Lord? Don’t you think I’ve received enough sucker punches?

I mutter that prayer in my head. I suppose instead of a prayer it’s more of a what-the-fuck moment. There’s a part of me that wonders if there is a God above, if he’s punishing me for pretending to be a nun. Or maybe he hates me in general—that’s completely possible.

As if today wasn’t going to be hard enough, I had to run into the one man I’ve wanted to see for way too long and the one man that I never want to see again.

“Hi, Logan,” I respond, wishing I could disappear. His blue eyes—the same ones that I used to dream about—feel like they are boring into me. Most of the bruises from my injuries have faded in the three weeks since my father’s death. What you can still see I’ve managed to cover with makeup. The worst of the bruises are under my nose and the side of my mouth. There was a cut that got infected and even now it’s still a bit puffy. It’s hardly noticeable, but because I know it’s there I act like I’m scratching the side of my nose and then turn a little to the side so Devil doesn’t get a direct view. Wolf thinks I’m turning into him for comfort and as horrible as it is to let him continue to think it—I do. It works to my advantage right now.

“You know these men, Tor?”

“I met Devil during my time in… hiding at the convent,” I answer Wolf, but I look at Devil from under my lashes. I see exactly when he understands, because his body visibly jerks.

“Convent? Is this the nun, man?” the man with Devil asks. I look at his cut and read his name. Diesel. I remember Devil talking about him during our lunches. My heart quickens at the thought he might have mentioned me to his president.

Devil looks at me. His blue eyes bore into me and I feel them as if they were a literal touch.

“I don’t know who she is,” his deep voice rumbles, his face completely closed off.

It feels like a slap in the face, but then it’s also totally fair. He didn’t know who I was—not really. In some ways he probably knew me better than anyone else in my life, but I doubt he would agree to that—especially now.

My body trembles a little and I know Wolf feels it by the way his arm tightens on me. I get mad at myself. I shouldn’t give myself away so easily. The girl I was before…my father’s death seems to be hiding. I can’t find her.

I don’t know if I’ll ever find her again.

“It was nice of you to come to show your respects to my father,” I respond, but I direct my words to Diesel.

Devil makes a sound, close to a snort, his face not showing humor at all. I let it go. Diesel doesn’t respond. He just looks at me funny.

“We’ll talk back at the clubhouse. I’m going to take Torrent to the graveside,” Wolf says, giving my hand a squeeze.

Diesel responds to him, but for the life of me I couldn’t tell you one word of what he said. Then Wolf puts his arm at my back and turns me away from the other men.

I try not to feel shame because Devil will see me wearing the cut that Wolf had made for me. I can’t help but be self-conscious though. I didn’t specifically want to wear it. In the past three weeks since all of this happened, Wolf has been so attentive. He’s been worried about me and done his best to take care of me. I love him for that, but I definitely don’t love him. I’ve told him that. He keeps insisting that for my safety he needs to claim me, so that other clubs, and his own club—my dad’s own club—will see me as claimed and protected. I’m not blind to this world, so I can see his point on some levels, but I’ve told Wolf continuously that I’m not ready for a relationship.

Hell, I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. I think there’s something broken inside of me now. It’s so hugely broken that I’m not sure I’ll ever be whole again.

“Are you okay, Tor?” Wolf asks when we are a small distance away from Devil.

“I’m not sure I’m going to be okay this entire day, Wolf—or maybe ever again.”

“You’ll get through this, sweetheart. Dodger would be proud of how strong you are.”

“I don’t really feel strong.”

“How well do you know Devil?” he asks and I knew that question was coming. Dad knew I had seen Devil, but he took great pains in not telling Wolf. He always tried to protect me… and maybe Wolf. He truly believed I’d be happy with Wolf, that Wolf would make me happy. Maybe he was right. I don’t know. Having Wolf to lean on the last three weeks has helped me to at least function. I don’t want to lie to Wolf now… but I can’t make myself tell him the truth either.

“Not that well. Our paths crossed from time to time. Mostly in the park across from the convent or in the town when we would be volunteering. That’s why he thought I was a nun.”

“Oh. Yeah. That makes sense,” Wolf says and he seems to let it drop. I breathe a sigh of relief.

I let thoughts of Devil, our past, and how we met again, slide from my mind as my father’s grave comes into view. This is going to be hard enough without adding Devil into my thoughts. Besides… how I feel about him doesn’t matter anymore. That’s all behind me.

Nothing is the same anymore.

Nothing.