“Why are you doing this?” I ask again.

I don’t expect an answer. I never get an answer. The response isn’t verbal this time either. Instead, I’m blasted with the cold spray of the water hose. Water surges against my face. It’s ice cold and a combination of the temperature and the way it’s sprayed directly at my face work together to take my breath away.

I sputter and gasp, turning my head to the side and holding my hands up—all in some weak attempt to protect myself. That’s a joke. There’s no protecting myself. I couldn’t even manage to beat them away from me so I could keep my clothes on.

I’m not sure which is actually worse. Being hosed down, or standing naked in front of a man I don’t know and unable to see anything but the outline of him. I feel so powerless, like I have no control and I have to wonder if I will ever have control again. Over the last few days, I’ve been thinking and I’m pretty sure I’m not going to come out of this alive. I’ve thought about the people in my life, and wished I could at least say goodbye to a few of them.

This is going to hurt my father so much. Losing my brother destroyed pieces of him, but if he loses me too… I swallow down the misery that threatens to drown me.

I feel the water slow and then—thankfully—it is taken away. I take in a deep breath. That is just as painful. My body is so sore from the beatings. I know my ribs are cracked—if not broken. He hasn’t beaten me today and I’m thankful at least for that small mercy.

I hear steps walking toward me and try not to be scared, but I can’t stop that emotion. I’ve been scared since I stepped outside of the convent. I’ve felt it for so long, it suffocates me now. I feel his hand wrapping around my hair, gathering it, holding it tight at the scalp.

“You’re a hot little piece even looking like you do. I ought to break you in a little more for my boss, don’t you think?”

I don’t respond, but inside I’m shaking like crazy. I hope he thinks it is from the cold. I don’t want to show that I’m scared—not to these monsters.

“What do you think? I bet you know how to suck a man dry, don’t you? How about you show me what you can do with that mouth of yours?” he growls and then he uses his hold to force me to my knees.

I start screaming, I can’t stop myself. I already feel lost and completely at my kidnapper’s mercy. The thought of being forced… of them forcing themselves on me terrifies me beyond anything I’ve ever experienced. I know that if something like this happens, if this man is allowed to do that to me there will be pieces of me that I will never get back—parts of me that will not survive.

“What the fuck is going on here?”

I recognize the voice. He’s the man from yesterday—the one whose voice sounds vaguely familiar. It does today… even more so, but I still can’t place it. It’s on the tip of my tongue but, I can’t fight my fear enough to concentrate.

“Having a little fun,” the man laughs, yanking my head harder and pulling me to him.

“I told you to not fucking—”

“I’m going to let her show me what she can do with her mouth. Hell, I’m only warming her up for—”

He doesn’t finish his sentence. A gunshot rings out through the room and it causes my ears to ring. I scream, sure I’ll feel blinding pain at any time. That never comes. Instead, the man lets go of my hair. I feel his body jerking against me and then I hear a large crash as he falls back and his body hits the floor.

“Fuck, Crash. Why did you do that?”

“Because you don’t take orders. I gave you one fucking job you, asshole. You couldn’t manage to do that and now you’ve used my fucking name!”

Crash!

The name rings in my head as loud as a damn siren.

Crash is a member of my dad’s club. My father knew someone was trying to kill him, to bring him to his knees. That’s why he put me in the convent to begin with. He wanted to keep me safe and out of harm’s way while he found the source of the threat. I don’t know Crash that well; I’ve talked to him a few times. I do know he was a respected member.

“What does that matter? There’s nothing she can do about it. Not now!” the other guy yells, but another gunshot rings out. This one is so loud it is almost like I can feel the bullet whizzing past me. “Crash,” the man adds, but this time his voice is filled with more pain and fear… I hear it, I recognize it at once, because it’s choking on me. “Why are you…”

“You’ve fucked things up for the last time, motherfucker,” Crash answers and then three more shots go off, one right after the other. I can feel a spray of liquid hit my face and I know right away it’s blood.

Then Crash grabs me and hauls me back up on my feet.

“Don’t… Don’t do this,” I stutter, knowing in my heart that I’m going to be next.

“Shut up, you stupid cunt. It’s all ruined now. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to play out. Your death isn’t my fault. It’s that stupid fuck’s. You were supposed to survive this,” he growls and bile begins to rise in my throat. I’m going to throw up. I don’t want to die. There’s so much more in life that I wanted to experience. I really wanted to see my dad again. I even wanted the chance to see Devil again—as hopeless as that whole situation is… I really liked him… I wanted….

He pulls me from the room. I keep waiting for the death blow, but that doesn’t happen. Instead he shoves me back into the box. I may not be able to see but I definitely know when the lid closes, because any light I see through the shadows fades and I’m left with nothing.

Nothing but darkness.