Chapter Four – Melissa

Almost immediately, I’m blown away by how fancy this event is. I guess I knew it would be, the Business Associates dinner is known for being a bit much, but still… I don’t think I fit in at all. Even in this dress that Nick brought for me and the diamond ring sitting on my finger, I feel like I have a neon sign hanging over my head reminding everyone that I do not belong to be here. It makes me want to shrink in on myself to hide away.

“Let’s go to the bar.” Nick clutches my arm tight, holding me to him in a reassuring way and I can’t help but smile. At least he’s here, I don’t know what I would do if he wasn’t. Probably run away like a scared little girl. “I’ll get you a drink, I know you must need one to deal with all the stuck up pricks here.”

I laugh and shake my head at him. “You can’t say that, these are your people!”

“Not anymore.” All of a sudden, I feel like I’ve hit onto something that might well be a sensitive point. I always thought that it must be hard for him to no longer be in work, but I haven’t asked. “Maybe soon.”

He orders me a champagne and gets himself an orange juice. I feel a little bad drinking when he’ll be staying sober to drive, but I can’t stick with him. I need a buzz to survive this nightmare. When I agreed to come I was only thinking about Nick, not the actual night itself at all. Nick and his need for revenge…

I glance around rapidly wondering if she’s here yet. I never got to know her too well but I always got the impression that she would be a last minute arrival sort of person, demanding attention as she walks into a room. Certainly not a wallflower, like I am! When I can’t immediately see her, I assume that I’m right.

For a while, we circulate the room, making small talk with business people. I don’t really know what to say which is fine because I’m mostly ignored anyway, while people chat to Nick. The booze helps with that, not that I drink too much because I don’t want to end up wasted and embarrassed, as does the feel of his hand on my arm reassuring me the entire time. He doesn’t seem to forget me at all, and the constant reminder that he’s here with me makes it pleasant. I don’t mind standing by his side and occasionally smiling.

“Oh, there’s Dan.” Nick finally pulls me towards someone, his excitement levels almost bubbling over. “This is my friend! Let’s go and chat to him before it’s time to eat. You’ll like Dan, he’s a really good guy.”

“Oh, I might just pop to the bathroom if you don’t mind. I’m desperate for a wee.”

He laughs at me and releases my arm. “Of course! You do whatever you need to.”

“I’ll come and find you afterwards.” I give him a bit of a loving look. “Have a nice time with Dan.”

I don’t go immediately, I stand there and watch him walk away from me. I feel like I’m slipping back into my old ways of having a raging, hormonal teenage crush on him. It’s wild. I feel youthful and carefree, like my head is spinning with dizziness. I almost want to laugh aloud with the insanity of it all. I shake my head, hoping this feeling subsides tomorrow morning when the champagne is gone because I don’t want to wreck our friendship.

Almost as if he senses my eyes upon him, Nick spins back and he smiles at me, then he strides back towards me closing the gap between us. He wraps his hands around my cheeks making my breath get stuck in my throat. Where has this come from? It seems to be from nowhere, but it feels so freaking good. He cocks his head slightly to one side and I feel a deep, warm chemical reaction within me. My body almost rolls into him, I nearly press against him as an excited thrill courses through my veins. We haven’t ever been in such a romantic position before and I have to say it feels even better than I expected it to. Teenage me catches up with adult me and glee consumes me. Even if I have had dates and flings since Nick, but none of them have ever compared to the way I feel about him. They never will. Thoughts about that dart through my brain as he slowly draws nearer…

Then, his mouth crashes into mine and the thoughts die away. His soft lips send me wild with passion. I can’t think of anything, I can only feel and the sensations are incredible. I light up like a Christmas tree, I feel like I’ve been pulled awake and I’m finally seeing clearly. Nothing will ever be like this, no one will ever have so much desire racing through my body, my childhood crush was right, it will always be about him. Maybe we’re different now, but the physical, chemical desire is so powerful and intense that I almost fall to my damn knees.

Eventually, Nick pulls back just a little bit and the rest of the room comes back into my awareness, although I don’t take my eyes off of Nick the entire time. As sounds come back, my mind switches back on and I start to wonder why that just happened then. Was he consumed with passion and he couldn’t help himself? Does he feel like me? In which case, what the hell is going to happen next? Is the game going to become something real?

“Right.” Nick steps back from me. “I’m going to see Dan. I’ll be back in a moment.”

As he walks away from me, I don’t know if I feel like I’m flying high or if I’m deflated like a balloon. It’s an odd feeling, almost as if I’ve been knocked to the ground and my limbs are too heavy for me to get back up again.

Go to the bathroom, I remind myself. Get there before you wet yourself. Sort yourself out there.

Thankfully those words are enough to inspire me to get a move on, and I stagger across the room to finally break into the bathroom. I’m so lucky to find myself alone in here because I need to damn well breathe.

I race into a stall and catch my breath for a few moments. My fingers reach up to touch my lips where Nick was only a few moments before. That was our first kiss ever, we didn’t even have a drunken kiss when we were teenagers, it just never happened. So that was our first time and it felt better than I ever dared dream. I just want to know what it means, I need to know where we go from here. It can’t be nothing.

“Are you in here?” a shrill voice calls out, making my heart stop dead in my chest. “Nick’s girl.”

Shit, that means me. Without really thinking about what I’m doing because I’m still semi in shock, I burst out of the bathroom door to see who’s there on the other side. Only once I get outside I feel stunned, and I immediately regret not asking who it was first. Because here she is, the tall leggy monster who ruined Nick’s life.

“I… I…” I feel like I need to say something but I don’t know what. “I…”

“You, you, what?” She flings her hands onto her skinny hips and glares at me. She’s the most stunning, put together person in the world. It pisses me off, why can’t she be a mess just once? Just today? “You’re a fucking bitch who’s all over my husband? And don’t think I don’t know who you are. You’re that arty bitch who was always waited in the wings for me and Nick to break up. I bet you were fucking delighted, weren’t you? You probably jumped his bones right away. How long did you even wait?”

Even though everything that she’s suggesting is utter bullshit, I feel really chastened by it. that is until I remember that she broke Nick, she cheated on him, she ruined his life.

“Longer than you,” I reply quietly. “You fucked his friend while you were still together.”

Liz steps closer to me, threatening with her high stature. “What I did is none of your business.”

“And what I do is none of yours.” I try to hold it together, but I feel like a panting mess.

“It is if it involves Nick.” Her eyes are flashing with sheer anger. “He’s my business. Always.”

“Why?” I demand. “What does it matter? You are divorced now.”

She parts her lips and for a moment I expect her to bring up Toby. Maybe if she confesses to me here in the sacred room of the girl’s bathroom that she misses Toby and she wants him back then I’ll have more respect for her. Right now, I have zero so there’s room to go upwards, but she soon snaps her mouth closed again.

“That’s what I thought,” I say sadly. “You don’t care really. You just want to be nasty.”

“I took half his money!” she finally blurts out. “So, there isn’t anything else left for you. I mean, you have to be after him for that, right? There isn’t anything about Nick that would actually attract you to him.”

I suck in, digesting that. The thing is there has been an attraction there forever, there are so many reasons why I like him but I feel like if I start sharing those with Liz she’ll pick me apart and make me feel about two feet tall. So, I stupidly say nothing which gives her a sick twisted satisfaction. She looks so pleased with herself.

“I thought so.” She nods in a smug way. “You’re just like me. I can tell by your expensive ring.” I look at the ring hopelessly. I knew it was a bad idea. “Did he propose? You should have said no.”

“I…” Nope, unfortunately I still don’t have anything to say. I can’t even defend myself. I’m absolutely hopeless. Against someone so powerful, I really retreat in on myself. It’s terrible!

“Yeah, okay. Well it seems like we are done here since you have nothing to say. I hope I’ve given you something to think about when it comes to chasing other people’s husbands, you fucking piece of trash.”

Then she stalks out of the bathroom with her heels clicking loudly while she goes. I watch her back hopelessly, willing my brain to scream out that I’m nothing like her, but I don’t. I suppose I know that, I don’t need to justify myself to her, and I’m also a little afraid that if I speak I’ll cry and that’s the last thing I need right now.

“Argh!” I let out a little scream and instantly slide back into the cubicle to hide away once more. I’m shell shocked, I feel quite sick. What a fucking bitch, honestly. How could Nick even like her?

The only problem is her presence gives me another dilemma to ponder over. If she saw the kiss, what if that was the reason behind it? Nick did invite me here to make Liz jealous. Maybe he saw her and that’s why he kissed me. There’s a chance that it meant absolutely nothing to him which only makes me feel stupid and small. I’m falling for someone who doesn’t care about me, I’m just a pawn in his game. The main issue with that is I put myself there willingly. I volunteered stupidly and now I’m stuck here like an idiot.

What do I do now? I ask myself hopelessly, eyeing up the window. Can I escape? Should I run away?