Chapter Nine

 

Blinking, I jolted up, confused by the unfamiliar surroundings. Duncan’s bedroom. It was daylight, and now I could see it. It was huge and stylish, all cream and blue, cool and comfortable with the air conditioning on.

But I was alone in the big bed.

I looked to my left and spotted a wheeled tray with orange juice and fruit, a plate of scrambled eggs and toast. A note rested against a small pot of coffee. I picked it up and read.

‘Zach, I had to head out early to deal with something, my apologies. Earl will be out front to drive you when you’re ready to leave. – Duncan’

Well then. So considerate. And yet so cold. But what had I expected? Love poetry? No, but shit, he could have at least drawn a heart or given me something that made me feel like more than an employee. Maybe an ‘I had fun last night’ or ‘I’ll talk to you soon’ or whatever.

And scrambled eggs, damn it? He knew I was a vegan. Maybe he didn’t get it. Or maybe he forgot. I thought about eating the eggs on a self-destructive whim, but when I touched them with my finger they were cold. How the fuck long had he been up? Been gone?

Suddenly aware of my nakedness, I panicked, remembering my wet clothes were still out by the pool. I hopped out of bed, glancing around. Sighing, I saw my clothes, dry and folded on a chair. My socks were on top. Under the chair were my shoes, neatly lined up. I wondered again exactly how early Duncan had risen to do all this. I hadn’t even stirred, so he must have been quiet. I walked over and picked up my tee shirt. It smelled clean and laundered. Was he up before the sun, creeping around, making breakfast, washing my clothes? Did he get up at four in the morning so he could do all this, so he wouldn’t have to deal with me?

“Oh, fuck it, who cares,” I muttered. I used the bathroom, then quickly got dressed.

It wasn’t like I hadn’t known what I was getting into. I’d known last night this was risky, but decided to take the risk anyway. Overthinking it, particularly since I’d still be working for him, sounded emotionally exhausting. I just didn’t have it in me to play that game with myself.

I didn’t know if this meant I was growing up or that I’d turned into a stone-cold sociopath. Nah, I wasn’t a sociopath. The feelings were there. I was merely compartmentalizing them. I liked Duncan. But I liked my new job too, and wasn’t about to flounce off in tears and quit simply because I’d gotten a note rather than morning cuddles. I’d gotten what I needed last night. What happened next, time would tell.

I gobbled down a piece of toast, drank the orange juice, then went downstairs to look for my bag. I found it by the front door, neatly leaned against the wall, not haphazardly dropped like it had been last night when Duncan was dragging me along by the hand.

I wasn’t sure why that bothered me, but it did. The neat arrangement of my bag. The folded clothes upstairs. The note on the breakfast tray. It all said ‘get the fuck out’ but in that polite, generous way that was all Duncan. I’d been tidied up. I glanced around and listened. The house was quiet, empty. I considered snooping around, but the coldness in my stomach whispered, unwelcome.

I was not the special wood nymph anymore in the light of day. I was just a guy doing a very comfortable walk of shame. I stepped outside and closed the door. Sprinklers hissed on the lawn. Directly in front of the door, the black car sat there, and I saw Earl behind the wheel, reading a magazine. The car was parked so close to the door I could have stumbled into it. Like everything else I’d encountered since waking, it said, Get the fuck out.

I opened the back door and got in the car. “Hi, Earl.”

He lowered the magazine and put the car in drive. “Good morning. Going home?”

“Yeah. You’ve got the address?”

“Jamaica Plain. Got it.”

Of course he did. Duncan wouldn’t leave that to chance. I rolled down the window as the car pulled out of the driveway and down the road, past millionaire houses with their own sprinklers going tsst tsst tsst on unnaturally green lawns. Maybe Duncan was having regrets. Maybe he’d been drunker than I thought and woke up with a case of the ‘Oh, shits’ and was freaking out.

Earl dropped me off and I hiked up the stairs to my apartment. I pulled my phone out of my bag and checked messages. One from Barry giving me my schedule for next week, but that had been sent yesterday afternoon when I was busy prepping for the party. One from Sarah. And one from Doug, sent a half hour ago.

‘You up for a run in an hour?’

That sounded great, actually. Some endorphins to clear my head. And maybe I’d talk to Doug about what happened, get his feedback. I wouldn’t mention Duncan’s name of course. But Doug seemed to have his head on straight. He’d dealt with anger management issues a few years back, after he hurt the guy his boyfriend had cheated with, before he met Stewart. And he’d dealt with similar bullshit as me, at the same time as me. We’d both been the side-guys for Corey and Stewart before winning them over to ourselves. That made us like brothers, right?

I snorted a laugh and texted Doug back. ‘Run sounds great. Just let me take a quick shower first.’

‘A shower before running? You getting weird?’

‘Long story. Meet you down the pond in thirty minutes?’

‘Sounds scandalous. See you in thirty.’

I showered and jogged down to the pond, finding Doug doing stretches near the bench where I usually saw him. He wore soft gray sweat shorts and a sleeveless black tee, his short brown hair pushed up on one side from sleeping. “Hey.” He gave me a big smile. “Clean now, you dirty boy?”

“Ha ha. You ready?”

“Let’s go.”

We were silent for a time as we ran along the water’s edge. Ducks and swans floated by us, a small sailboat visible farther out. We passed a dogwalker and another jogger, then Doug said, “Stewart and I really enjoyed the party last night. Cool little garden bar. You got a nice gig there.”

“I know, it’s really great. I didn’t think I could handle the pressure, but it was manageable. Now we just have to wait and see if real customers will come.”

“You kidding me? Of course they will. Even without the vegetarian food and what have you, it’s outside, and it’s nice out there. People will drift out from the main bar at the very least.”

“Duncan’s already done a lot of advertising. Should be fine.”

Doug glanced at me. “So you get laid last night?”

“Yeah. First time in a long time.”

“You’re kidding me.” Doug’s steps slowed a bit and he stared at me with wide eyes.

I frowned at him. “What?”

He shook his head and faced front, picking up the pace.

“Doug. Why did you sound so surprised? I told you before I was on a dry spell.”

“No, that’s not it.” He was silent for a few beats. “It’s that I saw who you left with.”

In my head, tires screeched, and I stopped jogging. Doug looked back, then circled around, stopping before me, stretching his leg behind him. “Shit, got a cramp.”

“You saw?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Stewart and I were in the car getting ready to leave. Saw Duncan pull over and yank you into the car.”

“Don’t tell Corey.”

His brows rose as his leg dropped. “So I’m right? It was Duncan you…went home with?”

“Don’t tell Corey.”

“I won’t.”

“I know how tight you two are, Doug, I swear, if—”

“I won’t tell him, Zach, Jesus. I don’t get it so I know he wouldn’t either, and I don’t need Corey any more dramatic than he already is.”

“What don’t you get?”

Doug shrugged. “Any of it. I mean…he’s your boss, right?”

“Yeah.” I sighed. “I know, not the best idea.”

Doug made a huffing sound and rolled his eyes.

“I know, okay?”

“Okay, okay, settle down. It’s just weird. I’ve known Duncan for a year, and he’s just…Duncan. Corey’s uncle. All rich and distinguished and shit. Now I’m picturing him naked. Damn. Now I’m picturing you naked with him.”

“Well stop!”

Doug laughed and moved to a park bench. “Sit down.”

I slumped down beside him with a sigh.

“Are you okay or freaking out? Be honest.”

I shrugged. “There’s been something brewing between us for a while. I like him. A lot. And last night was…fucking amazing. But I woke up to a note and cold scrambled eggs in an empty house.”

“Was it a nice note?”

I smirked at Doug. “Too nice. Like ‘thanks for cleaning the room, here’s a tip’ nice.”

“I see. Is it gonna be weird at work now?”

“I’m not on for another couple days. If I don’t hear from him before then? Fuck yeah, it’s gonna be weird.”

“So call him.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t do that anymore.”

Doug doubled over, snickering. “What do you mean you don’t do that anymore? What the fuck does that mean?”

“It means I’ve learned restraint after what happened with Corey.”

“Oh, my God.” Doug’s head fell back and he placed his hand on his forehead. “The way you used to blow up Corey’s phone with texts when you guys were in a fight.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”

“You’d just keep calling and he’d start pacing and freaking out until he finally shut it off.”

“Good memories,” I said. “Thanks for that.”

“I’m sorry.” Doug chuckled then squeezed my shoulder. “But really? Because of that you’re dead set against contacting Duncan first? Like ever?”

“Dead set.”

“You think he’s into you?”

Linking my hands, I looked at Doug. “He was last night. But I’m not naïve. We both know that could mean nothing. He wanted sex. He got it.”

“Did you feel weird because it’s Corey’s uncle?”

“Not last night. I’ve been working for him a while now. I’m used to it, got that weird out of my system after spending so much time with him. I’m still aware of it of course. Sometimes he’ll smirk at me and I’ll see a resemblance. But to me he’s just…Duncan. This confusing guy who keeps throwing opportunity at me and making me feel special every other week. In between he just treats me like everyone else at Mythic. Friendly but businesslike.”

Doug winced. “He set you up with that new job in the garden bar, didn’t he?”

“Yeah.”

“You get a raise?”

My head dropped and I wrung my hands. “Yeah.”

Doug blew a breath out but said nothing.

I nudged him with my shoulder. “You can say it. Looks like I’m being bought. But it doesn’t feel like that with Duncan. Never feels like he expects anything from me. Last night he said he made a move because of the way I was looking at him at the party. And he’s right, I was laser beamed in on him. So technically I’m the one who went after him, not the other way around.”

“Maybe you’ve got the power.”

I looked at him. “I don’t feel like I’ve got the power.”

He grinned. “Maybe not. But you can act like you feel like you’ve got the power.”

“I’m not Corey. Head games are not my forte. Besides, how do I act like I feel like I’ve got the power? Strut around shaking my ass? And hey, look at you, Doug. Going all Corey diabolical.”

“I know. He’s been rubbing off on me for a while now. I used to be such a nice guy.”

I laughed. “Okay tell me this. When you first slept with Stewart, you knew…or rather thought there was no chance for something more. Were you insecure after?”

“Shit yeah! Maybe because I’d just been told he not only had a boyfriend but that they both lived together upstairs from me.”

“We’ve never talked about this. When Corey and Stewart were together. The open relationship thing. We were both the side-guys.”

“Yeah. And both pining miserably.”

“So were you all cool and with the power when you were wooing Stewart?”

“Nah. But I did give him space. Let him come to me. It was a different situation though. I kept quite literally bumping into him because of our proximity at the house. I didn’t stand a chance.”

“Neither did he.”

He smiled sheepishly. “Guess so.”

“So you running off and getting married next?”

Doug turned to me. “You heard about Corey and Angelo.”

“From the horse’s mouth. Corey came and talked to me at Mythic.”

“Oh.” His brows rose. “Well that was very adult of him. And not at all like him.”

“Apparently Duncan suggested it. Thought I should hear it from Corey first. I don’t think he wanted to see me hurt. He wants me and Corey to be good with each other.”

“Ah, really? Sounds like Duncan does care about you. That you guys didn’t just randomly fall into bed.”

“Like I said. There’s been a connection between us for a while. What I don’t know is how many others at Mythic have experienced this same connection.”

“You think banging the help is his jam?”

“I hope not.”

“Can I ask…and this is not in a creepy way…but what was he like with you intimately?”

I looked at Doug and shrugged. “Enthusiastic, but surprisingly tender.”

“Any clues in his words? Like ‘Zach I’ve been waiting for this’ or ‘when can I see you again’ stuff?”

“Not really. Definitely no ‘when can I see you again’ happening. But…”

“But what?”

My shoulders hunched. “This is a little too personal, I don’t want to gross you out.”

“You don’t care if you gross me out. You just don’t trust me.”

“What? Why do you say that?”

“Are we friends now or what?”

I nodded. “Yeah.” Chuckling, I added, “Surprisingly.”

“Have you ever known me to screw over one of my friends?”

“No. You’re a goody two-shoes. You were the only one nice to me after I got a blowjob from a guy I didn’t know Corey had a restraining order against, who then subsequently tried to have Stewart arrested for threatening him. I guess I can trust you with this.”

“Yikes, I’d nearly forgotten that.” Doug shuddered and shook his head.

“Yeah. I don’t have that luxury. Still want to be buds?” I chuckled.

“Zach, I’m serious. If you want to talk, about any of this to me, you can.”

“All right.” I looked down at my fingers again. “There was this one moment when Duncan seemed overwhelmed, and he was like whoa, we’re really doing this. And I made some quip about whether he wanted me to list all the reasons we shouldn’t. I was just teasing, in the moment, you know? But I mentioned Corey and he got all…not mad but…there was a reaction.”

“Well, yeah. I wouldn’t want to hear a family member’s name while I was having sex.”

“I know but it felt like more than that. He made me promise not to mention his name again. It was almost like he was…jealous.”

I looked at Doug, and he was frowning, his expression thoughtful.

“What you thinking?”

“Does he know how deep things got with you and Corey?”

“Not fully.” I thought of my meltdown in the restroom. Our first kiss. “But he knows I was hurt when we broke up.”

“Maybe we’ve been looking at this all wrong. You can’t be just another enchanted forest hookup, because you’re his nephew’s ex.”

“You think? How so?”

“Duncan loves the hell out of Corey. They’re super close. He wouldn’t do something like this with you if there was no thought involved. So let’s pretend for a moment that he’s really into you.”

“Okay. And if he is?”

“Two things. Either he feels guilty or weird that he’s betraying Corey somehow. Or, knowing you were so in love with Corey, maybe he feels like a second-rate substitute.”

“But he’s not. There’s nothing second-rate about him.”

“Does he know you feel that way though? He’s older than Corey, and he’s a lot older than you. And let’s face it. No one wants to be in a position to compete with Corey, past tense or not. Trust me. That was my life for a while.”

“Then there’s option C. He was drunk and fucked an employee. Now he feels regret.”

“Possibly.” Doug shrugged. “It could definitely be that simple.”

“Shit.” I sighed. “You know, when I got your text this morning I thought maybe you’d have some good insight. You do. But now I’m more confused than ever. You’ve given me too many options.”

“If you don’t hear from him by tonight, at least text him, Zach.”

I squinted at him, blocking the sunlight with my hand. “You really think I should?”

“I know you think it’s a bad idea in case he’ll think you’re clingy. But if it’s the other thing? And he’s the one feeling insecure? Not contacting him will only validate that for him.”

“You suck. You’ve only made it harder for me.”

“Look, if you text him and he doesn’t respond, or if he’s still all ‘hey there chum’ formal and shit, then you know. Then it was only a text. And you can commence going to work and showing him how unaffected you are. It’s a small risk to your dignity. But if Duncan thinks you’re using him as a back-up Corey? Or that you don’t really care? It’s a risk worth taking. Because it sure sounds like you’re into him.”

“I am.” I groaned and hung my head. “So fucking into him.”

“That’s settled, then.” He stood and tugged me up by my arm. “Now let’s finish our run.”

“Okay. Thanks, Doug.”

“Anytime.”

“If you tell Corey about this, I’ll murder you in your sleep.”

“I’m aware, Zach. Don’t worry.”

After my run, I busied myself all afternoon, cleaning my apartment, then my clothes at the laundromat down the street with the little Italian woman who hated me. I didn’t know what I’d done to her, but she shot me daggers every time I went in, and always walked over and peered into my washer to see if I’d overloaded it. After lugging the laundry home, I checked my phone. Nothing from Duncan.

Damn it. I didn’t want to text him later. I mean, I did but I didn’t. Doug’s logic made sense, but now that afternoon was heading into evening, I had to make a choice. And that didn’t even take into consideration what the fuck I was supposed to say in this text. Even a ‘Hey, what’s up’ sounded too needy to me.

But then I thought about what Doug said. If there was a chance Duncan was thinking I was using him as some Corey substitute, that I didn’t actually want him, I couldn’t have that. But then I thought about how distant and casual he’d behaved after our kiss in the bathroom at Mythic. He’d not addressed it until I brought it up. It was entirely possible that Duncan was just a casual kisser. A casual sex dude. And that following up with me wasn’t even something he’d considered.

But I was his fucking employee, and Duncan didn’t strike me as the manner-less type. He must realize sleeping with me had the potential for ramifications. He didn’t know me that well. What if I was loose cannon and got obsessed with him and tried to sue him eventually? That would never happen, but surely it had occurred to him. Maybe the reason Duncan wasn’t contacting me was because he was scared of me after our night together.

That made my mind up for me. I had to text him tonight. With something casual but friendly, unrelated to our sex. So he’d know I was fine and good with what happened, and wasn’t obsessing over it. You know, like the way I was obsessing over it now. I checked my phone several times, surprised when I saw a text from my mother.

‘We need to talk, honey. I want you to come for dinner. When are you free?’

What the fuck? I did not need this tonight. I did want to smooth things over with my mom. It made me sad and unsettled when I thought about our estrangement. But her words during our last argument had hurt me. Hurt me enough that I wasn’t sure I was ready to make up. I replied.

‘I don’t know. I have to think about it.’

‘What do you have to think about? Are we just never going to talk again? Come on Zach it’s just dinner.’

My brain was already too full tonight, so I set dealing with my mom aside for later. I made an avocado cucumber salad with chickpeas. After eating and stalling for an hour watching movies on my computer, and scanning the internet trying to think of something whimsical and casual to talk to Duncan about, I finally got up and grabbed my phone. I stretched back on my bed and checked messages. Nothing from Duncan.

Anger tried to rise in me, but I pushed it down. I’ve got the power. Yeah, right.

Finally, I opened a text window.

‘Hey, did you know there’s another enchanted forest bar in New Hampshire? Looks pretty lame though judging by the pictures.’

I attached the link and hit send.

And now came the waiting. I set the phone down beside me and picked up the paperback I’d been reading. I read the same paragraph four times, then grabbed my phone. Duncan had read my text. It had only been ten minutes, but inside I thought ‘You fucker, can’t even write me back?’

I picked up my book again and forced myself to get into it. Ten minutes passed, then my phone bleeped with an incoming text. Tossing my book down without bothering to save my page, I scrambled for my phone.

‘Yes, I’ve been there, it is lame. Visited a lot of similar places before opening Mythic. Wanted to make sure my club was better.’

He’d added a little smiley face, but it was a most unsatisfying reply. But I’d done it, taken the pressure off myself. While my finger twitched to respond, I didn’t. It took all of my restraint. But if he wanted to talk about anything else, the ball was in his court now. He knew I wasn’t freaking out or becoming a cling monster. I was good.

Except I wasn’t good. A dark cloud hung over my mood, and I’d forgotten how shitty this felt, all this questioning. Damn it, why had I cheated on my right hand? It wasn’t the most passionate relationship, but at least there was no drama. At least I didn’t have to feel this insecurity, this rejection.

My phone bleeped again. I picked it up, heart jumping when I saw Duncan’s name.

‘How are you? Did you have a good day?’

I smiled, happy I’d held out. I sagged with relief. ‘Sure, went running, did laundry. Real exciting. How was yours?’

‘I got stung by a bee.’

I frowned, then chuckled. “Okay. I guess.” I replied, ‘That sucks. Are you all right?’

‘Fine, but it swelled up and hurt for hours. A pipe burst at Mythic so I had to meet the plumber. I was in the garden when I got stung. Got me right on the ankle. I’m soaking my feet in the pool right now, having a cocktail.’

At his mention of the pool, my face heated, remembering last night. My finger hovered over my phone. I hesitated, then decided fuck it. At least I’ll get to see his reaction. At least I’ll know.

‘I liked your pool last night.’ I added a fire emoji and hit send.

I saw that he was typing and braced myself, hoping for something naughty. I didn’t get what I wanted.

‘I’m glad you enjoyed it.’

Scowling, I wrote back, ‘That’s an understatement.’

‘Thanks. It’s a blessing in this heat.’

Great. So much for that. Maybe it was Duncan’s generation. Maybe he was too old to realize I was trying to sext him. Or maybe he just wasn’t that into me.

I’d be damned if I was going to write him back, but secretly hoped I’d hear from him again before the night was out. I didn’t. After brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed, I got two more texts from my mom, pressing me to agree to dinner and scolding me for not getting back to her.

‘Zach I’m your mother, the least you could do is respond.’

It made me angrier than it should have. Because the truth was, even though I was mad at her for things she said during our last argument, I was more pissed that the texts were from her and not Duncan. I’d gotten excited when I heard the bleep.

I replied to her, ‘I’ll talk to you eventually but give me some space, there’s a lot going on right now’.

After that I went to bed, feeling like a sad, lonely chump. A sad lonely chump who probably never should have slept with his boss.