
I started to shake my head, but stopped when I saw the expression on his face. I met his eyes and knew whatever I decided to do in this moment would set a course—good or bad—for us. Chewing on my bottom lip, I debated my options. Confront the situation head on? Or did I tuck it away and hide it in the deep recesses of my heart and mind?
Teagan remained silent, eyes locked to mine as my mind whirled with thoughts. It didn’t take long, only a few seconds, to realize I couldn’t live that way. I had to know. It would eat away at me—the ignorance—slowly invading everything. I might be a masochist, but my decision was made.
“Maybe we should talk,” I said, my voice so soft I was surprised he even heard me. The tightening around his eyes told me he had, however. The anxiety at what was about to happen threatened to strangle me.
“Okay…what do we need to talk about?” he asked in a cautious tone.
I suddenly found it hard to look at him. My gaze dropped from his and my hands reached behind me to grip the desk. I swallowed hard against the lump that built in my throat. The desire to be anywhere but here was strong. That wasn’t an option, though.
“Aislinn?” Teagan’s voice broke my thoughts. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Feeling a bit more balanced, I straightened and looked at him.
“Where were you Tuesday night?” I asked, getting straight to the point.
“What?” He tilted his head and met my gaze with a scrunched brow. “What are you talking about?”
I crossed an arm over my chest and pinched the bridge of my nose with the other hand. This was going to be harder than I thought. With a sigh, I responded, “The night you had the last-minute study group. Where were you?”
“I was at the study session,” he said slowly. He straightened and placed his hands on his hips. “What’s this about? I’m confused.”
I studied him closely, knowing he was lying. The longer I watched him, the more he fidgeted. He crossed his arms over his chest and glanced around the room. It didn’t escape me that he was avoiding looking at me. That both alarmed me and pissed me off. “Don’t play games, Teagan.”
He whipped his head around to look at me. He squinted and pursed his lips for a moment. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Look,” I said as I let out a frustrated breath. “This is the last time I’m going to ask you. Think real hard about that night. Where were you?”
“Jesus, Aislinn!” He threw his hands up on the air. “I was at the study group and came home after.”
I felt my heart stutter to a stop at his words. He was really going to do this. My chest grew tight and a burning began at the back of my nose. “You went home?” I asked. “Didn’t stop anywhere along the way?”
“No!” He raked a hand through his hair. “What the hell? What is going on here?” His tone was angry and defensive.
I felt my own anger build. “You’re telling me you went straight home,” I repeated. My breathing had picked up, causing me to gasp softly.
“I’m not going to keep repeating myself.”
My heart shattered at those words. I blinked back the tears that tried to fill my eyes. Sniffing, I took a deep breath. “I know where you were, Teagan,” I whispered.
He froze, and that told me more than any words could ever have.
“What?”
A question for an answer. Classic stall technique. I’d grown up with a woman who worked in police stations most of my life. I knew the tells that showed when someone was hiding something. “You heard me,” I answered.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. We finished the group then went home. We were all tired and had exams the next day.”
My snort of laughter held no humor. “Why are you lying to me?”
He began to pace in agitation. “I’m not!”
I stared at the wall for a moment before I laid out my last card. “I know you were at Lauren’s that night. You texted me you were going home, but you went there instead.”
He stopped mid-pace with his back to me. He didn’t say anything for several heartbeats. “I came home, Aislinn.”
“No, you didn’t!” I erupted. “You were seen. They saw you leaving her place, the lights were out…” I trailed off. “Jesus! Why won’t you just tell me the truth?” I pleaded.
“God dammit, Lauren!” he yelled. “Just stop it!”
My eyes widened and I took a step back in shock. If he’d slapped me just then I wouldn’t have been more surprised or hurt. “What did you just say?”
“I said for you to stop this!” he shouted.
“No.” I shook my head. “That’s not what you said,” I informed him around my tight throat. “I can’t believe this is happening,” I whispered as the tears finally won and filled my eyes.
“Now what the hell are you talking about?”
That’s when it dawned on me that he had no idea what he’d just done. “You just called me Lauren.” I glanced away. I couldn’t even look at him; he’d just left my heart bleeding on the floor.
“I did not.”
“Yes, you did.” I sucked in a shuddering breath. “I wouldn’t get that wrong,” I said as I finally looked back at him.
He must have seen the truth of his actions because a look of horror came over his face. “Aislinn, baby! I’m sorry. I—”
“Don’t,” I interrupted and held up a hand. “Just don’t.” I swallowed hard and angrily swiped a hand across my eyes.
“Please! Let me explain.” He started toward me, but stopped when I held up a hand to him again.
“You lied to me about where you were,” I said in a deceptively calm voice. Inside I was anything but. Inside I was curled up in a corner, beating the floor with my fists and crying uncontrollably. “You just called me by her name. You’re always with her…I think it’s time we face the elephant that’s been sitting in the room.”
Teagan’s face had lost its color. “What?” he breathed.
I lost the battle with my emotions and my tears started streaming down my face. “Maybe I need to step away from this. I think you have some things to figure out.”
He began to shake his head frantically. “No. No!” He took another step toward me, which had me taking one back from him. “It isn’t like that, baby. I swear. She called me on my way home that night, so I stopped by there, yes,” he explained. “She said Corinne was sick. But when I got there, Corinne was in bed and Lauren tried to get me to sl—”
“Stop,” I said firmly. I’d heard enough.
“I left as soon as I realized what she was doing,” he whispered.
While I mostly believed that part, there were several things I found I couldn’t get past. He’d lied to me. He’d called me by her name. He didn’t think twice about dropping plans with me every time she called him. With that last point in my mind, I made a decision that almost broke me. I’d tried to be supportive, to be there for him, but look at what I’d gotten in return.
“I think I need to go,” I said in a soft voice. “I don’t think there’s room for me here.”
“No,” he burst out. “Aislinn, please!”
“Teagan,” I began, “you have a lot going on. I think you need to focus on everything else right now.” I swallowed hard. “I’m just a distraction.”
“Fuck!” He gripped his hair with one hand and looked about wildly. “I love you. Don’t do this,” he pleaded.
Those words broke me. “I’m sorry,” I sobbed. “I’m so sorry. I love you too. But I need to go.” I grabbed my purse off his dresser and raced through the doorway. I made it to the stairs before he appeared in the doorway.
“God dammit, Aislinn. Don’t do this!” he shouted, his voice thick and rough.
Just don’t look back, I kept chanting to myself as I raced down the steps. It was a wonder I didn’t break my neck. I could barely see, what with being blinded by the tears.
Half blind and distracted, I didn’t see Connor at the bottom of the stairs until I slammed into him. I stumbled back and my foot caught the step behind me. Feeling myself start to fall, I was jarred when Connor quickly grabbed me and steadied me.
“Ash? Sis, are you okay?” he asked in concern. “What’s going on?”
I flinched at the sound of the door slamming upstairs. Connor’s gaze flicked up the steps behind me then returned to mine. I was gasping, trying to get my sobs under control. “Ash, what happened?”
I couldn’t talk so I shook my head as I struggled to get away. He let me go, brows knotted in confusion. I pushed past him and dashed for the front door. As I raced through it, I heard Connor start running up the stairs while calling Teagan’s name.
I didn’t want to imagine what would happen when he got to the top of those steps.
***
Somehow, I wasn’t sure how, exactly, I managed to drive myself back to the dorms in one piece. As soon as I stumbled into the room and Annie saw the shape I was in, she kicked out the kid she was tutoring. Not asking questions, she helped me get into my pajamas.
“Do you want this and some shorts?” she asked, holding up my favorite sleep shirt. Teagan’s t-shirt.
Seeing that shirt in her hands just served to pour salt in an already seeping wound. I sank to the floor, sobbing. Alarmed, Annie tossed the shirt aside and raced over to me. She slid down beside me and wrapped an arm tight around me. I turned and clung to her.
“Oh, sweetie…you went and saw Teeg, didn’t you?” she asked sadly. I could only nod, my tears soaking her shirt. She wrapped her other arm around me. “I’m so sorry,” she murmured and stroked my hair.
I only cried harder. She pulled me closer and I clutched her tight. Annie showed me what a good friend she was that evening as she took care of me.