“Hendrix,” Sadie Leigh’s whiney ass voice came through the speaker of my phone.

Just hang up on her, I thought. You know you don’t want to talk to her.

I didn’t, but I couldn’t hang up on her either. If I did, she’d show up at the fire station, and show her ass. If that happened, everyone in town would bear witness to how far I’d fallen.

It was the last thing I wanted anyone to see.

“I’m not doing this with you, Sadie. I’ve already said all I’m going to say on the subject.”

Knowing Sadie, I should have known ending the friendship we’d developed over the last few years wouldn’t be easy. The chick thrived on drama. If I’d only known then what I know now, I wouldn’t have come within a hundred feet of her.

“Why won’t you listen, Hendrix? We’ve been together for over a year. A year! Being friends may have been okay before, but it isn’t enough now. I want more. I deserve more.”

Did the woman not realize how stupid she sounded? First, she says we’d been together for a year, and then in the next breath, she says that only being friends wasn’t enough anymore.

Stupid!

I squeezed the phone in my hand, surprised the screen didn’t shatter into a million pieces. “Sadie—” I blew out a breath “—we’ve never been together like you’re talking. We don’t date. We don’t kiss. And we damn sure don’t fuck. Last time I checked, having a few simple conversations with somebody over a bottle of Rum doesn’t constitute a relationship.”

I pulled the phone away from my ear to prepare for the screech I knew was coming. “You bastard!” There it was. “How could you say that?”

Stopped at the only red light in downtown Kissler, I leaned my head against the truck’s driver’s side window. “Easy. It’s the truth.”

“So, you’ve been using me?”

Using her? What planet was she living on? “You knew the score from the beginning. You know—you knew—that nothing would ever happen between us and that it wouldn’t go any further than having a conversation over a bottle of liquor at the bar.”

“You son of a—”

“I made it very clear for you, Sadie. I told you we’d never be in a relationship.” I paused as I hit the gas, turned left and pulled into the fire station. Hitting the speaker button on my phone, I sat it on the seat beside me. If Captain saw me on the phone while behind the wheel, he’d put me on boot duty for the next month. “You remember telling me you understood? Remember telling me you didn’t want a relationship either?”

“That was before—”

“Before what? What’s happened that would make you think I wanted something more with you?” I asked, even though I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear the answer. I could only imagine the horse shit that was about to spew from her mouth.

She was hysterical as she screamed, “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me! You’re throwing it all away!”

Crazy. Delusional. Certifiably insane. I wasn’t sure which term described her better. “Throwing what away?” I shifted the truck into park and killed the engine. “Your friendship? I think I’ll survive fine without it.”

Sadie sniffled, changing tactics. Guess she realized hollering like a crazed banshee wouldn't get her anywhere with me. Not that crying would either. Didn’t matter what games she played, she wouldn't get what she wanted.

Me.

“We could be so good together, Hendrix.” I rolled my eyes. I could kick my own ass for not seeing this drama coming from a mile away. “Just think about all the good times we spent together. How good—

“Sadie, I swear to God I’m not trying to be a dick here. I’m really not. But I need you to understand a few things. One, I will never be with you. I will never take you on a date, hold your hand, or kiss your lips. I won’t fuck you, and I won’t marry you. There is nothing between us. No real connection. No emotion. All we’ve ever had in common is a love for cheap booze and loud music.”

She screamed in my ear, her tears seeming to have magically evaporated.

Huh. Imagine that.

“I told you from the beginning I didn’t want, nor would I ever want, a relationship with you. You agreed. You knew what you were getting into the moment you sat down on the bar stool next to mine and fluttered your eyelashes at me.”

“Am I not good enough for you?” More crying. Again.

I ignored her question and her tears. “Not to mention, the moment your drunk ass grabbed my dick in the middle of the bar and said, ‘I’ll let you do anything you want to me. You don’t even need to use a condom,’ followed by, ‘I want to feel you bare inside of me,’ my cock shriveled up, and it hasn’t come back out to play since.”

Something broke in the background on her end. It sounded like glass shattering. “That’s what this is about? Seriously? I didn’t say that for a reason you think, Hendrix. I wouldn’t do that!”

I didn't bother mentioning the wedding gowns she’d shown me on her phone or the engagement ring pictures she’d tagged me in on Facebook. I mean, Jesus Christ. The bitch was crazy!

“Bullshit, Sadie. Play that game with somebody stupid enough to fall for it. You’ve been trying to get your claws in me for years, and when you saw it wasn’t happening, you tried to lure me in with the promise of pussy. If you think I’m too stupid to realize you were trying to trap my ass by getting pregnant, you’ve got another thing coming. I may be dumb, but I’m not that dumb.”

Silence.

She wasn’t even going to bother trying to deny it.

“So, this is it then?”

Definitely.

I opened the truck door and climbed out, pulling my duffle bag out behind me. “Yeah, this is it. Our friendship, if you could even call it that, is over.”

“You’re gonna let me go? Just like that?”

“I never had you, Sadie.” I leaned against the truck. “You were never mine to keep.”

She sniffled again. “Can I ask you something before you go?”

I pulled my sunglasses down, covering my eyes. “Make it quick.” Walking to the front of the station, I spotted Kyle sitting out front, smoking. “Shit’s gonna kill you, man,” I said, walking past him.

He grunted. “That’s the plan.”

I stopped, turned around, and smacked him upside the head. “Cut that out. You’re one of three people on earth I like. You can’t die. Not to mention, if you croak, who the hell will drag my drunk ass home from the bar?”

A man of few words, he only grunted in response.

I walked away shaking my head.

When Sadie spoke again, her words hit me like a sucker punch to the gut.

When I was sober, I could guard myself against the memories, or at least keep them pushed back far enough that they didn’t bring me to my knees. But sometimes, like right then, the past came barreling straight out of left field and hit me right where it hurt the most.

My heart.

She asked a simple question. “What made her so special?”

I gave her a simple answer. “Everything.”

My chest tightened.

I didn’t want to think about her. Not now. If I did, I’d lose it. And since I was about to start a twenty-four-hour shift, I didn’t have the option of drowning myself in a bottle of cheap liquor.

My heart hammered in my chest.

Ever since I was a kid, I’d never been able to keep myself in check when it came to my pretty girl. But I always had her close by to keep me grounded. Now though? Now I didn’t have her anymore. I’d messed up, broke her heart into a million pieces, and lost her.

Never again would I have that kind of love. Wouldn’t even try to look for it either.

What was the point? I’d already given away the only heart I had.

To this day, Maddie Davis still owned that shit. Lock, stock, and barrel.

“Goodbye, Sadie.”

I hung up without waiting for a reply.

* * *

The minute I stepped through the front door of the fire station someone called out my name. “Hendrix!”

I swung my head to the right. “What could you possibly want? I just walked in the door!” I hollered back, my nerves wrecked from the torrent of memories Sadie had lobbed my way.

Seth flipped me off. “Captain wants to see you.”

Great. Just what I need. “Thanks, man.”

Undoubtedly, I was about to get my ass chewed for something. Didn’t matter though. I had unfinished business to settle with Keith anyway.

The stuff he’d said the night before… about her… he was gonna explain that.

Veering to the right, I climbed the stairs to the bunk room and tossed my duffle on the foot of my bed before heading back downstairs. I glared at the nameplate on the office door as I approached.

Captain Keith Davis.

Should read, Captain Dickhead Davis.

I tapped on the metal frame twice before leaning against the door. “You wanted to see me.”

He didn’t even look up. “Got off the phone with station 24 in Toluca about an hour ago.”

“And?”

“And,” he hissed, “Part of the counties new partnership agreement with both them and Garrison counties states we can transfer men between stations when somebodies short on manpower.” He picked up a bottle of whiteout, cracked open the lid and slid the small brush across the paper he was staring at. “They need a couple of bodies. Got too many guys down with injuries and out on leave.” Oh, hell no. Station 24 was Pop’s station. “Get your stuff. As of right now, you and Kyle both are on temporary transfer.”

I widened my stance, dug in my heels, and crossed my arms over my chest. “Cap, send somebody else.” I wasn’t stepping foot in the same station as Pop.

I could count on one hand how many times I’d seen my old man in the last six years, and none of those times had been on purpose. I’d be damned if I went anywhere near him. Far as I was concerned, he was dead.

“You’re going, Hendrix, whether you like or not. Now get back upstairs, grab your bag, and get out of my station. And just so we’re clear,” he paused and clenched his jaw tight, “I don’t want to see your face around here until your transfer is over.”

“I won’t work with my Pop, Captain. Send. Somebody. Else!”

For the first time since I stepped foot into his office, he looked up. Dropping the whiteout, he stood from his chair and sneered. “You are under my command, and you will do as I say. Understand?”

My fingers twitched at my sides and the urge to punch something nipped at my nerves. “I won’t fucking do it. You can put me on boot duty, whatever the hell you like, but I will not, under any circumstance, step foot in the same room as that son of a bitch!”

Keith pushed back his chair before stomping around his desk and heading straight for me. “You’ll do as I say. If not, then pack your shit and leave, because Mr. Cole,” the fucker smirked, “you’re done.”

Done? He wouldn’t fire me. I was one of his best—if not his best—guy. “You threatening to can me?”

Lips thinned in a straight line, he raised his chin in the air. “No. I’m telling you how it’s going to be. You either follow my orders and get your sorry ass over to Station 24 within the next thirty minutes, or you can sign your dismissal papers.”

With that, he returned to his desk and sat down.

This mother fuc—

“Oh, and Hendrix…” Chest heaving, nostrils flaring, I glared at him. “The next time I have to pick you up at a bar because you’re too drunk to drive yourself home, I’m putting you on leave until you go through a treatment program. Understand?”

“I don’t need treatment. I’m not a damn drunk!” Deep down, I knew it was a lie. Didn’t mean I wanted to face it though. “And you can’t send me there. Send Eli, send Tank, send anybody else, because I’m telling you, Cap, I can’t be in the same room as that mother fucker. Swear to Christ, I’m liable to kill him if I see him again.” Heat flushed through my body and beads of sweat coated my skin. Hands shaking, I pounded both of my fists down on his desk. The particle board groaned under the impact, and I thought it would split in half, but it didn’t. “You don't understand what he’s done!” I slammed my fists down again. “What he’s cost me!”

Keith blinked before shrugging his shoulders. “Don’t really care, Hendrix. I quit giving a shit the day you singlehandedly destroyed my daughter.”

Singlehandedly my ass. If he only knew…

“Why all the concern then?” His fingers twitched around the pen he held in his hand. “If you don’t care, why did you come pull me out of a bar at two in the morning just to make sure I got home alright?” His jaw clenched, but he didn’t respond. Still, I pushed. “And if you don’t care, then why in the blue hell did you make sure I got placed under your command instead of over in Garrison like I wanted. You think I wanted to be stationed here—with you?” I was so pissed my entire body was shaking. “Tell me why your overbearing, convoluted ass decided I needed to be hired on here of all places! You knew I wanted out of this shit hole town. Knew I didn’t want to be here without her and t—”

Keith cut me off. “Because I promised Maddie I’d watch out for you! Even when she was falling apart, my little girl made me swear on her mother’s grave that I’d keep you safe!” Baring a mouth full of white teeth, he shook his head. “And as much as I’d like too never have to see your face again, I’m not breaking my promise.” He paused and jabbed a finger in my direction. “She’s already experienced enough betrayal to last her a lifetime. I won’t add to it.”

Pain clawed at my heart and hatred swirled in my gut. It wasn’t supposed to be like this! We should’ve been married by now. Probably would have been pregnant…

Fuck!

I ran my hands through my hair and tugged—hard.

Keith’s words from the night before bounced around in my head. I may have been drunk, but when it came to her, I didn’t forget. “The other night at the bar you said what I did was still killing her.” Keith’s shoulders tensed. “I need to know, Cap. What did you mean by that?”

“You sure you want to know?”

I nodded once without meeting his eyes. I knew whatever he was about to say would gut me, but I needed to hear him say it anyway. “I’ve gotta know. Her pain…” my voice cracked, and I released my hair before dropping my head backward. Closing my eyes for a second, I inhaled through my nose. “Whatever pain I’ve caused her, I need to know about it.”

“Why? Why do you suddenly care so much?”

I’ve always cared you prick. “Because whatever she feels, I need to feel it too.” It was as simple as that. I hurt the girl I loved—love—more than anything in the world and I deserved every ounce of the gut-wrenching, heart-stopping agony that was thrown at me.

In all honesty, I deserved to burn in hell for what I’d done to her.

Even if it wasn’t intentional.

A look I didn’t recognize flashed in Keith’s eyes. Understanding maybe? Visibly swallowing, he dropped his pen and leaned back in his chair. His demeanor shifted, and the air surrounding us changed.

Keith looked… worried. “You aware that she hasn’t been home since y’all broke up?”

I suspected it, but I wasn’t sure. “No.”

“Well, she hasn’t.” He ran the palms of his hands down the sides of his face. “If mama or I want to see her, we have to go to her.” He tapped his knuckles on the desk. “When she lets us.”

“And where exactly do you go?” Yeah, I was fishing. Wasn’t even going to try to hide it. Come hell or high water, by the time the day was over with, I would know where she was.

Then… Hell, I didn’t know what I’d do then.

Keith ignored my question and continued. “Last time I saw her…” he shook his head before glancing at the open door behind me. He stood from his chair and pulled his phone out of his back pocket. After tapping in the passcode, he swiped right a couple of times and handed it to me. His eyes met mine. “Take it and see what you’ve done.” He pointed at his phone in my hand and with a wavering voice, said, “Look at what you’ve done to my little girl.”

His words gave me pause. Then, with trepidation and fear like I hadn’t felt in a long time taking hold, I looked down.

For the first time in six years, my eyes met hers.

My world stopped.

My heart broke.

And what little was left of my soul withered up and died on the spot.

“Maddie, baby…”

Keith snatched the phone out of my hand, clicked off the screen, and shoved it back in his pocket. “She doesn’t eat. She doesn’t sleep.” He paused and took a deep breath. “Not to mention she’s on so many meds I can’t keep them straight.”

My heart slammed against my rib cage, and my hands twitched with the need to hit something. I spun around, and before I could stop myself, I planted my fist on the wall. Broken plaster and bits of dust floated through the air, clouding my vision. With a roar, I repeated the move. My knuckles split wide open on impact and pain ricocheted up my arm. Hard as I could, I pounded my bloodied fist into the crumbling wall—over and over again.

 The pain grew each time I made contact, but I didn’t shy away from it. Instead, I welcomed it, relishing in feeling something other than the emotional agony that consumed every inch of me. Temporary or not, the physical pain pulled my mind away from the mental torment I couldn’t escape, and after seeing that picture would never be able to escape.

Two sets of hands wrapped around my arms but I ripped myself away from them both. “Hendrix!” Someone shouted my name from beside me, but I was so far gone I didn’t even know who it was. Arm heavy, hand numb, I continue to pummel what was left of the wall.

Blackness clouded the corners of my vision, and my senses slowed.

I heard her voice. Love you, handsome. Now, forever, and always.

I saw her face. Her beautiful fucking face.

I smelled her perfume. Sweet. Fruity. Perfect.

I tasted her lips on mine. Felt her fingertips grazing the back of my hand.

“Hendrix!” Something heavy slammed into my back, and I lost my footing. My arm dropped to my side, and my fist unclenched. Body limp, my knees slammed into the tile floor. “Grab him damn it!” The hands were back. This time one pair wrapped around my torso while the other pair yanked my fists behind my back.

I didn’t give a shit. At that moment, whoever was trying to manhandle me could stab me in the balls for all I cared. It couldn’t hurt any worse than the pain already splicing through the center of my chest.

Keith crouched in front of me. “Ya done now?” Was I? I didn’t know. He ran his hands through his hair and shook his head. “I should have known you’d lose what little sense you had left.”

I looked at the man standing beside me, his big beefy hands clamped around my chest. “Get your paws off me, Hank.” I knocked his hands away, and he flinched. Guess he was scared of me too. Not that I blamed him. He’d just seen me demolish almost an entire wall with one hand, and he knew about my temper. It wasn’t a secret that none of the guys at the station—Captain included—could go toe to toe with me either.

I’d tear every one of them to pieces without breaking a sweat if the need called for it. It’s why that son of a bitch Petrov had seen me as such a commodity.

Bastard. I hoped he was burning in hell. Swear to God, if I knew where he was buried, I’d piss on his grave.

The hands holding my slack arms behind my back released me. I looked over my shoulder to see Kyle standing there. He looked from me to the wall and then back to me again. Slowly, he raised his brows.

“Hendrix.”

I whipped my head back around. “What?” I barked, my gaze meeting Keith’s.

Face red and sweating, he glared at me. “Ya done now?”

Was I done? I honest to God didn’t know. I closed my eyes and cracked my neck. Feeling some of the pressure in my neck and head ease, I reopened my eyes. “That depends on what you say next.”

“What’s that mean?”

Five words. “Tell me where she is.” It wasn’t a question. Wasn’t a request. It was a goddamn demand, and if the son of a bitch didn’t tell me what I needed to know, I would beat it out of him.

He chuckled humorlessly. “Not on your life.”

My feet were moving before I thought things through. Faces separated by mere inches, I yelled, “Last chance! Tell me where my girl is!”

His eyes flashed pure rage, and I smiled. Fuck you, Cap. “Not in a million years. You’ve done enough already.” His cheek twitched, and his eyes hardened further. “Made her all kinds of promises, even put your ring on her finger, and still, you walked away. You broke her heart. Shattered her spirit.” He shook his head in disgust. “She’s just a shell of the girl she used to be,” he pressed a finger to my chest, “and it’s all because of you.” My stomach rolled. Not because the words he spoke weren’t true—because they were—but because he had no idea why I had to choose to walk away. “And if you think I'll give you the key to walk back into her life and rip her apart some more, you’ve lost your mind. I’d put a bullet in my head before I ever tell you where Maddie is.”

“You’re fucking unbelievable.” I took a step back, and Keith dropped down into his desk chair and crossed his arms over his chest.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

I walked around the other side of his desk, needing to put some distance between us before I really did something stupid. If I hit Keith that would be the end of my career. Normally I wouldn’t care, but the wheels in my head were turning, and if I was going to do what I was thinking, I needed to keep my shit together.

 I smiled as the skin around my eyes tightened. Cracking my non-busted knuckles, I leaned over, placing both of my hands back on his desk, and whispered, “Like Grandmama once said, Cap—to be so smart, you sure as hell are dumb.” 

For the second time, he was up and out of his seat before I could flinch. I waited for him to hit me but he didn’t. Instead, he stood there, hands fisted at his sides, and murder in his eyes as he glared at me. “What the hell are you talking about, Hendrix?” 

Disgusted, I shook my head. “You hate me, always have. That’s no secret. I never cared either. But I thought you knew how much I fucking loved your daughter.” His eyes protruded from his head as his entire body shook with barely constrained rage. “Much as I loved that girl, you think I would have walked away from her willingly?” 

His jaw twitched. “Doesn’t really matter now, does it?” 

“It sure as hell does!”

“Why?”

“Cause I’m not leaving this fucking office until you tell me where she is!”

I swear I could see steam coming out of his ears. He leaned forward, and the vein on the side of his neck bulged. “Again, if you think for one goddamn minute that I’ll tell you where my daughter is, Hendrix, you’ve lost your damn mind!”

I didn’t think jack shit. I knew he would tell me because I wouldn't give him any other choice. Smirking, I nodded once. You’ll tell me.”  

Irate, Keith looked at me like I was crazy. “And why in the good Lord’s name would I do that?” 

“Cause it’s what she would want.” Say her name! “It’s what Maddie would want!” My heart kicked into overdrive when her name rolled off my tongue. How long had I been since I’d said it aloud? Too damn long. I twisted the watch on my left wrist. “We can either do this the hard way or the easy way. It’s your choice, Cap, but the result will still be the same.” 

Now it was his turn to slam his hands down on the desk. Let’s see if can make him mad enough to punch a wall too. “I am not telling you wh—”

“I’ll tell you.” My head whipped around at the sound of the familiar voice.

Holy. Shit.