Chapter Thirty-Nine

Julia

WE'VE BEEN PLAYING WITH FIRE. And tonight? The tiny match we've been fooling with just set off an explosion. Sensations ripple through me until my head tumbles in wild circles.

One of my hands strokes his erection, the feel of which floods me with a lust so consuming it scares me. And as my hand moves slowly down his shaft, an involuntary breath leaves me and excited nerves flutter around in my stomach. His pants fall to the floor as I continue to stroke him. He breathes heavily and brings his own hands to the sides of my face, holding it in a way that's possessive and gentle at the same time.

"I need to know you're not drunk," he says. "Because I don't want it unless you're all here. I've waited a long time. One more night won't kill me."

One more night might kill me.

"I only had one drink. I'm all here."

He looks pleased by my answer. Wordlessly, he lowers his face to the side of my neck and trails tantalizing kisses that make me squirm in delight. All the while, his hands move under my blouse gathering the material and pulling it over my head. He lets out an appreciative groan at the sight he unveils, gaze moving over me hungrily. I'm wearing my favorite black bra, the one that makes me feel like I can take on the world with my cleavage.

I pull his own shirt over his head and, though I've seen him shirtless many times before, tonight I get to do something I've wanted to do for a long time. I run my hands over his bare chest, tracing the grooves of his abdomen, the lines of his ab muscles underneath the smooth skin, until my fingers reach the waistband of his underwear.

He puts a finger under my chin, pulling my head up for another mind-numbing kiss. Then he says, "Get in my bed, woman."

His words, the way he says them, douse my skin. But before I yield to his command, I lower my jeans, slowly. I'm confident his eyes are glued on my movement as I unveil the pair of pink panties I know showcase my butt in a flattering way. I feel sexy and powerful and for a moment, I forget I'm the inexperienced one, as I crawl onto his bed like the creature he's so sweetly nicknamed me. And when I sit on my heels and look at him, his eyes are hooded and one of his hands sits over the tent in his boxers.

His eyes roam helplessly over my body, my breasts, the center of my thighs. But instead of climbing on the bed like I expect, he crooks a finger at me and I oblige. I move toward him on my knees as he drops his underwear to reveal his full-blown erection for the first time. I stare, my breathing lagging behind even while my heartbeat picks up a notch. 

"I want you to feel safe," he says. "I need you to tell me if you ever feel uncomfortable."

His words and the deeply genuine way he says them take me off guard and I swallow back the lump in my throat. I'm overcome with the certainty that this...this is the right decision. I never thought I'd feel this powerful giving myself to a man again. 

He reaches into his bedside drawer and he pulls out a white picture frame. Takes me a second to recognize it as the one I left there as a prank, with the condom taped to it and the note: Break glass in the unlikely event you get laid tonight. 

"It's the only one I've got," he says, with a small grin.

He makes a motion to slam the glass on the far edge of the nightstand, over his trash bin, but my hand closes over his arm to stop him.

"You told me a while ago you haven't been with anyone since the last time you were tested. Is that still true?" 

"It is."

"Same for me," I say. 

The confusion in his eyes yields slowly to a greedy expression as he realizes what I'm asking. But he shakes his head. "We should still use one. I'm assuming you're not on birth control."

"I am," I say. "I've got a chip in my arm."

If possible, a greedier expression flashes past his eyes. He chews on his bottom lip, something I've never seen him do before. His breathing is deep and slow and he takes a minute to ask, "Are you sure about this?"

I've never felt safer and nothing has ever felt more right. I want this to be different from my first time, in every way possible. I take the frame from his hand and set it back on the nightstand. "I'm absolutely sure."

It's hard to ignore that his erection has grown fiercer in the course of our conversation and he has that dangerous look in his eyes. He unhooks my bra and throws it aside.

"Lie back for me," he says. "I want to look at every inch of your gorgeous body."

I do as he says. My hands rest automatically behind my head as I settle back on the mattress. I'm tantalized by the way he looks down at my bare breasts, his gaze is like a caress all on its own. I've never enjoyed a man's eyes on me the way I enjoy his. I've never felt more comfortable in my own skin than I do right now. 

"God, you're stunning. Do you know that?"

I can't speak, but I don't have to. He lowers himself over me, slowly, hands moving over my hips to pull the flimsy pink fabric over my hipbones and down my legs, stroking my skin as he does so. He comes back up over me, propping himself on his forearms, arms hooking under mine.

He kisses me. First on my forehead, my cheek, my nose, then the corner of my lips. Gaze locking with mine, he settles between my parted legs, positioning himself right over my entrance. My heart thunders in my chest as the tip of his erection brushes against me. 

"I want this to be what you remember when you think about your first time," he whispers, pressing slowly inside.