Chapter Eight – Melissa

“You’re really quiet,” Yas muses as she looks at me. “Is everything okay? You not enjoying the job?”

“Oh, no, no I am.” I pull the paint brush off the wall and smile at her. “Sorry, I’m distracted.”

“Yeah, you’ve been like that all week. Is something going on? Did something happen at the weekend?”

I turn to give her a wide eyed stare. I’m so shocked that she seems to sense that, is it that obvious? “Erm, well… I don’t know how to categorize it really, but yes, I guess something happened…”

She sits down on the couch, squeaking against the plastic that covers it. “I knew it. You’ve been all nuts since then. It’s obviously something to do with Nick, right? Was it the event? What happened?”

I can barely breathe as I move to join her where she’s sitting. I need to sit down for a moment while I think this through. I’ve been trying to push it to the back of my mind while I get through this job, but obviously I’m not doing a very good of it if Yas can see right through me without even trying.

“I don’t know where to start,” I admit. “It was absolutely crazy. Everything changed.”

“It did?” Yas rests on her elbow and stares at me. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“Well…” I dart my eyes downwards and rack my brains. It’s all flooding back, including the roller coaster of emotions. “Because we ended up having sex and I don’t know how I feel about it.”

“You slept together?” Yas gushes in excitement. “Oh, my goodness, that’s wild! Was it good?”

I smile, almost to myself at that question. “So good. It happened lots of times, put it that way.”

“Ooh.” Yas visibly shudders. “Yeah, I can see that. I imagine Nick is crazy in the sack.” She cocks her head curiously at me. “But it’s more than that, isn’t it? Have you finally realized that I’m right?”

“Right about what?”

Yas nudges me playfully. “Oh, don’t be all coy. Right that you like him! Because you do, don’t you?”

I bite down thoughtfully on my bottom lip as I consider this. There’s no denying that anymore, of course I like him! I realized that even before we fell into bed together but sleeping with him only highlighted it. It confirmed that we have a great connection, a physical chemistry, as well as a tight bond. It kinda feels like we’re meant to be. I didn’t ever see myself as a believer in soul mates, but it seems all too real now.

“Yes, I do,” I admit with a one shoulder shrug. “But it’s much more complicated than that.”

“Oh no.” Yas rolls her eyes at me. “Are you making it an issue? You should just enjoy yourself.”

“But he has a son, doesn’t he? A boy who has already lost his mom since she left them both not so long ago. I don’t want to be just another woman in his life if things don’t work out. It’s scary to consider diving into things when we have so much to lose. Our friendship and it might make Toby hate me. I can’t do it.”

I’ve been thinking about it all the time since I snuck out of Nick’s house on that morning. As I ran away and I jumped into the cab that he’d ordered for me, I felt all hollow and sad inside. Physically I felt good, but emotionally I was a mess, Sneaking off and leaving without even saying goodbye made it feel like nothing more than a seedy one night stand. Maybe it was for him and I’m the one reading too much into it. Maybe the games that we were playing through the night just spilled over and we lost control of ourselves for a moment. If that’s the case then I can’t be mad. I was a happily consenting adult. Nick hasn’t ever known about my feelings for him, so why would that bother him? I’ll just have to push them down and pretend they aren’t there again.

“But if it goes well, it could be amazing, right?” Yas asks, dragging me back into the present moment. “I mean, you love Toby, right? The only way it would be bad is if you don’t want to take the kid on. They’re a package deal, aren’t they? Especially if the mom isn’t in the picture. You’d be very important to Toby.”

I consider that for a moment, and I don’t hate the idea. I love Toby to bits, I wouldn’t mind stepping into his life. I wouldn’t ever try to be something to Toby that him and Nick don’t want me to be, but I’d happily be there for him if that’s what they wanted… I would actually probably love it a lot, given the chance.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t mind being in Toby’s life, I already am a lot, but I don’t know if it’s wise.”

Yas rolls her eyes dramatically. “Love isn’t ever wise, people wouldn’t fall into it otherwise. No love story worth it’s salt is smart or runs easily. That’s all part and parcel of it. If it’s right, even if it seems wrong for whatever reason, then you should just go for it. I mean, you only live once, why be unhappy.”

I gave her half a smile and chuckle. “When did you get to be so wise, huh?”

“Did I never tell you? I took one psychology class once. That’s enough to make me know everything.”

“Just one?” I tease. “You didn’t decide to make it your career then?”

“Stop changing the subject, you, and tell me what you’re going to do about this whole Nick situation.”

I sigh and glance at my cell phone, wondering if it’s finally time to reply to him. He’s text me a couple of times trying to see how I am, but I haven’t felt ready to reply as yet. Well, I didn’t at first and now it’s been a few days which only piles the pressure on. Nick knows how attached to my phone I am, I can’t pretend I haven’t seen his messages, so now I’ve made it really hard for myself. I can’t just message him casually, answering his question. When I send him a text message reply, I need to say something meaningful.

“Well, he’s been messaging me, but not saying anything, so I don’t know where I stand.”

“Just ask him!” The way Yas says it, it’s as if it’s obvious. “Meet up with him and speak to him face to face.”

The idea of staring into his eyes makes my gut twist painfully again, half with excitement, half with nerves. The thing is I really can’t avoid him forever, not unless I want to lose him, so I suppose I need to do something.

“But I don’t know what to say in a message to him,” I whine. “I don’t know how to word it.”

Yas lifts up my phone and she hands it to me. “Don’t text him then, just call him.”

I let out a little giggle. “Honestly, Yas, I should have spoken to you much sooner, saved me days of confusion.”

“I know, right? Don’t ever forget that I’m the wisest person you know!”

With that she hops up and she walks from the room, leaving me alone with my cell phone and the job that I need to do. I do have to make this call, it’s the smart, logical thing to do even if the idea terrifies me. I just need to work up the courage to actually hit that dial button. As I scroll through the names in my contacts list, all the way to Nick’s name, I remember how incredible that night was. Being with Nick really did bring me to life, it unleashed a passionate animal inside of me that I didn’t know was there, but it also made me realize that my feelings are no longer just a crush. It’s actually a whole lot closer to love.

I love Nick and I love Toby as well. That’s what makes all of this even scarier… but as Yas pointed out, it could also lead to something wonderful if I let it. By letting Nick in fully and giving him my everything I could end up with the best thing in my life. Sure, it won’t be easy, Nick has a lot of emotional damage left behind from Liz, but I’m sure we can heal each other. Given half the chance. I guess I need to find out.

I suck in a couple of deep breaths and I hit the dial button. My hand actually shakes as I bring the phone up to my ear because my nerves are getting the better of me. Every instinct inside of me screams to hang up and forget about the whole thing but I don’t. I listen to the hum of the rung until finally he picks up.

“Hello, Melissa.” His tone is so warm, so familiar. I guess in all of this I forgot that he’s my friend first and foremost. I close my eyes and remember how long he’s been in my life. “Long time no speak. How are things?”

“A… all good,” I stammer back. “Sorry I haven’t been in touch.”

“Busy week?” I can hear him giving me an out which is so adorably sweet of him. While I’ve been tormenting myself over all of this, wondering how he feels, he’s probably been doing the same. I’m not alone in any of this, even though I’ve been acting that way. “I know you’ve been working on that mansion.”

“Erm…” I consider going alone with that pan for just a moment, taking the easy way out, but the easy way has left me single and alone for far too long. If I actually want something real then I need to speak out. “No, not exactly. I wanted to work out how I felt about everything first. We haven’t exactly done that before.”

“No, I know,” Nick chuckles. “But it wasn’t a bad development, was it?”

For a moment, my heart skips an excitable beat as I drink in those words, but then I think about how this could be just a physical thing for him. He might just like the hook up or want to be friends with benefits. I can’t move forward with this until I know, but I don’t feel like it’s a middle of the day phone conversation.

“Do you think we could meet up?” I ask quietly. “We have a lot to talk about, don’t we?”

I pray the he doesn’t freak out, thinking that I’m taking this more seriously than it is. I don’t want to push him too far. But thankfully he seems to think we need this as well.

“Of course.” He sounds eager as he says this. “Do you want to come over later for some dinner?” I’m hesitant, and because we’ve known one another forever he immediately sensing why. “When Toby is in bed because I know we have some sensitive issues to discuss before he comes into the picture.”

I’m relieved as I agree to this. As much as I want to see Toby, I can’t act normally until I know where we’re headed. I have to have this awkward conversation with Nick first, it’s a necessary evil.

“Okay, great. I’ll see you some time after eight then. Do you need me to bring anything?”

“Just yourself.” I feel like he wants to say something else, but he forces himself not to for the moment. I guess whatever it is will come later on. “Looking forward to it.”

My heart dances in my chest as I hang up the phone, I have to admit that I do feel much better now. I guess that at least by the end of the day I’ll know one way or another what’s going to happen with us…