Twenty-Three
The view outside the passenger window of Ryan’s truck offered a decided lack of scenery as we traveled along I-10. Thoughts twisted and turned in my mind, all half-formed and not up to close scrutiny. A constant underlying fear rode me; I wouldn’t make it to the hospital in time. It took every ounce of willpower I possessed not to scream for Ryan to punch it, speed his way to Tallahassee and get me there. He was already going well over the speed limit for me as it was, and I refused to give voice to that much panic.
I took a shuddering breath and leaned my forehead against the cool glass, hoping for calm. The silence was broken only by the radio playing softly in the background and I was grateful for it. My nerves were all over the place and the concentration needed for conversation was not anywhere within my present capabilities. Ryan must have sensed this because he didn’t once try to initiate conversation.
Try as I might, I couldn’t tamp down the fear that Mom wouldn’t make it. I found myself praying over and over that everything would be all right. I also kept repeating a mantra. Mom is strong and she’s a fighter. She would come through this fine. Connor and I had lost Dad; we couldn’t lose Mom too. But I refused to dwell on the selfish thought that I wasn’t ready to be an orphan.
Logan called after we’d been on the road for about an hour and a half with a progress update. Mom had still been in surgery and there was no estimate on when she’d be out. It didn’t escape me that Logan seemed to be extremely upset over everything. I had a suspicion things were more serious between them than my mom had admitted.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
I was so lost in my own thoughts I was startled and jumped slightly when I felt Ryan take my hand in his. A quick look over at him showed he was concentrating on the road in front of us. As if sensing my gaze on him, he shot a quick glance toward me and tightened his grip on my hand. I swallowed hard and turned my attention back out the passenger window.
“She’ll be okay, you know?” he told me in a soft voice.
I shrugged. I didn’t really know what to say and didn’t want to jinx anything by saying otherwise. On and on the mile markers counted down the distance to the exit that would lead us to the hospital in Tallahassee. The closer we got, the longer it seemed to take.
He sighed and released my hand, only to reach over and run his fingers gently through my hair. “I’m still your friend, Ash. I’m here to listen. I hope you know that.”
As strange as it seemed, I believed him. Unfortunately, it didn’t bring me much in the way of comfort. The fear, the instability of the situation, and the loneliness overwhelmed me, and panic was just a short distance away. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply through my nose in an effort to regain some sense of control of the situation.
Finally, after I felt some of the panic drift back into its carefully hidden place, I nodded. “I…appreciate that, really. I just…” I trailed off, not sure how to put into words what I felt at that moment.
Ryan removed his hand and placed it back on the steering wheel. Worried that I’d hurt his feelings, I frantically searched my panicked brain, trying to figured out how to try to clear the air. The problem was, I didn’t know what to say. Just as I was about to word vomit in an effort to explain what was going through my head, my phone started ringing.
Saved by the bell, literally.
I breathed a sigh of relief and grabbed the phone from the center console where I’d dropped it after talking to Logan.
“Hello?” I answered, grateful for the reprieve.
“Sis?”
I almost cried at hearing Connor’s voice. Just as quickly, anger followed the relief. “Where the hell have you been?” I all but shrieked at him.
“I’m so sorry, Ash! I can explain,” he choked out. “Where are you? Have you heard anything yet?”
The battle against the tears was finally lost and they started to fall down my face. I hastily wiped them away and sniffed before I answered him. “I’m with Ryan. He’s taking me to the hospital now. Logan called a little while ago and said Mom was still in surgery.”
Connor paused for a moment before he asked hesitantly, “Ryan’s with you?”
I nodded then remembered that he couldn’t see me. “Yeah. Why?”
“It’s just…I mean, I thought that there wasn’t anything—”
“Don’t,” I interrupted him, my tone full of warning. “Don’t go there.” I ran a hand through my hair, pushing it away from my face. “My car wouldn’t start. I couldn’t find you…He offered to drive me to Tallahassee.”
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Ryan look at me with a confused look on his face. I shook my head and held up a finger to let him know I’d explain later. “Where are you, Connor?”
He sighed. “Look, it’s…I’ll explain it all later, okay? I’m on my way to Tallahassee now. I should be there in about four hours or so. How far out are you?”
I glanced at the GPS unit that Ryan had mounted to his dash. “It says that we’re about forty minutes away.” We’d lost a little time when we made a stop at a rest area a while back.
“Okay. I’m sorry I wasn’t there, Ash. But I’ll be there soon,” he reassured me. “Hang in there, kiddo. I love you.”
“I love you too,” I told him. “Please hurry.”
“I will, sis. I promise. And, Ash?”
“Yeah?”
“Tell Ryan I said thanks for being there,” he said quietly.
The contrite tone in my brother’s voice had me blinking back the tears threatening to start again. “I will. I promise.” I hung up and dropped the phone back into the console. I took a deep breath and glanced over to see Ryan studiously trying to make it look like he hadn’t been listening in on the conversation.
“Even though I know you heard him, my brother said to say thanks for driving me,” I said wryly.
He shrugged and flashed an unrepentant smile. “I’m nosy. I couldn’t help myself.”
The first real smile I’d felt since Logan called me earlier that day broke through and I didn’t try to hold it in. “It’s all right.” I leaned toward him sideways. “I’m nosy too,” I confessed with a wink.
He laughed as I straightened back into my seat. As quickly as the mood lightened, the thought of my mother, fighting for her life in surgery, flashed back and the fear swept over me like a tsunami. I swallowed hard and gripped my hands together tightly, turning my attention once again to the scenery outside my window.
“We’ll be there soon, Ash. Everything’ll be okay. You’ll see,” Ryan whispered to me.
I prayed he was right.
***
I stared at the tall blond-haired doctor in front of me, not really comprehending what he was trying to say. I knew the words leaving his mouth were English, but what they meant was another thing entirely. I’d just spent the last two and a half hours sitting in what had to be the world’s most uncomfortable chair, in a room that was so far from soothing décor it had to be in China. My nerves were shot and I was on the verge of losing all control. I blinked and shook my head in confusion. “I’m sorry, but what?”
The doctor flashed a sad, understanding smile. “Your mother had to be placed into a medically-induced coma.”
“I’m not understanding why you needed to do that,” I informed him.
“Your mother’s heart stopped beating twice while on the operating table. We decided that placing her in a coma for a few days would be the best way for her body to start the healing process from the surgery.” He paused and looked at the equally tall man next to me. “Are you her husband, sir?”
I glanced over at the man I now knew as Logan and watched as he opened his mouth to respond, caught my look, and closed it. He seemed to be struggling with an answer before he finally took a deep breath and said, “I’m her fiancé.”
My jaw slackened and my mouth dropped in shock. “Wait. What?” I looked at the doctor as if he could provide an answer, then realized he’d be the last person to know what was going on. “What the hell are you talking about? When did you—? How did you—?” I stopped and sucked in a breath. “What the hell are you talking about?” I finally spluttered out, wincing when I realized just how loud my voice had become.
A throat clearing behind me had me whirling around to face the doctor. He held up a hand and took a step back. “Ms. Munroe has been taken to recovery. She’ll be in there for several hours of observation before she’s moved into her room. Someone will come and get you when she’s settled.” With that statement, he pivoted on his heel and quickly strode away.
I spun around and stared at Logan with narrowed eyes. With a growl, I pointed at him. “I want some explanations. You were just saying that, right? To get her medical information?” That had to be the reason he’d said they were engaged. That was the only thing that made sense.
He braced a hand on his hip and raised the other one to rub the back of his neck. He looked down at the tiled floor with a sigh. “I’m sorry, Aislinn. Your mom wanted to wait until after the new year to say anything to you and your brother.”
I took a step back in shock. “Come again?” I let out a laugh of disbelief and shook my head. “No. No way. You’re joking, right? This is all a big joke.”
He shook his head sadly. “No, it’s not. I’m sorry, sweetie.”
“Oh my God!” I exclaimed. “You’re serious!”
He took a step toward me and I matched it, taking one back. I held up a hand in an effort to stop him. “This isn’t happening,” I murmured. “I…” I looked around wildly and saw Ryan standing off to the side with as much surprise on his face as I was sure I had on mine. “I’ve got to get out of here.” I started toward the door that led into the hallway.
“Ash! Where are you going?” I heard Ryan call as if from a distance.
I waved a hand at him. “I’m going anywhere but here,” I stated grimly. “I can’t deal with this.” The disbelief that Mom would do something like this was incomprehensible. Nausea churned in my stomach. I knew I was on the verge of spewing my stomach contents and darted toward the door.
As I raced down the hall, frantically searching for a bathroom, I could hear Ryan calling my name. It was a no-brainer to ignore him. The choice between answering him or throwing up all over the floor didn’t even need to be considered. There was still a shred of dignity left in me, after all. Not much, but it was still there.
Somehow, I wasn’t sure how, I made it to the bathroom without a moment to spare. Dropping to my knees, I skidded up to the toilet where I proceeded to violently expel everything that had been in my stomach. Just when I thought I could get it under control, another cramping eruption would come along. The stress and nerves of the past several weeks swept over me and there was no way to control the outcome of it all. The only thing to do was to ride it out.
I didn’t know how long I knelt there, hunched over the toilet. It was long enough that my legs cramped and my back ached, however. When the storm finally passed, I sat back, weak and sweating and, yes, crying. God, just once I wished I could be sick without the whole crying like a baby thing. It wouldn’t be this time, obviously.
When I was sure I wouldn’t start again, I pushed myself up with a sigh. I washed my face and rinsed out my mouth. I sent up a silent thank you when I recalled sticking a sad, flattened pack of gum in my jeans pocket. I grabbed a piece, unwrapped it, and popped it into my mouth, grateful I wouldn’t have to live with funk mouth. I refused to look in the mirror and acknowledge just how awful I looked, and with another sigh, opened the bathroom door and stepped out into the hallway.
While I had been locked in the bathroom, the hospital had started settling down for the night. The lights had been turned down to only what was needed, the patients were in bed, and the visitors had left. It was quiet and cool now that the bustle of the day had transitioned into the night shift. It seemed I’d been in there longer than I had thought. I took a few steps back toward the waiting area where I’d left Ryan and Logan, but froze when the enormity of what had happened hurtled over me.
I’d almost lost my mother. She almost died. Connor and I could have ended up orphaned without a word, without a thought.
I stumbled back against the wall and found myself sliding down until I met the floor. My knees pulled close to my chest and my arms wrapped around them, holding them tight. I dropped my head to my knees as I fought to hold on to the panic and fear. I felt so alone, so lost in that moment. Connor wasn’t there, Penny wasn’t there, and Ryan just didn’t understand. I didn’t know what to do.
So lost in my thoughts, I wasn’t aware anyone had approached until they knelt beside me. I swallowed hard and tried to get myself under some semblance of control. “I’m all right,” I whispered. “I just need a minute.”
A hand suddenly rested on mine for a quick moment before the fingers caressed through my hair. “You’re not all right, baby,” a much-needed voice murmured.
I jerked my head up so fast that I winced as a nerve pinched, not able to trust I’d heard it correctly. My eyes went wide when I saw I wasn’t dreaming. It was real. He was where I needed him.
Teagan had come for me.