It was a little after three in the morning.

Laying on the stiff mattress in Hendrix’s spare bedroom, I stared up at the popcorn ceiling. My mind was a mess. I couldn’t sleep, could barely eat, and I’d thrown up three times since leaving the hospital. My nerves were fried, and my anxiety was through the roof.

I was an emotional wreck.

One minute I was angry, the next I was calm. I went from being ready to rip Hendrix’s head off to wanting to curl up in his lap and cry my eyes out. I hated him, I loved him. I wanted him close, but then I wanted him to get the heck away from me. Not to mention I’d gotten halfway naked and made him press himself against me.

I think it’s safe to say I was losing my mind.

Seriously, someone needed to call the looney bin and reserve me a room.

My cell phone rang from the nightstand beside the bed. Who would be calling me at this time of night? Furrowing my brow, I grabbed it and looked down at the Caller ID.

The screen flashed: Grandmama calling.

Crap.

Blowing out a breath, I accepted the call and lifted the phone to my ear. “Hey, Grandmama.” I could hear running water in the background followed by the sound of metal tapping against metal. I smiled, knowing exactly what she was doing. “It’s three in the morning. Why on earth are you making coffee?”

“I’m not making coffee. I’m making a cup of Earl Grey.”

“Since when did you start drinking hot tea?” I sat up in bed. “We live in the south. Isn’t that like a sin or something?”

She chuckled. “Thought I’d try my hand at something new,” more tapping, more clinking, “what are you doing awake? I was just calling to leave a voicemail. Thought for sure you’d be dead to the world.”

Burning up, I flicked the blanket off my legs. “Can’t sleep. Got too much on my mind I guess.”

“Guess it’s a good thing that I called then, huh?”

“Yeah.” I picked at a piece of non-existent lint on the bedsheet, and with a voice barely above a whisper, said, “Hendrix told me everything. Why he dumped me. Why he left.” Pick, pick, pick. “And I don’t know what to think.”

She hummed. “So, you know all about what James and that Russian mafia man did?”

I froze. “Wait,” I barked, “you knew?” My voice rose a couple of decibels as I continued. “He told you?” I paused. My brain felt like it may explode. “But didn’t tell me?” It didn’t make any sense! Why would he do that? Not tell me, I mean.

Grandmama coughed a couple of times. Was she sick? “Hendrix didn’t tell me anything. His father did.”

Wait. “Pop told you?”

“Mmhmm. Said it was one of the things that he needed to do before his guilt could be absolved. Guess he thought telling me and your Daddy would lighten his load, so to speak.”

For the first time in my life, I was speechless. Jesus! “Was he drunk when he told you?”

“Nope,” she took a sip of tea, “apparently, the man hasn’t had a drop of alcohol in six years.”

My eyes nearly bugged out of my head. Standing up from the bed, I walked over to the window and placed my head against the cool glass. “I can’t believe it.” I really couldn’t. Pop, sober? Never thought I’d see the day…

“For what it’s worth, I really do believe the man is trying to become a better person. Not once during his entire confession did he try to blame someone else for his actions. He took responsibility for the entire thing. Even took the blame for pushing Hendrix to break up with you. Said he told him it was the only way to get that dirty Russian’s crosshairs off your back.”

I turned around and pressed my back to the glass pane. “I don’t know how to process any of this. It’s too much. I can’t…”

"That's understandable. It's not every day you learn that your ex-boyfriend was being blackmailed by a leader of the mob and that your well-being was being hung over his head like an axe preparing to strike. If it hadn't been for you, I've got a feeling Hendrix would have told those commie bastards where to shove it." She exhaled. "He didn't though, and luckily he's still alive to tell the tale.”

My heart sunk. “What?”

“Maddie, sweetheart, you’re the smartest person I know. Use your head. Do you really think the fight Petrov forced him to take would have been a clean fight? I highly doubt an underground fighting ring ran by the mafia would have been safe. Those kinds of places only have one rule: kill or be killed." I opened my mouth to respond, but she kept going. "That boy—hardheaded jackass that he is—was willing to risk his life to keep you safe." She paused and took another sip of tea. "If that isn't love, then I don't know what is."

Oh God! I hadn’t even thought about it that way. “What was he thinking?”

“He was thinking that he was going to do whatever he needed to do to keep you safe. And just to be clear—there aren’t many men that would've done what he did. His head may be hollower than a Halloween pumpkin, but he's got balls bigger than any Brahma bull I've ever seen."

“Good lord, Grandmama! I don’t want to hear you say another thing about Hendrix’s…. his… his…” I couldn’t even say it.

“Go ahead, Madelyn Grace, say it. Hendrix’s balls. Ballsssssss. His giant—bigger than a bull—balls.”

My mouth opened and closed at least ten times before I found the ability to speak again. Eyes narrowed, I hissed into the phone, “exactly how many shots of moonshine did you add to your tea?”

Now it was her turn to scoff. “It’s three in the morning, Maddie!” Silence. Then, “only one.”

I knew it! “One day you’re going to get in trouble, you know that? Moonshine is illegal.”

“Who’s going to arrest me? Sherriff Burke? The man buys more of the stuff than I do! Who do you think keeps the local troopers from raiding Old Man Roscoe's still? It sure as hell isn't the mayor!" She coughed again. "Anyway, back to what I was saying—it's a good thing Hendrix didn't have to fight one of those animals. If he did, the boy would probably be dead. I know he's got a temper, and he's been fighting all his life, but those criminal types are a different breed altogether.”

Wait.

Hold up.

"He didn't have to fight?" I was confused. Swear to God, my brain was on the brink of exploding.

Grandmama sounded in disbelief when she asked, “You don’t know?”

"No, but I guess you do."

She sighed. “See, told you the boy has a head hollower than a pumpkin. Why on earth wouldn’t he tell you all of it?”

I twirled a strand of hair around my finger. “Probably because I started puking when he got to the part about Petrov selling me into prostitution. And after that, well, I gave him the silent treatment for the rest of the night.’

“Maddie!”

I cringed. “I know, okay? I shouldn’t have done it. I was just… I couldn’t think straight. Part of me was happy that our break-up wasn’t caused by him not loving me anymore, but another part of me was so angry at him. He could have told me. We could have found a way to work through it.”

“Honey, I’ll admit I don’t know a darn thing about the mob, but they were probably watching him. They might’ve gone as far as tapping his phone and reading his emails as well. Much as I hate to admit it, I think he did the right thing.”

“I do too.” And I did. Since I’d had time to cool down and think about it, I understood better. "So why didn't he have to fight?" I had to know, and I was too scared to ask Hendrix. The way I'd acted earlier—ignoring him even after he went and picked up my prescription and brought me back Chinese takeout for supper—he'd probably wouldn't talk to me. Not that I’d blame him.

“Peter… Paul… Petro… What was the guy’s name?”

“Petrov.” I picked at the hem of my shirt. Stupid nervous habit!

“Yeah, Petrov. Well, he and a bunch of his posse got arrested the week before the fight. Months before, some informant tipped the authorities off about a trafficking operation they had going on. Something about importing fancy pieces of artwork from Europe." Holy crap. "All of them, except Petrov are currently serving double-digit sentences courtesy of the Federal Government."

I stilled. “What happened to Petrov?”

Grandmama coughed again. “The son of a bitch is dead.”

My mouth dropped open. “What?”

“He’s dead, honey. Within the first week of being in jail, another inmate shanked him to death. I’m sure the man had lots of enemies.” Lowering her voice, she mumbled, “too bad they didn’t let me get to him. I would’ve cut his nuts off and fed them to him.”

I couldn’t…

This was just…

Moving across the room, I sat back on the full-sized bed. “Who was the informant?”

"No idea. None of that information was released to the public. None of the cases ever went to trial either. When those sickos saw the evidence that the Government had, they all started turning on each other. Murder, racketeering, embezzlement, fraud. Most of them took plea deals to avoid getting the needle.”

“Seriously?”

“Serious as a heart attack, honey.” Another sip of tea. “Speaking of, you should’ve seen your daddies face when James told us the truth. The ignorant fool dared to look remorseful. Guess he realized what an ass he’d been to Hendrix all these years.”

Anger churned in the pit of my guts. “I don’t want to hear about Daddy, Grandmama. I’ve only seen him twice in the last week, and he didn’t even bother to come by as I was being discharged from the hospital.”

Grandmama sighed. “I’m not going to make excuses for him because there are none. Just know that your Daddy loves you, Maddie. He’s just dealing with his own set of issues. Surely you know how that goes, hmm?”

Smooth Grandmama. Real smooth. “Guess I don’t have much room to talk, do I? I’ve been dealing with my own issues for the last six years.” And hadn’t come home once in that time. “Guess I can understand needing to be alone when you’re hurt.”

“I knew you would. Speaking of hurt, what are you going to do about the behemoth?”

Pulling my legs up onto the bed, I crossed them and placed my elbows on my thighs. “I don’t know. I mean, I still love him. I just don’t know if I can trust him.”

The sound of a chair scraping across the floor came through the phone. "You're not telling me anything I don't know, sweetheart." Was I that obvious? "All anybody has to do is take one look at you when that's mans in the same room, and they'll know the truth." Guess I was. "You can try to act indifferent, and you can try to act like you don't care, but sweetheart, it only takes one look at your eyes to know that you still love Hendrix Cole with every ounce of your soul."

Tears slipped from my eyes before spilling down my cheeks. “How do I get past it? I mean, I know why he did it now, but that doesn’t change the fact that he hurt me. What if… what if something else happens and he walks away again? Even if he does it with good intentions, I won’t survive losing him a second time.”

"Maddie, sweetheart, it takes a strong heart to love. It takes an even stronger one to love after being hurt. But you baby, you've got a heart forged from a fire. A heart of steel. Use it.”

I was speechless. Completely and utterly speechless.

Grandmama sighed again. "I'm going to ask you one question, and I want you to answer me without taking time to think." She paused and the seconds ticked by. "Do you want to spend the rest of your life without him?"

“I—”

"Shut up, honey, and listen to me." I gasped in outrage, but she continued. "Will you be able to handle seeing him marry another woman? Fathering kids that didn't come from your womb?"

My entire body shook, and my heart reacted before my brain could stop it. “No,” I quietly cried, jumping up off the bed. “That can’t happen.” I shook my head almost violently. “That won’t happen!”

Grandmama was entirely too calm as she asked, “And why won’t it?”

Hands fisted at my sides, I growled, “because he’s mine!” My chest rose and fell with the force of my breaths, “Hendrix is mine.”

Grandmama hummed. "That's what I thought. Guess you better get him then. Last I heard, Sadie Leigh was trying her damnedest to get her claws in him."

Not happening. Not now. Not ever.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, Grandmama. Love you.”

I was just about to hang up when I heard her desperate pleas through the speaker. “Maddie! Wait!”

I exhaled. “What do you want, you crazy old coot? I’ve got a man to forgive!”

“I just wanted to remind you of something, hussy.”

I rolled my eyes at hussy. “What is it?” I was practically bouncing on my feet as I waited for her to answer.

“I want grandbabies. At least three. You need to get started on that asap.”

My heart dropped into my stomach, and the urge to puke grew. Push it back, I told myself. Push the pain back. Closing my eyes, I whispered, “I’ll work on it. Love you.” I hung up.

Dropping my cell phone on the bed, I took a deep breath, and without giving myself time to think, I moved.

Heart of steel, Maddie. Heart of friggin’ steel.