I pull up outside Jessica’s house and take in all the cars that are parked along the street. I’m supposed to be at training camp already, but I delayed it because I wanted to come here. It’s not to see Jess and the rest of our old crowd; it’s because I know Becca’s back in town, and even though I hate it, even though I can’t stand that she still has this pull over me, I can’t resist the urge to go to a party where there’s a small chance she might come.
I get out of my car and make my way over to the sidewalk just as the passenger door opens and long, tanned legs step onto the sidewalk. My eyes pan up, and I’ve got to admit, Kelly’s fucking gorgeous. She’s wearing a dress that should be illegal. It’s black and skintight, showing off every last curve of her body. She spent nearly two hours getting ready and it was definitely worth it. Her hair is curled and hanging down her back, and she has a full face of makeup on. She looks like a knockout, like something out of the Playboy Mansion, and I’m proud to have her on my arm. I know some people will have been laughing at me over what Becca did—I mean, seriously? Fucking my biggest rival? How low can you get?—but showing up with Kelly will show that I’ve moved on. Hopefully they’ll see I’ve moved on to better things, and that’s why it’s good Kelly’s here. I hate the thought that anyone’s been pitying me or laughing at me.
Kelly’s about as far as I could get from Becca. Not in terms of their looks—don’t get me wrong, Kelly’s body is good, but Becca’s is insane, and she doesn’t have to do a single thing to maintain it. She stuffs her face every chance she gets, yet never gains a pound. She’s the perfect height, not too tall and not too short, and her curves might be more subtle than Kelly’s, but they’re the stuff I’ve dreamed about since I was twelve years old. Even now, as much as I hate it, Becca’s still in my dreams. Where Becca and Kelly are complete opposites is in their style. Becca would have just shown up to Jess’s wearing jeans and whatever clean top she could find, maybe thrown on a bit of makeup if she had time, but if it was a choice between getting ready and hanging out at the beach or chilling with friends, she would have chosen that without caring about what she looked like.
Kelly flips her hair over her shoulder and smirks at me, catching me checking her out. I don’t think she’d be quite so happy if she knew my thoughts had strayed to Becca, something I try not to let happen, but which seems to be happening more and more.
Kelly takes a deep breath. “You ready?” she asks. She’s nervous; she won’t admit it, but she is. She knows the people here are some of my best friends in the world, and she wants to make a good impression because I care about them.
I nod and start walking toward the house. I hear her heels click against the sidewalk as she hurries to catch up to me. She reaches out and grabs my hand, lacing her fingers though mine and stepping into my side so that the left side of her body is rubbing up against my back. Usually I’d probably enjoy the feel of her beside me, but I can’t. I can’t because I might see Becca any minute, for the first time in nine months.
I open the door, and a wave of noise assaults us. Kelly grips my hand tighter, and I lead the way in. The house is packed; it looks like everyone from my class and the ones above and below mine are here. Jess has always thrown an end-of-summer party, for as long as I can remember. It used to be to send us back to high school, and now she does it when we’re all heading back to college. It’s gotten to be like a reunion too, since we don’t get to see each other often enough anymore. I know Jake and the rest of the guys will be in the kitchen, so I lead the way through there, negotiating my way through the crowd, smiling and nodding at the people who shout my name. I can see them glancing past me at Kelly and giving me winks, letting me know they think she’s hot. I turn around to make sure Kelly’s okay, but I shouldn’t have worried. She’s totally loving the attention, preening like a peacock. I swear she’s stuck her chest even farther out and is smiling coyly at any of the guys who are looking her way. I resist the urge to roll my eyes and quicken my pace. I’m ready for a drink.
We finally reach the kitchen, and I immediately see my old friend Katie Thompson. She’s facing me and talking to her boyfriend, John, another good friend of mine, but her eyes dart to me when I enter the room, and her face breaks into a huge smile. I love Katie; she’s one of those people I’ve known forever and can just be myself around. She doesn’t care that I play football and might go pro, and it’s the same with all my high school friends. They don’t give a crap about Ryan Jackson, college quarterback; they’re just my friends, and they don’t treat me any differently than they did when I was sixteen. The only problem with Katie at the moment is that she likes to talk about feelings and all that crap. She’s tried plenty of times over the summer to talk to me about Becca, but I refuse to. If I could wipe Becca from my memory, I would, and I especially don’t want anyone else talking about it.
Katie signals to John, and he turns and waves at me too. She and John have done what Becca and I couldn’t—they’ve lasted through college and are planning to move to San Diego together after they graduate. Katie steps toward me then stops when her eyes drop to my hand and see it laced through Kelly’s. She looks at me with a question in her eyes, but I pretend I don’t see it as I make my way over to her.
“Hey guys.”
Katie’s eyes flick to Kelly warily before she looks back at me. John’s noticed our hands too and raises an eyebrow at me. “Hey man,” John says before turning and smiling at Kelly. Katie doesn’t say anything, and it takes John nudging her in the side before she plasters on a grin and smiles at us both. “Hey guys.”
I roll my eyes at her effort. I knew this wouldn’t be straightforward. “This is Kelly,” I tell them, nodding in her direction.
“His girlfriend,” Kelly tells them smugly.
Katie’s head whips around to face me. “What?”
I shrug. “Yeah.” I’m trying to act nonchalant, but it’s unnerving having Katie just staring at me.
“Since when?” she demands.
I can feel Kelly stiffen behind me. “Since yesterday.” There’s an edge in her voice, and I know she’s irritated by Katie’s response. “We’ve been dating on and off since last October, and now we’re official.”
Katie’s jaw falls open as she stares at Kelly. To be honest, I’m surprised Katie doesn’t know; Kelly’s plastered it all over social media, but then I guess if Katie’s never met her before, she wouldn’t be looking at her pages. I haven’t changed my status yet, much to Kelly’s annoyance. I guess what Kelly said about us dating since October isn’t strictly a lie, but it’s more that we’ve been sleeping together since last October. There definitely haven’t been many dates, and we definitely weren’t exclusive. It was just after Becca and I split up, and I took any willing girl to use as a distraction.
There’s an awkward pause as Katie gapes at us. John nudges her in the arm. “Babe, you’re being rude.”
“Right.” Katie snaps out of it and plasters a fake smile on her face. “Sorry. Congrats guys.”
I roll my eyes.
“You want a drink, man?” John asks. I nod and ask for a beer, and then he turns to Kelly. “Can I get you anything?” She turns and follows him to the drinks station in the corner, leaving me alone with Katie.
“Seriously?” she demands. “A new girlfriend?”
“What?” I ask, looking around.
“She’s not here,” Katie snaps.
“Who?”
She narrows her eyes at me. “You know who.” I don’t respond to her, but I feel a certain disappointment that Becca’s not here. It’s the same disappointment I had when I first heard that she was away for the whole summer and wouldn’t be in town. We’d always talked about traveling together, and I tried to tell myself it wasn’t her I was missing, that I was just upset she was getting to travel somewhere I’d always wanted to go, but I knew deep down that was bullshit. As angry as I’ve been at Becca, as hurt and humiliated as she made me, some of that has started to die down, and now I think about other things too. I think about us, and I miss her—even if it’s only myself that I admit it to.
“So.” I swallow my pride. “Is she not coming or what?”
Katie narrows her eyes. “Who?”
I roll my eyes. She knows perfectly well that I mean Becca, but she’s going to make me say it. “Becca.” I sigh. “Come on, is she coming or not?”
“I don’t know.” Her eyes flash over to Kelly. “Is that why you brought her here? Trying to get one over on Becca?”
I glare back at her. That’s a little too close for comfort. Kelly’s here to show everyone I’ve moved on; I hadn’t really thought about Becca seeing her. “Give me some credit, Katie.”
“Ryan, I’ve spent the whole freaking summer with you, and you’ve not mentioned that girl’s name once. Last week we were in a bar, and you went home with some waitress. Forgive me for thinking it’s not serious.”
“Shut up,” I tell her. I don’t need another lecture on my behavior. She’s spent the whole summer trying to get me to admit the reason I’m sleeping around is because of Becca. Well, no shit. It’s pretty obvious.
“I recognize her,” Katie tells me. “She’s always tagging you in pictures with her pressed all up against you, even back when you were with Becca.” Her face turns into a sneer, and I already know she doesn’t like Kelly.
“Hey guys.”
I turn and see Jake approach us.
“Did you know he has a girlfriend now?” Katie demands.
Jake nods slowly. “Yeah, I saw it on Kelly’s Facebook.”
I don’t look at him. He’s tried calling me a couple of times since yesterday, and I knew it would be about this, so I haven’t gotten back to him.
“When did you become official?”
I sigh in irritation. He’s not going to let me get away with not answering. “Yesterday.”
He snorts. “So this has nothing to do with those pictures Sam put up?”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lie.
“Course you don’t.”
“What pictures?” Katie demands.
“Sam put up a bunch of pictures from their vacation trip. Becca’s not in a lot of them, but there is one where she’s next to some guy.” I try to keep my face impassive; I don’t want to admit that he’s right. I’ve spent what feels like my whole summer checking her and Sam’s social media, waiting for them to put some pictures up, but they didn’t. Sam put up the odd one of the scenery, of gorgeous views that made me wish I was there with them like we’d always planned. She even posted a couple of her and the other girl who was with them. The only time she put one up of Becca was on her birthday—Becca’s twenty-first birthday, the biggest birthday of her life, which I wasn’t there to celebrate, just like she wasn’t there for mine. My birthday fell on a game day. We played at home and my family came down for the game, and those friends from high school that were close enough to make the journey came too. We won the game, and then a huge group of us went to a bar downtown where we had food and I had my first legal drink with my dad. Then my family left and we all stayed out for hours, drinking and dancing before going back to my house and continuing the party there. It was awesome. I had a great time, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was missing, and I knew it was Becca. Becca should have been there, especially when my mom gave me a card from Becca’s parents. There were two courtside seats to a Lakers game in there. My eyes flashed to her, and even though neither of us said it, we knew it had been Becca who told them this was the perfect present for me, and it just made me think of her even more. Her aunt’s new boyfriend works in PR for the team, and I have a feeling that’s how they got them. When I went to the game with Jake, we stopped by to say hi, but it all felt so weird. Everything feels weird without Becca.
I’d been thinking even more about Becca than usual during the week of her birthday. Her parents had been around at my house (I knew there had been a bit of tension between them when Becca and I first broke up, but they’d managed to sort that out), and when I walked in on her mom in the kitchen with mine, I tried to pretend everything was normal and not awkward as hell. I wanted to ask her how Becca was doing and what she was up to, but I didn’t. I couldn’t show any of them what I was thinking. When her birthday rolled around, I wanted to know what she was doing and how she was celebrating, and I waited and waited to see something on social media. Finally, when I woke up on the morning of her birthday, I saw the picture. Becca was sitting on the ground with her legs crossed in front of a massive bowl of pad thai. She had her hair pulled up in a messy ponytail and her sunglasses on top of her head. It was the first picture I’d seen of her in months, and I was shocked at how she looked. She was the skinniest I’ve ever seen her, and even though she was smiling at the camera, it didn’t reach her eyes. It was a smile she’d put on for Sam, on demand, to please her. She’s not happy in it. I can tell.
Looking at that picture is not what got me. When I was eventually able to rip my eyes away from it, it was Sam’s caption that really hit me where it hurt: Happy Birthday to my best friend, the kindest, strongest, funniest person I know. She’s my favorite person. That’s what got me, because whether I liked it or not, Becca was my favorite person too, even after all this time, and I couldn’t help but think it was a dig at me over our breakup. I mean, how is Becca strong? She’s weak. Why else would she cheat? Even if she wanted Mulligan, she should have had the guts to break up with me first—but that’s the thing, she’s not with Mulligan. I’ve asked Mason about it enough times, but he said he never speaks about her, and as far as he knows, they haven’t seen each other in months. And that just blows my mind, because it means she threw it all away for nothing.
“Is that what this is about?” Katie demands, waving her hand in Kelly’s direction and pulling me back to the present. “Is that why you’ve suddenly got a new girlfriend?”
“It’s not that sudden,” I tell her.
She throws her hands up in the air and stalks over to Jessica as I sigh with irritation. I turn back to Jake, who’s watching me closely. “I knew that would cut you up, man.”
“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He rolls his eyes. “Sure you don’t.” I know I’m being ridiculous. It’s just a picture of a group of people. Becca’s not even looking at the guy, she’s looking somewhere in the distance, and they’re not touching or anything, but he’s smiling over at her. It genuinely made my stomach flip, thinking she was out there, partying with a group of people I know nothing about.
“Hey Sam.” I look up when I hear Sam’s name called and turn to see her walking into the kitchen, heading to the corner where some of her old crowd from high school stand. My gaze immediately sweeps behind her, seeing if Becca’s there, but it’s her boyfriend, Chris, who follows her in. He looks in my direction and nods my way, but he doesn’t make a move to come over. I frown. Chris is a good friend of mine these days, and I don’t know why he’d ignore me.
Jake’s gaze must follow my own. “Sam!” he calls, smiling over at her.
Her head turns to face us, and her eyes flick from Jake to me and then back again. The expression on her face doesn’t change, and she turns away, dismissing us.
“What the hell?” Jake mutters. I turn to face him, and then turn back to Sam, but she’s already over with her friends, greeting them and hugging them. She has no problems smiling at them. “Maybe she didn’t see us?” Jake asks. Of course she saw us; she saw us clear as day but chose to ignore us, and I’d bet money on it having something to do with Becca. I watch as Katie approaches her with Jessica in tow. After a quick hug, Katie leans into her, clearly asking her something. Judging by the quick glance she sends my way, I’m guessing it has something to do with Becca. Katie nods her head sharply and then leaves the kitchen, with Jessica right behind her.
“I’ll go find out what’s wrong,” Jake says, eyeing Sam.
We’ve all spent a lot of time together over the last couple of years, and we’ve both known Sam since middle school. The last thing I want is to lose her friendship just because Becca and I are no longer together. I watch as he moves over to Sam’s group. Her friend Erica looks up as he approaches, smiling in welcome, but when Sam sees he’s approached, her eyes quickly flicker to me, and I can see the flash of anger in them before she turns it back on Jake. She dismisses herself from the group before he has a chance to say anything to her and walks away without giving him a second glance. Chris looks confused, but sends Jake a quick, apologetic look before following after his girlfriend.
Jake turns back to me, shrugging his shoulders in confusion, and I put my red cup to my mouth and chug the remainder of my beer. It’s going to be a long night.