Chapter Six
Zach ordered his lunch without incident, getting through all the wording without screwing his speech. He really shouldn’t be surprised his dysnomia was always made worse when he was tired. The therapists at the hospital had been shocked he could speak at all. Maybe he should figure out how to let it go and be more grateful. Certainly, the last day with Sarah had helped. When had he been so happy? Maybe there was some point to his being around still.
He needed to drive them to New York the next morning so he could check in, as per his instructions, on time, which meant they had tonight to push through. He had some ideas of where he wanted to spend it, if Sarah was game. Of course maybe it was better to surprise her.
Zach drummed his fingers on the table and regarded the dark beauty waiting silently across from him.
“You’re going to make me talk first?” He watched her play with her straw in her mouth and his cock got immediately strained again. Fuckity fuck. How could he still be so hot for her so instantly? Sarah was making him some kind of sex addict.
“Not necessarily. Maybe I want to look at you and was enjoying the view.”
To his utter horror, his cheeks got hot. “Women don’t say things like you do. What are we supposed to use to impress you if you do?”
She sat straighter, her lips in a mock pout. “Sexist.”
“Probably, a little bit.” Although back in the day, when they’d been speaking, before he’d been dead, Copper would have beat him to death before she put up with his open-the-door-for-a-lady habits—of course Copper wasn’t a lady. She was a goddamn Marine. He grinned at the memory. There had been a time when things had been really fun, when being with his team had meant every day was damned good.
At some point, he’d stopped thinking about it because it had hurt too much to know they went on without him as if he’d never existed. Maybe the time had come to try again.
“You told me you don’t enjoy the dungeons. Or at least the, to quote you, kinky places you and a friend used to play.”
If she wanted to avoid the word “Adam,” then so would he. Her face in the car when she’d figured it out had been priceless. Zach had to bite his tongue to stop from laughing.
“I really didn’t. Being out in public like that? It felt…wrong.” He’d tried three times. Adam had loved the play, taken to it as though he’d been meant to do it. And Zach had run home as quickly as he could. It wasn’t as if he had a problem with any of it. People got off however they got off. Picturing some of it could make him hard. Only when he’d been there, his anxiety had been so ramped up, there was no way he was making anything work.
Sarah nodded as though what he said hadn’t been shocking, as if she was totally unfazed by the whole talking about sex and dominance thing. They might as well have been discussing dinner or the weather for all it seemed to bother her.
“I don’t have any trouble with vanilla sex, as you noticed last night.” Some color finally hit her cheeks. It was nice to see she wasn’t as immune to their sex talk as she seemed. “I do want to play. Sometimes. Or all the time, if that is what my partner wants. I’ve never been in a relationship or a sexual encounter where it’s been all vanilla all the time.”
He’d already figured her preferences out. “I know, which is why I brought it up. I want to make you happy.”
“I know you do.” She took his hand in hers. Her fingers were so tiny against his own, so soft. Although he knew she could be deadly and it took a tremendous amount to truly rattle her. Sarah was an amazing combination of both soft and hard, on the inside and out.
She spoke again. “I don’t have any particular need to have sex in public. Or behind closed doors in a public space. Or behind closed door in a private club.”
“I understand the general idea.” He appreciated her being clear, only he wasn’t entirely clueless.
“Do you have any problem with exploring some kink when it’s the two of us at home? In a hotel room or wherever we are alone?” She rushed through the last sentence, and he had no idea why.
“You okay?”
Her eyebrows raised. “Fine.”
Had he misread her sudden discomfort? “Good. No, I don’t. Although, there are some things I’m never going to be cool with.”
“Like…” Her voice drifted off, indicating the question. Then the food arrived. He’d never been so grateful to see a hamburger in his life. The delivery of their meal at least gave him a chance to collect his thoughts. She was the most amazing woman he’d ever known. Fuck, if he couldn’t make her happy.
“I don’t want to be a constant disappointment to you.” She had shoved a potato chip into her mouth and choked when he spoke. “Shit.” He jumped, only she waved him off. When he’d convinced himself she wasn’t about to choke to death, he sat back. “And I almost killed you.”
“You caught me on the down chomp. That’s s all. I’m fine.” She sipped her water and then rounded on him with her finger. “If you ever say anything so ridiculous as disappointing me again, Zachery, I will beat you within an inch of your life.”
He believed her. Sarah could be a scary lady if she wanted to be. “Sorry?”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “You were going to tell me what things you are not okay with.”
“Right. I don’t…” Days earlier there was a whole list of things he would have said he didn’t want. And yet for Sarah…maybe the nos altered slightly. He lowered his voice. “I don’t want anything coming near my ass. I mean, ever.”
“Okay.” She waited a second. “Is no ass play it?”
“Well, no. I mean I’m never going to be your sub.”
“Huh.” She took a sip of her drink, and he eyed her plate.
“You’ve yet to have taken a single bite of your sandwich. Don’t want it?” He refused to let her waste away during their hiding. People forgot to take care of themselves during heightened, stressful experiences. She’d noted he hadn’t eaten breakfast and insisted he have some for later, which he’d appreciated when he calmed.
Without a comment, she picked up the main portion of her lunch and took a big bite. And then another. The diner negotiation had to be the strangest conversation of his whole life and Sarah managed it as if it was another day in the office. Well, maybe the second weirdest. The first had to be when he could finally think past the pain in his brain and form some semblance of words and a blind, amputated Titanium had told him what his future would entail.
Those conversations had been downright surreal. Chatting about sexual kinks fell short of those life-altering words.
When she finally swallowed, she spoke again. “What does it mean to you to be submissive?”
“I’m not going to be calling you ma’am or letting you come at me with a switch. Waiting for you on my knees is off the table, too.”
“Zach.” She grinned. “Let’s not be too hung up on wording. There are lots of people who are switches. Sometimes they’re on top, sometimes they’re on the bottom. I’m not usually submissive either, yet when you took control in bed last night and made me shatter as you did, I liked it. I think you actually enjoy it when I tell you to do certain things, too.” She wasn’t wrong, although it made him slightly uncomfortable to think about. “You’re a caretaker. You want to make me happy. I want to let you. I also crave a little pain. You clearly cued into my kink.”
He had, which was why he had done small things, such as tug on her hair when they’d been having sex.
Sarah wasn’t finished. “Almost everyone has a little kink. I don’t care so much about the Dom-sub role as I do about getting us both what we need. When life isn’t crazy, let’s visit a store and figure it out together. And I’ll say another thing.” She leaned forward. “It takes a really strong man to submit to a strong woman. Some of the toughest guys I’ve ever known really want to fall to their knees and give their girl their total submission.” She winked at him. “I’m going to use the little girl’s room.”
He stared at her open mouthed as she walked away. Falling to his knees and giving her what she wanted…he could manage.
***
Sarah dozed the rest of the afternoon in the car. Zach loved seeing her peacefully leaning against the window, her mouth slightly open, her breath calm and steady. She’d been chatty after lunch, talking about the radio, the weather, reminiscing about the ice cream stand near the lake where they used to go and then she’d fallen silent, out like a light all of a sudden.
He was glad she could rest. Although it wasn’t the same as back home in Northern California, Lake Lure in North Carolina was remote, only slightly out of their way, and he knew it from having spent some time fishing at a friend’s house years earlier. Since he clearly jonesed to spend some time with Sarah at a lake, spending the night there would take care of his Sarah by the water craving, too.
They’d left the hotel at four in the morning, and with only stopping for lunch they were going to be at the lake by six o’clock-ish. It might take a while longer if he couldn’t find a house for them to squat in for the evening. Zach banked on it being off-season and finding some empty lake houses to spend the night.
If not, maybe another cheap motel.
Sarah roused as he pulled down a driveway toward a house with no lights on, no cars in the driveway, located right where he wanted to be. “Wait in the car. Please.”
She nodded, rubbing her eyes. “Where are we?” Her voice trailed after him only he didn’t respond. When he re-conned an area, it brought him back to his years with the Marines. He’d been a lifer, then Ally had come along. She hadn’t wanted him to reup again, and he’d agreed to go civilian. Then everything had literally blown to pieces. As a member of Titanium’s Ghosts, he still used his skills.
Although he hoped breaking and entering, like flying and crashing a plane, was similar to riding a bike and he’d never forget how, since it had been a damn long time for him.
Zinc took the stairs quietly. The crickets in the distance didn’t stop chirping, which was an old trick he had picked up hunting with Adam and their dads. If the crickets stopped, he had been spotted by something.
The house was a two-story log cabin connected to the water by a long set of stairs. With the sun setting in the distance, it looked something out of a movie. The place seemed rustic, yet the wood wasn’t splintering and the stairs themselves seemed well maintained. A private property sign had been nailed next to the front door.
Oh well…Zinc wanted off the grid and doing so meant he was going to limit the amount of cash spent and the way they could be tracked. If all went well, the owners would never know they’d helped save a CIA agent with the use of their cabin.
He looked through the window. Everything appeared closed. Someone had covered the furniture in blankets and unplugged all the appliances. There was no sign of any alarm system or video surveillance. A property management company could monitor the cabin, checking on it periodically. A risk—but one worth taking.
They’d have to be on their way in early morning to once again avoid detection. Their stop would also mean he’d miss his all in. He’d been told to check in every two days. They hadn’t specified at what time of day his call needed to be.
“Perfect,” he muttered to himself before he turned around. They were quickly losing sun, and he had plans for the house beyond hiding them. He made it back to the car faster than before since he no longer worried about detection.
He opened Sarah’s car door, and she stepped outside. “Where are we?”
“Come on.” He took her hand, and she didn’t resist. “Let’s go look.”
The awesomeness in Sarah not questioning him but grinning at him while she took his hand and followed him to the lake was not lost on him. If it were possible, Zach’s heart came to life for the first time in three years.
“I want to look at you in the sunset by the water.”
They rounded the corner and took the stairs to the dock. “Oh, Zach.”
He stared at the lake spread out before them. The setting sun illuminated the ripples of slight waves. “It is beautiful, isn’t it?”
When he turned, she wasn’t looking at the water, but at him. Sarah had the strangest expression on her face. She pursed her lips before she threw her arms around his neck. He caught her in his arms and was glad when he didn’t trip.
They were having an out-of-a-movie moment and the hero never fell on his ass.
“You okay, Sarah?” Maybe bringing her to the lake had been a mistake. “Continuing on to New York made the most sense, and yet I knew these lake houses were here, or well, I hoped something similar would be, and I wanted to sit by a lake with you.”
One more time in his life where he knew he would have to eventually give her back.
“I’m so happy you did.”
He closed his eyes and held her tighter. The time with Sarah when he’d gotten to be Zach again was going to come to a close. They’d arrive in New York, he’d find her handler, end the douchebag. If there was anyone else involved, he’d take care of them, too. Then he’d go back to his life and she would return to hers. Long distance from Texas, or wherever he got sent, to New York? In the past he could have imagined it. He’d become enough of a cynic to know for him it would never work.
The explosion, which shattered his life, had finally made him see fairy tales didn’t come true. Not for him.
Only he had her by the lake. Sharing the sunset was enough.
***
Sarah wandered through the house with a specific purpose. She’d never stolen from a residence before and while she knew it should be tweaking her conscience, like the pills, clothes, and phone she felt no immediate remorse. In other circumstances, she knew Zach would have brought her there and paid for the rental.
She was learning to roll with the punches. He’d wanted to see her by the lake. She shuddered, warmth filling her all the way inside.
He was so…sweet. She sighed. And she’d been in love with him her whole life. No other man had ever measured up to her fantasy Zach. The real version made it worse. He really was everything she wanted, wrapped in an occasionally grumpy and disgruntled package. If anything, his flaws only made him hotter. Sarah liked the touches of imperfection.
The closet of the master bedroom upstairs had what she wanted and she grabbed the sturdiest tie she saw. She grinned as she looked at the design, a cartoon character giving a thumbs-up. Somehow the irony wasn’t lost on her. She hoped Zach gave her a similar signal at the end of the night.
They were going to start out slow. He didn’t want anything near his ass. Yes, fine. Although maybe he could eventually be persuaded ass play could be fun. At least for her. He didn’t want to call her ma’am. Fine, she actually preferred that he not. They were figuring out bedroom kink and being completely private. If she never saw another dungeon because she was entirely with Zach, fine by her.
He stood in the living room, staring out at the black lake. They’d closed all the blinds, except the ones at the back of the house, and he’d told her as soon as it was full dark he was going to close those, too. When she suggested they not sleep upstairs because of ease in escape, he’d agreed. The downstairs guestroom would do, and be as comfortable as the main bedroom upstairs. The bed was slightly smaller; they would have to sleep closer together.
After they got done with finding out what play Zach liked in the bedroom.
Baby steps. And if all answered in no, if he liked none of it, then she’d deal with the new reality, too. Vanilla sex with Zach was better than any other she’d ever had. She wanted kink with him, only she wanted him more.
“Can you wait for me in the bedroom?” She ran the tie through her hands and knew the second he noticed it. His eyes widened and his stubborn chin raised a notch.
“Sure.” He nodded and turned to walk the hallway toward the guestroom. Sarah walked to the window where he stood and closed it the rest of the way, drenching the room in darkness. Candles were the only light they’d allow themselves. She crossed the room and struck a match to light the candle.
Her hands were steady, only her heart was not. It threatened to explode from her chest. Sarah had never introduced anyone to the lifestyle before. Her partners were always very experienced, usually more so than she, in D/s play.
Was her suggesting they try stuff okay?
All right, Sarah, you’re not forcing Zach into anything. He wants to get kinky with me. We talked about it at lunch. He wants to make me happy, he wants…
Her mind stuttered. Zach had a need to make her happy. He’d said as much. Needing to make her happy was his thing—his kink. She could have gasped with the joy of it all. He was going to be okay because he knew it was what she wanted.
He’d enjoy it for her enjoyment of it, if no other.
They were on the same page.
She took a deep breath. Not to mention he was a strong man who would have no problem telling her if he detested every second of their playtime.
Sarah entered the bedroom feeling as if she’d better found her footing. The candle illuminated the room in a dusky haze. The space was decorated in reds and golds, or so she had seen before it had gotten dark. Everything looked brown. There was a dresser in the corner and a small chair to the right of the bed.
Zach leaned against the wall, his gaze holding her own. He had taken off his shirt. Sarah’s mouth went dry. He was quite simply breathtaking. She’d not taken the opportunity to admire him the night before. Things had gone very fast and she’d been in a bit of a state.
There was no rush. She could be patient, except she craved him.
“Sarah?”
There was something she had to say. “You made fun of me at lunch for saying I liked to look at you, only I do. It’s the truth. There’s no other way for me to describe to you, except I take absolute pleasure getting to stare at you in the world, Zach. You were dead. And for some inexplicable reason I get to look at you again. It’s a gift.”
“Why didn’t I know? All those years?” His voice hitched. “You were there and I didn’t know what it could be between us.”
She had to find her footing before she really fell apart. “To be fair, I said nothing, and I’m not exactly a shy, retiring flower. I didn’t think I’d be your type. Now? I don’t give a shit if I am or not. You were dead, and now you’re here. I’m taking what I want. Yes, I get it. I was Adam’s sister. Still am, except it seems to bug you less.”
“Doesn’t bother me at all.”
“Good.” She pointed to the bed. “Sit. Feet on the floor in front of you, hands in front of you clasped.” She demonstrated how she wanted his hands, fingers linked together. “Like me.”
He nodded and did exactly as she asked. His gaze expectantly met hers. “I’m allowed to talk, right. I mean, I told you, no yes ma’aming or whatever.”
“You better, Zach. How else am I going to know what you do and don’t want?” She stood in front of him, still fingering the tie. He was really going along. “We need a safe word.”
“I actually thought of one. Well, I need three, right? One for yes, for maybe, for no?”
He’d been to clubs. He wasn’t totally virginal at kink, she reminded herself. “Three is always a good idea. However, tonight I think we’ll assume the yes unless you say maybe or no. I’m not going to be doing anything too pushy. So, let’s be very simple. Yellow for maybe, red for stop.”
A slight smirk crossed his lips. “Yellow. Red. Look, I can say those words.”
“I kind of thought you could.” She stroked the side of his face. “Give me your hands.”
He raised them to her. “Kind of hot, you telling me what to do.”
“Only kind of?” She took the tie. “I’m going to keep the knot loose today. Any panic, you take it off, except if you say red I’ll take it off for you.”
“Not going to freak out about having my hands restrained. Not if it makes you happy.”
She smiled. His words confirmed her thoughts. He’d never see it as a kink, and his thoughts were fine, only if Zach wanted to make her happy to the point he’d try anything for her—it was how he got off.
When she’d restrained his hands, she winked at him. “Lay back.”
He obeyed without question, and her whole body softened. “You can’t believe what your compliance does to me. Seeing you tied. With your hands wrapped because I wanted them to be. I think I’m going to reward you. We good?”
“Excellent.”
When he’d gotten into the position she wanted him, flat on his back, arms over his head, restrained, it was a thing of beauty. “I wish I could really capture our moment.”
He lifted his head and glared at her. “Don’t you dare.”
“I won’t. Making a mental photo.”
Sarah tugged at his pants until they were off and followed with his boxers. She ran her hands on his strong legs to feel him shudder. The night before, she had conked out before she had gotten to do all the things she wanted.
She wasn’t tired, and they had all night.
Sarah took his cock in her hands. He’d barely let her touch him the last time. Zach seemed more in control, and she certainly felt similarly. The rush, the need was different, slower, easier.
“Sarah.” He whispered her name.
“Stay where you are. Don’t try to touch me.”
Zach groaned yet didn’t move from the position where she placed him. “You’re so hard and you’re all mine.”
She leaned over him, taking him into her mouth. He tasted salty and all male. Zach hissed, and she raised her eyes to look at him. He’d kept his hands where she put them. Good job.
His listening to her made her very happy. So pleased, in fact, she took him deeper down her throat. He was long, thick, and all male. No way would she ever take all of him, and she wasn’t going to try. Sucking on his cock made her wet and hot. Where she couldn’t throat him, she stroked with her hands in unison. Bobbing her head, she moaned. Giving Zach pleasure fueled her own.
Minutes passed, lost in her own desire, she heard only the hiss of his breath and the moments he would moan. He got harder and harder until she knew he was close. She increased her pressure, moving faster. She wanted heat for Zach, needed to give him pleasure as much as he wanted to make her happy.
He came hard in her mouth, and she moaned with pleasure, soaking her own panties as she sucked him dry.
When he finished, she lifted her head, swallowing the last of him. She met his gaze staring back at her own. His eyes were hooded, hot, and filled with male satisfaction.
“Happy?”
“Damn, Sarah” He laughed. “You are so fucking cool.”
She was.