Chapter 5

April 2017

Inked: What’s white and can’t climb trees?

Phoenix: ?

Inked: a refrigerator

Phoenix: *groan* truly a terrible joke

Inked: What do you call a deer with no eyes?

Phoenix: no eye-deer lol

Inked: no, it’s still just a deer, the absence of eyes doesn’t change the animal

Phoenix: there should be a law against these crimes against comedy

 

 

 

 

Phoenix: I would kill for a chocolate chip cookie right now

Inked: Get some

Phoenix: ugh, can’t. No money. The bf takes my money for dope, and then complains there’s no food in the house.

Inked: I hate hearing how he treats you. You’re so fun and amazing. You’re one of my favorite people in the whole world. I want you to be happy and safe. I want to know you’re cared for

Phoenix: Stop, you’re going to make me cry. This is my life, Inked.

Inked: It doesn’t have to be. Tell me something you dream of. If you could have anything in the world?

Phoenix: A mountain of chocolate chip cookies lol

Inked: smartass

 

 

 

May 2017

Inked: I just saw the hottest guy at the grocery store. We reached for the same brand of garbage bags at the same time. It was a serious love connection

Phoenix: lol, you’re a dork.

Phoenix: So, what did he look like? I’m dying to know what type of guy you go for

Inked: why? Hoping you’re my type? ;) lol

Phoenix: obviously. Now tell me!

Inked: alright, I guess I like guys who are a little on the small side, kind of lean muscle. I kind of go for the innocent, cute looking kind of guys. But, at the same time I want someone with substance. Someone who’s lived and struggled and come out the other side strong and full of wisdom.

Phoenix: wow. I was expecting like “tattooed beefcake”

Inked: nah, then it’d be like I’m dating myself ;) lol. Not that I wouldn’t want a guy with ink.

Inked: So...what’s the verdict, are you my type? Lol

Phoenix: that’s for me to know and you to find out

Inked: find out??? Doesn’t that mean you’re coming?!

Phoenix:...sorry....I was just being flippant. I still don’t know, Inked. I’m not sure yet. I told you there’s a lot of things to think about

Inked: what’s there to think about? Leave your shithead boyfriend and come let me take care of you. I’ll buy you a bus ticket, I’ll pay for your rehab. I don’t understand what’s to think about.

Phoenix: Everything! You don’t fucking get it. I have to go. Ttyl

Inked: Wait!

Inked: Phoenix, I’m sorry. Please

Phoenix: It’s fine, but I do have to go. Later sweetie XX

 

 

Phoenix: Hey

Inked: Holy shit, you worried the hell out of me! Where have you been?!

Phoenix: BF got mad and smashed my phone. Had to squirrel away money for a new one

Inked: I thought…

Inked: I was so worried.

Phoenix: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you sweetie. I promise I’m fine. Well, as fine as I ever am.

Phoenix: I missed you. Tell me a stupid joke

Inked: What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Phoenix: what?

Inked: The Holocaust

Phoenix: oh my god that joke is awful, and possibly offensive lol

Inked: lol, how is it offensive? The Holocaust is way worse than a worm in an apple

Phoenix: fair enough. Tell me about your place. I want to pretend I’m there with you.

Inked: you don’t have to pretend. You could be here.

Phoenix: please, sweetie, just describe it to me

 

 

 

June 2017

Nox

Looking around at our living room filled with strangers in varying states of fucked up, Inked’s words ricochet around my brain, reminding me that maybe my life doesn’t have to always be this way. In fact, I’ve made up my mind. I’m getting out. I’m done sucking dick for heroin. I’m done shooting poison into my veins to make life bearable. I’m done. Which is why I’ve already been scoping out rehab facilities. I have a bus ticket tucked away in my underwear drawer for tomorrow afternoon. This is my last hurrah.

With well-practiced motions I wrap my cellphone charger around my bicep to act as a tourniquet. The bite of the needle as it pierces my skin is it’s own heady rush. I know what comes next. Just this one last time and then never again. I pull back on the plunger of the syringe and watch it fill with blood, before injecting the poison straight into my veins. Instant bliss.

The noise of everyone in the room around me blurs as everything fades into a pleasant haze and euphoria washes over my body.

“What the fuck is this Nox?”

I blink slowly at the words directed at me, trying to decipher their meaning, or even who spoke them.

“Goddamit, you worthless, junkie, whore.”

Suddenly I’m being dragged off the couch by my hair and all of the commotion in the room stills as everyone stops to see what’s about to happen. Not that any of them would care to stop him from hurting me. These people are here to get high, not worry about domestic violence.

“You think you can fucking leave me you stupid piece of shit?”

My bus ticket flutters down to the floor beside me and the fog clears from my brain a little as I realize what’s happening. I always knew that he would let me leave him over my dead body, quite literally. I lay flat on my stomach with Harrison looming over me, panting with rage.

I was so fucking close to getting out. But I guess I always knew it wasn’t meant to be. I was born the bastard child of a useless, junkie whore. And now I’m going to die a useless, junkie whore. It’s kind of poetic when you think about it.

The click of a lighter meets my ears and my drug addled brain tries to put the pieces together. Before I can manage I realize that I’m way too hot, and something smells like burning meat. An unholy scream pierces my eardrums before the world goes black around me.

 

Adam

I check my phone for the thousandth time today, still no messages from Phoenix. I last heard from him two days ago..

I’ve sent him three messages and all have gone unread.

“You’re awfully fidgety tonight, are you okay?” Gage asks.

“I’m fine,” I lie, checking my phone again.

My mind won’t stop feeding me scenarios. Phoenix dead with a needle in his arm. Phoenix beaten to a bloody pulp by his boyfriend. Phoenix sitting in a jail cell. Phoenix giving up all hope and letting himself fall into the abyss.

 

 

Inked: You’re really worrying me man. Please let me know if you’re okay. If you’re in trouble come to Seattle. I’ll help you. I’ll send you money for a plane ticket. I care about you. I need you to be okay. Fight for yourself. Fight for hope. Please, please don’t give up.