“Where were you last night?”
I glance across at Tina. I had a session with Lucy, and I finally spoke about the whole thing, from start to finish. I didn’t leave bits out like I have before, and it was the first time I’ve described the night in full. Even with Sam, I just gave her a brief overview, but I told Lucy all of it, every last detail, and I feel better for it—way, way better.
“I was in the library until late.”
Her eyes narrow on my face. “I stopped in there on the way home but I didn’t see you.”
I don’t miss a beat. “I popped out for a coffee at one point. It must have been then.”
She looks at me for a second and then nods. “Must have been.”
I look away across the student quad, trying to act nonchalant. I know she’s wondering where I’ve been disappearing to twice a week, and I’m going to have to start coming up with better excuses. There’s no way she can ever find out the truth.
“I have news,” I tell her.
“Oh, yeah?”
“I’m switching my major.”
Her jaw falls open. “What? Again?”
I laugh at her expression. “Yes, again, but for good this time. I’ve decided to go to medical school, and now I just need to make sure I can get enough credits to get there. I’m going to pick up physical sciences and psychology for the rest of the year.”
Her eyes bug out of her head. “Medical school?”
I smile. “Yeah. I want to be a psychiatrist.”
“What? Since when?”
Since I met Lucy, since I saw the difference she’s made in my life and the lives of everyone she works with. I’ve finally found something I am passionate about, something I can be good at. I know it’ll be hard, but I know it’ll be worth it, and I’m going to do it. I told my mom last night, and though she was shocked, she told me she’d support me in whatever decision I wanted to make. “I just really want to do it. I want to make a difference.”
“Are you being serious?”
I laugh. “As a heart attack. I just need to make sure I study my ass off for the rest of the year so I can pass the entrance exams.”
“You’re being serious?”
“Yes, Tina. Becca McKenzie has finally figured out what she wants to do with her life.”
She stares at me openmouthed for another second then pulls me into a hug. “I think that’s amazing, Becca. Really, really amazing.”
I smile at her, returning her hug, but when I glance behind her, Robbie Mulligan walks into my line of sight, and I automatically freeze up. I can’t tear my eyes away from him though. If he’s in my vicinity, I need to know exactly where he is so I know to stay away. He’s with the same blonde girl he was with at Carrington’s, and he’s holding her hand and smiling down at her possessively while she tells him something. My heart tightens at the sight of it. A redhead and a brunette trail behind them, calling out to the girl, and she turns and smiles at them. They must be her friends—I saw them at Carrington’s too.
“Becca?” I force myself to face Tina. She has her eyes pinned on Robbie too.
“Who’s that girl?” I don’t care what she makes of the question. I’ve seen him with her twice now, and I want to know what she is to him.
Tina’s eyes widen just slightly before she glances back at them. “I don’t know. I can find out though?” It’s a question.
My eyes find Robbie again, and I watch as he bends and places a gentle kiss on her forehead. I swallow hard. I hate seeing him with anyone. I know what he did to me was all about Ryan, but still, I hate seeing him with someone. “Yes.” My voice is firm and hard. “Find out who she is.”
The blonde girl wraps her arms around his waist, throwing her head back and laughing at something. Then she takes his hand and tugs him toward the business buildings, pulling them out of my eyesight. I let out a visible breath of relief when he’s gone, but I still feel uneasy. Something is still niggling at me.
I turn back to Tina, and she’s watching me, concern written all over her face. “What should I cook for dinner tonight?”
She snorts. She’s not on board with me trying to cook. I burned rice the other day.
“I’ll cook,” she announces. “Come on.” She pulls me out of the shelter of the arts building, where I met her after class. I reach down and zip my jacket, making a mental note to dig out my winter gear when I get home. It’s definitely getting colder.
“So I have another date with Max tonight,” Tina tells me. I glance over at her and she’s grinning from ear to ear.
I smile back at her. “That’s great.” She met Max in her sociology class earlier this year, and they’ve been on at least five dates now, so I know she really likes him. I’ve met him a couple times, and he seems really nice.
“Do you have plans tonight?” she asks.
I shake my head distractedly. Mason has just walked into view, talking with a couple of guys. I haven’t seen him at all recently, and my heart starts beating a little faster at the sight of him. He’s my link to Ryan. He stops midstride and starts laughing at something one of his friends has said to him.
I wonder if I should go speak to him. We’re friends again now, right? I hate that I’m second-guessing this; I wouldn’t have thought twice about approaching him before.
“Becca?” My gaze snaps back to Tina, who is watching me watch Mason. I turn to face her.
“What?” I ask. She lifts an eyebrow at me. “Sorry, what were you saying?”
She narrows her eyes in Mason’s direction. “What are you doing tonight?” she asks, turning back to me with a mischievous glint in her eye.
“No plans. You’re cooking for me, and then I’m staying in and studying.”
“You should come with me.”
I frown. “I’m not third-wheeling on your date, Tina.”
“It doesn’t have to be a third wheel,” she tells me, looking at something over my shoulder and smirking. I cock an eyebrow at her. What’s she talking about? “Remember Max’s friend, Jacob? You met him when we saw them at the mall that time?”
I nod my head, recalling the tall blond-haired guy who made me feel like a total dwarf next to him.
“Well, he’s asked about you a couple times and wants to take you on a date. We could double tonight.”
I immediately shake my head. “No. No way,” I tell her. “I’m not dating.”
“He’s really, really hot,” she tells me, not giving in. I sigh, knowing she’s going to push this. Tina is not good at accepting no, and she’s decided I need to get back out there. “And he’s so sweet!”
“I don’t care.”
“And smart. He’s really, really smart.”
“Tina—”
“Just come with us.”
“No!”
“Becca!”
“There’s absolutely no way in hell I’m going with you,” I tell her.
“No way in hell you’re going with her where?”
I jump at the sound to my left and turn to see Mason. Bernie’s beside him. A smug smile crosses Tina’s face, and I realize she must have seen him head our way. Apparently she’s pleased. “I’m trying to get Becca to go on a date tonight,” she tells him.
My eyes widen in horror, and I turn to Mason.
“I’m not going,” I tell him quickly before turning and glaring at Tina.
“What? You’ve started dating again?” Bernie asks in surprise. Hurt crosses his face. “Who’s the guy?”
I shake my head emphatically. “There is no guy.” I turn to glare at Tina. “She knows I’m not dating.”
Tina just grins back at me. “He’s gorgeous,” she tells Mason, who is looking at her with an amused smile playing on his lips. “Really sweet, and he’s on the basketball team. Did you know that, Becca?”
I stare back blankly at her. She knows I don’t know that; I met him for two minutes when we bumped into them once. “So if you want to stick with jocks, like your dating history suggests, he still counts, only a different flavor.”
My jaw falls open. I can’t believe she just said that. Bernie starts to chuckle next to me, and I send him a look too. She doesn’t need any encouragement.
He holds his hand up to me. “Hey, you know I think you should start dating again, but you don’t have to go to the basketball team. You know there’s a willing football player right here who wants to take you out.”
My stomach drops to the floor. He just said that in front of Mason and Tina.
“What?” Tina squeals next to me.
I’ve gone bright red, I just know it. I sneak a peek at Mason, who is watching me with interest.
“If anyone’s taking her out, it’s going to be me—right Becca?”
I flush an even deeper red.
“You asked her out?” Tina demands.
“You mean you didn’t tell your friend?” Bernie teases me. “That cuts deep.”
I roll my eyes, willing my flaming cheeks to cool down.
“This is perfect,” Tina declares, clapping her hands together. “You guys would make a gorgeous couple.”
“Stop,” I tell her, shoving her with my shoulder.
Bernie starts laughing. “I agree, but we have to convince Becca first.” He glances at his watch. “I’ve got to go,” he tells us. “Tina, keep working on her.” He looks at me and flashes me a disarming smile, which does nothing to stop my embarrassment. “Remember, when you’re ready, I’m first in line.” Then he turns and struts off like he owns the whole campus. His confidence is ridiculous.
“You did not tell me that!”
I turn to Tina, who is looking at me accusingly. “There’s nothing to tell,” I mutter, wishing Mason weren’t witness to this conversation.
“What’s the problem? Bernie’s gorgeous. You’d have half the campus crazy with jealousy.”
My stomach rolls at the thought. I can’t stand having people think about me at all. I just want to get through this year and forget that anyone has ever had an opinion on me and my private life.
“Tina—”
She whirls on Mason. “So, is he like, really into her or what?”
“Tina!” This time my voice is loud and sharp. It is not okay that she’s saying this in front of him.
She just rolls her eyes. “But you and Bernie would be great together.” I glare at her. She’s really pissing me off now. She notices my look and just smirks. “Okay, so if you don’t want Bernie, then date Max’s friend.”
“Arrgh! I’m not dating! I’m not interested in anyone.”
“Well, people are interested in you,” she tells me, sending me a wink.
“Please stop,” I manage to snap after a brief pause. “Now.”
Tina turns back to Mason. “She’s mad I’m saying this in front of you because there’s the possibility that it might get back to Ryan.” She gives me a pointed look, which basically tells me she can see straight through my irritation. “However, I think it would do him some good to know Becca’s got options, and he should get the massive stick out of his ass and forgive her already, because the poor girl can’t do anything else to prove she’s sorry.”
Mason raises an eyebrow, and a low chuckle comes out of his mouth.
“I’m being serious,” she continues, crossing her arms. “Ryan Jackson needs to get the fuck over himself and realize what he’s missing, because she’s not going to be hanging around forever.”
My jaw drops open. Mason’s gaze doesn’t budge from Tina. She steps toward him, in full-on rant mode. “My girl is freaking beautiful. She’s kind, she’s clever, she’s funny, and if he doesn’t want her, there are plenty of others that do. Might do him some good to be reminded of that.”
Then she turns to me and grins, gives me a wink, and starts walking away, calling over her shoulder that she needs to return a library book and will see me back at our apartment. I watch her walk away and feel slightly bewildered, but am also reminded of what a good friend she is.
I turn back to Mason, shrugging my shoulders at Tina’s antics. “Sorry about that,” I tell him. “She’s just, y’know, being my friend.” Mason smiles and nods. “I’m not going,” I continue. “I’m not dating anyone. Please don’t tell Ryan.”
Mason doesn’t say anything, just stares back at me, and it’s making me nervous.
“I swear I didn’t encourage Bernie,” I continue. “He probably just feels sorry for me, and that’s why he asked me out.”
Mason snorts. “Bernie’s liked you for a while. It’s not because he feels sorry for you.” I don’t know what to say to that, and Mason smirks at me. “He knew you were off limits, and now you’re not. He took his chance.”
“I didn’t say yes.”
“I know.”
“I’m not dating anyone. I’m not interested in anyone.”
He looks at me for a long time, weighing something up. “I know. You don’t want anyone except Ryan.”
“Please don’t tell him about any of this.”
Mason grins at me. “I’m not gonna tell Ryan you’re dating, Becca. Do I look like I want my ass handed to me?”
My eyebrows burrow in confusion. I have no idea what he’s talking about.
Mason laughs at my blank expression. “You never did quite get how Ryan feels about you, did you?” he asks. I shrug in response. Ryan told me he was in love with me for years before we got together, but that’s all in the past now. Mason narrows his eyes and crosses his arms. “Did you never wonder why no one ever asked you out in high school?”
My face burns red. “Mason! I did get asked out. I went out with Charlie!”
He starts to laugh at me. “I mean, anyone from our school?”
I let out an annoyed huff and rearrange my bag on my arm. This is kinda rude. I would never point out Mason’s dateless state to him! I met Charlie through Sam’s boyfriend who attended a different school. “I don’t know, but thanks for pointing that out!”
He grins. “It was because of Ryan, you idiot. Everyone knew you were off limits, and everyone listened to Ryan, did what he said. I mean, we all had an idea he liked you, as far back as middle school, but when we got to high school, it just became more and more obvious, especially after he dealt with Fran Cunningham for you.” I’m listening to him intently. Fran Cunningham was this horrible bully back in high school, and when I stood up to her, Ryan made sure she didn’t come after me. “I swear he used to stare at you in the cafeteria when he thought no one was watching. It was funny, really. Then remember when Luke Masters transferred to school sophomore year?”
I nod my head. “Well, he had a thing for you. He mentioned that he was going to ask you out at practice one day, and everyone just kind of went silent and looked at Ryan. We all knew he was into you, and Luke got the message and backed off. That’s why Ryan was a dick at Jess’s when he saw you talking to Luke. He knew he used to like you and jumped to conclusions.”
“What? Are you being serious?”
Mason laughs. “Yeah. Everyone knew back then that Ryan was into you, so they stayed away.”
I’m totally dumbfounded. “Ryan cock-blocked me throughout all of high school?”
“Yup!” Mason replies cheerfully. “Although it wasn’t completely his fault. He never spoke about you or anything, we just knew, and you know what it was like at MacAllister. No one ever really went against Ryan.” I can’t believe this. I had no idea about any of this, but something tells me it’s true. Ryan was ridiculously popular in high school; he pretty much ruled the place, and whatever he said stood.
“Remember that time,” Mason continues conversationally, “when we all came over to you and asked you to tutor Ryan? We could tell you weren’t impressed that we all surrounded you.” He winks at me, and I grin back. It’s no secret I spent all of high school avoiding Ryan, Mason, and their friends, but one afternoon, they all surrounded me, trying to talk me into tutoring Ryan. “Anyway, some kids started running past and banged into you, you went flying, and Ryan had to reach out to catch you before you fell, remember?”
I smile. Yeah, I remember that. They were all being weird, and then I fell and was really embarrassed that I looked like an idiot in front of them.
“Well, I swear the guy stopped breathing because he was actually touching you. You detached yourself from him, probably didn’t even thank him, and then walked away, and we all just starting pissing ourselves at Ryan. It was so funny. He was bright red and everything. We all loved it, since he got every other girl in that school so easily.”
I smile at Mason. There’s no point in pretending I don’t like hearing this stuff. It makes me feel closer to Ryan, hearing about our past, even if at the time I was completely oblivious to it. It’s horrible that it’s so different now.
“Thanks Mason, but it’s different now. He doesn’t feel like that anymore.”
“I don’t know. Remember when we were kids and I kissed you in spin the bottle?” I nod my head, remembering back to that day when we were twelve. Ironically, Mason was my first kiss. “Well, Ryan was so pissed at me that he didn’t speak to me for a week. I swear it still pisses him off today. And then when we were in high school and Kevin Wilson groped you that time?” I nod, grimacing at the memory. “Well, Ryan threw him into the lockers so hard afterward, I swear I thought he’d have broken bones. Then he didn’t speak to him again. And whenever he saw you with that idiot boyfriend of yours when we were seniors? Well, we all avoided him like the plague whenever that happened, because we knew he’d be in a shitty mood about seeing you with another guy.” I force a smile, but really I want to cry. We have so much history, and yet he won’t give us another chance. Mason must see my face, because he steps toward me and puts his hand on my shoulder. “My point is, the guy fucking adores you, Becca. Always has.”
I smile sadly at Mason. “Not anymore, Mason. He doesn’t want anything to do with me now.”
Mason shrugs and smiles back at me. “You don’t just switch that shit off, Becca. No matter how much you want to. You really hurt him, but…” His voice trails off, not finishing his sentence.
My eyes snap to his in earnest. Does Mason think there’s still a chance for Ryan and me? Does he think Ryan might one day take me back? Surely, if anyone would know, it would be him, one of Ryan’s best friends. The questions I’ve been trying to force out of my head after seeing him over the summer come to the forefront of my mind.
“Look, just give him time, okay? Let him figure it out on his own. I don’t know for sure, but I know him, and I know deep down he loves you. So no, I wouldn’t be going on any dates with anyone else, because I’m pretty sure Jackson’s not done with you yet.”
My heart soars, and I feel tears well in my eyes. Mason rolls his eyes at my response. “Geez McKenzie, don’t start bawling on me. Come on, let’s go get some pizza.” He throws his eyes arm around my shoulder and leads me toward the student food hall. “I might even take a picture of us and put it on Instagram, just to mess with Jackson’s head. You know he’d be checking that shit out,” he says, grinning wickedly and giving me a wink.
I smile back at him. For the first time in what seems like years, I return his smile with a genuine smile of my own.