“Okay, I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” I tell my mom.
“Tell my son that he’d better be home!” Taylor orders in the background.
“Yell in my freaking ear next time, why don’t you?” my mom grumbles at Taylor.
“Well, you never share. Serves you right,” Taylor remarks.
“Okay. Bye, ladies.” I laugh and hang up.
God, tomorrow should be interesting. They’ve only seen us a few times since our marriage took a long nosedive into failure. And despite knowing that something isn’t quite right, they haven’t meddled. Yet.
Leo got home late again last night, took a shower in the main bathroom, and went to bed in the spare room—again. Which hurts so damn much. We’ve never slept apart unless he’s been away for work. Not since we first moved in together in my second year of college.
I head to the living room, intent on working on the blanket I’d started making a few weeks ago before Lola comes over. I spoke to her briefly at school pick-up and told her about my visit to Fiona’s, but thanks to another bout of rain, she said she’d come over today so I can fill her in.
Pulling my basket out, I sit down and get comfortable on the couch just as my phone starts ringing again. Damn it. I get up and make my way back to the kitchen, missing the call by a second. I see Jared’s name come through on my missed call notification and chew my lip. I can’t bring myself to call him back. I don’t know what to do about him, really. I care about him, probably a lot more than I should, and yes, obviously, I’m attracted to him. But I can’t make any more waves for fear of the aftermath that’s still to come. I know I’ll have to break it off with him regardless, though. Not only was it not right to begin with, but my heart just isn’t in it. Not when it’s always belonged to Leo.
If there’s anyone who could make me forget that, though, even for a little while, it’s Jared.
But even after everything that’s happened, I don’t want to forget. I still don’t want to let go. Not just because we have a life together, but because he’s the only man I’ve ever wanted. It’s a shame it’s taken all this to realize that will never change. I’ll take the torment and the heartbreak in hopes that we can find our way back to who we used to be. Whether that makes me weak or not, I don’t care; love doesn’t just remove its hold on you because you want it to.
A knock sounds on the door, and I lift my head from staring at my phone, shaking it before walking out of the kitchen and down the hall to let Lola in.
“Hey.” She shuts the door behind her and passes me a takeout coffee cup.
“Oh, you’re amazing.” I take a sip. “Thank you.”
We move into the living room, and I put my basket away then take a seat. She removes her purse from her shoulder, placing it on the ground and sitting on the opposite couch.
“So …” She takes a sip from her coffee. “How was she?”
I roll my lips together as I think about how to answer that.
She winces. “That bad?”
Giving her a nod, I sink back into the couch and tell her everything.
“Wow. Really?” Her eyes widen when I finish.
“Yeah. What do we do?” I ask. “I’m actually pretty worried.”
Lola looks down at the dark wood of our coffee table, seeming lost in thought. “I don’t know. You’re right, though. It doesn’t sound like something Dylan would do. She mentioned a lawyer?”
“Yeah.” I wrap my hands around my cup to warm them.
“Well, it’s bad that she has to resort to that, but good if it means she’s starting to do something.”
“Maybe we should take shifts? We can both go over there once a week to check in on her. She seems a bit … lost.”
Lola sighs. “Not a bad idea. But …” She crosses her legs, turning to face me fully. “I know what you’re doing.”
My brows furrow. “What?”
“Leo. You’re trying to distract yourself.” She holds up a hand when I go to interrupt her. “Now, I know this is something you’d do anyway, but it still makes me worry—for you.”
I wait, kind of stumped by where she’s taking this.
“You need to allow yourself to feel, Lia. You’re a wreck inside. Quit trying to suffocate those emotions. Have you spoken to Leo again?”
My face scrunches because I didn’t think I was doing that. I shift, tucking my legs underneath me. “No, but not for lack of trying. He came home late and went to bed in the spare room. He was gone when I woke up this morning.”
She scowls. “Asshole. Maybe he just needs a few days.”
“Well, our moms are coming tomorrow to take the kids for the weekend.”
Her blond brows rise. “They’re back?”
I nod.
“Hey, this could be a good thing. You two could use the time together to fix this mess once and for all.”
I try not to roll my eyes. “There’s just one problem with that,” I say. “You can’t fix a damn thing when the other person doesn’t want to.”
“I think you’ve shaken him awake with what happened with Jared. So don’t go assuming things just yet.” She arches a brow while taking a sip from her coffee.
I’m not convinced that’s true, though. If he’s stopped arguing and smashing things, and if he’s not home, then I’m afraid that once he is, he’ll just go back to how he was before. And the only thing worse than his anger is his indifference.
“I know he said he wouldn’t let you guys divorce. But after everything, do you think that if things don’t get any better, you might separate?” Lola asks hesitantly.
I pick at a thread on my red sweater. “I don’t want to. You know that. I never really did. I’m in this, whether he’s an asshole or not. And I’m going to make sure Jared knows that whatever we had, it’s over now.”
She smiles. “Oh wow, getting a little fight back aren’t you, honey?”
“One of us has to. And I’m sick of trying to make him see me. It just backfired and got way out of control, anyway. So hopefully when he realizes that I’m here, and that I’m not going anywhere, he’ll finally start to see me again.”
“Mommy, can I take my makeover set to Grandma’s place?” Greta asks while lying in bed. I tuck her in and kiss her cheek.
“Of course. You’ll save Grandma Taylor loads of time by doing her makeup for her.” I wink, laughing softly to myself as I stand. Taylor is liable to have a conniption, but she’ll put up with it. She adores Greta, and she’ll suffer through anything just to show my mother that she can. They’re both so damn stubborn.
“Love you, Mommy.” Greta yawns and rolls over.
I switch off her light. “Love you more.”
I walk into Charlie’s room only to find Leo’s already there, lying down next to him with Charlie’s head resting on his chest. He’s still in his work clothes, which reminds me of the blood stain I found yesterday from when he punched Jared. My stomach turns, but I tell Charlie good night and walk down the hall to take a shower.
When I get out, I find Leo rummaging in his drawers until he digs out a pair of red and black checkered pajama pants and a gray t-shirt. He walks past me into the en suite without even looking at me and closes the door. I close our bedroom door then get dressed in my yellow flannel pajama pants and a tank top. Taking a seat on the bed, I flick through my phone and wait until he’s done in the shower. My phone rings just as the door opens, and he walks out shirtless in a cloud of steam. I look up from Jared’s name flashing on the screen and rake my eyes over Leo’s broad chest that tapers into slim, defined hips. His abs and muscles bunch tauntingly as he pulls his shirt over his head, evidence of how hard he works to keep himself in top physical condition. Ever the athlete.
“Is that your boyfriend?” he sneers, causing my eyes to snap from his chest to his face.
“What?” I gape.
“You heard me.” He goes to walk out the door, and I run for it, slamming it closed and standing in front of it.
“Talk to me,” I pant, raising my eyes to study the light brown stubble, the slight dip in his straight nose, and the tiny, faint freckles that you can’t see unless you’re this close to him. It’s been so long since our faces have been this close together that I take in every detail I never knew I’d miss so painfully. Like the perfect symmetry of his sculpted cheekbones and the long dark brown lashes that fan over his ice blue eyes. Eyes that flare wide at our proximity. He takes a step back.
“Move,” he rasps.
I shake my head. “I saw the blood, Leo. I know you went to the Westbrook and found Jared.”
His top lip curls. “You would know, playing phone tag with each other like you have been.”
Glaring at him, I say, “No, I know because I found the blood on your shirt, you asshole. And yes, I called him to make sure he was okay. I won’t lie to you.”
He throws his head back with a humorless laugh, his biceps expanding as he lifts his arms to scrub his hands roughly over his face. “Shit,” he breathes. “My fucking wife had to call her boyfriend and make sure he was okay,” he says to his hands.
A growl rips from my throat. “He’s not my boyfriend.”
“Oh, yeah?” He drops his hands, taking a step closer to me.
I hold his gaze, not backing down from the anger and disbelief clouding over his eyes.
“A fuck buddy? Lover? What the fuck do you call what you’ve been doing with him then, wife?”
“Trying to feel like me again!” I yell and watch as all expression falls from his face. “Yeah, I’ve fucked up. But …” I point a finger at him. “I never lied to you. I fucking told you I wanted a divorce, and then I told you that I was having an affair.”
“I thought you were taunting me!” he yells.
“I was!” I yell back, my voice breaking. “I was,” I finish quietly.
He averts his gaze, rubbing at the stubble on his chin. “Please, just move.”
My chest heaves up and down at the same alarming rate as my heartbeat. And despite wanting to have this out, I know taking it any further tonight might just make things worse. So I reluctantly step aside.
“Don’t forget, our mothers are arriving tomorrow to take the kids,” I tell him before he shuts the door without saying another word.