Chapter Five

 

 

I stared at Duncan, my face flushing. “Why do you want to talk about Corey?”

He shrugged in that elegant way, twisting his drink on the table. “You brought him up. And I’m starting to feel like he’s the elephant in the room every time we speak. So let’s work through that so we can both be sure it’s not a hindrance. To our working relationship.”

“Are we descending into psychological drunk talk again, like that night we had martinis in the club?”

His easy smile relaxed me. “I hope not,” he said. “Because you ran out of there fast once that started. I figured I was getting a little too personal.”

“You confuse me.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay. You confuse me too, Zach.”

“Why?”

“Many reasons.”

“Will you tell me what they are?”

He tilted his head and studied me. “Tell me why you look so ashamed every time you mention my nephew. Because it’s happened more than once.”

“Should we be talking like this?” I asked. “About personal stuff? He’s your nephew and…you’re my boss. I feel like we’re breaking the rules or something.”

“I’m not a big fan of rules. Unless I make them myself.”

“Do you mean professionally? Or personally?”

“The two can be one in the same.”

“Okay. But I don’t think I should talk about Corey to you. You’re his uncle and…”

“And what?”

“I don’t want you to think less of me.”

“I doubt I would.” Duncan sipped his drink. “I’m forty-eight, Zach. You think I haven’t done my share of fucking up? Let me guess, then. You cheated on him.”

That old shame bubbled up, making me sweat. “He told you.”

“No. He told me very little, I never even heard your name mentioned before we met.”

“Oh.” I chuckled and rolled my eyes. “How flattering.”

Duncan smiled. “The point is you look like you want to flagellate yourself every time his name comes up. So I guessed. Corey didn’t say anything about you. So is it a problem? You can trust me, I won’t repeat anything you say. I just want to know why it affects you so much.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll kill the elephant.” I laughed softly, and got a smile in return. “I’m really glad you’ve plied me with alcohol for this.”

Duncan chuckled. “Go on. Tell me, before the booze wears off.”

“All right. I was obsessed with your nephew when I first started seeing him, when he was with Stewart. And he was seeing other people too on the side, so fair to say the competition was…unsettling. Then when he was finally mine, I was so afraid it wouldn’t last my insecurity made me impossible, and he got tired of it. But he tried. He did everything to reassure me. But I fucked it up anyway. For me, Corey was like…a hot coal from a fire. I loved the way it glowed and the warmth of it, but I tried to squeeze it too tight and burned myself.”

Duncan nodded. “And you’ve still got the scars.”

“I suppose, but it’s not still this huge thing for me. It’s been a couple years now. I honestly had put it mostly out of my mind until I met you.”

“Ah, now we’re getting somewhere. I’m a reminder. When you look at me, you think of him.”

“No. You’re your own person to me. Believe me. Of course you’re a little bit of a reminder because of who you are, but it’s not a big thing. I can handle it, I swear. It’s just…embarrassing to think on looking back, which is probably why you sensed my discomfort when his name comes up. That I was that out of control.”

“In what way were you out of control?”

“Um…” I dropped my gaze. “Jealousy. Being over emotional. And ah…sexually. I was sexually obsessed with Corey in a way that wasn’t healthy. Because his attention, his reassurance that I was the only one for him? It was never quite enough for me. Probably because he was sleeping with other people at the start. The relationship never felt equally balanced. My insecurity led to me doing stupid shit. I lost him. I lost everything.”

“Thank you for explaining. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, I wanted to discuss it so you’d be comfortable with me going forward.”

“That’s all right. Like I said, it’s old news. I’ve examined the shit out of it over the past couple years, so it’s not really all that hard to talk about anymore. I suppose you’ve never been out of control like that, have you? You seem so together.”

He chuckled. “Everyone’s been in love before, Zach. Sexual obsession can lead to ruin, sure. But don’t be too hard on yourself. In the interim, it can be exciting and intoxicating losing control like that.”

“Yeah, true I guess. Learning experience for me. I’m very careful now.”

Duncan shifted in his chair, and his foot brushed mine under the table. Though it was an accident, my pulse fluttered. “How are you careful?”

“I think things through before I act now. Ask myself if what I’m feeling is healthy for me. I used to do stupid things because I only thought with my heart and my body, not my head.”

“I see. Interesting. But with sex, sometimes you have to let logic go and just feel. It’s a difficult thing, trying to pair that reckless abandon with caution.”

Wow. And here we were. We’d veered into talking about sex. This probably would have felt really awkward if I didn’t have a righteous buzz. I couldn’t quite figure out why Duncan seemed to enjoy sitting talking to little old me, why he even found me interesting in the first place. But he did seem to. I hadn’t been asked this many questions about myself in I didn’t know how long. I wasn’t used to anyone giving a shit how I felt. And maybe it was the alcohol, the soft night breeze, or the exotic garden atmosphere, but I didn’t want to stop. I wanted Duncan to keep talking to me. I wanted to see where the conversation would lead, how deep it might take us.

I wanted to break rules.

“Zach? You don’t agree?”

“Huh?”

“You don’t agree that sex itself can be hindered when paired with caution?”

I chuckled. “Yeah, probably. I don’t have sex anymore.”

Duncan’s eyes widened. “You don’t…what?”

“I can’t believe I just said that.” I groaned and took a sip of my drink. “Too much info, right?”

“You don’t have sex anymore?”

“That’s right.”

“At all?”

“Not with anyone but myself.”

“For how long?”

I chuckled, shaking my head. “Quite some time now.”

“I have to ask,” he said. “Why the hell not?”

I forced myself to meet his eyes. “Because I make stupid decisions.”

“Everybody does. You’re denying yourself sex completely because you made a few bad decisions in your past?”

“I think I don’t want to talk about me anymore.”

Laughing, Duncan picked up his drink. “Apologies if I was too forward. You can ask me questions about myself as payback if you wish. We’ll switch it up.”

Well, that sounded too good to refuse. “And you’ll answer honestly if I ask you something?”

Duncan seemed to hesitate, then nodded. “I will.”

“Do you sleep with any of those people who were here today?”

A chuckle escaped, and Duncan smirked, raising an eyebrow.

“What? That too personal?”

“No. It’s just not what I expected you to ask. But I’ll answer. You were open with me. I’ll be open with you.”

“Okay. Good. So do you? Sleep with any of them?”

“Sometimes. It’s more of a past tense thing, however.”

I leaned forward, intrigued. “Which one? Or ones? Or all?”

Something close to a snort escaped, and Duncan covered his mouth as he laughed. “Why do you want to know about this, Zach?”

“You brought up sex.” I shrugged. “I was curious. Or nosy, I guess.”

“You tell me,” Duncan said. “Who do you think I’ve slept with, out of the three who were here tonight?”

“Shaylin.”

Duncan nodded. “Once.”

“Greg?”

Tilting his head, he seemed to consider this. “Yes and no. Almost, but not quite. Greg sometimes can’t hold his liquor. Equipment malfunction.”

“Oh, I see.” I chuckled. “Wow, you really do answer everything honestly. I like this game.”

“I can tell.” He smirked. “Not used to such honesty?”

“Not at all. Oh, what about Robert, then? I bet that’s a yes too.”

“Not Robert,” he said. “We’re just friends, and I want him to work for me.” Duncan sipped his drink and his eyes shifted down. “Plus he’s a little young.”

My smile slid away. Okay, so there was a line in the sand after all. An unexpected boundary amidst all Duncan’s openness. At least now I knew. Duncan wasn’t into me. He was just a flirty, sexual person. I suspected Robert was a couple years older than me. If Duncan thought Robert was too young for him, then I certainly was. And he’d mentioned the work thing. I’d been misinterpreting this whole conversation. And shamefully, getting myself kind of worked up and horny at the idea that Duncan might want me. But he didn’t. He’d all but just told me so.

“Zach?”

“Yeah?”

He grinned. “You drifted off again. Thinking about Robert? I’m afraid he’s seeing someone already, as far as I know.”

“No! I…I’m not interested in him. Just confused. I thought you said you didn’t like rules.”

“Unless I make them, I said. I feel no need to adhere to other people’s rules. But I have rules of my own.”

“Right. Okay.” I considered my cocktail, and decided I definitely didn’t need any more of it. It was giving me loose lips and a ridiculous boner for my new boss. “I should probably leave.”

“Sure. I’ll call you a car. Shall we go back inside?”

“Yeah. Thank you.”

“Well I’d say the evening was a success!” Duncan said as we headed for the house. “You’ve agreed to the new job, and we had a good conversation.”

“Yeah. I apologize if I…made it weird at all.”

“Nonsense. Nothing weird about it. I’ll be right back.”

Duncan left me alone in one of his colorful sitting rooms. I wasn’t sure I believed him that there was no weirdness. He was behaving almost too oblivious. But maybe this was normal for him, having deeply personal and sexual conversations with people in his employ. It was certainly a good way to lower the shields and get to know someone, but it was a bit disarming. I kind of felt tricked. Lured in. I’d been responding to his honesty, having all sorts of thoughts and feelings about it. I felt exposed, and for the first time in ages, out of control.

I sat on a colorful striped accent chair and checked my phone. Sarah had texted, asking me how it went.

‘Good. I’ve been offered a new job with more money based on the tapas.’

She must have been waiting for my response, because she wrote back immediately. ‘That’s amazing! You deserve it. You accepted, right?’

‘Yes but with reservations. I think I’m doing it again, Sarah. Not thinking right. I had myself convinced Duncan was into me tonight until he shut it down. Maybe I shouldn’t accept the job, because I find myself getting kind of fixated on the guy, at least when I drink. I don’t want to relapse into stupidity again.’

‘Call me tomorrow, but you’re probably overreacting. It’s okay to be attracted to someone, Zach. Doesn’t mean you have to act on it.’

She was right of course, but the problem was, I probably would have acted on it. Had Duncan made a move. But I agreed to forgive myself. Duncan was the first man to get my blood up after an extended, desert-level dry spell. It made sense that I was thirsty. Duncan just happened to be the first guy to come along that I thought about quenching my thirst with in a very long time.

But I still needed to keep an eye on myself. A guy almost twice my age, my ex-boyfriend’s uncle, and my boss? My negative self-image told me I was only attracted to him because he was the worst fucking idea to come along since I’d split with Corey, and that old dysfunctional penchant I had for flirting with disaster was still inside me. I’d smothered it, strangled it, and buried it in a box in the back yard, but the bones were still there under the surface.

“There’s a car outside waiting for you,” Duncan said as he entered the room.

“Oh great, thanks.” I stood. “Here’s your credit card back.” I handed it to him and he slid it into his pocket. “Thanks, Duncan. For everything.”

“My pleasure.” Duncan stepped in and caught me in a hug, which I wasn’t ready for.

Wrapping my arms around him was an automatic response, but I tried to keep it casual by giving him a little double-slap on the back.

He released me…but just before he did, I could have sworn he sniffed my neck. Just a taken a little whiff, a light brush of his nose, making me shiver. “I’ll let you know when we’ll start training for the outdoor bar. In the meantime, just work your regular shifts. And here.” He handed me a check. “For tonight. Didn’t want you to have to wait until I added it to your regular paycheck.”

“Oh. Thanks.” I stared down at the check, which was, in my opinion, way too much money for what I’d done tonight. “This is kind of a lot, Duncan, just for cooking some aps.”

“You were here for hours, you should be compensated.”

“But we were just talking.”

“It was all work related. Now go on, head home. You look tired.” He smiled, and I let him walk me to the door, slipping the check into my pocket.

“Good night, Duncan.”

“Sleep well, Zach.”

The car idling in front of the house was a sleek black thing that looked like it should be transporting Michael Corleone, so I doubted it was an Uber. I’d been joking to myself about Duncan having a butler, but the man behind the wheel was old, elegant, and gray-haired, and I wanted to call him Jeeves. I wasn’t sure if he worked for Duncan or what. “Hi,” I said as I got in the car. “I’m going to—”

“I have the address. You just relax.”

“Oh. Okay, thanks. I’m Zach.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Earl.”

“Are you…um, Duncan’s personal driver?”

“No, I have other clients, but I do drive for Mr. Stengel often.”

As he drove me home, I took the check out of my pocket and studied it again. Sure, I’d done some work tonight, had a business meeting of sorts. But I’d also had cocktails, talked about sex, and enjoyed myself. I’d popped wood twice just due to certain things Duncan said, the way he looked at me, especially when he mentioned liking me in my nymph costume.

And now I had a job offer, a pay raise. And this big honkin check in my hand.

For all Duncan’s insistence that he didn’t want to fuck me, tonight I felt like a very lucky prostitute.