I sat on my window seat, head pressed to the glass as I replayed everything I’d learned that morning.
“Mickey . . .” Einstein said uncertainly as she drove me back toward the Holloway property. “He snuck into Dare’s apartment in the middle of the night about two months after your funeral. Dare woke up to his fiancée, Gia, being torn out of their bed. Your dad didn’t make a big production out of it, just said, ‘This is for Lily’ and shot Gia in the head.” She glanced at me a couple times before focusing on the road again. “That’s why Dare wants to kill you. Not because you’re an O’Sullivan. Not because they didn’t get you four years ago. It’s because his fiancée died as retaliation for your death that never happened.”
It all seemed unreal.
Einstein had told me I was never supposed to be taken the night Aric died. The man who killed Aric was Johnny’s cousin, and he wasn’t supposed to have even touched me or woken me.
She hadn’t said a word about why they’d been there or Aric’s death, but all I kept thinking was if that man hadn’t touched me, I wouldn’t have screamed. Aric wouldn’t have come running. That man wouldn’t have shot Aric and wouldn’t have been killed by Kieran. Dare wouldn’t be planning my death, and his fiancée would be alive. And Kieran and I would be somewhere far away.
We’d be living such a different life.
I would’ve never met Dare.
I couldn’t help wonder if things had gone differently, if Kieran and I had left as planned, if I would’ve ever known I was missing something amazing in my life. If Dare would’ve been happy with his fiancée—or, I guess wife now—or if he too would’ve felt empty. Or if we were only so perfect for each other now because of the death and grief that had led us to this point.
So many what-ifs.
“Why are we mad at that window?”
I jerked back, startled by Beck’s voice, and twisted to look at him from where he towered above me. “What?”
“Just wondering why we’re mad at the window. I think I might’ve missed that meeting, and if I’m gonna be mad at some fucking glass, I oughtta know why.”
The corner of my mouth curved up but quickly fell. “I’m not mad at the glass, you hulk.”
“Sure looked like it.” He settled himself on the other side of the seat, his questioning stare fixated on me. “So?”
“So what?” I mumbled, trying to seem interested in the grass so he wouldn’t continue asking questions.
“So, I’m about to leave for work and haven’t seen you because you’re keeping yourself locked in here. I had to make my own coffee, and it was probably the worst thing I’ve ever tasted in my life. I don’t have your dad or Kieran breathing down my neck, so that means I can breathe. And you’re fucking mad at motherfucking glass. So . . . tell me what’s wrong.”
I fell for a stranger.
Somehow, somewhere along the line, I think I fell in love with him. He’s my greatest enemy, and I’ve never felt safer than I did in his arms last night. And even after I learned who he was, I knew there was nowhere else I wanted to be.
Tell me I’m insane.
I glanced at my best friend and offered him a weary smile. “Kieran proposed a couple nights ago. Sort of.”
Beck’s eyes widened in surprise and excitement as they dropped to look at my left hand, and the smile that had quickly covered his face fell when he found it bare. “Oh, well. Eh. You said sort of?”
“We were fighting—”
Beck snorted. “Right.”
“Really,” I pressed. “Actually fighting. Yelling at each other. I think you saw the beginnings of it the afternoon he left for Texas.”
Beck continued to give me a disbelieving look, so I went back to looking out the window as I told him about what had happened with Kieran that night. I understood his doubt. Kieran didn’t know how to argue, he didn’t know how to have fights like a normal couple. He was too calm and unmoved by anything for that to happen.
That didn’t mean there weren’t times when we weren’t angry at each other. It was just handled differently because Kieran was different. He always would be.
Even if I hadn’t met Dare. Even if I hadn’t started questioning my love for Kieran. I would’ve known something drastic had shifted between us as soon as the real fights began.
“Fucking Mickey,” Beck grumbled once I was finished.
You have no idea.
My heart ached for Dare as I thought about how terrible it must’ve been for him. I knew the pain of watching your enemies kill your loved ones. But to be woken up in the middle of the night by your greatest enemy killing your fiancée? I couldn’t imagine.
“Yeah . . . yeah.” Something Beck had said earlier finally clicked, and I glanced at the early afternoon sky. “Wait, what time is it?”
“About three.”
“You said you were leaving for work soon. You don’t go in until late.”
He shrugged, his playful expression suddenly hidden behind barely concealed frustration. “With Kieran and your dad out of town for a few days, Kieran wants me to do a couple things for him today and tomorrow before my normal shit. I probably won’t be around until after the meeting on Sunday, but Conor will be outside.”
I stared at him for a few seconds, and saw when he understood.
“You didn’t know he was gone, did you?”
“No.”
He heaved himself forward and pulled me into a bear hug. “I’m sorry, Lil. Just don’t give up on him, okay?”
I didn’t respond. There was no point telling Beck that it was already too late.