Chapter 16
Clarke makes it back to the diner before she parks and lets years worth of anxiety and heartache take her to the lowest place she’s ever been. It’s only in the darkness that she realizes the extent of one person’s actions. This isn’t about a failed teenage romance. Innocent children are involved, one of them being her own son. It’s bad enough Eli plans on staying because of Jonathan. If and when he discovers there’s another child, there’s no telling what will happen. In order to protect her son, her upcoming marriage to Tim, and the future they have planned, Clarke knows she has to stay away from Eli.
She also knows what she has to do to ensure Eli never catches up to her. This time she’s going to be the one leaving. Now her only roadblock is convincing Tim before it’s too late.
One thing Clarke never considered was that Eli would come back to town and be the man she always wanted him to be. Even after hearing what he’d done, and how it happened, she still wanted to believe it wasn’t true. It was difficult to wrap her head around it, though she knew it all made sense. A part of her aches for Eli what endured to protect his father. He went to great lengths to give his father the son he could no longer be. The fact that he’d walked away from his own flesh and blood told Clarke how much family means to him. He hadn’t left because he was a coward. Contrary to her original thoughts, now she finds his actions honorable. He sacrificed his own happiness for the people he loved. Not many people would do that, none that she knows.
Tim is up pacing when Clarke opens the door. He’s alarmed, almost frantic as he saunters over and pulls her into his arms. This is the exact comfort she needs, but it feels wrong. It’s like her heart and her soul are having an inner battle. As much as Clarke loves Tim, his loving arms aren’t what she needs to feel better. In fact, he’s the last person she can talk to about this. As far as Tim is concerned, her son’s father walked out on her a long time ago. He has no idea the man’s been back, right under his nose, paying her visits, and asking for more time.
By no means has Clarke cheated, yet it still feels as if she’s betraying his trust by carrying on this lie behind his back. She’s never been the sneaky type, albeit Tyler isn’t someone she’s ready to share. Not yet. Not until she’s able to really understands the depths of the situation and figure out a solution. Without that she knows Tim would only be filled with worry. Clarke knows she needs to be able to look him in the eyes and promise her devotion. At this very moment she’s afraid it would come off as unsure. This causes her break down. Being deceitful makes everything feel like it’s falling apart. She wants to hold onto something good and never let it go, but her own conscience won’t let her heart let go of a man she once loved with everything she had to give.
Maybe if they didn’t share a son it would be easier to walk away. Perhaps if she never learned the awful truth she could have moved forward without trepidation.
Tim pulls away and wipes her tears. “Why are you crying? You didn’t answer your phone. I was so worried.”
“I ran into an old friend and learned one of his parents passed away leaving a small boy Tyler’s age. I guess time slipped away as we spoke. I tried to be strong, but my emotions are getting the best of me when I imagine that boy growing up without a father.”
She did it. She lied to his face and found it easy. The story isn’t that far from the truth. At least she was able to manage that much.
Tim is sympathetic. He takes her hand and leads her onto the couch. His kisses promise comfort and support, and even though Clarke is aware of where she is and who she’s with, her mind is still with Eli. It’s a tough realization for her. She wanted these answers. She prayed that God would bring her the truth someday. She even begged him to bring Eli back to her. Like gravity, what goes up, must come down. This can’t end well. “You know how we keep looking for the perfect place to buy in town?”
“Yeah?”
“What if we widened the search? We don’t have to live here. I’d just like to be less than an hour away from my dad.”
“Are you sure?” Tim questions this decision after Clarke has been adamant about keeping Tyler grounded.
“I’ve been thinking about it, and it makes more sense.”
“I’ll call the realtor in the morning.”
Clarke snuggles her body into his and closes her eyes. She’s dodged a bullet. It’s temporary. He’ll know she’s hiding something if she continues to act this way. All she can do is force herself to stop thinking about Eli before it causes strain on her current relationship with Tim. She can’t lose him. She won’t.
Eli sits in the kitchen where Clarke left him. His mixed emotions have caused him to rethink his decision to stay. It’s obvious he has no chance of rekindling a relationship with Clarke. She’s getting married. She’s happy. That’s all he’s ever wanted for her. Now that she knows the whole truth he’s no longer riddled with the guilt and regret. He can move on with his life.
Thoughts of Jonny flood his mind. He’s still in his early twenties, never really thought about raising a kid, until now. Their instant bond was another reminder of what they share. Siobhan was stupid to think he’d keep the secret forever. It was only a matter of time before Eli embraced what’s come out of the ashes.
While remaining at the same table he remembers sharing meals with his parents at, he decides to talk to his father, in hopes that he’s watching over him, guiding him to make right decisions.
“Dad, if you’re out there then you know the truth. I don’t know how many ways I can apologize for keeping it a secret. Siobhan didn’t deserve your love, but you were happy. You trusted her and she used it against you. What she did that night changed my life. I wouldn’t be where I am today if things played out differently. I tried to stay away. I wanted you to raise Jonny. He was yours in every way that counted. You were in a stable part of life, which is something I still struggle with. I knew you loved him. In some ways I hoped he could replace the emptiness I left behind. It’s kind of pathetic now that I’m saying it out loud. You can’t replace a person with another, but they can help you heal. Maybe you would have done things the same. I’ll never know now. I missed my opportunity to ask you for advice. Skipping out on everything, everyone, well it’s all I knew to do. Siobhan was breathing down my neck. She wanted me gone. God only knows what she told you. I had no idea she’d spoken to Clarke.” He pauses for a moment. “You told me to never let her go. You were right. She can’t be replaced or forgotten. I still feel that spark when I see her across the room. I can feel the connection we once shared, but I know it’s not the same for her. I need her to be happy, Dad. I need Jonny to be happy too. I guess that’s why I’m sitting here at the kitchen table talking to myself. I need someone to tell me I’m doing the right thing. Do I stay and become the father that boy needs, or do I let him go on thinking he’s my brother? Are visits even going to be enough now? Because I tell ya, I love the kid already. I’m going to have the test done, but I already know the answer. I’ve known the whole time. I thought it was guilt, but it’s something stronger. I feel him. I worry about him. I just don’t want to hurt him. It’s what I’m known for, walking out and leaving the people I love. Please help me get through this. Help me make the best choice for everyone. Give me a reason to walk away and I will. Even if this time it kills me.”
Finishing his beer, Eli steps out onto the porch and stares into the dark forest beyond the property. This isn’t a situation he can take lightly. It’s probably the second biggest choice he’s ever had to make. For now he’ll be patient. He’ll have the test done. Then he’ll wait.
When the answer is definite and in his hands, he’ll make the final decision about his future. For now he’ll continue working on the house and getting it back to new condition in case he needs to flip it. He’ll report to reserve duty and return to finish up. He has time. It’s just not as much as he needs.