Chapter 6

“Why won’t you show me around your place?” Reginald whined and Sloan shook his head then raised it so he could take a sip of his drink. He was on his back and a bourbon on the rocks rested on his chest. He was naked and his body glistened with sweat as he stared and panted at the ceiling. He came spectacularly then tortured Reginald by slowly running his fingers through it and licking them clean as he tried to describe the taste.

Sloan was becoming a serious problem. It was getting harder to think of him as just “sexy Agent Sloan” with the gorgeous body, miraculously perfect cock and the velvety smooth voice. He was stubbornly midwestern and thoroughly middle class but also well traveled and surprisingly well educated. He paid attention and caught the things boring, lazy people missed. Reginald couldn’t pretend it was just about Sloan’s ability to physically investigate crime scenes he couldn’t get into anymore. Reginald found himself tracking Sloan when he wasn’t working and became anxious and distracted when he couldn’t watch Sloan when he was alone. Reginald didn’t like being away from his laptop when his favorite show was on and he found himself idly flipping through Sloan’s reports or reading his text messages with his mother as he waited in cars or to board planes. He wanted to know more. He wanted to see the things that would reveal Sloan’s thoughts, the things he couldn’t touch with satellites and data breaches.

“Come over and I’ll give you a tour in person,” Sloan murmured then rolled and swung his legs over the side of the bed. “It’s not like you haven’t seen it through the windows,” he added as he refilled his glass.

“I can’t see everything,” Reginald argued.

“But you can see that it’s pretty empty,” Sloan said and Reginald frowned as he enlarged the shot of his living room. He didn’t even have a couch but there were years’ worth of magnets from pizza delivery places on the fridge and the cream colored carpet was still immaculate. It was clean and modern and Reginald assumed it was nice for someone on Sloan’s budget. It was located in a very desirable suburb of D.C. and from what he could tell, Sloan would get a good return on his investment as long as he sold in a relatively favorable market.

“I want to look inside your fridge and in your underwear drawer. I want to see your books and see what you keep in your bedside table,” Reginald said and Sloan shrugged.

“Any time you’re in the neighborhood…” He said as he sat back on the bed and rested against the headboard. He pulled his knee up and rested his arm on it then sipped. Reginald’s lips twisted as he imagined what he’d do to make Sloan’s condo more comfortable and inviting. Gasoline? He winced as his head tilted.

“Have you considered curtains?” He asked and Sloan snorted.

“Quite a bit more since we met,” he said and Reginald laughed sarcastically.

“Furniture would be a huge improvement. Some decadent upholstery, throw blankets and pillows… I shouldn’t have to explain this to you, we’re gay,” he teased and Sloan shook his head.

“I probably should have decorated but I didn’t realize how unhealthy it was,” he murmured as he stared blindly across the room. He frowned and shook his head. “I finally snapped out of it and I just haven’t had time since,” he added and Reginald nodded along.

“Probably. Snapped out of what?” He asked and Sloan hissed sheepishly as he scratched the back of his head.

“I put my life on hold for a guy even though I knew he was in love with someone else. I kept telling myself there was a chance, that they might not work out,” he said and Reginald raised a shoulder.

“It’s hard to let go, I’ve been told.”

“It can be but most people get the hint a little faster. It wouldn’t take most people like…eleven years,” he admitted and Reginald gasped.

“That is unhealthy. Even I can see that,” he said as he leaned away from his screen. Sloan held a hand up.

“I didn’t see it. I let time get away from me and made work my life. There were a lot of men but I never connected with them, they weren’t him and were just holding his place until he came back. But we weren’t deeply in love. He definitely wasn’t in love with me. Ever. I convinced myself that we could be, if we gave it a chance. And I was just waiting for us to have that chance. In my head, we were going to be amazing and I was stupid enough to believe it could happen and he was worth waiting for.”

“Like waiting for pudding but it never comes?” Reginald asked and Sloan pointed at the air as he nodded quickly.

“Yes! I kept saving room for dessert, not letting myself fall for anyone because I thought he’d come back. I finally realized that he was kind of like carrot cake. It was really good years ago but maybe someone else likes carrot cake a lot more than I do and I liked carrot cake but not as much as I thought I did. Red velvet might be my favorite and I just need to give it a chance,” he explained. “Basically, I just put my head down and let work eat up the years and pouted about losing to a better guy for a lot longer than I should have. They’re a much better fit and even this feels more satisfying and healthier than all the years I wasted believing I was in love.”

“Don’t you dare say this is healthy, you’ll suck the romance out of it,” Reginald scolded but an annoying glow radiated from his chest. He liked being the one to push the last guy out and he wanted Sloan obsessed and addicted to him.

Reginald felt a stab of guilt at the thought of casting him off, the way he inevitably would. It wouldn’t matter how gorgeous and amazing Sloan was, once the rush and wonder wore off and Reginald knew he had his heart. The boredom and discontent would set in. He was very fucked up like that. A new lover was scintillating and distracting. He felt beautiful and desirable and they made up for his father’s disappointment and disapproval. It was always heady and reaffirming and he craved each new relationship milestone until they slid a ring box across the table or dropped to one knee. Then, Reginald began counting how many times he was told he was beautiful each day and obsessed about the waning of his power over his lover. Words like forever and lifetime would fly around faster and more frequently and Reginald knew he couldn’t keep a man enthralled forever and he’d be doomed to a lifetime of throwing tantrums and performing for attention. He was truly busy tracking down the fake Mr. Lavender but he was also delaying the inevitable with Sloan because he was enthralled and didn’t want it to end too quickly.

“Don’t worry,” Sloan said then chuckled as he shook his head. “I doubt I’ll ever associate you with anything healthy,” he said and Reginald pressed his hand against his chest as his heart grew even warmer.

“Please, never stop thinking I’m awful.”