Chapter Four
By the time they landed in Billings, they had a plan. They’d use the safe house while Gabriel exercised his contacts and sources to deepen the search. Though Brad and Sachi insisted John would be tailing their excursion, they didn’t see him at the airport. No sooner did they deplane with their bags than the private plane refueled and left.
With a rental car, they drove out of the city into the deserted outskirts. The cold had Sachi bundling into a heavy coat and, rather than argue about who would sit where, she’d climbed into the backseat and stared out the window. Left with Brad in the front passenger seat, Gabriel glanced at her periodically in the rearview mirror. Since restitching Brad’s wound, she’d been oddly silent.
Two hours later, they checked the drive of the lodge house. It was in the middle of nowhere—more than ten miles from their closest neighbor. A heavy snowfall had painted the landscape white, leaving only the pine trees for a touch of color.
She and Brad slipped out of the car as soon as it stopped. Pausing with his hand on the keys, Gabriel split his attention between the two. Whether they realized it or not, they moved with the same purpose. Both scanned the area, a wariness instilled from years in the field. The mirroring postures, the baiting, even the way they watched when they believed the other wasn’t looking.
“I’ll sweep the house,” Sachi told them, pulling a gun from the pocket holster tucked under her shirt at the small of her back.
After shutting off the car, Gabriel stepped out and eyed Brad. Interestingly, he didn’t follow Sachi but continued to survey the area around them. She got the same way, hyper vigilant, unable to relax. To be blunt, most of the team had the same issue. He’d familiarized himself with a good bit of their history, both from files and from the stories that occasionally slipped out. They didn’t talk about their missions, not the way others did about their activities—but now and then, an anecdote escaped and pointed him in the right direction to learn more.
“You seem to be taking all of this rather well,” Brad said, his voice pitched low so it wouldn’t carry.
“Am I?” Trusting Brad’s watchfulness to alert him, Gabriel circled to the trunk and opened it. He retrieved his go bag and Sachi’s, leaving Brad to get his own. Meeting the other man’s gaze, he raised his eyebrows.
“She’s worth fighting for.” After his earlier game on challenge, Brad’s statement was hardly news.
“Yes, she is.” Then, because not addressing his earlier challenge was pointless, Gabriel studied him. “She’s also her own person. She chose me to be here. To be with her. Until the day she tells me to take a hike, I’m not going anywhere. If she doesn’t want you around, she and I can take care of that, too. You’re here, because she still cares. I’m here, because she wanted me to stay.”
“Fair enough.” The easygoing jovial façade the Marine had been sporting since Titanium dropped the bomb on them vanished. “I’m here because I love her, and I want her back. If that means you’re part of the package, I have no issues with that. You’re here—you’re right—because she cares. If she didn’t or if you were bad for her, you’d already be dead.”
It seemed they had more in common than he’d originally surmised. “Then, for the time being, this isn’t about who shares her bed or her heart, but about keeping her alive.”
“It’s always been about keeping her alive.” Brad retrieved his go bag. “Isn’t that right, John?”
“Tell you what, fairy boys,” John’s gravel voice came out of the dark. “I don’t give a fuck which of you are in her bed, but I will put a bullet in both of you if you keep standing here comparing your dicks while she’s in there alone.”
Even expecting John to put on an appearance, the rock-on-rock grind of his voice in the dark with absolutely no sign of him was an eerie thing.
“There’s two of us and one of you, now.” Brad sounded almost cheerful.
A slide lock echoed through the quiet evening.
Bumping his fist to Gabriel’s shoulder, Brad jerked his chin toward the lodge. “Let’s go see what she’s found and whether or not we’re going to spend the next few hours in uncomfortable silence while she plots the many ways she could eviscerate me.”
He set out ahead of him. Gabriel watched him go, then called, “We can do that aloud if it makes you feel better.”
“Hey, Inigo Montoya.” John’s voice stopped him before he took another step. “Be careful. I’ve never fully trusted him with her.”
“You’d take a bullet for him.” It wasn’t a question. He’d seen Merc with the team. He protected them all, trusted them on the shadiest of operations.
“Trust him with my life? No problem. Trust him with hers?” There was the rub. The lie didn’t sit well with John any more than it did with Gabriel. “He abandoned her once.”
“She’s not alone this time, and we’re not going anywhere.” No reply came to his statement, which he supposed was approval enough. Ahead, the lights came on inside the lodge windows one-by-one. Brad was right about one thing—not talking to each other wasn’t helping. So, time to dig the information out of both of them, and then the three of them could see what was left after. Trusting John could still hear him, he said, “Unless you hear gunfire, steer clear of the lodge tonight.”
“Ten-four.” It was a whisper on the wind, and Gabriel chuckled. John really wasn’t so bad when a body got to know him, but damn if he didn’t do creepier than fuck better than any CIA agent Gabriel ever met.
Himself included.
After a sweep of the lodge and deeming it secure, she found the generator and got it turned on then dialed up the heat in the building. By the time Brad entered, she had the wood stacked in the fireplace and teased a flame to life in the kindling beneath. Sparing him a look, she frowned at the lack of Gabriel either ahead of or just behind him.
“He’s out there talking to Merc.” Brad pointed with his thumb. “What room are we sleeping in?”
“Gabriel and I are sleeping in here.” She motioned to the living room.
“Fine.” Brad dropped his bag. “Then I’ll be sleeping here, too.”
Before she could respond, Gabriel entered and closed the door with a thump. Like her, both men left their boots by the door. “He’s right. He should sleep in here. Everyone together for the time being.” Dropping their bags on the sofa, he crossed the room. The intensity in his blue eyes arrested her attention. “We also need to talk.”
What the hell had they discussed out there?
“Fine, we’ll brainstorm on the possible source, see what information we can put together. The faster we resolve this…”
“No, Sachi.” The two simple words punched through her defenses, and she considered how to shore them up.
“We discussed this,” she said, fighting to keep her voice steady. Instead of giving them privacy, Brad joined them in front of the fire, but Gabriel wasn’t looking at him. No, the full weight of his focus was on her.
“Yes, we did.” He sounded almost regretful, but the firmness in his tone didn’t waver. “I’m willing to do whatever you need, and I have no problems with you taking lead on this. What I have problem with is you pretending it’s not messing you up. That his being here isn’t messing with you.”
“We need to talk about us,” Brad said.
Raising her palms, one for each man, she frowned. “Excuse me? In what world are the two of you suddenly on the same side?”
“We have a lot in common.” Gabriel answered before Brad, and oddly enough, Brad seemed to be waiting for him to finish. “We both love you. I know you want to lock yourself into the mission. You want to focus on anything that isn’t this situation. If it wasn’t hurting you on some level, game on.”
A low sigh escaped Brad, and he scrubbed a hand over his face. “Your spook is right. It is hurting you. I am hurting you.”
“So, we’re going to turn off the super soldiers for the night. We’re in a secure location, and we’ve got backup if we need it, so we’ll have plenty of warning. Tonight? Tungsten and Copper are going to stand down so Brad, Sachi and I can talk about this.”
“I don’t have time for this emotional psychotherapy. Would I pass a psych test? Probably not. Do I give a damn right now? No. We have one mission…”
“Actually…” The quiet command in Brad’s tone sent a shiver through her. He outranked her, but more, he’d owned a part of her for so long she didn’t know how not to listen to him when he spoke like that. “We don’t have a mission. Our orders were to stand down. I don’t agree with those orders long-term, but for tonight? For the next twenty-four hours? We’re off-duty.”
No. If she went off-duty, then she would have to face three years of gut-wrenching loss, deceit, and a broken heart she’d put back together with duct tape and baling wire. The last thing she wanted to do was be a victim. The ugliness of the word rolled over her, and her heart slammed in her ears. She was no one’s fucking victim and they’d made her one. It was the one part she refused to play. Spots flickered across her vision. Her chest tightened.
One moment she was standing, the next she was in a chair with her head down. A hand wrapped around her nape, and Gabriel’s scent flooded her nostrils. Another hand held her arm, two fingers on her wrist over her pulse.
“Breathe.” The order carried a weight her too-rapid heart rate and shallow respiration tried to obey.
“C’mon, sweetheart.” Gabriel’s coaxing tone nudged what the order hadn’t. “Breathe. In deep, then out again.”
One shallow breath followed another, and she closed her eyes. Inhaling deeper helped. The wavery sick feeling began to pass.
“You took a really big fucking chance.” Gabriel’s voice changed, deepening to a lower, lethal growl.
“She was already considering every way out of the discussion. You spent the last year with her; tell me I’m wrong.” The challenge went unanswered as Gabriel massaged the back of her neck, and Brad continued to rub the inside of her wrist. Finally, Brad added, “She goes deep when she goes into a role. Sometimes too deep. Like a diver who comes up too fast from the ocean floor, she doesn’t respond well to being forced out of the part she’s cast for herself.”
“Thanks for the tip.” The dry sarcasm belied Gabriel’s statement. “That’s why I was going to ease her into it. You can box her in without slamming a door in her face.” A beat, then he said, “Of course, I forgot. You’re all about the purge and burn.”
“When they know how to swim, you don’t ease them into the water—you throw them in. The shock works.” Steely confidence imbued every word. “She’s an expert. Coddling her—as much as I like doing it—isn’t how you get through Copper to Sachi. Copper’s a weapon, honed, trained, and deadly. Sachi’s a little softer. If you really want to have this conversation, then we need her, not Copper.”
The warmth of Gabriel’s massage eased the locked muscles in her neck. The steady stroke of Brad’s thumb sent shivers along her spine, but her pulse slowed. She grounded herself between the conflicting offers of comfort.
“Next time, I won’t invite you to the party.” Gabriel’s steady patience seemed to have found a fraying point.
“I don’t need an invitation. I belong here. You’re the interloper.” And so, apparently, had Brad’s.
“Shut up.” She raised her head and met Brad’s hard stare. Somehow, she was in Gabriel’s lap, and Brad knelt in front of her. The close quarters with both of them left her hyperaware. “I’m not a fucking toy to be tugged apart. Gabriel belongs here, Brad. He’s not the interloper. By my reckoning, that’s the part you cast yourself into.”
“You say potato, I say po-tah-toe.” His smirk unclenched something in her gut.
“That’s your Princeton education speaking, buddy. We don’t sprechen blue blood here.” Her lame attempt at humor helped.
“I went to Yale,” Gabriel admitted, his breath warm on her ear. “So maybe we do speak a little blue blood.”
“Wow.” She pursed her lips. At Brad’s quirked eyebrow, she pointed a finger at him. “Princeton.” Jerked her thumb toward Gabriel. “Yale.” Then she tapped her chest. “G.E.D. Never felt like the bottom of the barrel before. Thanks for that.” But still… It cracked her up, and she chuckled. After the first harsh sound escaped, she laughed harder. The unforgiving slash of Brad’s mouth curved into a smile, and Gabriel gave her neck an affectionate squeeze.
“Do you have any idea how ridiculous all of this is?” She couldn’t stop giggling once it started.
“It’s not ridiculous.” Gabriel slid am arm around her middle and rested his free hand against her hip.
“Gabriel, Brad’s alive.” The words came out like bullets, fired on the pants of her breathing. “He’s alive. And I didn’t wait for you—” The last she said to Brad, forcing herself to meet and hold his gaze. “I didn’t. I was—for a long time, I was—but then I said goodbye, and I picked him because he picked me. And I’m not sorry I chose him.” The cloud of guilt clogging her lungs threatened to make her sick. “I’m sorry I didn’t wait for you—but I’m not, all at the same time. I feel like someone took my life and screwed it sideways…kind of like what they did when I was born, only I don’t remember that hell. I remember this one. I don’t want to hurt anyone, and I want to kill you at the same time.”
All of a sudden she wanted up and out of their arms—away from both of them. Tugging her hand from Brad’s grasp, she pushed past him to pull away from Gabriel. On her feet, she strode to the fire to put some distance between them.
“Babe…” Brad began, but she raised her hand.
“Don’t babe me, don’t sweetheart me—don’t either of you try to talk me down.” The cramp in her gut seemed to expand and assault every muscle. “I hate myself right now.” She looked past them, ignoring the mirroring concern grooving their faces. “I hate that I love you both, and I hate that some fucking terrorist and the people I was supposed to trust seemed to have conspired to rob me of who I am. I’m nobody’s victim.”
God, she hated that word. Civilians were victims of circumstances. Civilians were victims of criminals and terrorists. She was a goddamn United States Marine. She walked into hell with no expectations, and she faced hell without blinking an eye. Except—they’d taken that from her, too. Kicked her to the curb, and on the curb she’d stayed, until… Titanium sent Brad to bring her in. New facts, slightly different, but there they were.
Facing the men she loved should be a cake walk, except they were already inside the perimeter and had taken out most of the guards. It was her versus them.
“Fine. You two want to talk about this? Let’s talk about this.” She folded her arms because the urge to go to both of them left her muscles trembling.
“We do want to talk,” Gabriel said. They’d both risen when she walked away and faced her. Odd how, side-by-side, they reminded her of each other in some ways. They didn’t look alike—in fact, Gabriel was fairer than Brad and had kinder eyes. Brad had seen hell, just like her, and beneath his cool façade lay a hurricane force. Gabriel wore her down with relentless persistence, but Brad battered through any obstacle. Yet, they stood with the same readiness and they watched her with similarly assessing gazes.
Too bad they weren’t playing chess. She might actually prefer the mental exercise versus ripping her soul open.
“But we need rules for the conversation.” Gabriel’s statement reminded her of Vegas. They’d had rules then, too. “Rule number one, honesty. Don’t hold back because you think one of us doesn’t want to hear something and neither will we.”
Seemed fair. She nodded. Brad took a moment longer, but then he said, “Fine. Rule number two, John is outside of this lodge and this conversation. It’s between the three of us, not the four of us.”
For his part, Gabriel frowned briefly before nodding. “I agree with that one. John’s unequivocally on your side. If it were a fight, we wouldn’t be able to keep him out of it. This isn’t a battle, at least not that kind.”
What would John say? “Whatever. Fine. Fuck it. He doesn’t need to be here. I know he has my back.”
“Rule number three, we stay here. No mission, no falling into old parts—nothing else until this is resolved between the two of you.” Gabriel cleared his throat.
“Three.” Brad said before she could and surprise filtered through her. “There’s three of us here, so we settle this between the three of us. And we’re locked in until it’s done.”
Insane. They were both certifiable. “It’s cold outside anyway.” John had better have packed his thermals, or she’d kick his ass. Tomorrow. He’s a big boy; he knows how to take care of himself. She just had to trust he’d gotten over the self-flagellation part of his existence. If he hurt too bad, he couldn’t help them. He’d never fail an assignment.
“Sachi?” Brad gave her a pointed look.
“What?”
“You didn’t actually agree to the rule.”
Really? Torn between irritation and amusement, she said, “Fine, I agree. Rule number four, if I say I don’t know, you don’t get to use emotional mumbo jumbo.” She pointed at Gabriel, then swung her finger to Brad. “And you don’t get to try and order me to answer. I don’t know all the answers. I’ve never been in this situation before, so I don’t know means I don’t fucking know.”
“I think that technically falls under the category of honesty.” Gabriel grinned and the slow upward tilt of his mouth softened some of her anger. “But I accept the term.”
“Agreed. I don’t suppose rule number five can be we do this naked?” Always going for the easy laugh, Brad raked her with a scorching look which only amped up her tension.
To her surprise, Gabriel actually seemed to consider it. What the hell had they talked about outside? “No,” she answered for him. “It’s too fucking cold in here.”
“Can’t blame a guy for trying.” Brad grinned.
Chuckling, Gabriel said, “I can, because now I kind of want to see her argue naked. She’s not as good at it as she thinks.”
“Really?” Brad mused. “She must be nicer to you than she ever was with me. She liked holding out and making me work for it.”
“Or maybe I’m just better.”
Losing her effort not to laugh, she shook her head. “We’re nuts.”
“Yes,” Brad agreed. “Isn’t it glorious?”
“Glorious?” Skepticism ruffled Gabriel’s tone. “More like pathological.”
“Whatever.” Mood soaring, Brad didn’t seem remotely put off by their attitudes. Then again, could she blame him? Logic told her, whether it had been his choice or not, he’d lost her the same day she’d lost him. The only difference was he’d known where she was—and she’d thought him dead.
It was the little things that mattered. Humor sobering, she relaxed a fraction. They had a plan. Maybe it wasn’t the sanest plan, but it was still a plan.
After agreeing to the rules, they divided their efforts to make the lodge living room comfortable. Neither man would settle without doing a perimeter sweep, so while they split the effort between them, she took the time to make coffee. Someone had stocked the cupboards with dry goods but nothing perishable. She’d eaten worse plenty of times, and power bars would fill the hole.
Weird how well they all worked together. Even the tension seemed to dial down some. When they convened in the lodge’s living room, the fire and heater had both managed to peel away the frosty chill in the air. Settling on the rug in front of the fire, they formed a triangle and, while the thought held appeal, she doubted either man would go for it.
Frowning, she cradled her coffee mug in her hands. “Where do we start?” Then registering the question, she pinned Brad with a look. “If you say naked, I’ll punch you.”
“Hey, one of the rules is honesty, and I honestly like you naked.” The charm, the ease with which his smile still eased the ragged knots in her soul, fascinated her.
“I think we both agree on liking you naked. That said, let’s start at the beginning.” Clever, calm Gabriel keeping them focused on the target. “I think we start with what we want.”
“What we want?” What does he mean? “Before? Since?”
“I mean, what do we want to accomplish. Since it’s my idea, I’ll say it—I want you happy,” he told her. “Not settling, not coping, not playing a part. I want you really happy. I want you to know you always have a home that isn’t a place or something that can be taken away from you. I don’t want you running away on a mission to play a part because you hate who and where you are.”
The last words cut. Not because she didn’t believe him, but because his assessment was accurate. Hadn’t she just asked Chrome for a mission? Any mission to get out of having to deal with the dream turned nightmare?
“What about you? What do you want for you?” She licked her lips.
“I just want to be a part of that life.” He made it sound so simple. “I want to be a part of what makes up your home. I want to be there when you come home, go with you on the missions…I want you.”
Simple. Elegant. God, if only their lives were that easy…
Brad stretched his arm, the slow careful motion reminding her of his stitches. “I’m not so philanthropic. I want you, period. I don’t care how or with who.” The last part came out a growl. “I don’t even mind the spook. He actually cares about you. Not the team, not the mission, not saving the rest of the fucking world, just you. It’s the only reason I didn’t kill him when they brought him in for you.”
“You’re too kind.” Snark aside, Gabriel and Brad stared at each other like two predators sizing their opposition.
“I am too kind. I couldn’t do anything more than watch her blend you into her life. Fucking you? That didn’t bother me.” Despite the flippancy, she didn’t hear a shred of truth in the last sentence.
“That’s a lie.” Gabriel called him on it before she could. “Rule number one, no bullshit. It bothered you because you weren’t there, you were outside watching. So, voyeurism isn’t totally your thing.”
“Fine, it bothered me.” Canting his head, Brad glanced at her. “Voyeurism is fine if she knows I’m watching. If she knows, it could and will be my hands, my lips and my cock giving her the same pleasure. But you didn’t know.”
“No, I didn’t.” The guilt of betrayal soured on her tongue. “Every single fucking time you watched me, you could have told me. Instead, you didn’t.”
“I wanted to tell you. I can never give you the time back. I can never open the door so you can see the world the way it was for me. If you think for a moment of that torture I endured—three years of separation, watching you from afar, only able to help you if you were truly in danger—and not able to touch you? No. I’ve been in hell, babe. I’ve been in hell since I woke up. Every minute of every day has been spent with one goal.” His intensity was like a wall of heat rolling over her. “Every fucking second has been about being right here with you. Hell, you’re being pissed? You yelling at me? Want to take a shot? Knock the shit out of me? Do it. It will be better than having my guts ripped out watching you move on without me.”
Sachi curled her hand into a fist, digging her nails into her palm to hide the quaking his declaration caused. Gabriel seemed no less affected, his troubled frown was almost one of empathy.
“I waited, I watched, I sucked it up—so I could be here.” As though he’d run out of words, he simply stopped and blew out a breath.
Aching for him, she squeezed her fists harder. She’d found John again, and then later she’d found Gabriel. “Were you in Vegas?”
He shook his head, hell in his eyes. “No. Titanium sent me to motherfucking Russia. I didn’t even know you’d gotten a mission until the day of the explosion. I’d been back at base maybe two hours when the call came in. Chrome and Steele left, leading the others on base at the time. Some of the Ghosts went separately. Tin was on site. He did what he could. He was the one who called and said they’d found you.”
The strangest thing happened. Gabriel reached over and clasped Brad’s shoulder. “We got her out, and I had to watch them disappear with her.” Kinship sparked, brief but very real. “I didn’t know at that point if I’d ever see her again. I hear you…”
“Thanks. Anyway, there you have it. We got screwed Sachi. We all did. We can blame Titanium. I know I do. We can blame Red Wolf, because he’s sure as shit guilty. You can blame me, because no matter how hard I fought, I still let you down. I can’t take it back. I can’t make it go away. I can only be here, right now—willing and able to be with you, even share you—if you’ll have me.”
Silence stretched taut between them after the erotic offer and Sachi made no mistake, it had been an offer. How would that even work between the three of them? And Gabriel?
“Have you two ever done a ménage before?” Apparently it was a night for Gabriel to stun her. She drained her coffee and suddenly wished it was something harder. Like liquor.
Or maybe just some good, old-fashioned moonshine.
“Yes,” she answered, and her voice hoarsened. “Usually with other women.”
Brad’s expression softened. “I didn’t trust other guys with you. Women, you were more likely to say yes about.”
Heat swept through her at the tenderness in his eyes. “You never asked me about other guys.”
“Not a chance in hell,” he said. “Never found one good enough for you. I didn’t this time…you did.”
“I think this calls for some alcohol.” Gabriel rose. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll find something for all of us.”
When he walked out of the room, she started to get to her feet, but Brad caught her arm. “Give him a minute, babe. He’s wrestling with being all right with what I just proposed, and what you just said you might be interested in.”
“I did not…” She trailed off at his raised eyebrows.
“It turned you on, and I’d dare say he noticed it every bit as much as I did.” When he slid his hand along her arm, goosebumps rippled over her skin. “You still want me, and that’s enough right now. If he’s not okay with it…we figure something out.”
“Why the hell are you being so reasonable?” The struggle inside her was not reasonable. She wanted him and admitting it cost her. She wanted both of them. She would not walk away from Gabriel, not for Brad, and she didn’t know if she could walk away from Brad for Gabriel.
He tugged her back to her position on the floor then leaned close. “Because killing him isn’t an option.” When she opened her mouth, he pressed his finger to her lips. “Honesty. Rule number one. He has what’s mine. You are mine, Sachi. Never mistake my reasonable attitude for anything else. I want you back. But you’re his too. You gave yourself to him. I can hate the situation that brought us to this point, but I don’t hate you and I don’t hate him. So, if the only way I get back what is mine is to share you, then you can be ours.”
Her lips tingled under the brush of his finger and the tightness in her belly unfurled until she ached. Lust didn’t give a damn about her heart. Her body simply knew what she was being offered and the rest of her wanted to grasp onto it. “What if he can’t?” What if I can’t?
“Patience, babe.” Brad smiled. “We have time. I’ve waited three years. I can wait three more if that’s what it takes.”
How the hell was that fair to him? God, how the hell was this fair to any of them? Brad slid his hand to her cheek and she closed her eyes, savoring the contact. It had been so damn long.
“Sachi, believe me when I tell you, if we want this to happen. We’re going to damn well make it happen.”
“It has to be all three of us,” she said, firming her resolve. “I won’t hurt him, Brad. He doesn’t deserve that.”
“I know, babe.” But the smile in his voice told her he already had a plan. How could she have forgotten? What Brad wanted, Brad got.