Chapter Two
She was given the name Raineta by her sixties, flower-child mother. The name came from a combination of letters of her favorite girlfriends, her grandmother told her when she was old enough to ask.
Thankfully, everyone called her Raine, which always made her smile and think of Spartacus. The Bringer of Rain, they’d coined him within the mini-series.
The Thracian gladiator her history buff grandfather had studied in his retirement years. Even wrote a book on the slave-turned-fighter, which had been published no more than a handful of years prior to his death.
The concussion of a heavily wrapped hand hitting the boxing bag she was leaning into grounded her attention once again, instead of leaving it lost in the dead and buried. The hit jarred her entire body, grounding her in the Elite gym. “When did you start playing patty cake? Put your hands out and find the target. Good. Now don’t lose your trajectory. Take a half a step closer and jab. Good. Great placement. Again.”
Another couple hits were perfect, but then he shifted his hips an inch and the next strike didn’t do much but glance off the opposite side. His frustration mounted. Tension in his jaw and shoulders made his stance all wrong.
“Relax into the movement. Again.”
“You love the sound of your own voice, don’t you?”
“Better than your whining, any day.”
“I. Do. Not. Whine.” He emphasized each word with a sharp hit to the center of the bag. He had great aim when he wanted to make a point.
“Coulda fooled me, big man.”
Her heart broke for him as he struggled. Both legs amputated above the knee, balance was rough on a good day, then throw his blindness into the final Jeopardy category.
Fucked up self-identity for $500, please, Alex.
“Center yourself again on the bag. You keep shifting to the left. Little more to the right. You got it and quit punching like a girl.”
His eyebrows disappeared behind his sunglasses when she finally got his attention. She’d learned early on working with him, to motivate him, she had to rile him a bit. Coddling did nothing but infuriate him and she was pretty certain he’d dig his titanium heels in and go nowhere, just to be ornery.
“I heard that.” Copper smirked from a treadmill across the gym where she was pounding the track into submission.
“Me too.” Hazel was on an elliptical on the other end, with Mercury lifting weights in the corner behind her. She smiled huge and acted like she was punching an imaginary opponent. “Merc’s been teaching me. He says I’m getting good.”
Raine sometimes forgot how badass the women surrounding her were. “Present company excluded, of course.”
Hazel whooped. “You hear, Merc? I’m a badass now.”
“Always were.” Merc stared at her with eyes for no other and Raine melted a little bit.
The copper-haired member of Elite Metal lifted her chin in silent reply and then really dug into her run. Her men, Gabe and Brad, would be along shortly to hit the ground with her.
Two men.
Two really hot men.
Raine couldn’t be happier for the three of them. They deserved the love they’d found and worked daily to continue to grow. Together.
For Raine? She focused on the man jabbing the bag in front of her. One man. Only one was what she wanted.
An honest man. Trustworthy. Smart. Sexy as sin sure didn’t hurt her feelings.
Wearing nothing but a pair of gym shorts, she could see more skin than she’d drooled over in a long time. And having one of the guys laid out in the makeshift infirmary getting stitches totally didn’t count.
Being hot as hell wasn’t why she’d fallen in love with him.
Love. Yeah.
Fuck her.
His loyalty was the reason she’d fallen down the rabbit hole with Cupid dogging her backside every step of the way.
The man before her could have given up. Many times. Yet, he hadn’t. Not ever. He’d gotten close more than once. A couple times, she was certain he’d reached his limit. One day, she feared he’d tell her, her last check would be in the mail. She’d sat outside his bedroom door several nights hoping he wouldn’t go for his revolver.
It hadn’t happened.
Not yet.
Several times, she honestly didn’t know how things would go. The proverbial light in his eyes would dim. Nothing in particular broke the proverbial camel’s back that she knew of, but something had taken his drive away.
The isolation he pulled around himself after the accident was killing him. Slowly, like some kind of cancer. It was like fighting a ghost some days.
A ghost.
Ha! She snickered at her own inner joke.
“Care to tell the rest of us what’s so funny, nurse?” Titanium’s tight question told her he was certain she laughed at him.
He built walls and walls to keep the pain trapped inside and he couldn’t see what he was doing.
So she pushed him even harder.
“I made a ghost joke. Cracked myself up. I’ll have to remember it and share it at the next company party. I want squats. Gimme thirty of them. And don’t cheat.”
He shook out his arms and stretched his shoulders, and boy did she enjoy the view. Sweaty. Hot. Wanting him didn’t even begin to describe her need for him but she hid it all.
“We don’t have company parties and I don’t cheat.” One squat. Two. Three.
“We should. It’s coming up on the holidays and all. Thanksgiving. We could make turkey and have mashed potatoes and green bean casserole with those little yummy crunchy things on top. And pie.”
“Raine. Oh my gawd. I’m gonna slip on my drool if you don’t stop talking about Turkey Day food.” Hazel wiped her chin, though she was too far away to know if it was for show or not.
Gabe and Brad arrived and Hazel piped up as they each paused to kiss Copper before getting on their own treadmills. “We’re talking about Thanksgiving food. Everybody sound off. What’s your favorite? Merc, you first.”
“Turkey. Fried. I could eat a twenty pounder, all on my own.”
Brad added his usual snark. “Fried. Isn’t that un-American?”
Merc grinned, changing weights. “Americans fry everything, so I’d say I’m golden.”
“Brad, what about you?” An alarm went off on Hazel’s watch and she stepped off the elliptical and silenced her watch. Grabbing a towel, she took a drink of water, and faced the trio.
“Sweet potatoes.”
“With or without marshmallows?” Copper asked.
“With, of course. You know I have a sweet tooth.”
“I’m well aware.” Copper raised her eyebrow at him and Raine had the distinct impression they were not talking about food anymore. “Gabriel? Favorite?”
“There was this salad. My mom used to make it only for the holidays. Special greens with strawberries and almonds and this vinaigrette. Shit. Haven’t thought about it in years.” He was silent for a second. “Copper?”
“Rolls.”
“Thirty.” Titanium stood from his last squat, a sheen of sweat on his brow. His face had relaxed a few degrees and she took her first full breath since she’d found him in his office looking as if he were about to implode.
She was glad they’d figured out a good routine in the gym to tire him out. He needed to get his frustration worked through, but he’d been unwilling to discuss what he was having so much trouble with lately. She’d been waiting to approach him at the right time. When he was in a good mood. She’d decided maybe good plus mood was a pipe dream. Lately, he’d been so damn irritable.
Without giving him time to cool off, she maneuvered him to a chest machine and set the weight to a reasonable amount. “Thirty, and don’t rush.” He nodded and started up. With perfect form. ‘Cause that was how he rolled.
As if she’d heard her inner monologue, Hazel resurrected the talk of food without skipping a beat. “What kind of roll?” Hazel wanted to know as she grabbed much smaller weights than what Merc was handling.
Copper closed her eyes for a second and then fixated on her digital readout on the machine. “This diner had the best rolls where we used to eat. Merc, you remember?”
“Fuck yeah. Mimmie’s. We use to sneak over there when you were a freshman.”
“Best rolls ever.”
Merc closed his eyes for a second. “Maybe they’ll be magically delivered for the holidays, like Raine’s bagels.”
Copper added helpfully, “Pray to the bagel fairy and maybe he’ll make a pit stop for you.”
“The bagel fairy,” Titanium mumbled. He shook his head and finished up the last of his reps.
“Everyone has to believe in something, Mr. Get Off My Lawn.”
“I’m not that old, Nurse Ratchet.”
“You’re a bajillion in dog years and I’ll show you, Nurse Ratchet.” She moved behind him and moved the pin, capturing more weight. “Another 20 more, if you can do so many.”
“If I can.” He scoffed at her and dug in. Music to her ears. He wouldn’t give up on her watch. Hell to the fuck no.
She’d let him be done when she was good and ready. And no sooner.
“Hazel, what about you?” Raine asked as she kept an eye on Titanium.
“Mashed potatoes and gravy. The good turkey gravy I always wanted to swim in. Gravy in the house always made me feel rich.”
“How do I not know this?” Merc seemed to ask out loud.
“You never asked, lover.”
“My mistake. We’ll be talking later about some other things I now need to know.”
“Oh, will we?”
Copper made a gagging noise and Hazel laughed. “Sorry, forgot we had the PDA police in here.”
Gabriel glanced at Titanium. Unlike Copper and Tungsten, he didn’t ignore the man. “Tit, what about you? Favorite holiday food, since talking about food and making all of us hungry isn’t completely counter-productive to the whole workout thing?”
“Pie.” He didn’t hesitate and he pushed through what had to be severe muscle fatigue to finish the last of the extra twenty reps. Never give up. She loved his work ethic. Talk about sexy.
“What kind?” One of the other people asked, but Raine had no clue who because she was so focused on a single bead of sweat running down his neck, collarbone, pec—abdomen.
“The round kind. Like them all. My mom use to make them for the holidays. Vaguely remember it from before she—died.”
Instead of making a big deal out of him interacting with the other members, which he rarely did outside of his office, she pressed to her advantage.
Though it was mutually beneficial to everyone, she wanted it for Titanium. A holiday. A nice distraction from everything going on around them. A break from his obsession with revenge and his twisted sense of compensation for the members of Elite.
“We should do this. Truly. We have about two and a half weeks ’til Turkey Day. We could make it happen and make it a new tradition here. With this family. Have everyone bring their favorite dish. Eat together. Talk about eating too much, nap. Actually have everyone here. No missions. No meetings. Nothing but a day off to relax. It could be great.”
Titanium shrugged and made a disinterested face. “Sure, get it on the schedule and we’ll have it catered in. We can send two guys out to get—”
“No.” She touched his arm and he froze. He almost always did that if she touched him. Intentionally or accidentally had the same effect. Watching him with other members of the teams, she’d expected him to be the same when he brought them in. He wasn’t. Not with any of the others. Just her.
A deep breath didn’t really help her anxiety, but she continued anyways. “The point is for everyone to bring something they love. To share it. Like a family get together. It’ll be fun.”
As she spoke, he stood and discreetly moved away, forcing her to drop her hand.
She’d never wanted any man more.
Never needed anyone’s touch like she needed his.
But he sneered at her advances. Always moved away.
“I don’t think we have anywhere big enough.”
“We could do it in the hangar.” Hazel offered.
Copper nodded. “Shift some of the big stuff over. Move some tables and chairs in. The domestic types can decorate or some shit.” Her face made it plain decorating was akin to some kind of communicable disease.
“Then we can all pile into the rec room and watch football,” Brad suggested.
“True.” Mercury agreed.
The door to the gym opened and Tin held it wide for Nickel to precede him. They were both dressed to work out. Such an attractive couple they made side-by-side.
Titanium whistled for Annie, who immediately got to her feet and leaned against his right side so he could take her harness. “Whatever you guys want to do is fine with me. We done?” He dismissed the meal idea and looked over his shoulder in Raine’s general direction.
“Yeah. You can take a break.”
He wandered off behind her in the direction of the locker room again and she barely contained the sigh begging for escape. Need, exasperation and plain frustration warred for top billing.
She wasn’t a beauty queen like Nickel, nor a kickass sniper like Copper, but she deserved love and a home and a family and a man who didn’t just think she was good enough. She wanted a man who thought she was the best partner he could ever want and thought she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever see. What could she do when the only man she wanted was always one day away from giving up and checking out?
He put on a good front, and dove into missions and recon like no person she’d ever seen.
She saw through it all into the heart of him. She saw everything—the mounting vexation, the restlessness and the fear—and hoped she helped keep it under control. How successful she proved at the task she really didn’t know most days. She hated not knowing if she was doing enough. It was such a fine line to know when to push and when to fall back.
Only thing that convinced her he was still here was how he was with Annie. She kept him grounded. Safe. He looked out for her. Protected her. Guarded her fiercely.
If anything ever happened to her, Raine feared his end would be nearer by light years.
Nickel gave her a small smile. “What are you guys talking about?”
“Thanksgiving dinner.”
Nickel’s face gave nothing away. “What about it?”
Hazel answered. “We’re getting everyone together. Potluck it with all of our favorites. You guys game?”
Tin pulled Nickel close. “Our first holiday as a couple. I dig sharing it with everyone.”
“Me too.” Nickel kissed him. Forehead to forehead. Completely in sync.
Tin turned his head and looked past Raine. “Titanium leaving?”
She pivoted around and Titanium was walking out the side door. “Hey, where you off to? You didn’t change.” She got louder as he kept walking. “And we didn’t do Zumba yet!”
“Gonna run with Annie. Be in later. Need to clear my head.” Door slammed behind him and Raine couldn’t help but be a bit more worried. She tried to school her face to not let any of her fear infect the rest of the teams.
Putting on a winning smile took a little bit of effort. “I totally kicked his butt so he’s gonna go—uhh—run. Probably a half marathon.”
“He’s been off lately.” Brad—Tungsten—offered the observation. A small miracle, she’d seen the men butt heads on too many occasions. His intense disrespect for the commander had been a daily fact of life for all the years since she’d first begun working with Charles. The rest of the men and women pulled the bobble head routine—even Copper. Maybe they were ready to forgive Titanium. Maybe not.
Everyone looked at her for answers. Or reassurance. Or something.
Was she the only one who noticed he’d been so off the last couple weeks? Apparently she could put her theory to bed. Nodding was about all she had to offer. “Something’s changed but I’m not certain what yet. Even Annie’s been antsy for a few days. I’ve asked him several times what’s going on, but he’s rather closed off when it comes to his emotions.”
“Imagine that,” Copper quipped. “A dude who doesn’t want to talk about his feels.” She rolled her eyes. “Men.”
“Shocking,” Hazel contributed with her own accompanying mock sarcasm.
Mercury pulled her close and silenced her with a kiss.
The two couples and the triad who seemed to orbit each other made Raine acutely aware of how much more she wanted from Titanium than a sparring partner and a job.
Falling for him was probably the worst decision she’d ever made, and if she could erase it all?
Shaking her head, she knew she had her answer.
“No, it’s not ready, Raine?”
She looked up and Gabe was staring at her. “I’m sorry what?”
“I asked if the bike was ready for you to take out yet. You shook your head. So it’s not ready?”
“Oh, no. It’s not ready. Bike should be ready for her maiden voyage in a couple days.” Sun was setting, and she knew the warmth would go with it, so she decided to make her exit. “And with that I think I’m heading home. Will you guys talk to the rest of the peeps here and make sure everyone’s onboard?”
“Absolutely.” Copper stepped up as always. “We’ll talk to everybody but I can guarantee you we’ll all be addicted to the idea come morning.”
“Oorah,” Hazel agreed.
“I’m gonna make a Marine outta you yet, Doctor Girl.” Copper got off the treadmill and offered her fist. Hazel bumped it with a giant grin on her face.
Merc grimaced. “Both of my favorite girls, working together. Which is—terrifying.”
Raine gathered her things and didn’t give rise to her wistful smile until she’d turned away. “I’m out, you guys. Catch you tomorrow?”
“Same bat time,” Brad remarked.
Gabe finished it for him. “Same bat channel.”
Before day break the next morning, Raine was fraught with unfulfilled need.
Second guessing staying on with Titanium after she realized she was falling for him cropped up almost two years ago.
She’d wanted to leave.
Lie.
Thinking she should and actually feeling it were two totally different destinations.
She’d thought she’d needed to leave a couple hundred times but the words wouldn’t leave her mouth. It was as if her body developed an acute case of mute…ness every time. I quit wouldn’t work.
Being a quitter never worked for her. Her grandparents had instilled in her an incredibly strong work ethic. One more thing she was insanely thankful for from being raised by them.
Late at night the urge was the strongest to run from him. In the same house as him, under the same roof, knowing he was bare and wet in the shower, wondering if he still slept naked as he use to prefer in the hospital.
Her bedroom lay down the hall from his. She spent hours lying awake, hoping he would come to her. He never did, but the connection they shared, she was almost positive he felt something between them. The almost is what made her stop every time, but what if he truly felt nothing for her?
Another reason she’d never simply point-blank asked him what he felt? If he said no, if he said he felt nothing for her at all, the blow would knock the wind out of her sails and she feared there’d be nothing left of them anyways. Facing him every day, if he felt nothing for her and she’d already bared her feelings to him? Ugh. She’d probably prefer having Uranium perform an appendectomy on her with a rusty spoon.
What a tangled web for both of them.
She slept with her door open most nights, part of the reason so she could hear if something went wrong. Partly as a hyper-vigilant woman in need of a man’s touch, taste, scent who didn’t want anything between them.
Her breath caught in her chest when she heard Titanium’s door open, Annie’s nails scratching on the wood floor as they exited his room. The whomp whomp of her tail beat against the wall, sharing her enthusiasm of whatever they were heading to go do.
“You could wake the dead with your tail, Annie.” Titanium half scolded in a soft tone. “Let’s go get a run in before we have to start the shit for the day.”
They moved down the hall, Annie’s prancy steps leading the charge as she matched pace with Titanium’s prostheses.
Their sound, the cadence of their steps together, affected her. It grabbed inside her chest until it ached. The front door closed behind them and Raine huffed out her breath and rolled onto her side, clutching a pillow to her chest.
Without the sound of the prostheses, Raine wouldn’t be lying in her bed. Without the sound of the prostheses, Annie wouldn’t be the Annie she knew. She wouldn’t have been trained to be a guide dog and have the amazing purpose she did for her favorite human.
Without Annie there with her harness, Titanium wouldn’t be blind and in need of her assistance. Some days she thought taking it all away would be the best thing, but most days she thought fate had some kind of bigger plan, some purpose they weren’t privy to. She really hoped so. Because Titanium deserved a future nothing short of amazing for all the good he’d done for the people under his command and the missions he was tasked with fulfilling.
She moved her legs, rubbing them together to find a more comfortable place.
Wetness coated the lips of her sex and she groaned.
Fingering herself to orgasm the night before had helped her fall into a fitful sleep. Thinking of him, going to him in his bed, crawling in next to him and giving herself to him set her off. Hadn’t taken her two minutes nor more than one finger to do the trick.
He invaded her dreams.
Her fantasies.
And what happened when she came?
The same thing every night. She breathed his name.
Charles.
The man beneath the shroud of duty he wore everyday as armor to keep people at arm’s length.
Reaching between her legs, she moved her nightgown out of the way and chastised herself for coming for him the night before. Soaked. Her pussy salivated at the thought of him so close, and then wept for him when he was still not there.
Her fingers slid through the silky wetness and her willpower crumbled.
“One more time,” she mumbled. “Only one more and I’ll be done. Like…totally done.”
Her heart rate skipped a beat when she shifted on the bed and her nose found a T-shirt she’d—uhh—borrowed from Titanium and kept for safe keeping under her pillow.
Sensation raced to her clit and her fingers chased it, rubbing tight circles around the tight bud aching for attention.
Her hips pumped against her touch, seeking a firmer stroke.
Another inhale of his scent was all she needed.
Latching onto the corner of her pillow, touching his shirt, her pussy locked down on…nothing. Her orgasm pulsed through her pelvis, contracting her abdomen in tight jerks to match the thrumming of her fingers.
It was good.
Not exactly satisfying, but, you know, good?
She refused to accept her self-inflicted orgasms weren’t doing the trick anymore. Not even when she brought out her trusty vibrator, or got off watching porn.
It was nothing more than an h’orderves and she was so fucking hungry.
Coming, thinking of him, and then being alone again… Her eyes closed as she shook her head, fisting the sheets. Acceptance of what she’d been fighting washed over her as if it were a tsunami and she was the tiny island in its path. Understanding what an empty orgasm was came at an incredibly steep price.
Dragging herself out of bed, she headed toward her bathroom, determined to start the day and wash away the needs she couldn’t keep silent any longer.
Cranking on the shower, she stripped off her crumpled nightgown and eyed the removable showerhead. She bit her lip.
“Okay, Raineta, one more. That’s it. Then you’re done with this infatuation for your big, strong Marine.” As she moved the water toward her center and leaned against the cool tile, she knew she was only telling herself what she wanted to hear.