Chapter 5
The arrangements were made without much say. Siobhan got the best of everything, never once referring to the price tag. The hefty bill was to be taken care of out of his father’s life insurance policy, which according to Siobhan was large enough to give him and his brother a good chunk of savings. Not trusting a word out of her mouth, Eli chose to head back to the house to go through paperwork. After all, Siobhan was no longer married to his father, nor did she have the right to assume Jonathan would be getting anything.
He could tell she was kissing up his ass in hopes he would be understanding. Eli did feel bad for Jonathan. He was innocent in all of this, and still needing an education. The least Eli could do was ensure the boy would be taken care of. He wasn’t heartless. They were family, like it or not.
Choosing to avoid his childhood bedroom, and all the memories that it holds, Eli remained downstairs in his father’s study for most of the night. He’d made calls and went through all of his father’s known assets with a fine-toothed comb. He’d even found the original Will and Testimate, taking a mental note of everything being left to solely him.
The house and it’s contents were Eli’s to do with whatever he chose fit. The savings and money market accounts were also for Eli. There was no mention of Siobhan or Jonathan in any of the paperwork, because it hadn’t been updated since Eli was in his teens.
Siobhan’s actions were making sense now. She’d get nothing. For a little while Eli sips on his father’s bourbon and soaks up the win. He’d waited years to see that bitch suffer. The culprit of everything bad in his life, she didn’t deserve a penny, but he knew he couldn’t abandon Jonathan. He may not know his brother, but he’ll be damned if he selfishly walked away from that child.
Siobhan at least had the decency to come to the funeral home alone, and not bring Jonathan. Eli needed to build up the courage to see the boy. He’d had his own selfish reasons why they couldn’t get to know one another. Originally, Eli assumed time would heal wounds. He’d been prepared to come home after his father’s divorce with Siobhan was finalized, yet his apprehension kept it from happening. Eli had a hard time living with a crippling lie. He’d been blackmailed, and the only way to live with himself was to stay away from the man who raised him.
Now Eli would have to face the haunting boy he’d blamed for ruining his life. The pain of losing his father couldn’t compare to the fear Eli was faced with when he looked into that kid’s eyes and knew where he came from and how it was all for nothing.
Pulling out his cell phone, Eli checks his messages. Michelle has been texting him non-stop since he left abruptly after getting the news. As much as he wants to call her back, he knows it will only add fuel to the fire. She’ll want to drag her ass to Georgia to be supportive. It’s not that he doesn’t want the comfort. It’s the opposite. Eli longs for reprieve, but with Michelle comes stress. He’ll have to apologize for lying. She’ll expect him to tell her things he’s never told anyone before. She’ll nag and bitch about his decision, reminding him it was the biggest mistake, and how he’ll never be able to get past it.
He’s punished himself enough. It’s not the time to dwell. It’s time to let it go and figure out a way to live with himself from here on out.
Eli should have known better than to date an older woman with an attitude. Either way he looks at it, he’ll have to face her and deal with the repercussions later. For now, Eli has much more to deal with.
He’s been home for over twenty-four hours and not heard from any of his old high school friends. Not that he expects anyone to come knocking, but he’s curious as to where everyone is and has ended up. In particular, he’s anxious to know about Clarke. Eli knows he’s too close to walk away without seeing her at least once. If he can see that she’s happy he’ll be able to leave this town and never return.
Chapter 6
With the funeral service on the horizon, Eli reclines the old leather chair in the living room, the one his father died in, and finally closes his eyes. He can’t begin to understand why this makes him feel close to his late father, but it does. In many ways it’s the closest they’ve been in years.
It wasn’t a sound that woke Eli from a vivid dream. It was who invaded his sleep. His father stood across from him. His arms were folded in the front, his brow cocked, like he was accusing his son of something heinous. Eli had this dream often, especially after drinking too much. It was like his guilty conscience came out to get the best of him.
“Son, we need to talk.”
Eli shakes his head. “You’re dead, old man. It’s too late for me to make amends and explain why I left.”
“I know the truth. It’s time to come home.”
“This isn’t my home, Dad. It hasn’t been my home in six years. I walked out on you, on Clarke, on everything. I tried to hold the weight of the world on my shoulders, and for a while it worked. As a Marine, I learned the importance of trust and family. It was wrong of me to stay away, but I couldn’t look my brother in the eyes and know how he came into this world. The secret still burdens me. I won’t make the kid suffer.”
“No matter what, he’s family, Elias. You don’t turn your back on family. Isn’t that what you’re trying to say?”
“Dad, I hate to break it to you, but this is a dream. I’ve had it before. It doesn’t change anything.”
“You’re right. Only you can change your life.”
His father fades away until there’s nothing left.
Eli wakes with a startle. It felt real, yet he knows it was nothing more than a fabrication of his own imagination.
Whatever the case may be, it put things into perspective for Eli. No one can change the past, but the future remains unwritten. If he has regrets, now is the time to right his wrongs.
When a knock at the door captures his attention, Eli wonders if maybe his luck is about to change. People have experienced visits from loved ones that bring peace. It’s not that far-fetched to picture Clarke at the door offering open arms for his return. What he needs is to make things right. He doesn’t expect forgiveness, but needs to at least tell her why he left. It’s not right for him to be here and not give her closure.
Michelle stands next to her son. She’s holding a small bag of luggage and a worried smile, like she knows she’s overstepped.
“What’re you doing here?” Eli starts to ask.
“I couldn’t abandon you in your time of need. You shouldn’t be alone, even if you weren’t close to the man.”
That’s the thing. He was close to his father for his whole life until a deceitful act forced his hand. Eli opens the door to welcome them inside. “Well, you’re here now. Come in and get situated. The service is in an hour.”
It’s obvious he’s giving Michelle the cold shoulder, yet he refuses to apologize for his actions. There’s too much else to worry about. For now she’ll have to deal with the silent treatment.
The flowers lining the steps to the church are overwhelming. Picking a same day service and burial was easier than having to stand around and mingle with people mourning. Viewings are often worse than the service. Mans way of achieving closure makes no sense to Eli. It’s best to remember the person in life, than to see them lying in a casket, a shell of what they once were.
Eli spends extra time on his Marine Blues, recalling the last event he’d worn them, when he was promoted to an E-4 Corporal. He takes pride knowing hard work paid off, and that he did something to make his father proud, even when he couldn’t bring himself to visit.
He irons the creases in his pants three times before he feels they’re perfect. That’s how he was taught to present himself. He represents this country, and because of that his appearance is always important.
After agreeing to meet Michelle at the church, Eli heads out to ensure he’s the first person to arrive. It’s not long after when he spots Siobhan pulling into the parking lot. He adjusts his sleeves, straightens his posture and clasps his hands together as he would do at any important gathering.
It’s hard to know he’s going to have to be brave when inside he’s lost and confused. There’s so much bad blood between the two of them, and Eli worries Siobhan will still attempt to make him look like an outsider. She wants to be in control, but he’s tired of standing back and allowing it to happen. He swallows the lump forming in his throat. It’s hard knowing he’s about to stare down someone he’s forced to call his brother; a boy he’s pretended didn’t exist because it was better than accepting he did.
As soon as his little legs run around the passenger side of the vehicle Eli inhales deeply and sets his eyes on the second son of his father. Even from afar, he can tell his life is about to change and go in a direction he wishes he could avoid.
There have been years for him to contemplate what would happened when they finally stood in the same room. He’s always assumed he’d be older, and perhaps have a better handle on how this would play out. Eli hasn’t had enough time to figure out his feelings, or how he’s supposed to pretend any of this feels right.
Dressed in a dark gray suit, the boy clings to his mother’s side while they saunter in Eli’s direction. Siobhan is the first to speak. She directs her attention to the boy, crouching down to his level while pointing at Eli. “Jonathan, do you know who this is?”
The puzzled boy looks Eli over before answering. “My brother?”
“That’s right! He’s your brother, Elias.”
He sniffles before replying. “Pop has pictures of him. He said we look alike.”
When the boy smiles, Eli notices he’s missing his top front teeth. He manages a half-grin and a wink toward the kid, offering his hand for him to shake. “How’s it going?”
“Pop said when I’m older we’d take a trip to see you. He’s gone now though.” His face contorts with a sad frown. “We were going to camp, but now we can’t. He died. Mom says he’s in heaven with Porter.”
Eli can’t help but be curious. “Who is Porter?”
“Our dog,” Siobhan answers. “He died a few months back.”
Bending down to be eye level, Eli offers his condolences. “Tough break, kid. It’s hard losing your best friend.”
“Pop was my best friend, not the dog. Dogs can’t be your best friend. They can’t even talk.” He sighs and sadly turns his gaze to the ground. “Now I guess it’s Samuel.”
With a cocked brow, Eli turns to Siobhan for more of an explanation. She’s quick to finish for the boy. “Samuel’s a friend from school.”
Feeling uncomfortable, Eli stands up straight and clenches his jaw. He looks toward the arriving guests and plans to use them as his excuse to get away from these two people, because even though they’re as close to family as he’s going to get, Eli doesn’t want to give them the impression he’s interested in spending time together. As soon as the funeral and paperwork is over, he’s back to Louisiana where he’ll spend the rest of his days without the constant reminder of what he gave up in order for his father to have a happy life.
A few people come up and pay their respects. Some ask where he’s been, while others see his military uniform and know. The whole while Eli feels out of place, like he no longer knows these people, or belongs in this town.
Michelle and her son stick to him like glue, giving the impression that they’re a family. Eli can’t help but notice the curious gaze Siobhan has on him while they were sitting together. It’s like she’s watching him instead of focusing on her late ex-husband and the casket sitting in front of her face. As much as he tries to ignore it, she’s staring so hard he feels like she’s using telepathy to burn holes in his soul. The only thing that keeps him from saying something is the respect he holds for his father. If there’s a heaven or afterlife, he wants his father to know he’ll be on his best behavior. It’s the least he can do after hurting the man.
Saying goodbye to someone he deserted is impossible. Eli keeps composure throughout the service, admiring so many town folk that have come to pay their respects. It’s not until the casket descends into the ground when he’s able to really let go. Eli remains at the gravesite long after the crowd of people have vacated. He knows Siobhan was in a hurry to get to the wake, where she’ll play the part of the bereaved wife, even when the marriage was over years before. Sending Michelle with her was probably a dick move. Siobhan will be a bitch and feed Michelle plenty to fill her head with lies about him to make herself look better.
Letting the thoughts of her pathetic act slip his mind, Eli spends some alone time crouched down in the dirt that will soon cover the corpse of his father.
“I don’t know if it was you, or if it was my mind playing tricks on me, Pop, but it was good to hear from you last night either way. I know I’ve made mistakes. I let time slip away from me, even after the divorce. I just couldn’t think about what would happen to Jonathan if the truth came out. I didn’t want it to ruin the solidity he had with you. It’s not that I didn’t care. It broke my heart to leave. It killed me inside. That’s why I joined the Marines. I suppose in a way it was the only place I knew I could go to learn to be tough. It was the distraction I needed in order to consciously live with my decision.” Eli begins to break down. His body vibrates as his emotions get the best of him. This will be the final goodbye to his father. He’s fully aware it’s too late to change their estranged relationship.
Now he’s faced with the pain of knowing his dad would want him to be a role model for his brother. He’d want him to stick around and provide the kid with guidance, even though Eli fears he’ll never be able to make that happen.