Chapter 8

Adam

When we get into Heathens the next morning I ask Dani to show Nox all of the computer stuff while I set up my station for my first appointment. Less than three minutes later Royal is standing in my station with that shit eating grin on his face again.

“I noticed you and Nox drove in together this morning.”

I grunt in acknowledgment and continue mixing colors. Seeing that I’m not giving him what he’s looking for he decides to change tactics.

“He’s hot.”

I open my mouth to respond when it occurs to me that this is a trap. Last year I slipped up and sort of implied to Nash that I have some interest in men. Whether Nash would’ve shared that with Royal, or if Royal picked up on something on his own, I’m not sure. But the way he’s looking at me right now, studying my reaction, I’m sure he’s suspicious.

I settle for a shrug.

“He needed somewhere to stay, Madden’s old room was sitting empty.”

“Are you sure that’s all it is?” Royal asks, his tone gentler this time.

“He’s my employee, and he’s clearly got a lot on his own plate right now as it is,” I reason, not bothering to pretend that his gender is one of the problems.

“It would be okay to let yourself be happy, you know.”

He doesn’t stick around to wait for me to argue or bluster.

 

The day flies by in a blur as I try to focus on my work instead of the fact that when the shop closes tonight I’m going to get my hands on Nox’s bare skin. I’m going to put my mark on him.

Once everyone else is gone and the shop is closed Nox and I head back into my studio.

“I haven’t set up yet because I wanted to show you the process,” I explain as we step into my spotless work area. He nods and sidles close to me so I can show him how to set up.

Once I’m set up he strips his shirt over his head and drapes it over the spare chair. My eyes roam over the expanse of skin before me. The scars are even more substantial than I would have guessed, but it doesn’t detract from his beauty. He’s real and raw, his body is lived in.

My throat tightens and my heart pounds with sheer awe, imagining the things Nox must’ve been through in his life, and how strong he must be to have emerged on the other side.

He twitches under my gaze and runs a hand along the marred skin of his lower abdomen.

“Sorry,” I apologize, clearing my throat and forcing my attention away.

“I know, it’s kind of gross to look at,” Nox’s voice is small.

“No,” I say with vehemence. “You’re beautiful.”

The words are out before I can filter myself. Nox’s eyes go wide and a faint pink creeps into his cheeks.

“Thank you,” he says in a near whisper.

I shift in my seat to adjust my erection. Christ, I need to get a grip.

“How do you want me?” Nox’s tempting words have my mind diving straight back into the gutter. I clear my throat and pull on my latex gloves before motioning him forward to place the tracing on his skin.

“I figure we can get the outline done tonight and then start working on the color in about two weeks.”

Nox nods eagerly, craning his neck to see the sketch now imprinted on his skin from the base of his spine to his shoulder blades.

He was right, the scars on his back are few and not as bad as the ones on this arms and stomach. I wonder for the hundredth time in two days what happened to him.

Once he’s settled in the chair I notice a slight trembling in his hands.

“Are you nervous?”

He let’s out a humorless laugh.

“Are you asking if I’m afraid of pain?”

“Just because you’ve experienced a tremendous amount of pain doesn’t mean you’re eager for more,” I argue.

Nox shrugs.

“I’m not nervous.”

“Then why are you trembling?”

His eyes meet mine and there’s a fire in them that no doubt matches my own. I wrench my gaze away and clear my throat once again, repeating the words over and over in my head; He’s an employee, you promised not to take advantage of him, he’s not for you.

 

 

Nox

The low buzz of the tattoo needle sends a shiver up my spine, and thankfully pulls my thoughts out of the gutter, where they’ve resided all day at the thought of Adam’s hands on me.

“When did you know you wanted to be a tattoo artist?” I ask as the first bite of the needle hits my skin.

I wasn’t being facetious before about not being afraid of pain. I’ve learned in my life that pain is all about mind over matter. There’s no physical pain that can rival the mental anguish I’ve lived with, because physical pain is always short lived. The needle inking my skin is nothing.

“I’ve always been an artist, but I knew I wanted to do tattoo’s after I got my first tat,” he pauses and swallows like he’s trying to decide if he should say more or leave it at that. “It’s, uh, in honor of my brother after he...died.”

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” I say, swallowing the bitter taste of the lie of omission. I should tell him who I am. I know I need to tell him. But how do you even bring that up? How do I tell him that I know his secrets and he knows mine?

He shrugs off my sympathy.

“I suppose I liked the idea of being able to create lasting memories for people, something they could carry with them forever. I love helping people tell their story in ink.”

“That’s what I’ve always thought, too. I feel like our scars are like a roadmap of our lives, and a tattoo is a beautiful scar.”

Adam nods, his brow furrowed as he concentrates on his practiced strokes with the needle.

“Want to tell me more about your scars?”

“I’d rather not, at least not right now,” I answer, swallowing past the lump in my throat.

“Okay. What’s your favorite food?”

“Everything,” I answer with a laugh.

When you’ve gone without food for days on end, just knowing you can go home to a stocked fridge at night is a dream come true. Adam must be able to read the pain in my voice because he stops inking and looks up at me with sympathy in his eyes.

“Please don’t pity me,” I whisper.

Adam nods and returns to the task at hand.

For the next hour and a half Adam meticulously inks the outline of the phoenix on my skin and we stick strictly to light topics of conversation. When he’s done he wipes the stray ink and blood from my skin and then directs me to the strategically placed mirrors so I can see my own back.

“Wow, it’s going to be so beautiful.”

“Yeah it is. This might just be my best work yet.” He grins proudly before he starts to clean up his supplies.

“Since you won’t let me pay you for the tat, will you at least let me buy you dinner?” I offer as I pull my shirt over my head.

“I never turn down a meal.”

 

I follow Adam into a hole-in-the-wall restaurant. The booths are more tape than plastic at this point, and the walls are slightly yellowed from years of patrons smoking. But, I’ll admit it smells like heaven, if heaven smells like onion rings.

“I know it doesn’t look like much, but the burgers here are unbelievable.”

“I’m not picky,” I assure him. “It smells amazing.”

After a waitress comes and takes our order a strained silence falls between us. The little voice in the back of my head roars to life, pointing out that Adam deserves to know who I am. He’s doing so much for me, I can’t lie to him.

“So...uh...there’s something I need to tell you,” I say before I can chicken out.

“What’s that?”

“Well...um...the thing is….what I’m trying to say….”

“Spit it out,” Adam prompts with a reassuring smile.

“I’m Phoenix.”

Adam looks like he’s been slapped. He stares at me open mouthed for at least ten heartbeats. And then, without warning, he gets up and comes around to my side of the booth. He grabs my arm and drags me out of my seat. I cringe, bracing myself to be hit. Instead, his arms wrap around me, pulling me against his chest. His whole body is shaking as he stands there holding me without words.

My own body begins to tremble as well and my eyes burn with emotion. Never in my life has someone touched me tenderly. It feels incredible. Adam’s arms holding firm are better than any drug I’ve ever taken.

“I thought you were dead,” he says, his voice strained. “I thought I failed you, just like I failed Johnny.”

“I almost was,” I admit.

Adam releases me and I bite back a whimper and resist chasing his gentle touch.

“What happened?”

I gesture for him to sit down and take a deep breath.

“I was coming here. I had a bus ticket and a plan to sneak off when I knew my boyfriend would be out of the apartment. I was literally one day from freedom.” Adam looks stricken as he reaches across the table and takes my hand. “Harrison found the ticket.” I shrug like it was no big deal. Like it wasn’t the most afraid I’ve ever been. Like I didn’t barely escape with my life.

“What did he do?” Adam whispers.

“You can’t guess?” I hold up my arms as a hint.

“How did you survive?”

“Someone called 9-1-1, I’m not sure who. No one would testify against Harrison. They all said I set myself on fire because I was so high.”

“Wait, he’s not in prison?” Adam gasps in horror.

“Nope.”

“Holy fuck. Does he know where you are now?”

“Not that I know of. I haven’t seen him since that night. After I got out of the hospital I went to rehab, and then I came here.”

Adam’s fingers squeeze mine, his gaze intense and worried.

“I’m glad you came here. I’ll help you in any way you need.”

“Thank you,” I force the words past the lump in my throat. “I don’t understand why you took the chance on me, but I can never thank you enough.”

“Isn’t the first time.” Adam shrugs. “Madden was tweaked out of his mind when he walked into Heathens. And, don’t tell any of the guys this if it ever comes up, but Owen walked right into Heathens fresh out of prison. We all have our demons. Doesn’t mean we don’t deserve a second chance.”

“You’re a really good person.”

Adam waves off my words.

“Anyone would do what I do.”

“No, they wouldn’t,” I argue.

“It’s not enough to make up for Johnny. It’ll never be enough.”

A twinge of sadness hits me. Of course this is all about his brother. I’m nothing more than a chance for him to quiet his demons.

He gets a sad, faraway look in his eyes and I know I shouldn’t argue. Nothing I can say will absolve him of the guilt he carries.