Quill
It felt like I was underwater. I moved slowly, words weren’t understandable. My vision was blurring. I knew the place I was inside my head, I went there often in my life. It was my safe place where the pain took longer to find me. I could smell Black, hear him, and feel him. I wanted to scream for him to pull me out, but he just held me.
I could see the lights overhead rushing past. The skylight in the car. Black’s secure, warm arms cradled me, keeping my pieces from breaking apart. We were going somewhere safe, he said, but wasn’t I supposed to be safe where Black was? I hoped he didn’t feel guilty for things, I’d hate that.
“We are staying with you, sir.” Jaclyn was speaking and the soft meows I was hearing told me Lady Whiskers was here. Oh god, how did I forget about her through all this? I was a terrible pet owner.
“We will figure everything out. We’re here. Leo, take point on this. I need to stay with Quill.”
Black slid out of the car. I felt every jolt, every step he took. I knew he was climbing stairs and the cold of the night turned to warmth. And Black’s scent mingled with various others. Where were we?
“Do you need me to call the doctor?” A voice that seemed familiar asked, but I couldn’t make it out.
“No, he isn’t hurt. I think he’s in a state. I knew someone who told me about it once. A place to keep him away from the reality of the moment. He’ll come out of it on his own, I know it.” Black spoke with so much certainty, I wanted to kiss his lips, thank him for being my prince if just for a moment.
“Okay, do you want to lay him down somewhere?” a woman asked softly, and I felt fingers thread through my hair.
“No, I’ll keep him close.”
“Come this way.” That voice I knew, it was Bill. Why was Bill here? Was Mace here too?
“Really. Snow? You set me up?” I tilted my head slightly to see the room. A man with long, black hair, dark glasses, paper white skin, and dressed in a long winter coat stood in front of an elven looking man with the whitest hair and most piercing blue eyes I’d ever seen. It was like they were on fire.
“Yeah, well, Poe, you’re sort of being a jerk lately. Black here asked for help, you said no, and now that is what happened.” Those eyes were homed in on me. “Oh, and look, the bundle of brave is awake.”
“Quill?” I lifted my chin to gaze at Black as he sat down. “You hear me?” I nodded and his worried face morphed into the sun. So bright and happy. “Oh sweet god, you had me so afraid.” He pressed his lips to mine and it was like life was being pushed into me.
“I didn’t come here to watch a make out session,” Poe said.
“I don’t remember you being an asshole. When did this happen?” Bill said as he came into view. I couldn’t see Mace anywhere, so he must not be around.
“I helped you, show some gratitude.” Poe pointed at Bill, it was hard to read Poe’s emotions with those dark glasses.
“You also told me Mr. Hart liked balance. How is that fucking balance?” Bill gestured toward me. “Quill never hurt a soul, yet he’s being tortured by a big ass family that wants to bury the Harts and you’re all, ‘pardon me while I have a spot of tea and a crumpet or whatever’. Get to being what you’re supposed to be!”
“Okay,” Poe’s hands were on is hips, his lip twitched. “First, I’m not British, so I don’t even know what that was. Second, what am I supposed to be?”
“The gatekeeper or whatever. Aren’t you even interested in why the Sterling family wants to destroy your boss?”
Poe’s attention went right to me and Black. “Fine, you need inside which vault?”
“All of them,” Black said.
“All? Are you crazy?” Poe removed his glasses, squinting at the light.
“I don’t know where to start. If it’s just me you’re letting in there, then I will need your help. Finding everything I need to understand why Quill’s charges against Ronald would garner so much violence toward him.”
I was able to shift off Black’s lap, but he didn’t unclasp our hands.
“I will get people on it while you’re looking under City Hall.”
Black’s nostrils flared, his gray eyes shined with contempt. “Understand one thing, Poe. I am going to end that family, and Dylan Almeida. For the sake of the Hart family’s future and the future of Haven Hart, you’re going to let me do it and let me get away with it. Do I make myself clear?”
I took the moment to see all the faces in the room. Bill, and Christopher Manos, which meant the white-haired man who sat on his lap had to be Snow, his husband. A few of Black and Christopher’s people were scattered around. Poe stood in the center like the ringleader of this fucked up lethal circus. Everyone waited for his answer.
“You argue a tough case, Black. But if what you say about the Sterlings is true, if they are trying to wipe out the Hart family, then yes, I will help you.” He waved a dismissive hand. “What you do with Dylan, I don’t care. He has no value and is inconsequential to the city or the Hart family.”
With a flick of Poe’s wrist, he’d okayed my brother’s murder and I felt relief. I wanted him gone. I needed him to go away or I’d never get to live my life without fear. I knew Black would be able to prove to Poe that the Sterlings were bad news.
“Are you going to help us?” My voice sounded rough, like I hadn’t spoken in weeks. Jaclyn rushed a glass of water to me, which I guzzled and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.
“Will who help you? I already said I would,” Poe answered me, confusion in his deep, dark eyes.
“Not you.” I pointed to Snow and Christopher. “You. Will you help me… us?”
Snow whispered something in Christopher’s ear, which made him roll his eyes and Snow smile.
“I don’t do something for nothing, Quill,” Christopher said. “Someday, I will call in this favor.”
I was okay with that. “I understand.”
They all talked for a while and Christopher commented on how we should all get a few hours’ sleep before the sun officially rose.
A woman named Maggie showed us to a room we’d be staying in for the night. It was quite lovely and even had a tiny Christmas tree in it. Everything was oak and burgundy, but I was too exhausted to notice much more than that. Steve dropped our bags in the room and told Black he and Christopher’s men would be working out shifts and to call if we needed anything.
I didn’t feel scared in the Manos’ house, but then again, I wasn’t afraid inside Black’s home either… until I was.
“Will you take a shower with me?” Black asked as he stood before me. Sadness and worry warred inside my soul and my heart ached with the need to feel anything else but that. I took Black’s hand and followed him to the bathroom.
We stripped in silence, every time I divested another piece of clothing, I’d chance a glance at Black and sure enough, his attention was fully on me.
When the water was warm, Black stepped in. He gave me a minute and I needed it. I had to collect myself. When Dylan was in the house and I thought any second he’d find me, I shut myself away in my safe place. It was easy to go there, but hard to step back into reality.
I opened the glass door and lust slammed into me as I took in the sight. Lean rivers of water meandered down his body, detouring to crevices, and I swore it started steaming when it glided down his cock. His normally golden and slightly silver hair was dark under the water and the weight had made it look so much longer, it reached the top of his perfect ass.
“I don’t mind being gawked at by you, but I’d like to get out of here before I turn into a prune.” The slight humor in his tone relaxed me, and when we locked gazes, the safety I was desperate to cling to was found.
I stepped in behind him. Without hesitation, I wrapped my arms around his stomach and rested my head against his back. I only reached the middle of it, his hair was silky and his warmth was heaven.
When his large hand covered mine against his abdomen and he just let us be like this for a moment, I was grateful. I had given up in believing in a happily ever after and Black made it really clear when this was over, we were over. But a part of me, ever so small, wouldn’t extinguish the hope that he wouldn’t let me go. I didn’t want him to.
Black turned and his chest hair rubbed against my nose. My chin was just below his pecs, and knowing he was blocking the water from hitting my eyes, I looked up at him. His wet thumb brushed against my cheek and his gaze was flickering with so many emotions, I couldn’t stay pinned on just one.
“I’m sorry, Quill,” his deep voice rumbled, and I was about to interrupt him when that thumb covered my lips. “Let me finish.”
He plucked the washcloth off the shower bar and began soaping it up while he spoke. “I heard your voicemail, telling me no matter what I was walking into, not to blame myself.” He shook his head, then tenderly lifted my arm and began washing me.
“You can never ask a person how to feel, Quill, and I knew before I got there, no matter what I did in fact find, I was going to blame myself.”
I hated he was blaming himself at all.
“Under normal circumstances, you staying behind was the safer, smarter option. But had I listened to you, none of this would have happened. We would have talked to the guy being used as a decoy and figured it out, and might have been a step ahead of your brother and the Sterlings.”
When I was all lathered, he guided me under the water, the water and suds sluiced off my body and he had me turn around.
“I’ve been doing this for many years and I know better. I blamed you as a distraction, and I may not be wrong there, but I am so good at my job, you should have never been an obstacle in getting this done correctly.”
The timbre of his voice and the feel of his fingers as he washed my hair was sending goosebumps all over my skin. I hated hearing him being so hard on himself, but maybe he needed to vent.
“When I first had my assassin organization piggyback over my security business, I was hell-bent on finding every piece of shit in the world and destroying them. I killed hundreds of people, Quill, hundreds. I stopped counting. I took money from grieving families and ended the ones causing their suffering.” He turned me to face him and pushed my head back so the water could rinse off the shampoo. Then he did the same with the conditioner, all the while telling me this story.
“I turned into a monster and then turned others into the same thing. Blackmailing them in a sense to kill for me, for my empire.”
After I was completely clean, I leaned against the shower wall while Black washed himself and talked.
“I tried to only kill those deserving, but many times, I had offers to take out girls who said no on a date, or a man who gave someone’s sister herpes.” He rolled his eyes. “That isn’t what I do and I started wondering how these things were trickling into my company. So, I stepped away from the actual killing and grabbed my business by the balls and secured it. Had the most trusted around me. I built a solid life. Sinful, yes, but righteous. That’s what I told myself with every kill.”
I itched to touch and soothe him, but he was stripping the last of his secrets away, allowing me to see him bare.
“When that mole infiltrated my organization, I felt I was starting to lose my edge. I mean, I should have seen it coming sooner. She should have never been able to get as deep inside as she did. It was the first time in years I killed again.”
He shut the water off, opened the shower door, and grabbed the two towels hanging on the warming bar. He opened one and I snuggled into it and him.
“With what happened with you tonight, with this whole thing going left and right, up and down. It was too reminiscent of when Emma broke down my walls and tried to pry my life from me.” Black took a deep breath and I felt a slight tremble in his embrace before he continued. “Then I saw the hamper and…” He swallowed loudly. “When I lifted the lid, I kept seeing Sunshine and hoped what I found wasn’t a repeat.”
We stood like that for a moment in silence. I let his words sink in. We broke apart slowly and after his towel was wrapped around his waist, we went back into the bedroom where we pulled the sheets back, dropped the towels, and slid naked under the silk.
“My life is full of demons I’ve created, Quill. If you stay, I fear they will consume you.” He lifted my chin so our gazes met. “I don’t get to walk away from this. It’s who I am until I die. I can’t ask anyone to take on my nightmares.”
All the residual feelings that were weighing me down vanished. In the vulnerability of Terrance Black’s eyes, I knew I held all the power for once.
“You’re not asking me, Black. I’m not anywhere I don’t want to be. Besides, my nightmares have been looking for dancing partners for years.”