Chapter 22
Clarke’s earlier discussion with Tim went smoother than she first assumed. He’d been understanding ever since learning that Tyler’s father was back in town. He honestly felt terrible for the way things played out; then showing up to try to buy the house from under the guy.
Even though Tim’s been through a lot of things in his young thirty five years, he can’t begin to imagine coming home to discover he was the father of not just one child, but two. It’s overwhelming, and from what Clarke and her dad have told him, Eli’s not a bad guy. He was just dealt an ugly hand and did what he thought was right at the time. He didn’t walk out on Clarke to be selfish. Had he known she was carrying his child, he would have found a way to stay.
It’s still hard for Tim to know there could be residual feelings between the two, but he’d rather them figure it out before they tie knot. As much as it will hurt, Tim needs to know where he stands.
At first the idea of Clarke staying overnight was something he felt offended over. Why would the woman claiming to love him want to stay with another man?
Clarke was honest. She told him she needed to see how Eli and Tyler would do, and if Tyler would be okay staying there without him. She promised to sleep alone, and this was only for them to bond as a family, not for she and Eli to rekindle the romance.
Tim reconsidered his decision, and after speaking to her father, he was convinced that even if something happened with Clarke and Eli he’d rather it happen now instead of down the road where it would be adultery and a big mess.
He’s not okay with knowing at some point Tyler will fall asleep. He’s picturing the worst, because deep down inside he can feel that Clarke hasn’t been the same since Eli came back to town. He’s afraid because she’s never looked at him the way he saw her looking at Eli. If she had to choose one of them, Tim fears it wouldn’t be him.
As much as he loves Clarke, he respects himself and doesn’t want her to rush into something if she’s not sure. If you love something you have to let it go to see if it comes back to you. In this case, it’s harder said than done.
Clarke suggests that the three of them play a board game. It’s something that allows them to spend time together while they’re all getting familiar. Tyler picks an old favorite of Eli’s called Trouble. There’s a dice in the center in a dome and when you push on it the dice flips and that’s how many places your pawn is allowed to move per turn. It’s easy for any age person, and perfect for them.
Tyler goes first and gets the hang of it immediately. He giggles when Eli passes him. To Clarke, it’s the smallest thing that’s making such a big impact. The two guys are in sync from the beginning. They both stick out their tongue when moving the pieces on the board. They egg each other on, as if they’ve been together for years. When something doesn’t go their way they even have the same pout face. It’s ridiculous. Clarke always knew Tyler reminded her so much of Eli, but seeing them together is pretty ridiculous. What really melts her heart is hearing Tyler refer to Eli as his daddy. It’s such a powerful word in this circumstance. A father and son are bonding over a classic game while she watches their body language mimic like they’re doing it on purpose.
Clarke can’t remember the last time she saw Tyler behave this way. He’s not just happy. He’s on cloud nine. Every time Eli pats him on the back or tells him a secret to beat her, she melts. She dreamed of this happening, but never did she feel like it could be possible.
Tyler wins the game, but only because Eli kept moving his own piece back to ensure he’d always be behind. They clean up and settle in to watch a movie. Tyler, being five, wants to watch a cartoon with talking race cars. He gets settled under a blanket between the two adults with a bowl of popcorn on his lap. Eli drapes his arm over the back of the sofa, while Clarke cozies up against her boy.
In this moment Eli feels complete. Nothing could be more perfect unless Jonny were on the other side of him. A couple times during the movie Eli catches Clarke looking at him. Like teenagers, when it happens they both turn away, until they decide to let their gazes linger longer. Pretty soon Tyler is fast asleep.
For now, Eli only has one twin bed set up in the boy’s room, but he’s building matching frames and has a second mattress on order. Eventually they’ll have a cool room with two matching beds in the shape of race cars. Eli didn’t even know his sons’ love for cars when he came up with the idea.
After carrying Tyler upstairs and tucking him in, Eli and Clarke retreat downstairs and turn on an action movie. They sit pretty far apart, but on the same couch. Clarke has her arms folded across her chest, while one of Eli’s is rested on the back of the furniture. Clarke is the first to start to nod off. Eli scratches her head to wake her. When she does, she smiles. “Some things haven’t changed. I’ve never been able to sit through a whole movie without falling asleep.” She sits up and begins to stand, only to feel his hand brushing over hers.
“Hang on. Just sit here with me for a little longer. You don’t know how many nights I wished we could do something as simple as this. God, I loved you, Clarke. People said we were too young to know what that meant, but they were wrong about us, at least about me. No one will ever be you.”
Clarke gently places the palm of her hands over his. “I loved you too. For a while I never thought I’d be able to love another person as much as I did you. I cried myself to sleep for months. It didn’t help that my hormones were awry. I couldn’t understand what went wrong, and when I decided to let it go, I had a newborn baby to take care of. I suppose in a lot of ways Tyler forced me to let go. I had to put all my energy, love and focus on him.”
“What was the delivery like?”
“Twelve hours of contractions. Mom and Dad were with me the whole way. They stayed in the room and Dad cut the cord. The pain was excruciating. People say you forget, but I don’t know how that’s possible. They had to cut me down there when he started coming out. He weighed seven pounds and two ounces and was eighteen inches long. He came out with a head full of dark black hair and wide eyes. He was the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen in my life, and the only thing that was missing was you.” By the time the last word comes out she’s tearing up.
Eli does what anyone would do in this situation and pulls her against him so she can let it out. Clarke needs this too. They’ve both done things that hurt people, but it’s time to bury the past and start the future on good terms. “I’m sorry, Clarke. I wish I could have been. By then I was probably headed overseas. Even if I found out, I wouldn’t have been able to come home, not then.” He softly kisses the side of her head like he used to. It’s such an easy habit he doesn’t think anything of it, but Clarke lifts her head suddenly like it was off limits. The moment their eyes meet she knows she can’t keep denying what it feels like to be this close to her first love again. “Eli -.”
He stops her from being able to tell him this is a bad idea. Instead, he lowers his mouth to hers and closes his eyes. The kiss is full of years of pent up emotions. Neither of them pulls away, because doing so might mean it can never happen again. If all they have is right now, they’re going to embrace it, one last time.