Six Years Ago ...
Being everyone’s friend sucks donkey balls.
I thought about it as I twirled the ends of my black hair around my fingers and stared up at the ceiling. The bed I was lying on suddenly dipped, pulling me from my thoughts and causing me to flinch at the disruption of my peace and quiet. I glanced at my best friend, who had one hand on her bed to balance herself while she slid her high heels on with the other.
Bronagh Murphy was my opposite in every way. When she wasn’t pretending that she was invisible, she was loud, sassy, and had a solid backbone. She was funny too, and though she didn’t think so, she had a banging body.
My pairing with Bronagh was an odd one because we hadn’t always been friends. In fact, it was only over the past few weeks after Bronagh defended me from an attack by the school bully that we decided to give the friendship thing a real go. After that, we quickly found we were, in fact, BFFs and just had to hang out all the time.
We were a work in progress for Bronagh, though, because I wasn’t exactly a social butterfly. I could make friends easily enough when I wanted to, but Bronagh couldn’t. She had trust issues, so even landing a spot as her friend was a miracle. I had been in her class for the whole of secondary school and often saw her around primary school, but I never really knew her. No one did ... until Nico and Damien Slater moved to our town, got lumped into our tutor class, and quite literally, cornered her until she had no choice but to come out swinging.
Damien Slater. My mind drifted. Where do I start with Damien Slater?
I licked my lips.
Damien was ... my God, he was perfect. He was drop-dead gorgeous, super tall, lean with muscle, had an accent, and he made me laugh. He had an identical twin, but to me, he was nothing like his brother Nico. I knew from the moment I saw him on his first day in school a few months ago that I would secretly obsess over him. I just didn’t know I’d be obsessing twenty-four-bloody-seven over him.
I had never had a real crush on a lad before Damien entered my life. I thought some lads around school and town were good looking, and hot celebrities obviously drew my attention like any other red-blooded teenage girl, but I had no one who I really fancied myself being with. That all changed when I first saw Damien. Even though he was very closed off, I could tell that his personality was larger than life, and as cheesy as it sounded, he looked like he was carved by angels. He was one of those perfect people you instantly knew would never even glance in your direction.
Ten seconds after I clapped eyes on him, I was imagining our wedding. My stomach somersaulted when I pictured his white blond hair standing out against his black tuxedo as we said, “I do”. How his grey eyes would stare into mine as he declared his undying love for me to the world. How his plump rosy lips would feel like velvet as they claimed mine in a heated kiss. How his smile would erase my every worry and fear and replace it with hope. How his large hand would hold mine when we strolled down the street.
It took a further ten seconds for me to realise I never stood a fecking chance. Nearly every girl in our class, and probably the whole bloody school, most likely had the same thoughts as I did because they jumped to be the first one to grab and hold his attention.
It was mortifying to admit it to myself, but Damien consumed a huge part of my life, and we were barely even friends. If that didn’t label me as pathetic, then I didn’t know what would. Thankfully, no one knew about my embarrassing infatuation ... except for Bronagh, who was too attentive for her own good.
“Alannah.” She bumped my leg with hers. “What’re you sighin’ for?”
I turned my attention to her. “Huh?”
“You keep sighin’.”
I do?
“Sorry, I’m just thinkin’.”
Bronagh stared at me with a perfectly shaped brow raised in question.
“About Damien?”
I felt my cheeks burn with heat. Bronagh was my best friend, but that title was new, so she didn’t really know the depth of my feelings for Damien. No one did, and if I had my way, no one ever would.
“Yeah,” I mumbled. “About Damien.”
Bronagh simpered. “You’re so cute when you blush.”
‘Cause that’s what every eighteen-year-old girl wants to be viewed as. Cute.
I playfully kicked at her. “Leave me alone.”
“Sorry,” she said, amusement gleaming in her bright green eyes. “I forget how ... much of an introvert you are.”
“I’m so not an introvert. You are.”
“Me?” Bronagh gleefully laughed. “Are you serious?”
I nodded. “Which one of us kept to ’erself for years?”
“I was purposely blockin’ everyone out, though; you weren’t.”
I didn’t reply, so Bronagh raised her brow once more and stared at me, a knowing grin on her rose-coloured lips.
“Fine,” I grumbled. “I’m a little bit of an introvert, but it suits me fine. When I try to be outgoin’, it fails, so keepin’ to one’s self is a safe bet.”
“When did it ever fail?”
When hadn’t it failed was the real question she should have asked.
I rolled my eyes. “With Damien.”
My friend frowned. “You’re his friend, his only female friend apart from me, and that’s only because I’m with his brother. If I wasn’t, he’d probably try to pull me, then never talk to me again when he realised I wasn’t interested.”
“It’s not like we’re even real friends, though. I only see ’im outside of school because I’m with you all the time now, and that means I’m also with Nico. And where Nico is, Damien is.”
“Alannah—”
“I don’t like it when he flirts with me because I know what he wants,” I cut Bronagh off, swallowing. “He is so open about not wantin’ a relationship longer than a rumble under the bed sheets, but I don’t want to just have sex with ’im. I don’t want to be on his hit list. I really like ’im, and it sucks that he doesn’t like me in the same way.”
Bronagh reached over and placed her hand on my knee.
“Sorry, Lana. I wish he was different.”
“He is great the way he is,” I stressed. “But I want ’im to like me. I don’t wanna be like Destiny or Lexi; they go through lads like it’s no one’s business, and I can’t be like that. I can’t be like them just to have his attention. I just ... I just wish I was worth more to ’im than a quick shag ... ye’know?”
Bronagh nodded. “Yeah, I know.”
The mood had quickly turned melancholy, and I felt bad.
“I’m sorry, Bee. I’m bummin’ you out on your big night.”
She tilted her head. “Me big night?”
“Your hoo-ha has been deflowered.” I deadpanned. “That means it’s a big night.”
Bronagh widened her eyes before she grabbed a pillow and hit me with it, causing me to sputter with laughter. She hit me with it again, so I squealed and laughed harder.
“You’re a bitch.”
I smiled wide. “You love me, though.”
“Yeah,” Bronagh said, sounding like she had just come to some sort of revelation. “I do.”
I knew that her accepting me as a friend was a big deal for her, but I knew caring for me was an even bigger deal.
“Hey,” I said, gaining her full attention. “I love you too, and that means you’re stuck with me for life. Nico will have to get used to me as a third wheel.”
My friend snorted. “He thinks you’re gorgeous, so he won’t mind.”
I practically choked on air. “He does not!”
“He does,” Bronagh tittered. “We randomly talked about it. I’m totally cool with you knowin’ it too because I know you’re the only girl at school who prefers Damien over ’im.”
That was the truth.
“Mate,” I cringed. “Nico is ... ew.”
Bronagh cracked up with laughter. “Damien is his identical twin. They literally have the same everythin’. Well, not the same hair colour, but everythin’ else is the same.”
I disagreed.
“When I look at them, I see two completely different people. It’s hard to explain, but they’re nothin’ alike to me even though they have the same everythin’. D’ye see Damien in Nico?”
Bronagh shook her head. “At first, I did, but now, I don’t. Dominic has so much personality that his body can’t contain it.”
“Speakin’ of loverboy.” My lips curved upwards. “Did it, ye’know, hurt?”
Bronagh’s cheeks tinged with redness as she nodded, shyly.
“At first, it pinched, then it was uncomfortable, and then everythin’ changed, and it was amazin’. The pain honestly wasn’t as bad as I always thought it would be, but if Dominic wasn’t so focused on makin’ me feel good, I think it just would have just been basic like most people’s first time.”
“That’s good to know.” I exhaled. “Maybe I won’t be so wound up when I finally lose me own V-card.”
“I’m a little sore now, but Dominic says that’s normal because it was me first time. Eventually, it won’t feel uncomfortable at all afterwards. That’s what he says anyway, but he doesn’t have a fanny so I don’t even know why I listen to ’im.”
I snickered then roamed my eyes over Bronagh as I thought about the new change in her life. She was a young woman whose life had just become very adult with her and Nico’s new physical intimacy.
“You’d better go on the pill. Ye’know, just to be safe.”
“I know, Branna said she’d take me to the doctor to get a monthly prescription.”
“You’re a slag,” I teased. “Needin’ the pill and an actual condom supply.”
Bronagh’s face flared with heat once more, and I momentarily wondered if the colour would ever leave her cheeks.
“Stop it. I get so embarrassed when I think of it. And I’m mortified to be on me own with Dominic again.”
I raised a brow. “But he’s your fella.”
“So?” my friend questioned, her cheeks still flushed. “I love ’im, and we’re in a relationship, but he just saw me naked and took me virginity. I can’t help but be embarrassed.”
“You’re so weird, Bee.”
Bronagh snorted. “That’s nothin’ new.”
Male laughter from downstairs got my attention, and I quietened down.
“The twin’s brothers,” I said upon hearing them, “are a lot hotter than what you said they were.”
“They are?”
I stared at her as if she’d just grown an extra head.
“You said they were good lookin’, but babe, they’re on fire. I’ve never met men quite like Ryder and Kane before. And Alec? That is too much sexiness to claim one person. Then there are the twins, who are another kind of hot. Their gene pool is bloody amazin’.”
Bronagh bobbed her head in agreement. “You should have seen me when I first met them. I stared without blinkin’, and I think I even drooled.”
“No one would blame you if you did.”
My friend laughed. “Are you ready to go?”
I sighed as I pushed myself up from the bed and got to my feet. I straightened out my dress, hoping it wasn’t creased.
“I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”
Bronagh hesitated. “If you’d rather stay—”
“No, I want to go out. I’ve never been clubbin’ before; it’s just ... I hope I don’t get upset if Damien pulls a girl. I have no claim on ’im, but I really like ’im, so you can guarantee me emotions will kick off if he pulls. I just hope I don’t cry and make a show of meself.”
“Ye’know what?” my friend said, sudden confidence filling her tone. “You are goin’ on the pull tonight. You’re goin’ to kiss the socks off a lad and forget about Damien Slater.”
If only.
“Yeah.” I whooped with fake enthusiasm. “Good idea.”
Bronagh beamed, pleased with herself.
“Great. Go on down and tell the lads I’m ready. I’m gonna go get some of Branna’s perfume and see if she’s good to go.”
I nodded and left the room. When I reached the ground floor, I turned and walked down the hallway and into the kitchen where I slammed headfirst into one of the Slater brothers. I looked up and found Alec Slater looking down at me with a shit-eating grin on his way too perfect face. He placed his large hands on my shoulders to steady me, and he left them there, which had me freaking out because he was too hot for words to be touching me for any amount of time.
“I’m so sorry,” I said rapidly, the words sounding jumbled together. “I wasn’t watchin’ where I was goin’.”
He continued to grin. “Don’t worry your pretty little head, sweetheart.”
I heard a groan from inside the kitchen followed by some snickering.
“She’s barely eighteen, big brother.”
It was Nico who spoke, and I wanted to pummel him for embarrassing me.
Alec simply winked at me before he removed his hands from my shoulders, moved around me, and ventured off down the hallway then upstairs. I inhaled and exhaled before I stepped into the kitchen. Without realising it, I turned around to the empty space Alec just vacated and stared as if he would magically reappear.
“He’s so feckin’ pretty.”
I looked to my right when male laughter sounded, and when I found the remaining four Slater brothers staring at me, I widened my eyes.
“Did I say that out loud?”
The group nodded, and I felt blood rush up my neck to my cheeks, which prompted me to place my face in my hands.
“You’re doing much better than Bronagh, if it’s any consolation?” Nico offered. “She stared at all my brothers when she first met them. I’m sure she drooled, too.”
I dropped my hands back to my sides, my cheeks still aflame.
“Speakin’ of Bronagh, go and put ’er out of ’er misery.”
Nico blinked. “You wanna expand on that?”
“She’s mortified to see you even though you both ... ye’know.”
He smirked. “Yeah, I know.”
Ryder and Kane shook their heads while Damien bumped fists with his twin as if Nico having sex with Bronagh had put him on some sort of pedestal.
“Go act normal so she can stop freakin’ out ’cause when she is freaked, I have to be freaked. Best friend code.”
Damien laughed even though his brothers didn’t. I felt a surge of pleasure that at least he thought I was funny.
“I’ll go take care of her,” Nico said as he stood, moved past me, and left the room.
When I was alone with the remaining three brothers, I found myself rocking back and forth on my heels. I stopped moving when fear of my ankles giving way under my high heels entered my mind.
“So.” I cleared my throat. “You’re American.”
I cringed at the shocking conversation starter that slipped from my mouth.
“And you’re Irish,” Kane rumbled. “Now that we’ve gotten the obvious out of the way, how close are you with Bronagh?”
I wasn’t prepared for the question nor the tension in Kane’s tone and the accusation in his glaring grey eyes. I clasped my hands together as apprehension filled me.
“Bro,” Damien began, but one look from his older brother silenced him.
Kane looked back at me, awaiting my reply, but all I could do was stare at him. He was extremely intimidating. Bronagh had warned me about his appearance, and I knew that his scars wouldn’t bother me because his looks didn’t define him, but she failed to mention he was a bit of an arsehole.
“Close as new friends can be, I guess,” I replied with a shrug of one shoulder.
Kane cocked a brow. “Has she talked to you about us?”
“Us?”
“Me. My brothers.”
“Um, no.” I blinked. “She told me your names, that you’re from New York, and said you’re all good lookin’, but that’s about it.”
Ryder smiled and was about to speak, but Kane wasn’t finished.
“Are you gonna ask questions about us?”
I got the feeling he didn’t like me, though I wasn’t sure why because he didn’t know me.
I swallowed. “No, why would I?”
“Because you’re curious.”
“About Damien, not you.”
I realised what I said the second the words left my mouth, and I wanted the ground to open and swallow me whole because I sounded sassy, and I was rarely sassy.
“I didn’t mean that like it sounded,” I spluttered. “I mean—”
“I know what you mean.” Kane cut me off, leaning back in his chair as he eyed me up and down. “You aren’t the first girl to be curious about him, and you won’t be the last.”
“Ryder,” Damien grunted. “Do something.”
Ryder gave him a slight shake of his head and remained quiet.
“I’m sorry, but have I done somethin’ wrong on you?” I asked Kane, hating how uncomfortable he made me feel. “Because if I haven’t, then I want to know what the hell your problem is and why I’m bein’ interrogated for no bloody reason.”
Kane raised his brows in surprise, Ryder grinned, and Damien choked on air.
“I’m just getting a feel for you,” Kane replied, his eyes still locked on mine. “I don’t know you, you’re a stranger.”
I honestly thought my heart would explode from apprehension, but I stood my ground.
“Well, you can do it in a polite way without the attitude. Introducin’ yourself and simply bein’ nice is a good way to start. I don’t know what Bronagh has said about me, but I’m a nice person who can only take so much nonsense. If you don’t have anythin’ nice to say to me, don’t say anythin’ at all. I’ll be more than happy to ignore you.”
“Well, fuck me.”
Kane and Ryder then shared at look and burst out laughing. Meanwhile, I was busy trying to control my breathing and praying to God that I didn’t pass out. I didn’t do confrontation, and somehow, that was just what I was involved in ... and I think I won.
“I think this conversation is over,” I said and left the room in a flustered hurry.
“Thanks a lot!” Damien snapped. “Asshole!”
The laughter continued as I heard a chair scrape across the tiles, footsteps beat against the floor, and felt a presence come up behind me. I turned around just as Damien reached for me. His hand, that I’m sure was intended for my shoulder, latched onto my right breast and shock froze me to the spot.
“I did not mean to grab your tit,” Damien said, his eyes on mine, and his hand still firmly holding my breast. “I swear.”
My pulse sped up.
“It’s ... okay,” I squeaked. “Don’t worry ’bout it.”
I looked down at my chest, and when Damien realised he was still holding my breast, he dropped his hand as if it was on fire.
“Shit,” he said, flustered. “I wanted to apologise for Kane’s behaviour, not grope you.”
I was so embarrassed that I considered walking out of the house without further words exchanged, but I didn’t. Instead, I swallowed and forced a tight-lipped smile.
“It’s whatever; he was probably just messin’ with me.”
“Yeah,” Damien lied. “He was just playing with you.”
We both knew Kane wasn’t playing with me, he grilled me for a reason, but I had no idea what that reason was. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know, either.
“Forget him,” Damien continued. “Don’t give him a second thought.”
Kane Slater wasn’t someone you easily forgot.
“Already forgotten,” I lied, my forced smile still in place.
Damien stared through my smile. I knew he did because his face softened. He took a step towards me and opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted when Alec jogged down the stairs. I took a step back and nodded at Alec, who moved past us with just a wink in our direction. Damien looked over his shoulder when Alec spoke, and his other brothers laughed.
The three of them then walked out of the kitchen, and Alec continued boasting.
“All I’m saying is little brother has skills that he obviously picked up from me. His girl called out to God more times than I could count. He was in control of that puss—”
“Finish that sentence, you slapper, and I will end you!” Bronagh snarled as she descended the stairs with Nico and Branna in tow.
Alec made the motion of sealing his lips, though I doubt he was finished teasing her and Nico about their special night. I wanted to tell him to leave her alone, but I was still shocked and felt out of place over Kane pulling a fast one on me and treating me like I was doing something wrong by being Bronagh’s friend.
Damien stepped away from me without a word when Bronagh came to my side and grabbed my hand. I smiled at her and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.
“Are you ready?”
I exhaled a deep breath as we walked out of her house and into the night.
As ready as I’ll ever be.
“I should have stayed at home.” Bronagh yawned and stretched. “I’m knackered.”
Two hours ago, I would have jumped at the chance to chill in her room and watch a film, but now that I was tipsy and feeling the music in the club, I wasn’t letting Bronagh get comfortable enough just in case she did fall asleep and had to be taken home.
“Have a drink and loosen up,” I suggested, tipping my vodka and Coke in her direction. “This is fun!”
Bronagh shot me a look that would silence many people, but not me.
“We have school in the mornin’, so I’m passin’ on havin’ a drink,” she said with a raised brow. “You should just stop altogether. Otherwise, you’re goin’ to be dyin’ with a hangover when you wake up.”
I didn’t want to be reminded of school or anything outside of having adult fun. This was my very first time being in a club and drinking alcohol. I wasn’t eighteen yet, so I was convinced I wasn’t going to gain entry to the club, but Branna knew one of the bouncers. I think she called him ‘Skull’, but I hoped I had heard wrong.
Once inside the club, and the drinks started flowing, I began to relax, and I wanted Bronagh to relax too. We would be finished with school in mere months, and I knew both Bronagh and I would do well on our Leaving Certificate exams, so we didn’t have to worry about them. The chances of me frequently letting loose like this in the future were slim to none when I started college to pursue my passion of art, so I wanted to enjoy it.
“Thanks, Ma.” I blew her a kiss. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Bitch!” she stated, making me laugh and her grin.
I glanced to my left and saw Branna on Ryder’s lap. They were so completely wrapped up in each other that they didn’t notice anyone around them. Alec, Damien, and Nico were off somewhere in the club, and Kane was still seated next to Bronagh. We hadn’t spoken since he apologised to me upon entering the club, and I was happy enough to leave it at that for the night. He looked just as done with the club scene as Bronagh was, and he obviously hated being surrounded by so many people, but I refused to let his chilled demeanour rub off on me or Bronagh.
“Let’s dance,” I shouted at my friend. “Right now.”
I laughed because I practically felt her sigh even though I couldn’t hear it.
“Don’t even think about sayin’ no, Bronagh,” I warned. “As new friends, we have to bond, and dancin’ helps with that, so c’mon.”
My friend groaned, and I feared she wasn’t going to budge, so I used the only weapon in my arsenal. My eyes. My da had always told me that my eyes would be the death of him because they were big, brown, and as dangerous as a puppy’s. I gave Bronagh my best pleading look, and before she even verbally agreed to dance with me, I saw her cave, so I held my hand out to her.
“Okay,” she grouched and grabbed my hand. “Let’s dance.”
Game, set, match.
I cheered in victory, and Bronagh playfully rolled her eyes.
“We will be back later,” I said to the table.
Bronagh looked back at Kane, Branna and Ryder when they gave us their attention.
“By later,” she said, “she hopefully means after the next song.”
I burst into laughter, earning a big smile from Bronagh.
“Fat chance of that.” I devilishly smiled. “Now, c’mon; I love this song!”
I couldn’t tell what song was playing, but I knew the beat, and that was enough to get me excited. I danced with Bronagh until my thighs and calves burned from overuse. My feet, that were not used to high heels in any shape or form felt like they were on fire. I was certain I had earned a few blisters too, but I knew if I took my heels off, I’d never put them back on again, so I forced it from my mind. I laughed until my throat hurt, and I tossed back drinks like it was no one’s business. I wanted to tell Bronagh how much fun I was having, but I felt a hand grasping my forearm, and it distracted me. The person who had hold of me led me to the middle of the dancing crowd.
“Hey,” I shouted and tried to tug my arm free. “Let go.”
I looked up at the owner of the hand holding onto me, and when grey eyes and a mop of white hair became clear through my slightly drunken gaze, I beamed.
“Damien!”
I focused on him and found he was smiling down at me, his eyes gleaming with amusement. He was so tall, I had to tilt my head back just to look up at him. He placed his hands on my waist, and without a word, he tugged my body until I was flush against him, and it took my breath away. When I gathered my bearings, I placed my hands on his broad shoulders and bit my lip when I rolled my body against his. I practically felt his moan as his hands on my waist squeezed my flesh.
He said something to me. I saw his lips move, but I couldn’t hear him. I got on my tiptoes and shouted, “I can’t hear you.”
He grabbed my hand and led me off the dance floor. When he turned to face me, I had no idea what possessed me to do it, but I leaned back up onto my tiptoes, placed my hands on either side of his face, and tugged his head down. I moved in, and pressed my lips against his. Damien froze for a couple of seconds, but then he eagerly responded to my kiss. He wrapped his arms around my body and pulled me as close as he could get me.
“Alannah,” I felt him say against my lips.
I pulled back from our kiss feeling breathless, giddy with excitement, and hot to the core.
“That was amazin’,” I exhaled. “I knew it would be.”
Damien squinted down at me before he grabbed my hand once more and led us over to two huge men who stood outside a door. I avoided looking at both men because they were intimidating. Instead, I silently followed Damien when the men parted and opened the door they seemed to be guarding. We stepped into a hallway, and a veil of silence descended the second the door to the club was closed.
“Me ears are ringin’,” I shouted before I remembered I didn’t have to.
Damien looked at me and chuckled, then silently led me down the corridor and through the last door. When we stepped into a huge living area, the first thing I spotted was the huge bed. My first reaction upon seeing it should have been uncertainty, but a boost of confidence struck me at that moment and pushed my legs to move toward the bed. When my knees knocked against it, I bent forward and ran my hand over the linen.
Silk.
“This feels good,” I hummed. “It’s so soft.”
I heard a sharp intake of breath, and a rush of pleasure shot through me. I knew my dress had hiked up a little bit more than what was decent, and I knew in my bones that Damien could see everything on display.
“Heaven help me.”
I stood straight, and without fixing my dress, I turned around.
“Did you say somethin’?”
Damien lifted his arm and ran his hand through his hair, and I realised it was an action I desperately wanted to repeat with my own hands.
“I said,” he rumbled, “Heaven help me.”
“Why do you need help?” I asked dumbly, tilting my heard. “You aren’t in trouble.”
“On the contrary.” Damien licked his lower lip. “I think I’m in a whole heap of trouble.”
I followed his tongue movement with my eyes, and my mouth ran dry.
“What trouble would that be?”
“The five-foot-five, black hair, and brown eyes kind.”
Butterflies exploded in my belly.
“You think I’m trouble?”
“Babe.” Damien chuckled. “I think you’re the definition of it.”
How can that be?
“I think you have me confused with someone else,” I said, falling into a sitting position on the bed when I tried to take a step back. “I’ve never been in trouble in me whole life.”
“No, I’m sure you haven’t,” Damien agreed, his lips twitching. “But I think you could stir up a lot of it.”
“Yeah?” I questioned. “Like what?”
“Like how one kiss has me wanting to touch you in ways you’ve never been touched.”
My heart slammed into my chest.
“H-how do ye’know what ways I’ve been touched?” I stammered. “I could have already been touched in every way possible.”
“Babe,” he said as his cheeks dimpled.
I felt a blush burn its way up my neck as he acknowledged my virginity with one word and a damn smirk.
“Fine.” I licked my lips. “No one else has touched me, but I’ve touched me an awful lot.”
The look of desire that Damien shot my way sent shivers up my spine.
“Why don’t you change the former and touch me?”
His face lost all traces of amusement.
“Be careful, freckles,” he warned. “I think we should just cool it and talk—”
“I don’t want to talk.” I cut him off. “I want to kiss you, to touch you ... I want ... I want to get into trouble with you.”
“My God.” He groaned and put his face in his hands. “You aren’t a sex only girl, Lana. You’re the flowers, chocolate, cuddle nights in, and steady boyfriend kind of girl. And I love that about you, but I can’t give you that.”
I frowned.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Damien said, looking flustered. “I’m trying to do right by you. I’m trying to convince myself that you don’t really want me like this—”
“I do.” I cut him off once more. “I know your situation, and I’m not a fool. I know it’s just sex with you, but I want you so much that I’ll take it.”
I recalled my earlier conversation with Bronagh. I said I didn’t want Damien to want me just for sex, that I didn’t want to be another name on his hit list, but I had a strong desire to experience him in any capacity I could. I’d deal with the consequences later.
“This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have brought you in here.” He began to pace. “I just wanted to talk to you, but damn, you look edible, and you smell and taste so good, it’s all I can do to stay on this side of the room.”
“C’mere to me,” I beckoned. “Don’t think about the after, think about now. If I’m angry later, it’s on me. This is probably a stupid idea, but I’ve never needed someone like I need you. If this is a mistake, let me make it and learn from it.”
“You’ve been drinking,” Damien said flatly. “I tasted it on you.”
“I’ve sobered up a hell of a lot since you told me I was trouble.”
“You are trouble.”
“Prove it,” I challenged.
Damien took a step forward, then hesitated before he said, “Let’s just chill and talk for a while. Just ... just to see if this is what you really want.”
The words were hardly out of his mouth before I turned and scrambled up the bed, flopping onto my back.
“What are you doing?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, holding my position. “I’m chillin’.”
Damien folded his thick arms across his broad chest, the corners of his lips quirked.
“You usually chill on a bed with your thighs parted?” he asked, a slight hint of laughter in his tone.
“This is how I lie on me bed. It’s kind of ... freein’.”
Damien dropped his gaze from my eyes to my parted thighs. I saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. He quickly crossed the room, turned his back to me, and sat on the edge of the bed. Without turning around, he patted the spot next to him and said, “Come here and talk to me. I want to hear your voice.”
I practically floated to his side, and it made Damien laugh.
“What do you want me to say?” I said, a little breathless.
Damien turned his gaze on me, and as he looked into my eyes, he said, “Say anything. I just want to hear your voice. I love your voice.”
I felt as if the air had been sucked from the room.
“You do?”
Damien licked his lips. “Yeah, I hear your voice even when you aren’t around.”
My heart slammed against my chest.
“You do?” I repeatedly nodded for an unknown reason.
“I hear you when it’s quiet,” he said, dropping his gaze to my lips. “Really quiet.”
I lazily dragged my tongue across my lower lip, watching Damien’s pupils dilate as his eyes followed the movement.
“What do I say when you hear me voice?” I asked; my voice sounding thick with desire.
Damien huffed a laugh. “You don’t want to know, freckles.”
I scrunched up my face in displeasure. “Why do you call me that?”
He lifted his hand, and with his pinkie finger, he ran the tip over my nose and underneath my eyes.
“You have a splash of freckles right here.”
“If you say you think they’re cute,” I grunted. “I may slap you.”
Damien simpered. “Cute is not a word I associate with you.”
My pulse spiked.
“What word do you associate with me?”
“I have a few,” he replied, lowering his hand from my face. “Smart, funny, hard-working ... beautiful, elegant, sexy as sin.”
I gasped. “You think I’m funny?”
Damien almost instantly burst into laughter.
“Hell yes, you’re funny.” His shouders shook as he laughed. “Out of all the words I said, you picked funny.”
I blushed. “No one has ever said I was funny before.”
“Well, you are.”
I leaned in a little closer to him. “You think I’m beautiful and elegant?”
“And sexy as sin,” he replied, his voice raspy. “Can’t forget about that.”
I smiled, and I heard a little groan come up Damien’s throat like he was straining to contain it. I stood from the bed and kicked my heels off before I turned to face him. I groaned, and looked down at my feet as I wiggled my toes.
“Jesus, it feels good to take those hell blocks off.”
“Hell blocks?”
“Until you’ve walked in high heels,” I playfully glared at Damien, “you will never understand how much they hurt.”
“It’s a good thing I’m tall then.”
“Hmmm.” I licked my lower lip. “It’s definitely a good thing that you’re tall.”
“You’re looking at me like you want to pounce on me, freckles.”
“I do.”
Damien’s whole body tensed. I stared down at him, and in that moment, I made the decision to freely give myself to him. I couldn’t stand wanting him anymore, I needed to have him.
My body felt like it was a live wire of electricity. I wanted Damien to kiss me and touch me more than my next breath. I didn’t want him to make the first move; I was too aware of him to allow that to happen. Instead, I stepped forward, parted his thighs with my knees, and stepped between them.
“Alannah, what are—”
I brought my mouth down on top of his and took what I’d wanted since the first moment I saw him. I lifted my hands, thrusted them into his hair, and almost dropped to my knees with desire. His hair was thick and soft—so freaking soft. I tangled my fingers around the strands and tugged.
“You’re playing a dangerous game with me, Lana,” Damien said against my lips, his voice husky. “I’d walk away if I were you.”
Boldness surged through me.
“That sounds like a challenge to me.”
“Talking.” Damien groaned into my mouth. “We’re supposed to be talking.”
“We are,” I replied, sliding my tongue over his lower lip. “We’re talkin’ with our bodies.”
Ursula from The Little Mermaid did say never to underestimate the importance of body language, and at that moment, I had never related to a Disney quote more in my entire life.
Damien broke our heated kiss and stared up at me, his expression one of shock. It was quickly replaced by one so full of heat and longing that by the time he drew me against him, I was trembling with anticipation.
“I want you so much,” he breathed. “God knows I’ve dreamed of touching you, kissing you, tasting you.”
I had to lock my knees together to keep from falling to them.
“What will you do to me if I let you touch me?” I asked, my voice thick with desire. “I need to hear it.”
“I’d kiss you. Nice and slow until my lips are all you know. My hands would explore every inch of you until you only knew my touch. I’d love you so good, the feel of me would be imbedded into you for life. I’d make your body mine.”
“Yes,” I whimpered. “Please, I want that.”
More than my next breath.
Damien pulled me against him and covered his mouth with mine. He growled against my lips before he stood. Hooking his hands around the back of my thighs, he picked me up as he moved. I gasped into his mouth, latching my arms around his neck and wrapping my legs around his waist.
“I love how tall you are,” I panted, pulling back to gaze at him. “It makes me feel tiny.”
“You are tiny,” Damien said, pushing my dress up with one hand so he could palm my behind.
He touched his lips to mine once more, moulding them together as his tongue slid inside in a kiss so ravenous it caused my spine to arch, my heart to slam into my chest, and my skin to flush with pleasure. My thoughts were scattered with every thrust and slide of his tongue, licking against my own. Damien’s kiss was so consuming I didn’t know where I ended and he began.
“You’re so gorgeous,” I blurted against his lips. “And I love your hair. It’s so feckin’ pretty and soft. What conditioner do you use? Actually, never mind. I love your face. My God, do I love your face. Your dimples are stunnin’.”
I felt Damien’s laughter vibrate against my lips before he kissed down my jawline to my neck where he feathered kisses over my skin, causing goosebumps to break out over my body.
“You wouldn’t believe the things I’ve dreamed of doin’ to you and you doin’ to me,” I purred, hoping to God I sounded sultry.
Damien scraped his teeth over my sweet spot, and it caused my back to arch, which pushed my breasts against him. His hands on my behind squeezed me tightly.
“Why don’t you tell me in detail what you’ve dreamed of us doing?” he asked. “I need to hear that.”
“You used your m-mouth on me,” I stammered. “And when I thought that would kill me, you added your fingers and use them both to make me scream.”
Damien lightly bit my neck, encouraging me to continue.
“Your tongue.” I hummed. “You’d lick, and suck, and taste me all over until I was putty in your hands”
I sucked in a sharp breath when Damien suddenly turned and dislodged my arms and legs from around him as he pushed me from his body and onto the mattress with a bounce. He rid himself of his shirt with one tug, and watching that sent a shiver up my spine.
“You’re perfect,” I said, staring up at him. “Fuck, you’re perfect.”
His tanned skin seemed to glow in the lighting as strands of his white hair fell forward into his eyes. He lifted a hand to push them away, and the flex of his bicep had my insides clenching with need. His broad shoulders were begging for my teeth to sink into them, and the lines of his abdominal muscles taunted my fingers to run over them.
You have no idea what you’re doing to me.
“Perfect?” he repeated as he gripped the hem of my dress and pushed it up to my waist. “No, baby, that’d be you.”
Without a single word, he gripped the top of my dress, pulled the straps down my shoulders, and tugged the material down until my bare breasts were free. I didn’t wear a bra with my dress—I didn’t need to—and if Damien’s groan was anything to go by, he seemed to appreciate that. He left my dress bunched up at my waist and leaned back on his heels so he could roam his eyes over me.
“You’re stunning, Lana.”
My body hummed with delight as he slid his hands up my thighs, skimmed my stomach, and flattened them over my breasts. He cupped them, giving them a gentle squeeze before he ran his thumbs over the hardened, sensitive pink tips. The tingling sensation drew a slight moan from me as heat pooled between my legs, an incessant throb growing with each tantalising touch.
I felt my cheeks burn when his gaze locked on the centre of my thighs.
“Lace?” he questioned without looking at me.
“I like pretty u-underwear.”
“So do I.” Damien looked up at me with fire in his eyes. “Christ, I’ll never get this image of you out of my head.”
I didn’t want him to.
“What are you goin’ to do to me?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.
He licked his lips. “What I’ve wanted to do to you from the first moment I saw you.”
“What’s that?”
I shrieked when he gripped the hem of my underwear and yanked them from my body. If the rustled sound of fabric tearing was anything to go by, I’d say he even ripped them in the process. I could barely breathe when my thighs were parted, and Damien brought his face down to my pussy. He inhaled deeply, and I knew mortification at that moment.
“Damien!” I cried and desperately tried to shut my legs, but he didn’t let me. “Why are you sniffin’ me? Oh, God! Do you have a weird fetish or somethin’?”
He chuckled but didn’t move a muscle other than when he stopped me from wriggling.
“No,” he mused. “I’m savouring how you smell because it’s damn good.”
If I ever spoke to him again after this, it would be too soon.
“This is indecent!” I stated, my entire face burning. “You can’t just … Damien!”
The first flick of his hot, wet tongue was unexpected, and oh so delicious.
“Holy Mary, Mother of God.”
“Pray to whoever you want, freckles. No one can save you from me now.”
With that said, he began to lick and suck on my pussy lips, then he used his tongue to part them. I felt myself go cross-eyed, and it was all I could do not to buck my hips in his face. His tongue slid up the trail of slick heat until he curled it around my clit and gifted me with a sensation I never knew existed.
I reached down with my hand, tangled my fingers in his hair, and held on for dear life.
He applied pressure as he swirled his tongue around the sensitive bud, and the action sucked the air out of me. It was too much sensation—too much of a new sensation—for my body to handle. I couldn’t lie still, so Damien hooked his arms around my thighs and applied heavy-handed pressure on them, which helped to keep me in place.
“Dame, Dame, Dame, Dame,” I panted as my breathing turned irregular. “Oh!”
His response was to shake his head from side to side rapidly, flicking his tongue over my clit as he moved. It sent shocks of bliss shooting up my spine.
“Oh God!” I shouted at the new sensation of pure desire it brought. “Oh God, oh God, oh God!”
I screamed for only a second before I sucked in air, holding it in my lungs as mounting pleasure suddenly caused my thighs to quiver with anticipation. For a second, I felt a sharp sensation close to pain and then numbness, before a thrashing of what I could only describe as Heaven washed over me. Then a throbbing of delight exploded through me. My muscles contracted in response as if they were cheering on the sensation that curled around them.
I released the breath I was holding when my lungs demanded I do so. I didn’t even realise I had closed my eyes, but I couldn’t open them if I wanted to, so it didn’t even matter. My limbs became lax as all traces of energy fled, and it was all I could do not to fall asleep.
“You’re so beautiful, freckles.” Damien’s voice rasped as he parted my thighs farther apart. “I’m sorry if this is uncomfortable.”
That was the only warning he gave me before my insides tensed as they were stretched and invaded. My eyes flew open, and a strangled whimper passed my lips. My hands latched onto Damien’s thick arms as he stilled inside me, and my back arched as a slight pinch of pain cut through my core.
“It’ll pass,” he whispered, his voice hoarse. “Give it a second.”
He lowered his head and kissed me with so much tenderness and care it was easy to focus on his lips instead of the discomfort. He whispered words of encouragement against my swollen lips and brushed the tip of his nose against mine, then rested his forehead on mine and stared deeply into my eyes.
We were one at that moment.
Before long, I wriggled my hips, pulling a pained groan from Damien who was trying his hardest to remain as still as a statue. I wriggled once more and only felt a slight bit of discomfort, but to my surprise, the pinch of pain had subsided completely. The second I hummed, Damien took it as a green light to move. When he withdrew slowly and thrust back in, my muscles tightened.
It didn’t hurt, but it didn’t exactly feel good either.
“Relax, baby,” he rasped. “You’re squeezing me like a vice.”
“You relax!” I countered. “It feels like a melon is bein’ shoved up me.”
Damien had the nerve to chuckle, and it held my attention, but when he withdrew and thrust back into my body, I allowed my head to fall back against the bed as I moaned. He fell into a rhythm, and it took away my ability to think coherently, let alone speak.
“Christ,” Damien breathed as he lowered his head and planted kisses along my neck. “You feel incredible.”
I lifted my legs and wrapped them around his hips, hooking my ankles to lock them in place. I couldn’t control how vocal I was, especially when every thrust sent a ripple of shivers through my body and made me hungry for more.
“Oh!” I gasped when a lick of pleasure curled around my inner muscles.
“Yeah,” Damien rasped. “Oh!”
“Keep doin’ that.” I panted. “Oh, keep doin’ that!”
“I couldn’t stop if you paid me,” Damien replied, sweat beading on his forehead.
Fast and hard poundings replaced the slow and gentle thrusts. I dug my fingers into Damien’s flesh when the desire to bite something struck. I tried to hold back, but I couldn’t. Like an animal, I leaned forward and latched my teeth onto his neck and bit down. Damien thrust into me so hard in response a resounding slap echoed in the room.
“Fu…ck! Uh, yeah! You’re going to ruin me for any other woman.”
I bloody well hoped so.
“God, I could keep you forever,” he proceeded to say, his voice thick with passion.
I released him and pressed my forehead to his as I swallowed. “Will you keep me?”
“Yes.” He panted, nudging my face with his. “God, yes. You’re mine.”
My heart thumped with delight, and a huge smile overtook my face. It was quickly wiped away when scorching heat spread over my body like butter, causing goose bumps to break out on my skin. My mouth suddenly opened in a silent scream when a rumble started in my core and kept building until an explosion of light burst from within me. The pleasure that began to ripple through my body sent small spasms rolling through my limbs and left me trembling.
When I came to, I was repeating Damien’s name.
“Yes, yes,” he panted as my inner walls clenched around him.
“You promise to keep me?” I asked as he pumped into me harder, faster, deeper.
“Yes,” he almost shouted. “I promise. Lana!”
His movements became frantic then, and just as his thrusts slowed and turned to twitches, I watched the sensations overtake his body and play out like a film on his handsome face. His eyes closed, he bit down on his lower lip; his cheeks flushed a pretty shade of pink, his brows furrowed, and his muscles tensed. Ten or so seconds later, it was like every ounce of tension that had worked its way onto his face melted away and spread over his body like a deep tissue massage.
It was the only warning I got before he fell forward.
“Damien!” I laughed as the air was knocked out of me.
All his weight was on me, and while I loved it, it was too much for my chest to handle. I nudged him, and he groaned as he used his elbows to prop himself up, taking most of his weight off me.
“Hi.” I smiled up at him.
My mind, body, and heart were so content and blissful that nothing could have ruined the moment.
“I didn’t mean to say that,” Damien said, his eyes flashing with ... terror.
Except that.
“Say what?”
“That stuff,” he said, clearing his throat. “About keeping you.”
A feeling of sickness began to form in the pit of my stomach.
“Damien,” I whispered. “Can you not say that while you’re still inside me?”
He looked down at our still connected bodies and quickly pulled out of me. I winced, and he apologised. I was lying on the bed sheets, so I had nothing to cover myself except my hands. Damien disposed of the now used condom—a condom I didn’t even know he’d put on—and began to dress at a shocking speed. Beginning to panic, I felt like I should do the same, so I joined him in fixing my dress until we were dressed and looking as we did when we entered the room—just a little less put together.
“I don’t understand what is happenin’,” I said as I slid my feet back into my high heels, they screamed in protest. “Are you okay?”
“I shouldn’t have said that shit.”
Striking me would have hurt less.
I flinched. “Don’t say that.”
“I have to; otherwise, you’ll believe it.”
“So, what? I’m not to believe that you said you’d keep me?” I demanded. “That you promised to? What the hell did you say it for then?”
“Alannah, I would have agreed to anything at that point during sex,” he said, flatly. “I couldn’t help it. My mind and body were both focused on the sensation, and my voice took on a role of its own.”
I felt like I would throw up.
“You’re ruinin’ this!” I said, my lower lip wobbling. “You’re ruinin’ everythin’ about me first time. Why are you doin’ this to me?”
Damien’s face blanched. “I’m sorry, but I won’t lie to you.”
“What’s the lie?”
“When I promised to keep you.”
I felt my eyes well with tears.
“Damien,” I whispered.
“It’s not that I can’t keep you, Lana; it’s that I don’t want to.”
He couldn’t look me in the eyes as he spoke the words I knew I’d never forget. The force of it had me stumbling back a few steps as if he’d struck me. I probably had no right to feel betrayed, but I did, and it hurt more than I cared to admit.
“I’m goin’ to get c-cleaned up,” I stammered, trying to hold back the tears I wanted to shed.
“No.” Damien frowned. “Please, we have to talk about this. What I mean is—”
“I don’t think anythin’ you have to say will make me feel better.” I cut him off, trying my hardest to keep my emotions in check.
“Alannah—”
“It’s fine.”
“It’s fucking not,” he countered. “I knew this was a bad idea. Just look at how upset you are! This is why I’ve tried to stay away from you. You’re a good girl, and I knew you’d let your emotions take centre stage. This was a mistake!”
His words were the truth, and I think that was why they pained me so much.
“You were right. This was a mistake, but I’ve made it.” I swallowed. “And I’ll learn from it, too.”
Damien reached for me, but I moved farther away from him and headed towards the door I assumed led to a bathroom.
“I don’t want to speak to you anymore, Damien,” I said as I opened the door. “Just … Just go away. Please.”
I never wanted to speak to him again.
“Lana.”
“Alannah,” I said, my hold on the door handle tightening. “Me name is Alannah.”
I entered the bathroom, closed the door behind me, and locked it. Numbly, I relieved myself and cleaned up as best as I could with small pieces of tissue paper. The evidence of blood reconfirmed that Damien had just taken my virginity, and it brought a bitter taste to my mouth. Instead of leaving the bathroom, I leaned my back against the wall and slid down it until my behind hit the floor.
I wasn’t sure how long I sat there, but it was long enough for the tears that flowed from my eyes and splashed onto my cheeks to dry. Between my thighs felt strange—like a sweet tenderness I couldn’t shake. I thought I heard raised voices, and when I heard a knock on the door, I flinched.
“Lana?” I heard my name being softly spoken. “It’s me. Can I come in?”
Bronagh.
I stood, moved over to the door, unlocked it, and then sat on the closed lid of the toilet. Bronagh entered the bathroom and quickly closed and locked the door behind her. She kicked off her heels, bent down to her knees, and then reached forward and engulfed me in a tight hug. When I put my arms around her, I released a pain-laced sob.
At that moment, I was both hurt and mortified. I realised I had thrown myself at Damien like I had no shame, and now, shame was all that filled me. I couldn’t begin to form the words to tell Bronagh how forward I behaved for fear that she would judge me, so I kept my mouth shut.
“It’s goin’ to be okay, Lana. You’re strong and won’t let an annoyin’ American prick get you down, right?”
I managed a snort as I pulled back from our hug. I grabbed some tissue to wipe the snot running from my nose. I was a mess, and I knew I looked as bad as I felt.
“Ye’know somethin’?” I sniffled. “I know Nico is your fella, but I thought he was the prick and Damien was the nice one. I was so wrong. Nico is honest and has always been ’imself whether you like ’im or hate ’im. Damien, though ... he is like a snake in human form. I hate ’im.”
I couldn’t fault Damien for being upfront before we had sex, but the lies he spewed during and the bullshit shit excuse he had for saying them afterward angered me.
“If it makes you feel better,” Bronagh interjected. “Dominic really is a prick, I had a huge fight with ’im before I came in ’ere.”
I started laughing through my tears, but I frowned when Bronagh sat down on her behind and winced at the contact. It was a reminder that she was no longer a virgin either, but her first time had been magical, while mine had the magic sucked from me ten seconds after ending.
“I just realised we both lost our virginity tonight to the twins.”
“Well ... at least we can be sore and hate them together.”
I was still upset—that didn’t even begin to cover it—but I laughed at Bronagh’s joke, and the carefree sound helped a tiny bit. Even with my friend by my side making me laugh, I couldn’t help but feel like a layer of stone had just sealed itself over my heart. I silently vowed that I would never willingly put myself in a situation where I would feel pain like this again.
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
I called Bronagh’s name when the silence surrounding us was snatched away, and a loud thumping noise could be heard from outside. I didn’t know how I knew, but I knew Damien had left the room with the door open and fled down the corridor and back into the club. Getting as far away from me as he possibly could.
The fucking coward.
Bronagh looked at me when I spoke.
“Yeah?”
“Are you ready to go back outside?” I quizzed. “I can hear ‘RAMPAGE’ bein’ cheered now that they’ve stopped the music for the fight.”
Things were a blur of activity as Bronagh jumped to her feet, put her heels back on, and pulled me out of the room and back down the corridor to the club. Bodies of all shapes and sizes crowded around the platform where Nico and another fighter stood. I couldn’t concentrate with the noise and sea of people surrounding me, so when Bronagh broke through the crowd to reach Nico after he won the fight, I stayed just long enough to hug her when she returned to my side. The second she became solely focused on Nico, I slipped away from her and headed out of the club.
When I got outside, no one was around, not even the bouncers who had granted us entrance to the club hours before. I was glad to have a moment’s solitude so I could try to wrap my head around what happened. I sat on the curb and fought off a fresh batch of tears.
This is a disaster.
There was never going to be a ‘Damien and Alannah’ in the way I wanted, and he made sure of that. No, we made damn sure of that. He took my virginity, but I was the eejit who practically begged him to take it. For that, I had no one to blame but myself ... and my godforsaken hormones.
Damien pursued our intimacy with no illusions or lies coated in pretty words—until he got what he wanted. Beforehand, he said he didn’t want a relationship, he just wanted sex, and for me to feel so broken over him keeping his word was foolish. In the back of my mind, I’d silently hoped that once we had sex, Damien would want to be with me. If that wasn’t the dumbest misconception filling the heads of teenage girls around the world, then I didn’t know what was.
The pain in my chest was nothing like I had ever felt before, and I didn’t know how to deal with it. I needed Bronagh. I needed my friend. I heard a noise behind me, and I wasn’t sure why, but because I thought of Bronagh, I just assumed it would be her. I wanted to look around, but a sudden case of dizziness struck me, and I had trouble remaining upright. Just when I thought my head and vision were clearing, I felt a hard knock on the back of my head like someone had hit me, and it was followed by my body falling backwards.
It didn’t hurt, and the first thing I thought of was that if someone hadn’t hit me then I was passing out because I had drunk alcohol for the first time. I figured my emotional roller coaster had pushed my body into stress-out mode, and as a result, my mind just switched off. I was glad of it. I was glad when I found myself facing darkness because, at the current moment, darkness was a more welcoming sight than the thought of Damien Slater. But I wasn’t granted that peace. Before I completely lost consciousness, the last thing I heard was his words.
It’s not that I can’t keep you, Lana; it’s that I don’t want to.
Damien didn’t want me, but what hurt the most was that I knew deep down, I’d always want him no matter what happened between us. I’d never let him or anyone else know it, though. Damien might have hurt me, but I would never give him the opportunity to do it again.
He said he didn’t want me, and for as long as I lived, I’d never forget it.