Chapter Ten

Elfy Choices was packed and in full swing, music that was both joyful and sultry piping into the garden. Like everything else about this club, the music was a contrast of whimsy and sex. Like Duncan, I supposed. I’d still not gotten used to being surrounded by elves while I worked, and had to keep reminding myself I wasn’t tripping. I was just living inside Duncan Stengel’s retirement dream. It had been a slow start since the grand opening, but not tonight. Things had suddenly picked up exponentially.

Robert and I made drinks while Chauncy and Steven—who I had to admit were getting better at this—made tapas in the back. Though I did hear Chauncy bitching when he thought I wasn’t listening. He wanted to be put back in the main kitchen inside, didn’t like it out here in the garden, thought it was boring. And he thought I was ‘into myself’. Since all I’d been called over the past couple years was insecure, I actually took appearing ‘into myself’ as a compliment. When I’d snorted a laugh, Chauncy whirled around, eyes wide when he realized I was nearby. I was just quiet, stealthy, like a wood nymph ninja.

But my mood was foul. Nearly a goddamn month had passed with no sign of or contact from Duncan at all. I found this both tremendously hurtful and really fucking odd, since he’d been so excited about this damn garden bar. If he’d popped into the club at all, I certainly hadn’t seen him, and I sure as shit hadn’t gotten a call or text from the man. I’d been reporting directly to Barry. I’d gotten my recent paycheck and it reflected my ample pay raise, so I guess I shouldn’t complain. But this long with no word, after dragging me home and fucking me? My irritation spiked when I heard Aria the elven waitress telling Barry that she’d spoken to Duncan yesterday about a vacation request. So Duncan wasn’t ignoring everyone.

It was wearing on me, but I tried to focus on work. Hanging out serving drinks and making food in a fairy garden wasn’t exactly the worst job in the world. But it was tarnished now. The pretty atmosphere and fairy lights weren’t enough to give me good feelings. I felt like a fool. I felt like a whore. I felt sad and rejected.

But I maintained a stiff upper lip and did my job. What else was I going to do? The night I’d slept with Duncan felt like a dream now. Or more like a fairytale. It had started with an enchanted garden party with laughter and flirtation, then came Duncan’s romcom moment pulling me into his car and stealing me away. Followed by mind-blowing sex. The whole thing felt magical and unreal, like I’d fallen under a spell. But I was sure as shit awake now, stone cold sober, and there was nothing magical about how I was feeling.

“Hey, are you working that thing next month? Tuesday night thing?” Robert asked.

I glanced at him. He was all dressed up in elf regalia, mixing drinks at record speed. “No. I haven’t gotten my schedule that far ahead. And I didn’t think the garden was open Tuesday nights.”

“Oh, Duncan didn’t talk to you about it?”

“No. You’ve talked to Duncan lately?”

He shrugged as he dropped a mint leaf into a cocktail. “Couple times this week, yeah.”

I tried not to let my irritation show, but could feel it tapping at my temples. “So what’s this thing next month?”

“It’s a private event. Engagement party for his nephew.”

A cannonball slammed into my gut, and it had nothing to do with my ex-boyfriend. It was that Duncan was interacting with Robert and others at the club. Planning parties. So the invisible man was still around. He was only making himself invisible to me. “Oh. I guess Duncan must have gotten someone else to help you out that night.”

Robert frowned as he handed off a tray of drinks to an elf waiter. “Why the hell would he do that? I know it’s usually a night off but…Elfy Choices is kind of your thing. Though he is changing things up that night. Champagne and caviar and seafood and what have you.”

“Sounds fucking charming.”

“You mad?”

“It’s fine. Duncan’s nephew is my ex-boyfriend. That’s probably why he didn’t ask me.”

“Cut the fucking shit. Corey’s your ex?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow. Okay. Guess that makes sense then. Still, figured Duncan would have at least told you about it. Let you know it was happening.”

“Yeah, well. It’s his club. He makes the fucking rules. Then breaks them at his whim.”

Robert served a customer, then walked over to me, his brown eyes narrowed. “Are you not getting along with Duncan?”

“No, we’re fine. I’m just tired.”

“Okay. Wow, that’s so weird that Corey’s your ex. I’ve met him a couple times at Duncan’s.”

“I know, I know, Corey’s perfect and amazing and so on and so forth, how lucky I was to have him. I’ve heard it all.”

“What?” Robert huffed. “Corey’s all right, but I’d definitely see you as the prize over him. You’re stunning, Zach, and you’re a really nice person. And funny. You make me laugh all the time.”

I stared at Robert. “Really?”

“Um, yeah. I’ve actually been wondering if you were single, because the guy I’m seeing has a lot of nice friends. No pressure. But you’ve got no reason to feel less than Corey Stengel, unless you’re just playing the self-deprecating thing for laughs.”

I smiled and began cutting up a lemon. “Thanks, Robert.”

“Sure. And if you do find yourself looking, let me know. I know some nice guys.”

Robert scuttled off. His words were a tiny little drop of soothing balm on my bad mood.

But the balm wore off quickly, and as the night went on, I continued to seethe, though I wasn’t exactly sure what I was so mad about. I tried to be New Zach and shake it off, but it was sticking to my shoe like gum. I supposed it was being excluded. I’d never in a million years expect to be invited to Corey’s engagement party, it wasn’t that. And I’d probably have been insulted had Duncan asked me to work it. No, it was about being excluded in general. Being ignored. And the truth that it was starting to look like I’d fucked up monumentally by sleeping with my boss. There was no denying it anymore. I wasn’t New Zach City. I was not the cool calm guy, master of my emotions.

I did not have the power. I was upset, and it was starting to bubble up. I could feel it growing stronger inside me, needing an outlet. I thought about calling or texting Duncan, but really, fuck him. The guy was ignoring me. And I wasn’t going to beg. Never again would I beg for a man’s attention, even one I wanted as badly as Duncan. The worst part of it was I actually missed him. His smile. Our talks. The way he looked at me.

I glanced up when an extremely good-looking guy in his thirties sat down at the bar. He smiled as he looked around at the garden and its costumed occupants. Most people had that look the first time they came to Mythic, like they loved it but weren’t sure if they were supposed to because it was just so damn over the top.

“What can I get you?” I asked the newcomer.

He smiled at me with very white teeth. He could have been a fashion model if he was a bit taller, bronze skin, black hair parted in the middle and falling past his chin, perfectly symmetrical features. “What’s that pink drink I keep seeing?”

“Ah, that’s The Waterfall,” I said. “It’s fresh watermelon juice, vodka, and magic.” I grinned. “I’m sorry. I have to say that last part.”

He laughed. “That’s okay. Magic is good. I’ll take one of those.”

“You got it.”

After mixing his drink and setting it down, I helped Robert out for a while. When I returned, the handsome guy had nearly finished his drink. “You want another?”

“Um…” He glanced around. “Is Duncan here tonight?”

My brows rose. “Oh. You know Duncan?”

He smiled sheepishly. “I met him at a party last night. He told me I should come by and check out the garden some time. That he’d buy me a drink.”

My stomach sank. “Oh. Well, I haven’t seen him tonight.”

“You know Duncan?” he asked.

“Yeah. I work for him.”

He rolled his eyes. “Of course. Duh. I hope this isn’t weird, but can I ask what you think of him?”

Thanks, universe. And fuck you for putting me in this position. “Why do you want to know what I think of Duncan?” I added a little chuckle, because my tone was a bit brisk.

“Well, like I said. I met him last night. I thought he was interested in me, but now I’m not so sure. Is he a player?”

I sighed, concentrating on replenishing the garnish trays. “I don’t know,” I said. “Did he ask you out?”

“Not exactly. I gave him my number. He told me to come by the garden some night. I guess that doesn’t really mean he was interested. I gave him a hell of a kiss before I left though.” He chuckled. “Wanted to make sure he remembered me.”

I dropped my lemon slices on the floor. “Shit.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I distract you? I’m Dana by the way.”

I threw the lemons in the trash and wiped my hands on a rag. “I’m Zach.”

“Hey, Zach. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be monopolizing your time with this. I’m sure you don’t want to hear about it.”

I gave him a tight smile. “It’s fine. So you kissed him, huh?”

“Yeah.” He chuckled. “He seemed surprised. But he kissed me back. That’s a good sign, right?”

“Good luck with that,” I said. “You want another drink?”

He sighed. “I think I’ll get going. Since he’s not here.” He dropped some cash on the bar. “If you do see Duncan, will you tell him Dana was asking for him?” He smiled. “And maybe tell him I’m a nice guy? Put in a good word?”

I nodded, forcing another plastic grin. “Will do, Dana. Have a good night.”

I sighed, getting back to work. I wasn’t sure how I thought I was going to be all cool and aloof about Duncan when I was working in his fucking club. Of course I’d have to deal with shit like this, that Dana guy, and hearing Duncan’s name from staff and such. It was Duncan’s place I was working at. All Duncan. All the time. It was tough trying to shake off my night with Duncan and take the high road here when everyone on the planet but me seemed to be getting face time with him. And I had to hear about it.

As though the universe wanted to hammer that point home straight through my skull, I heard my name called, and turned and saw a pretty woman with a dark bob and bangs, smiling and waving at me as she leaned on the bar. Shaylin. She looked so happy and excited I couldn’t bring myself to dislike her, whether she’d slept with Duncan or not, so I strolled over. “Hey, Shaylin.”

“Hi! Look at you, Zach! You’re doing it.”

I chuckled. “Yep. I’m doing it.”

“I feel so honored to have been among the first to taste your tapas. And don’t you look cute with all your makeup on! I want to kiss you but don’t want to get glitter on my face.”

“Thank you. You look very pretty tonight.”

She waved me off. “Oh thanks. Just had a drink with Duncan and Greg out front. Nothing special.”

I tensed. “Duncan is here?”

“He was. When we were about to leave I told him I wanted to come back and say hi to you. I can’t stay, just wanted to check it out. It looks great, Zach. You happy?”

“Yeah,” I said automatically, but I wasn’t happy at the moment. “So Duncan didn’t want to come back and say hi?”

“He said he didn’t want to bother you while you’re working, him being Mr. Boss Man. And Greg was too busy kissing Duncan’s ass.” She rolled her eyes. “Anyway, I’ve gotta go hon. Nice to see you!”

“Yeah, you too. Thanks for stopping in.”

After she left, I went back into the kitchen. Sighing, I banged my head gently against the wall. Steven and Chauncy eyed me curiously, but kept working. This was ridiculous. My feelings for Duncan weren’t going to go away, not while I continued to work here. His life, his friends, his suitors and love interests, they were all around me, all the time. And his avoiding me, not seeing him, it was only making me realize how strong my feelings were, because it hurt.

Who was I kidding? I wasn’t made of Teflon. Sure, I’d grown up a lot and I could temper the behavior my emotions wrought. I didn’t cause scenes and power-text people for hours on end anymore. But I was still me. This was who I was. I was passionate and emotional, and when I truly cared for someone, when I gave myself to that person, I did it full throttle. Even if I got disappointed. Even if I got rejected after. Which was clearly the case here. I’d slept with Duncan. And I’d been rejected by Duncan. And it hurt.

I was tired of telling myself that caring about someone, that being hurt when they didn’t want me, was a weakness. Tired of punishing myself for not being perfect in the past. I’d learned from my mistakes. Now I was convinced I was being needy for expecting some simple contact after taking a huge risk and going to bed with my employer? Telling myself that my emotions were stupid and didn’t matter? That in this equation, I didn’t matter?

Fuck that.

I felt a weight lift off me suddenly. It was like a dark cloud had been following me around for two years, and suddenly the cloud dissipated and I could see clearly.

There was nothing wrong with me.

Feelings were messy and risky, but they were worth having, worth taking that risk, because it was the only way to get to the good stuff. Wanting more from another person didn’t make me a psycho or a weakling. It made me human. Letting someone else into your body was supposed to be powerful. And while casual sex was all fine and good, it also led to people getting attached, and wanting to see the other person again. Wanting to know if what they’d shared mattered, at least enough not to be ignored afterward. That was not a weakness.

I’d taken a risk, and I’d lost. I wanted more of Duncan, but he clearly wanted nothing more from me. That didn’t mean I had to brush it off and pretend it was no big deal. Pretend I could move past it and just go on working for him when I felt so used and discarded. I did not have to be a martyr and stick around here, enduring this thing that was making me feel bad. Not just bad about the situation, but bad about myself.

I’d had enough of feeling bad about myself, I didn’t need to volunteer for another helping. But I couldn’t blame Duncan for this. Only I had power over my own life. Thusly, a decision was made, and while it made me sad, I felt clearer about it than I had about anything in a long time.

When my shift ended I walked through the main club and went into the back room to change. There were a few other staff in there, so I meandered over to the corner and pulled out my phone, searching for Paulo’s number, my old manager at Immunity. Sure, the place wasn’t ideal, but I didn’t have to let it wear me down. My strength and confidence had to come from within, not exterior forces. I could handle it. What I couldn’t handle was continuing to work here after what had happened between me and Duncan. If he’d not decided to avoid me so completely, I probably could have handled it. But after tonight, I realized it was too much for me. I wasn’t wired for this. I wasn’t hardened enough to endure it.

I was aware this was an emotionally-fueled decision, and it probably had some spite attached, after learning Duncan had been right out front having drinks with Shaylin and Greg. After having to deal with that guy Dana, and hearing about how great it was kissing the man I was into. I knew I should probably talk to Duncan first. He’d taken a chance on me, I probably owed him that. But shit, Duncan was avoiding me at present, and that upset feeling I’d had bubbling up all night was finally boiling over. So I didn’t think. I just acted.

“Hello?”

“Hey Paulo. It’s Zach.”

“Hey, I was just thinking about you yesterday.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. How’s it going? You still at Mythic?”

“That’s what I was calling you about. I don’t suppose you’ve still got room for me at Immunity. I know it’s been a while since we talked.”

“Fuck. I think I love you.”

“Yeah?”

“I had two people quit over the weekend. There’s been a lot of turnover to be honest. Guess this place isn’t for everyone. Shit man, you can start tomorrow night if you want. I’ll make sure you get weekends too.”

I sigh leaked out of me. “Consider it done. I’ll come by tomorrow night.”

“Oh great. This is fucking great, Zach. Come in a little early so we can do your paperwork. And dress to kill!”

“Will do. Thanks, Paulo. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

After I hung up, I went to my locker and peeled out of my costume, changing into long shorts and a tee shirt. I ripped my crown of twigs off and threw it forcefully into the locker, then I made my way to Barry’s office.

He was sitting at his desk, hunched over a computer, eyes narrowed in concentration.

“Barry.”

His gaze flicked to me before returning to the screen. “I’m busy, Zach.”

“This will only take a minute.”

“Fine. What is it.”

“I quit.”

He looked up at me. “What?”

“I quit. I’m done. Tonight’s my last night.”

He pushed back from the desk and stared at me, lips parted. “What do you mean you quit? You can’t quit. Duncan’s totally invested in you. He just gave you a promotion.”

My heart sank a bit at the mention of Duncan, and for a moment, my resolve weakened. But I knew I’d still feel like this tomorrow. I was owning it. I shouldn’t have slept with the boss. But I had, and it had consequences. I couldn’t live like this, couldn’t work like this, and I knew it. “Tell Duncan I’m sorry. But this is something I have to do.”

“You’re serious?”

“Yes. I’m done.”

Barry blew a breath out. “Well, shit.” He shook his head, then stood, stepping around his desk and extending his hand. “All right, Zach. It’s been a pleasure working with you.”

I shook his hand, feeling sad. “You too. Thanks for everything, Barry.”

I went home and took a shower, then sprawled out on my bed. Duncan was still on my mind, but I heard nothing from him, and that was all right. The pain would go away, eventually. I’d figure out my life, eventually.

The important thing was I was putting myself first for once. And I would be all right.