Chapter 17
Clarke nestles up next to Tim while he sleeps beside her. Two days ago she learned the horrid truth and reasoning for Eli’s departure. She’s been tormented by it ever since. To listen to the vile acts of his step-mother is mortifying. She’s been sick to her stomach. A part of her wants to reach out to the authorities, but what could they do? Eli was eighteen at the time. No laws were broken. They’d probably assume he was involved in an affair with her and is trying to cover it up to save face.
After being confronted by Tim for acting out of sorts, Clarke broke down and admitted something was bothering her, but she withheld the parts about Eli and who he’d been to her. She left out the part of him being Tyler’s father.
Recalling the tears she saw in Eli’s eyes, Clarke knows her secret would only cause him more anguish. Knowing how important it is to reassure Tim, she proceeds with the legal documentation required for him to adopt Tyler. When Tim is around she’s optimistic and happy, but as soon as he leaves the room she’s stricken with fear and apprehension.
The following day isn’t much better. She pretends to go about her daily tasks like normal, but more than four times she’s reminded of how much of a mess this is.
For five years she’s wished Eli could be a part of her son’s life. She’d even dreamed of an alternate life where he never left. Knowing of one person who was a witness to her struggles, Clarke decides to visit her dad and ask for his unbiased advice. Her first inclination is that he’ll be supportive and know what’s best, but that’s not what happens at all.
Ed Mayville considers himself to be Clarke’s only father. He and his wife raised her since she was a small child, so it’s only expected that she’d come to him with any troubles she might encounter. He’s taken back when Clarke sits down in front of him with fretful eyes and starts talking about Eli Hargrove, a name he never thought would be mentioned in his lifetime, not after what he’d put Clarke through. With mindful ears, he sits and listens to Clarke telling the story of a son surrounded by a lie so big it caused him to escape his life and never return.
For a few moments he sits there in shock. No matter the boy’s age, no child should have to live with such remorse and blame. As Clarke sits across from him he sees the hurt and understanding in her eyes, knowing exactly what this means for his strong-willed girl. She loved that boy back then, and just as clear as day he knows there’s something brewing now. The undeniable tie they share can be proven by a little guy who calls him grandpa.
“It’s a bit unbelievable. In a lot of ways it explains what happened. Eli was always good to you. He was happy.”
Clarke nods and manages a smile through her tears. “I know. We were happy. I’m just so confused. All this time Tyler could have had a father, but now I don’t know what to do. Eli’s back, and seeing the determination in his eyes when he speaks about Jonathan only makes me weary when it comes to Tyler. He doesn’t know he exists. What kind of person does it make me if I don’t want him to ever find out? It’s not like I want to hurt him or pay him back for hurting me. I’m scared, Dad. I’m so afraid of my own feelings. When I’m close to him it would be so easy to fall right into his arms. I can’t explain it. I’m drawn to him, but at the same time, I love Tim. He’s a good man. He doesn’t deserve this. Neither of them do. Tim’s about to adopt Tyler. He wants to be his dad. Am I supposed to put my life on hold because Eli came back? Do I share Tyler with a man he doesn’t know? What will it do to my child to discover he has a brother? That all this time he’s been missing out. Will he blame me? I blame me. I have all these choices and I can’t come to terms with any of it. I’m falling apart, Dad. I need your help.”
“It’s not a simple solution, Clarke. You know that just as well as I do. No matter what, it’s going to get messy, but it’s unavoidable at this point. You’re not the type of person to live with a lie, or a secret. You aren’t conniving. Why do you think Tim loves you so much?”
Clarke shrugs. “He’s too good for me.”
“No. You’re a wonderful, loving person. You’re a beautiful soul, and one hell of a mother. Any man would be lucky to have you in their life, and I’m not just saying that because I raised you. You have a habit of taking care of people. It’s in your nature to care, and it’s a great quality. Unfortunately, with that big heart of yours comes a mess of heartache. I always wondered what happened to Eli. He has his head on straight and then poof, he vanished. Now it makes sense. The kid couldn’t live with himself. He couldn’t look you in the eye and lie. Then you have Tim. He’s already lost too much in life. All he wants to do is find someone to fill the void in his heart. Two men. Two completely different situations. Both of them are a part of you. It’s not something you can decide while sitting here with me. I think you owe it to yourself to take your time. Talk to Eli. Get a feel for the man he’s become. Really think about your future with Tim. Choose the man that makes your heart happy. This ain’t about right and wrong. It’s also not about fixing the past. You’re standing in front of two doors. Both hold a future. You don’t know what’s behind either. One could end in divorce. One could end in death. Both could lead to happiness. It’s a catch-twenty two dear.”
“I keep thinking about Tyler. Maybe I should let him choose.”
“He’d choose Tim. He’s been there for the kid and he trusts him. Eli’s nothing but a stranger.”
Clarke knows her dad has a point. “It’s not even about the man I want to share my future with. When I think about Eli I think of Tyler. He hasn’t hit on me or made any attempt to be with me. He’s in a relationship. She has a kid.”
“Why not allow them both to be a part of Tyler’s life?”
“I’m afraid I’ll lose Tim. He’ll think I’m a liar. I’ve been hiding things from him, and we’re supposed to be a team. We’re getting married.”
Clarke watches her dad, waiting for him to tell her she’s being ridiculous, but it doesn’t happen. “Clarke, I don’t know what you want to hear from me. Keeping a child from their father is never a good idea. Look at what Eli is going through now. Can you imagine what it will be like to learn he has two children, one he never knew existed? I’ll tell you what he’ll think. He’ll think you kept it a secret on purpose. He’ll put you on the same level as that step-mother of his. Is that how you want to be perceived?”
She wipes another bout of tears from her eyes. “Of course not. I’m nothing like that terrible woman.”
“Then prove it to him. Look the man in the eye and tell him what he left behind. Don’t do it to hurt him. Do it because he deserves to know.”
She knows what she has to do, but going through with it is harder said than done. It will change everything, and she’s not good with change.
Tim is asleep on the sofa when she returns. She removes the book from his hands and slides into the spot beside him. He stirs and smiles when he realizes she’s home. “Hey. I tried to wait up. I wanted to tell you about a property that might be coming up for sale. It’s perfect. It has everything on our list. I’ve got a call into the real estate agent to see if we can take a look at it.”
“That’s great.” Not wanting to talk about house hunting, Clarke decides to tell Tim what’s going on before she loses her nerve. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”
He straightens, a look of concern flashing across his face. “What’s wrong?”
She closes her eyes. “Everything. Everything’s wrong and I can’t stand keeping it from you, but I also know once you hear it you’re going to freak out.”
“Well, now you’re scaring me.”
“Tim, I haven’t been honest with you when it comes to Tyler’s father.”
“You said he left you when you got pregnant. I didn’t know there was more story to tell.”
“It turns out he didn’t know I was pregnant.”
“Is that the line he’s feeding you? Who is it?”
“It’s not a line. I thought he knew, but the person telling him lied. He still doesn’t know. He doesn’t have a clue.”
“Are you telling me this because of the adoption?”
“No. I mean, yes, sort of. It’s complicated.” She’s confusing herself with how she wants to go about explaining. “In high school I was in a serious relationship with a guy. We were in love even though everyone said we were too young for it to last. We’d been planning a future together. The same week I found out I was pregnant he left town and didn’t return until recently. If he hadn’t come into the diner I never would have known he was back.”
“So you’ve talked to this guy?”
“Yes.”
“And you kept it a secret? Why? Is there something going on between the two of you?”
“No. Of course not. I just wanted to know why he left with no warning. He broke my heart. I thought it was because he didn’t want to be a father, but that wasn’t it at all. It turns out his step-mother did something to jeopardize his relationship with his father. He didn’t have a choice. It was never about me or the baby.”
Tim stands and begins to paces back and forth. Clarke knows he’s worried. “Tim, I love you. I’ve just been going through how I want to handle this. It turns out he’s a good person who only did what he thought was right.”
“Well he needs to know he has a kid, Clarke. You can’t keep something like that from a guy.”
“I’m scared.”
“Why? What aren’t you telling me?”
“He’s just got a lot to deal with already. I’m afraid adding Tyler to his life right now might not be the best for either of them. Plus you’re wanting to adopt him. Telling him could change what happens. The last thing I want is to put stress on you, or hurt you in any way. You have to believe I never saw this coming. For five years I’ve been on my own. He’s never once contacted me, but to be fair, he didn’t think he needed to. He assumed I’d moved on, and I have. I told him about you and our engagement.”
“I want to meet him.”
It’s unexpected. Clarke doesn’t know if she can be in the same room as the two of them. “I don’t know. If I’m going to tell him about Tyler I think I need to do it alone. He could say things to me that you might not like hearing. He’s going to be hurt and lash out at me. I’m prepared for it. I’ll be okay. You’d only overreact and it would get ugly.”
He sits back down beside her and takes her hand. “I’ll support whatever you want to do. If his father is a good guy then I can’t go through with the adoption. It’s not right. We can have other kids, Clarke. I can still love Tyler. I’ll be a good step-dad.”
“I know you will.”
He brings her hand up to his lips and kisses it. “I love you and I trust that you’ll make the right decision.”
“You’re not upset with me?”
“I’m disappointed you felt like you had to keep it a secret, but I understand how hard it must be to sort out.”
“It changes nothing. We’re still getting married.”
“Good, because if this guy thinks he can steal my girl away he’s got another thing coming.”
They share a laugh and then embrace. Clarke wonders if maybe she worried about nothing. If Tim can be this compassionate, maybe Eli will act the same way. There’s only one way to find out.