Chapter 23

“Robin’s asleep and his clothes are laid out for tomorrow,” Lavender said as he skipped down the stairs and Sage made a giddy sound as he set a wine glass on the table and fell onto the couch.

“I told you I’d have the kitchen cleaned up by bed time,” he bragged and Lavender snorted as he lowered onto the seat next to him.

“I swear, you nearly painted the entire kitchen in squash and the only thing holding my sanity together was this,” he murmured as he tilted Sage’s face back and groaned in relief as their lips brushed and clung. Sage purred in delight as his arm wrapped around Lavender’s neck. Then Sage’s head tilted and his brows pulled together as he looked over Lavender’s shoulder.

“Were you expecting Lane and Aiden?” He asked in confusion.

“Hold that thought,” Lavender said as he nibbled on Sage’s lips. “This won’t take more than a few minutes. They’re not ruining bed time,” he said then released him reluctantly and stood. He tugged his sleeves straight and smoothed the front of his coat as he crossed the room then forced a bright smile as he pulled the door open. “What a delightful surprise!” He declared and Lane and Aiden blinked back at him.

“What’s a delightful surprise?” Lane asked as he turned and looked behind them and Lavender gave Aiden a pointed look.

“It’s lovely to see you this evening. Why are you here?” He asked and Aiden looked at Lane in confusion. Lane looked just as baffled.

“Sage invited us for a couples’ game night,” Lane said hesitantly and a laugh burst from Lavender’s lips.

“You’re out of your fucking minds,” he said then turned on his heel and pointed at Sage. “Did you lull me with promises of sex and silence so you could ambush me with board games?” He asked and Sage’s face twisted.

“Why would anyone want to play board games if they could be having sex?” He said and Lavender swung back to Aiden and Lane. Aiden swore as he threw his hands up.

“I wanted to lie and say we couldn’t do it. You only agreed because you said you wouldn’t miss the opportunity to see him lose his shit over Scrabble and that you could die happy if they had Twister,” he said as he pointed at Lavender.

“You’re deranged,” Lavender muttered under his breath then waved them in. “Clearly there’s been some sort of misunderstanding.”

“Sage messaged me right before dinner. He said he was making cookies,” Aiden said as he pulled his phone from his hoodie. “I didn’t even want to come for the cookies. Are there even any cookies?” He asked angrily and Sage laughed.

“No! I didn’t message you,” he swore as he went into the kitchen to find his phone. He walked into the living room and frowned at the window. “Who’s that?” He asked and Lavender’s pulse picked up as the watched a rental car park at the end of his driveway. Two men exited and hurried toward the door.

“Fuck, is that Sloan?” Lane asked as he squinted at the window and Lavender nodded. “Who’s with him?” He asked and Lavender shook his head. The other man was wearing a black coat with a hood. They jogged up the porch steps and Lavender groaned as the second man flipped back his hood.

“Lord help us. That explains the bizarre text messages,” he muttered as he hurried for the door. Aiden looked panicked as he glanced at Sage and he shrugged. Lavender yanked it open and glared. “What the hell are you two doing here and why are you two together?” He asked and Reginald’s brow rose as he smiled at him expectantly.

“We haven’t been face to face in years and this is how you greet me?” He asked and Lavender sighed heavily and braced himself as he stepped aside and let them pass. Reginald’s eyes lit up and a low purr rolled from him as he strolled into the room. His eyes flicked rapidly over Lane, Sage and Aiden then did a quick pass around the living room, dining room and kitchen. Lavender’s head fell and he squeezed his temples. Some terrible fate was about to befall them.

“Gentlemen, this is Reginald, my assistant,” he said as he gestured toward him. Sage gasped in shock, Aiden’s eyes widened in terror as he took several steps back and Lane’s gaze tightened as he studied him. “I can only assume the world is about to end, if he’s blessed Lake Cliff with his presence,” Lavender warned and Reginald’s nose wrinkled as he prowled toward Sage. He paused and turned back to Lavender.

“This place is a shithole, sir. Paul stopped at a liquor store and I refused to get out of the car. There was a man in the parking lot eating pizza right out of the box. He just stood there, eating slices of pizza. In a parking lot of a petrol station slash liquor store. There was no thought given to a napkin or wipe of any sort and he tried to talk to me,” he complained as his eyes scanned along the ceiling for cameras. “I wasn’t sure why Paul needed to stop for alcohol but I’m beginning to understand,” he added and Lane snorted.

“That would be Bernie Cooper. Vietnam really fucked him up but he’s harmless, we just let him be,” he said and Reginald’s brows rose as he swung back toward Sage.

“Mrs. Holderson,” he said dramatically as he reached for Sage’s hand to kiss it. Sage crossed his arms over his chest as he tilted back.

“You don’t want to do that again,” he said and Reginald laughed as he grabbed his shoulder.

“I’m joking and delighted to finally meet you,” he said then winced awkwardly. “I wasn’t invited to the wedding because somebody said it would be an ungodly disaster and utterly mortifying,” he whispered loudly as he cocked his thumb over his shoulder at Lavender.

“It would have been.”

“Probably,” Reginald agreed then winked at Sage. His eyes lit up before they slid toward Aiden and he hummed silkily as he turned and stalked toward him. “Aiden Sharp!” He said and Aiden shook his head as he tried to back away but an armchair blocked his path. Reginald licked his lips as he craned his neck and reached for the collar of Aiden’s hoodie and tugged at it so he could see his tattoos.

“Hey!” Aiden protested as he slapped his hand away. “Stop him, Jeremy!” He said and Reginald glanced at Lavender.

“You go by that now?” He asked and Lavender’s tongue slid across his teeth.

“You’re fucking Sloan now?” He replied.

“Wooooooow,” Lane said as he pushed a hand through his hair then exhaled loudly. Reginald’s eyes twinkled as he smiled over his shoulder at Lavender.

“He is unbelievably good. Trust me, I would not be here right now if it was not extremely dire,” he said and Paul held up a bottle.

“I need to drink this bourbon now,” he announced and Lane’s lips pulled tight as he nodded.

“I’ll join you, after he explains what’s going on,” he said as he waved at Reginald.

“Well! I was lead to believe you’d be a lot less…able-bodied. You’re still quite capable!” Reginald said encouragingly and Lavender hummed happily as he ran his hand down his tie. He can be very entertaining, he admitted. Lane’s tongue pushed against the inside of his cheek as he stared back at Reginald.

“Huh. It turns out I hate you more than I hate him. So…there’s that,” he said and Reginald pressed his hand against his chest and pretended to be hurt.

“Hate is such a strong word to be throwing around this early in our relationship, Lane,” he said and his lips tilted wickedly as he pointed around the room at Lane, Aiden and Sage then turned to Lavender. “Please tell me this isn’t your first couples’ game night,” he said suggestively and Lavender pursed his lips and shook his head.

“Hate’s a great word, actually,” Lane said then pointed at Paul. “If you want to open that now we could pass it around. We don’t really need glasses and ice,” he added and Paul nodded.

“Good plan,” he said as he quickly peeled the seal around the cork.

“Reginald.” Lavender loaded it with warning. Reginald’s shoulders slouched as he groaned.

“It’s all going to be so tense and terrible after this. I just wanted to enjoy the last few minutes of sexual tension and curiosity before we’re all plunged into doom and chaos,” he said then gasped excitedly. “I could turn out my pockets and the six of us could have quite the night. I made a stop as well,” he announced and Paul grunted around the cork as he pulled it out with his teeth then spit it into his hand.

“What? When?” He asked in horror and Reginald clicked his teeth as he shook his head.

“Do you really believe I’d have anything tailored in Chicago? This is a very special coat,” he said as he patted at his chest and the pockets. Lane slid Lavender a hostile look and he shook his head.

“Trust me, he’s much worse when he’s sober,” he promised and Lane held his hand up and gestured impatiently as Paul took a large gulp then hissed. Paul held the bottle out to Lane and shook his head in disbelief.

“I knew we’d need that if we had to hang out again but I didn’t realize how much I’d need it,” Paul confessed and Lane nodded in agreement then took a long drink. He shivered and squeezed an eye shut as he held the bottle out.

“I still hate you too but thanks,’ he said. No one else wanted it so Paul shrugged and reached for it. Reginald’s lips twisted as he watched them before he shook his head.

“Anyways. We’ve got a problem, folks,” he declared then faced Lavender. “It turns out I was right about that mystery hacker, he’s very bad news. I was able to catch him in the act yesterday and track him before he saw me. I was even able to poke around in his house for a few minutes and we’re in very big trouble.” He pulled a pill bottle out of his pocket and laughed as he popped the lid off. “Anatoly Ivanof. The Red Death,” he said as he tapped four pills onto his palm. Lavender shut his eyes as a tremor of fear passed through him.

“That’s very bad, indeed. How much time do we have?” He asked as he looked at Sage then up, toward Robin’s room. Reginald raised a shoulder as he took the bottle from Paul. He washed the pills down then passed it back.

“Two, possibly three days,” he said and Sage’s hand drug down his face as he groaned.

“Will someone please explain what’s happening,” he said and Reginald looked at Lavender but he shook his head.

“You know much more about this than I do. I thought it was over after the shootout with Petrovich.”

“It wasn’t over after Petrovich?” Lane asked loudly and Reginald shook his head.

“Hardly. Let’s go back, to right after your wild night with Petrovich, the younger, and company,” he said as he craned his neck and wandered toward the kitchen. “You live here? Truly?” He asked Lavender as he waved around him then murmured something under his breath. “While the four of you settled into Happily Ever After, I was exiled to a miserable French island in the middle of the Middle Ages,” he said and Lavender made a suffering sound that made Sage and Lane’s heads pull back in shock. Reginald could be so tiresome.

“You nearly started a civil war,” he reminded him and Reginald shrugged.

“Nearly. Small countries can be so unstable,” he replied. Aiden nodded hesitantly in agreement but he was still edging toward the door discreetly. Reginald dropped onto the couch and crossed his legs as he reclined. “Sometimes we have wild nights,” he offered then grinned. “Sometimes, we have wild nights with a Columbian “businessman” and destabilize an economy from a hot tub while you’re trying to order takeaway,” he explained. “But back to my time on Hell Island where I first met the fake Mr. Lavender,” he said and Paul looked thoroughly furious as he turned to Lane then glanced at Lavender.

“Lavender? You know, I wanted to believe it wasn’t this bad,” he said and Reginald hushed him.

**Reader, from here on out, Reginald refers to events from his solo adventure, Mr. Harcourt And The Hurricane. There will be spoilers and it might take a moment for you to catch up but I think you’ll figure it out.**

“You’re part of this club now. We go down, you go down with us. You know too much,” Reginald teased. Sort of. Lavender gave Paul a smug look as he gestured for Reginald to continue. He nodded as he pulled a joint from a pocket then groaned when he recalled where he was. He made a bored sound as he tucked it behind his ear. “If he’s going to help us, he deserves to know everything-ish. Anyways. There I was, on Hell Island!” He said as he spread his hands dramatically. “A man named Bernard Mauroy had been murdered and I immediately became worried because Mr. Lavender killed the first Mrs. Mauroy many, many years earlier. I helped investigate his murder because I was convinced it couldn’t be a coincidence. I believe the fake Mr. Lavender intended to kill Mauroy but was saved the trouble when a hurricane and a string of unfortunate events took care of it for him. He did manage to make his presence known and I followed him to Maine.” He paused and Lavender’s eyes focused on the rug. Elizabeth McGowan.

“I wondered why you went to Maine, of all places,” Lavender murmured as he rubbed his chin. It was becoming disturbingly clear. In hindsight.

“I had quite the time in Kennebunkport living out my Murder, She Wrote fantasy. I’d tell you all about it but you don’t seem very interested,” Reginald said as he poked at the flower arrangement on the end table. “I began to suspect something very nefarious when I came upon the body of Walter McGowan,” he said and Aiden became alert.

“His wife was the former ambassador who was forced to resign after the scandal involving the maids and nannies,” he said and Reginald gave him a patronizing look.

“That sounds so much more palatable than saying she ran escorts and was the head of a white slavery ring. She was also known as Madame Moche among the D.C. elite and catered to the very, very wealthy and visiting dignitaries. I knew that wasn’t a coincidence but we didn’t jump to conclusions and decided it was most likely someone was trying to get Lavender’s attention. It wasn’t outside of the realm of possibilities for a reasonably intelligent hitman to link two high profile murders and attribute them to Lavender,” he explained and Lavender held his hands up apologetically.

“It is a small community and we step on each other’s toes now and then and occasionally hold grudges. I assumed I’d snagged another man’s jobs and he was being childish,” he murmured and Reginald looked pleased with himself as he pretended to inspect a book.

“Denver happened and I began to worry in earnest.”

“Denver the human happened and I still haven’t forgiven you,” Lavender stated and Reginald chuckled.

“He’s marvelously gifted but that was partially in retaliation for St. Thérèse. There was only one good thing on that whole fucking island and I was attacked by Vodou spirits,” he said and Aiden gave up trying to understand and sank into a chair.

“How much of this is reality?” He asked and Reginald’s eyes swept to the ceiling.

“I barely know half the time,” he admitted. “In Denver, America, I began to suspect that I’d been compromised and took measures. We’re very careful and it was cause for alarm, if someone had got to me and was using me to get to Lavender,” he paused and gave Lavender a pointed look.

“We all have bad days, I thought you might have slipped a little. I was barely working and you were getting into more trouble in your free time,” he stated and Reginald rolled his eyes hard.

“Barely working,” Sage muttered under his breath as he shoved his hands in his back pockets and stared accusatively.

“You can’t expect a tiger to change his stripes overnight,” Lavender argued and Lane raised a brow.

“Or ever,” he added and Lavender gave him a pleading look. Don’t make this worse. Reginald hummed in agreement.

“No one in their right mind would try to turn a tiger into a house cat,” he muttered then slid Sage a knowing look. “Actual panic set in while I was in Miami. I reinforced everything and laid traps all around my digital fortress but was still being tracked and I was finding footprints in the snow. There were only a few known hackers who could pull off that level of work but there are even fewer entities who would be willing to pay for that.”

“Which made me even more skeptical,” Lavender admitted. “Why would someone with that much money and power go after me, when it was made very clear that I was mostly retired and wanted to be left alone. I couldn’t see the logic or credit anyone with balls that big and assumed Reginald was being dramatic because he was bored and jealous,” he said and Reginald nodded.

“I was but I was happy acting out with Columbians and the 14K in Hong Kong, I don’t enjoy Miami. It’s loud and tacky, in the bad way,” he said.

“I suppose it does lack a bit of refinement and triads,” Lavender replied dryly but Reginald nodded in hearty agreement.

“Hong Kong is a spastic place but their organized crime still has that…” His hand waved airily as he found the right words. “Ancient, mystical charm,” he decided and Lavender nodded.

“There’s a much firmer respect for traditions and order, in general,” he agreed and Lane made a choking sound as he pressed his hands against his face.

“This story could happen a lot faster,” he stated and Reginald winced at Lavender.

“You’re right, he’s very cranky,” he whispered and Lavender smiled warmly at him.

“He is but you should get on with it, if we only have a few days,” he warned and Reginald raised a shoulder.

“There isn’t a lot we can do and aren’t you all entertained?” He asked and Aiden, Lane and Sage shook their heads. Paul snorted.

“Horrified is probably the neighborhood you’re looking for,” he said and Reginald’s lip pushed out.

“I’ve turned over a new leaf,” he insisted and Paul’s brows rose.

“And what about tigers changing their stripes?” He asked and Reginald shook his head.

“This is entirely different but let’s talk about things that won’t get me in more trouble!” He said then smiled brightly. “In New York I realized I was in over my head and it was time to ask for help. After Stedman, I kept tabs on Paul and fed him tips so the FBI would stay involved and do the heavy lifting for me as far as the evidence and footwork.”

“That won’t get you in trouble,” Paul grumbled then raised the bottle to his lips and Reginald cringed as he looked at Lane.

“I don’t think he’s going to be driving very far. Can we stay with you? There’s a baby here and I try to stay as far from children as possible,” he said and Lane’s lips pulled tight.

“We’ll see,” he replied flatly then gave him an impatient, expectant look and Reginald nodded as he stood and became more composed and serious.

“I caught the Red Death red handed last night. I’m not sure if he left it as a gift but I saw the message traffic between him and his employer and what I found was very concerning.”

“Zubkov,” Lavender said and Reginald sighed heavily. Lane’s eyes became wide and locked with Lavender’s.

“The goon with the creepy scar who took off during the fight at the hangar?” Lane asked and Lavender nodded. Reginald stretched his neck as he paced behind the couch.

“There was a recording of a phone call. Papa Petrovich promised Zubkov he would never return to Russia or work again if he didn’t settle this. He’s also a marked man as long as you’re alive,” he said and Lavender cursed as he unbuttoned his coat and set his hands on his hips. He stared until his eyes became unfocused then shook his head. There wasn’t enough time to hide everyone.

“This is about as bad as a thing can get,” he murmured to himself.

“So… He’s better than you?” Aiden asked and Reginald and Lavender both laughed. Reginald shook his head quickly.

“He isn’t better. You might consider them equals but Zubkov is worse,” he said and Paul’s brows fell.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” he argued and Reginald smiled.

“Remember what I said about Lavender having the potential to be something much scarier?” He asked and Paul’s jaw twitched as he looked at Lavender. “As far as I know, Zubkov has never spared an innocent life. In fact, he’s rather enamored with collateral damage. His father and brothers became political adversaries when he was with the KGB and he murdered his whole damn family so they couldn’t get in his way and he wouldn’t be vulnerable. They can’t threaten to hurt mummy if you don’t do what you’re told if you’ve already thrown her off a balcony,” Reginald said and Paul looked ill.

“He’d kill every living thing in this house if he was here,” Lavender said heavily and Sage’s eyes were huge and shimmered as they swung to his.

“Jeremy!” He whispered and Lavender turned to the door and pushed his hands in his pockets as he waited through the burning in his eyes and the heavy, sinking pain in his chest. Stop. You will fix this. He forced out a long, hard breath then stretched all the muscles in his face before molding it into a serene expression. He turned and Aiden was chewing his lip as he tried to work through something.

“Why bother with the past hits? Why play the game with Reginald?” He asked and Reginald cleared his throat and gestured grandly at them and the house around them.

“Collateral damage. He could have picked Lavender, Lane and myself off individually but he wanted us together and to maximize the damage. The price for little Petrovich is going to be very steep,” he said and Lane became tense and somehow larger as his hand scrubbed his lips.

“I understand why he’d want us but why you?” He asked Reginald. Lavender nodded as he smoothed his lapel.

“He’s the most important piece and the primary target. I am nothing without my assistant,” he said and Reginald gasped as he pressed his hand to his heart.

“It was an honor and a privilege, sir!” He declared and Paul snorted.

“Fuck, I know how to pick them,” he said and Aiden offered him an apologetically sheepish smile.

“It does say something about you,” Lavender agreed. “I hoped Zubkov would call it even because he got to walk away with just a bullet to the shoulder. I didn’t go after him, I thought he’d abide by the code,” he said and Lane’s head pulled back.

“There’s a code among hitmen?” He asked and Lavender nodded as he rubbed his lip and estimated how close Zubkov was and how much time they had.

“It’s not a formal, literal thing but we generally abide by common rules and observe certain courtesies,” he explained absently. Zubkov wouldn’t move the type of men and resources he’d need until the last minute, Lavender would notice if a small army set up camp on this side of Chicago. “We don’t take it personally if we cross paths while we’re working and the best man wins if we have to face-off, you don’t hold grudges if it was just business.” Three days was very optimistic and he’d need months to hide Sage and Robin from the Red Death.

“Jeremy.” It was desperate and demanding as Sage’s eyes pleaded. “What are we going to do?” He asked and Lavender glanced at Lane then at Paul. It was very grim but he liked the odds just a little more as he looked at them.

“We have to get ready to fight and he can’t get away this time,” he said. Lane nodded stiffly before he looked at Aiden and Paul laughed in defeat as he hugged the bottle.

“I just bought the one bottle. There’s six of us and we’ve only got two or three days to live and I just bought one bottle of bourbon,” he said as he blinked at the floor and Lane snorted.

“There’s plenty of alcohol in the house. Why don’t we see about some ice and glasses?” He said as he headed for the kitchen and Paul nodded glumly as he followed.