Sunlight filters into the room in streaks of blinding gold when my tear swollen eyes flutter open the next morning. I yawn, stretching my arms over my head when I feel it. A heavy arm draped over my waist. My stomach flips when I turn my head, finding Leo sound asleep behind me. I lie still, afraid he might disappear if I make my presence known, and just stare at him. His handsome face is rumpled from sleep, but the severity of everything he tries to hold inside is absent from his features. His lips are parted slightly. His long brown lashes rest on top of his sculpted cheeks. His sandy brown hair is in its usual disarray with a few pieces sprinkling down to rest on his forehead.
Where did he go? And when did he come back home? My eyes flit to the photo frame, which is now back on his nightstand.
The need to touch him is so strong that I bite my lip to stifle the urge. I slowly turn, his arm falling from my waist to the bed as I rise. Then I realize I’m naked, spying the towel I’d put on last night hanging over the side of the bed. Padding quietly across the carpet, I grab my robe from the back of the door and tie it around my midsection before going to the bathroom to do my business and brush my teeth. I pause in the doorway when I see the glass on the floor but ignore it. I’ll get to it later. I gargle mouthwash after brushing my teeth then make my way downstairs to grab the broom and dustpan, flicking the coffee machine on before going back upstairs. But when I walk into the room, it’s empty. I find Leo standing inside the en suite with his toothbrush in hand as he stares down at the mess on the floor. His eyes move to me.
“Hi,” I say dumbly.
He stands back, allowing me entry. I hear him brushing his teeth as I bend down, sweeping up all the pieces of glass into the tray. I shake out the bathmat over the tub to check for any more, but it seems okay, so I hang it over the side after I’m done. Bending back down, I pat the ground and look closely for any more glass.
“Don’t do that,” Leo says, spitting and rinsing his mouth out. “You’ll cut your hand if there are any small pieces.”
Rising, I take the dustpan over to the little trash can by the sink and empty it in.
“What happened?” He turns around, leaning against the sink to look at me.
I shrug. “I just got a little cranky about everything, I guess.”
Deciding to change the subject, I say, “Coffee? I’ll make us some coffee.” I go to leave, but he follows, grabbing my arm before I get through the doorway of our bedroom and spinning me around to face him.
“You and your … that guy …” His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “It’s nothing? It’s over?”
I fidget with the dustpan in my hands, nodding my head. “I promise. It wasn’t like that, not for me.”
His eyes squeeze closed for a second. He reopens them and nods. “Okay.” He blows out a breath. “Coffee sounds good.”
With my heart thudding hard enough to rattle my bones, I smile. Probably looking a little crazy with the tears that are stinging the backs of my eyes as I leave the room.
Putting the dustpan away under the sink, I busy myself with prepping our coffee, trying not to get too far ahead of myself with the feelings coursing through my bloodstream. He said he wants coffee, not a red-eye flight to Vegas to renew our wedding vows. But still, it’s a start. And maybe that’s all we need right now. To start somewhere.
I head back upstairs when he doesn’t come down and find him sitting on his side of the bed, flicking through some emails on his phone. I put his mug down on his nightstand and move over to my side, taking a seat and a big sip of coffee. He puts his phone down, picking up his mug and leaning back against the headboard. Crossing his pajama clad ankles, he takes a sip and thanks me while staring at the wall.
“Where’d you go?” I glance down into my mug. “Last night.”
I tuck my bare legs beneath me, taking another sip and waiting for his answer.
“I was going to stay at the Hedgington, but then I just sat in the car for ages before calling Trey.”
My eyes widen. “He knows?”
He stares at his mug. “Yeah, as little as possible, but he knows.”
“How’d it make you feel to tell him?”
Taking a sip of his coffee, he swallows before answering, “I didn’t know if I could, but I did, and yeah, I guess it helped some.”
Trey’s not like a lot of the men in Leo’s world. He’s a little more down to earth and easier to talk to, not interested in appearance and power plays. “He wouldn’t tell anyone.”
He looks over at me then. “I know.”
“I haven’t …” I shake my head.
“I know you haven’t.”
“What time did you get home?” I ask.
His eyes drop to my chest, and I look down to find half of my breast is hanging out, thanks to the robe. I quickly adjust it.
“About one in the morning,” he says quietly.
“Well, thank you … for coming home.”
He nods, and we finish our coffee in silence. It’s a silence that both hurts and comforts because he’s here, and I think that means he’s trying.
“I’ll go make us some breakfast,” I finally say when my stomach grumbles then get up from the bed.
He doesn’t say anything, just remains sitting there while I leave the room. I quickly whip up some toast and fruit. I’m spreading some strawberry jelly on Leo’s when he finally comes into the kitchen and takes a seat at the island. I put his plate in front of him and pour him a glass of orange juice before getting my own toast from the toaster and spreading some butter onto it. He taps the stool next to him when I remain standing and take a bite. Smiling, I move around and sit beside him while we eat. I laugh lightly when he finishes, brushing crumbs off his hands onto his plate.
“What?” He smirks at me.
I lean forward, noticing the way he tenses as my hand hovers over his face. He nods his head subtly, and I swipe the jam from around his top lip with my thumb. Moving my hand away, I’m shocked when he grabs it and brings my thumb to his mouth. Heat spreads throughout my body as his blue eyes hood while watching me. His hot mouth sucks the digit, swirling his tongue around it before slowly releasing it. He doesn’t let go of my hand, though. Tugging on it, he pushes his plate back and grabs my waist, lifting me to sit on the island in front of him. He spreads my legs, running his hands up my thighs and evoking a full body shiver.
“I do love you, Lia. More than my own life.”
My heart thrashes inside my chest at finally hearing those words. Tears gathering and spilling down my cheeks at the sincerity in his rough voice.
“What did she do to you?” I shock myself by asking.
He winces, looking away but keeps his hands on me.
I gently grab his chin, turning his face back to me. “You don’t have to tell me now or ever. But it might help, and I want to help.” A shaky breath leaves my mouth. “I also want to kill the bitch.”
He smiles at that. “There’s my inner-city girl.”
I wait, and he lets go of my leg to run a hand over his mouth.
“Look, I don’t remember a lot of it. Just that after you left that night, she gave me another drink. It wasn’t long until I was just lying there on their couch, feeling all sorts of fucked up. I kept passing out. At one stage, I woke up to find most of the guys had gone. One or two of them passed out on the couch. Including Dylan.”
He exhales heavily, his whole body shuddering with it. I grab his hand, holding it and imploring him with my eyes to continue, that I can handle it.
“She came into the room, told me to just go upstairs and sleep it off. She said she’d call you to come get me.” He shakes his head, smiling sadly. “I believed her.” And of course, he would because she was our friend. “So I let her help me up the stairs. I don’t know where, but when I was finally able to leave, I remember seeing toys and blue painted walls. One of their boy’s rooms, I assume.” My stomach lurches, the toast I just ate threatening to make an ugly reappearance. “Anyway, I passed out again as soon as my head hit the pillow. I came to once or twice, but whatever she gave me … I was struggling to stay with it. She was … my pants were gone, and she was doing …” He stops, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “I don’t remember much of that, thank fuck. But when I really started coming around, she was riding me.” He swallows, meeting my gaze, as silent tears stream down my cheeks. “I kept telling her to stop, but she didn’t hear me, or maybe I just wasn’t making any sense. Not that I think she would’ve given a shit. And then she was making me …” He averts his eyes to the refrigerator. “I couldn’t control it. Could barely move my hands to get her off me,” he whispers croakily then his eyes close. “I’m sorry.”
It’s then I realize that the shame from his body’s natural reaction has messed him up just as much, if not more, than the heartbreaking violation itself.
I gently grab both sides of his face. “Open your eyes.”
He does, tears escaping and running freely down his cheeks. I lean in, kissing them and licking them up one by one. “I love you,” is all I say.
It’s all he needs to hear. He hooks an arm around my waist, grabbing me and holding me tight to his chest. I continue kissing his face as he stands, carrying me back upstairs to our room. I wrap my legs around his waist, and he takes a seat on the bed with me in his lap. His arms constrict around me as he shoves his head into my neck and lets it all out. I wrap my arms around his back, kissing his neck and trying to stop my own tears from falling. It’s no use, though, because they keep coming anyway. It’s hard to stop them when my husband is holding onto me for dear life, his big body shaking with the force of his torment.
He keeps repeating the same thing. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
And so do I. “It’s not your fault. I love you.”
After a while, he finally pulls back, and I use my hands to wipe some of the wetness from his face. “Why don’t you hate me?” he rasps.
Smiling sadly, I lean in to kiss his nose. “I’ve wanted to, believe me. But I won’t hate you for this, never this.”
He rests his forehead against mine. “Don’t fucking break my heart again, Lia. I won’t survive it.”
“I’m sorry, so damn sorry. I won’t. Never again.” I hope he hears the truth and the conviction in my voice. “But please, don’t leave me. You can’t shut me out like that again.”
His eyes soften, and he leans in, skimming his lips over mine. I sigh, my whole body relaxing into the familiar feel of them. It feels like coming home after being locked outside for too long. I tilt my head, tentatively opening my mouth to take the kiss deeper. He groans, opening my robe wide and causing the satin material to slide down my arms as he skims his hands up my bare back. Goose bumps rise in their wake then he squeezes my ass, licking my top lip and causing my breathing to pick up.
“I didn’t think I could touch you,” he says into my mouth. “Or that I could let you touch me.”
My fingers pause in their exploration of his thick hair as I pull back a little. “We don’t have to,” I say quietly. I want this, more than I’ve ever wanted anything in so long, but I won’t push him.
He shakes his head. “No, I want to. I need to,” he declares.
I stare into his eyes, into the silent fear that lurks there. But behind it, I see the longing, that quiet desperation that’s fighting for dominance, and I make my decision. I move my mouth back to his, gently kissing his bottom lip and letting my fingers sink into his hair.
He exhales heavily, his chest heaving up and down as his hold on my ass tightens and his tongue dives into my mouth. Our lips, teeth, and tongues dance a familiar rhythm, our hearts pounding against each other’s chests. He tears his lips away, turning me until I’m on my back in the middle of the bed and then stripping out of his clothes.
I watch, hoping that he’s ready for this, and that we’re doing the right thing. But when his body covers mine, his arms flexing as he holds himself above me and looks down at me with love burning brightly in his blue eyes, I don’t know how this could ever be wrong.
“I’ve missed you,” he says, raking his eyes down my body. He leans on one arm and softly, hesitantly, trails his fingers over my breast. Then leans in to kiss my nipple with a gentleness that sets my emotions into orbit and ignites a burn between my thighs. I lie still, letting him look and touch, watching him kiss a path over my stomach until he reaches my mound. He spreads my legs roughly, nostrils flaring as he looks up at me from between them. And I see it, that recognition, the anger that someone else touched me there.
He covers me with his whole hand, glaring up at me while I try not to shake from the intensity of my shame, of my betrayal, and this burning need to finally have him again.
“This is mine, Lia. Don’t fucking test me on that again.” He nips the inside of my thigh, making me yelp and causing wetness to pool at my center. He smiles, but it’s cruel. “You like that, don’t you?”
He removes his hand and leans down on his elbows to spread me open with both hands. He tilts his head. “I think you do. Did he touch you here?”
“Leo.” I whimper when he keeps his eyes pinned between my legs and slowly trails a finger from my clit down to my entrance, teasing it before dipping his finger into his mouth. “Fuck,” he rasps then his mouth is on me, and my back is arching off the bed as his tongue laves at my entrance. Moaning loudly, I reach down to grab his hair. His tongue moves up to my clit, flicking it softly as his finger enters me, and he slowly fucks me with it.
“Leo …” I pant his name again when I feel myself creeping closer to the edge. But he doesn’t stop, just flicks his tongue harder, swirling it around and hooking his finger inside me. I explode, shaking as bright lights flash across my vision. My legs wrap around his head, and I grind myself into his face.
“Mine.” He tears my thighs from around his head and takes a long lick up my center, causing an aftershock that echoes throughout my entire body. Then he’s climbing over me, his head going to my neck to suck and kiss a path up to my ear. “I was tested,” he says before his biceps bunch next to my head, and he thrusts inside me.
“Oh, fuck,” I hiss. The invasion is more than welcome, but it’s been so long, I need time to adjust.
“Shit.” He stops once he’s seated to the hilt and lifts his head. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking …”
The madness in his eyes dulls some as he looks down at me. I shake my head. “No, take me.” I wriggle my hips, winding my legs around his waist. “Please.”
His eyes blaze again, and he growls, stealing my lips in a kiss that’s every bit as savage as it is sweet while he pulls out then slams back home. He does it slowly a few times, but I can tell he can’t hold back whatever is driving him right now. So I curl my arms around his neck and kiss every part of his lips and jaw I can reach until he rips his mouth away, hooks one of my legs over his shoulder and fucks me harder than he ever has before. I take it, though, knowing he needs this. And with each thrust, I feel those tiny shards, those splintered fragments of my heart start to meld back together. It might not be perfect, or the same as it once was—but it’s enough. Being loved by him will always be everything.
It doesn’t take long before I feel my walls start to clench tight as he keeps hitting that perfect spot deep inside me. He watches me as I start to fall apart again. “No one else will ever have this but me,” he pants between thrusts. “No one, Lia.”
I nod, biting my lip as the pleasure, the look in his eyes, and everything about this moment becomes too much. “No one else. I’m yours, only ever, always yours. Every part of me.”
He leans down, untucking my lip from my teeth with his own and demanding, “Keep your eyes on me. I need to see you come on my cock.”
And holy hell, I almost scream as my second orgasm takes me higher than the first.
“Fuck yes,” Leo rumbles, stilling and grinding his pelvis into my clit as he empties himself inside me. The action has me moaning as the pleasure slowly rolls over me from head to toe, rendering me a trembling mess as I cling to him after he collapses on top of me and shoves his nose into my neck.
I don’t care about his weight crushing my lungs, in fact, I never want him to get off me. He must feel the same because we continue to lie there for some minutes with only the sound of our heavy breathing filling the room while he remains buried inside me.
Until I blurt out, “Holy fucking hell, I missed you.”
His body shakes with his laugh, and my heart warms. Kissing the side of my neck, he rolls onto his back, wrapping his arms tighter around me and pulling the covers over our rapidly cooling skin.