Chapter Nine

 

Kate tried to insist I take the rest of the day off, but I wasn’t having anything to do with it. I had the new assistant coming in, and I had to be there to introduce her to everyone in the center. It was my job to make sure my staff was trained properly and ready to care for the children. I wasn’t going to let Jarrett be the reason I didn’t fulfill my duties. Besides, it was nice to have something to think about besides some crazy man trying to end my life.

Natasha was a sweet girl who was quick on the draw. She met the kids and they gravitated toward her, which made it easy to see she was meant for the job. Bim especially seemed to take to her, his little body crawling up on her lap before anyone else had a chance. She didn’t need to be told what children had special needs, she picked up on it and loved on them carefully. After an hour in the center, and her agreement Kupid’s Play Castle was where she wanted to spend her required hands-on time, I took her to my office for orientation. Once back in my office all I could think about was the damn flower, so I grabbed everything we needed and my laptop, and we sat in the breakfast nook instead.

I was thrilled with her skills and how knowledgeable she was about all aspects of early childhood care. She agreed to start tomorrow, which meant I could start work on the new center. I had at least a week of directing the workmen on unloading and stripping the rooms. Once that was finished they would come in and build the walls and doors. It wouldn’t be until those things are done that we could furnish it. After the walls were built it would be paint and flooring, cabinetry, and kitchen supplies. I groaned when I thought of kitchen supplies. I hadn’t seen Sawyer since I was rude to him, and even though it was after six, chances were good his dinner invitation didn’t stand. I would have to apologize, but I wasn’t sure I had it in me to do it today, mostly because I was afraid he would demand answers. He deserved them, but I didn’t want to open a can of worms I couldn’t close again. Once he knew about Jarrett, and my bad decisions, he would likely friendzone me and I’d never see him again. A few weeks ago, being in the friendzone with him was okay, but then the night on the beach happened, and now I want so much more.

I leaned against the counter and sucked in air. I wasn’t happy with myself for even thinking those words, much less believing them. Getting involved with Sawyer meant putting someone else in danger, not to mention, he’s a man. I growled and banged my head gently on the cupboard holding my cups. They rattled against each other and I stopped when I thought I heard the elevator ding. It was probably someone coming home from work. Don’t freak out every time you hear an elevator, I scolded myself.

I decided to keep dinner light and have a sandwich and chips. It wasn’t exactly the healthiest thing ever, but I also wasn’t hungry and didn’t care about eating. I opened the fridge and there was a knock on the door. I froze for a heartbeat and then closed the door on the fridge, holding my breath. Maybe whoever it was would go away. I stayed quiet, but the knock came again followed by muffled words. “I know you’re home, Rose. I just want to talk.”

Rose. There was only one person who called me Rose.

I crutched to the door and peeked through the small hole to see Sawyer, freshly showered and holding a huge bouquet of flowers. I banged my head on the door twice, because even when I was a total jerk to him, he was gracious and forgiving to me.

I unlocked the door and lowered the handle, letting it swing open on its own. “Hi,” I said quietly when we were face-to-face.

“Hi,” he held the flowers out to me, “these are for you.”

I touched one of the petals and the scent was overpowering from the sheer number of flowers. “They’re gorgeous. Would you bring them in? I can’t carry them.”

He smiled as if thanking me for throwing him a bone, then stepped over the threshold, carrying the vase full of roses to the table. I didn’t have a chance to count them, but there had to be close to two dozen roses of different colors. He plucked a yellow rose from the bouquet. “A rose of friendship. I wanted my roses to be what you remember about today.”

I accepted the flower and brought it to my nose. “This was too kind of you, considering how I treated you this morning.”

He took the rose from my hands and tucked it back in the vase. “You were upset and so was I. I won’t hold it against you, if you don’t hold it against me. I also won’t ask you to explain anything you aren’t ready to talk about with me. We can eat and talk about the weather for all I care, as long as we can have dinner.”

I gazed at him curiously. “You still want to have dinner with me?”

He rubbed my shoulder since my hands held the crutches. “More than anything.”

His eyes were honest and eager as he stood before me. Before I made a conscious decision, I spoke. “Dinner sounds good, I haven’t eaten yet. Do you still want to cook? It’s after six.”

He strode to the wall where my shoes rested, the brace still in the left one, and brought them to me. “Nope, I have other plans. We’ll pick up dinner on the way,” he promised as I slipped on my shoes. Thankfully I hadn’t changed out of my clothes and into my pajamas yet.

I stood up and tested the brace. When it felt okay I glanced at him. “Do I need anything else?” I asked.

He smiled and winked. “Not where we’re going.”

 

 

The night was dark and stifling as we sat on a blanket on the sand. He had packed a picnic dinner of cold chicken, macaroni salad, Hawaiian dinner rolls, and fresh veggies, which we picked up on the way to the beach. He explained the beach felt like a safe place where I could hide in the darkness and not have to talk if I didn’t want to. Now, sitting here with no moon shining and the poem running through my mind, it was oppressive. His arm went around me and he rubbed my shoulder.

“I’m scared,” I whispered more to myself than to him.

He kissed my temple tenderly. “I know you are. I wish I could make it all go away, but I can’t. I thought getting lost in the night might help, but I did consider it might scare you to be out here in the dark.”

He unwrapped his arm from my shoulders and opened the picnic basket. He snapped something between his hands and a yellow glow lit up the area in front of my feet. He did it three more times until glow sticks lay on each edge of the blanket. The soft glow around us made me feel less isolated.

I laid my head on his shoulder. “Thanks, you think of everything.”

He rested his hand on my chest. “I put myself in your shoes, and maybe I don’t know all the details, but today’s events were enough to tell me you have every right to be afraid of your own shadow.”

“I try not to be, but some days are easier than others. I wasn’t expecting what happened today. I guess I let my guard down and shouldn’t have.”

“You shouldn’t have to feel like you need to guard yourself at all,” he whispered. “You’re beautiful, did I mention that yet tonight?” he asked, fingering the angel at my neck. “This is beautiful, too. Where did you get it?”

My breath caught and I slapped my hand over the pendant, holding it to my chest. Thankfully, it was too dark for him to read the words engraved on the back of it. “This is one of those things I don’t want to talk about,” I said, trying not to cry. It was a stupid thing to cry about, but the tears had more to do with the events of the day than the necklace itself.

His lips found my temple again and his hand rested over mine still on the necklace. “Don’t cry, please. It kills me when you cry. I didn’t know or I wouldn’t have asked.”

“My life is a train wreck, Sawyer. I don’t know why you want to hang out with me. Men don’t like drama from women and I’m nothing but drama right now, even though it’s not my fault. Well, actually it is my fault.” I swiped away the tears and stiffened my upper lip.

He rubbed my arm as I lay on his chest, his other hand still over my necklace. “Men don’t like drama from women because we don’t know what to do to make you feel better.”

“Usually there’s nothing you can do,” I said, honestly.

“And therein lies the problem. Men are doers. We want to jump in, fix the problem, and move on. When we can’t, we get frustrated. I suppose we come off as harsh or brash when we’re usually aching inside because we’re useless at solving your problem.”

“Unfortunately for you, I would say the case is the same here. There’s nothing we can do but sit around and wait.”

“Wait for what?” he asked.

I sighed. “My death, I guess.”

I was forcibly flipped around and my face was in his hands before I finished the sentence. “Not if I have anything to say about it!” He closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath through his nose. “See, frustration,” he said glibly. “I can’t fix this for you, but I know I’m not alone because Niko and Gideon feel just as impotent as I do. The only difference is, I don’t know why.”

“Kate says I can trust you enough to tell you why,” I whispered, my face still in his hands.

His lips tipped up a hair. “Kate’s a wise, wise woman.”

I laughed and looked up to my hairline. “Easier said than done, though. I’ve kept it inside for months, protecting it. Now I’m afraid to let it out and never get the fear under control again.”

He leaned in and laid his lips on mine. His kiss was tender, soft, and gave me a sense of safety in his arms. When he ended the all too brief kiss he hugged me, his arms tightly around my shoulders. “The fear is already controlling you because you’re carrying the burden alone. Sure, maybe a few other people know, but having to keep it from the rest of the world is a brutal way to live your life.”

“You’re not kidding,” I said, attempting a joke, but it failed because we both understood the gravity of the situation. He rubbed my back and we sat in silence listening to the waves beat against the shore. “It all started when I met a guy at speed dating.”

He released me and ran his hand down my face. “Go on,” he encouraged, hugging his knees.

I hugged mine too and stared out at the water, avoiding eye contact while I spoke. “His name is Jarrett and he lived in Snowberry where Kate and I are from. Like I mentioned before, my mom couldn’t handle the cold anymore, so two years ago they moved to Miami.”

“You didn’t go with them?” he asked.

“I tossed it around, but I had a good job in Snowberry and I was finally on my own. I decided to give it a chance to see how I did without them. They left me the house, but I paid them rent.”

He held up a hand. “I’m not judging you. I’m only getting the backstory straight.”

I shrugged. “Winifred met Flynn through the speed dating they do in Snowberry every year, so I decided to try my hand at it. I met Jarrett and we started dating heavily. We saw each other almost every night for three months. After the first three months, we slept together and it wasn’t exactly mind blowing. I couldn’t deny something felt off any longer, but I convinced myself it was because our relationship was new and we didn’t have a lot of time under our belts.”

“I see,” he said, still holding his knees.

I sighed. “Go ahead and judge me for the casual sex. I learned my lesson without need for judgement, though.”

He shook his head. “I’m not judging you for anything. I’m trying to say as little as possible so you’ll keep talking. I’m also trying not to look disinterested and have you stop. I’ve made plenty of relationship blunders in my life.”

“Blunders? Have you been using a thesaurus to find new words for mistake?” I asked jovially.

He smiled in the darkness. “No, I call them blunders because I learned from them. They’re only mistakes if you—”

“Don’t learn from them,” I finished. “You must hang out with Kate a lot.”

He laughed and shook his head. “She may have said it to me a time or two.”

“In my case, Jarrett was a gigantic blunder, because I learned from it, but it nearly cost me my life.”

He crushed his legs to his chest. “You keep saying that, but you never tell me why.”

“Let me enlighten you then,” I said, sarcastically. His body language was enough to set my teeth on edge and he didn’t even know what happened yet. Imagine how he would react once he did. “After the first night we slept together things cooled off. We still saw each other, but not the way we had been. A month after we slept together I got two lines,” I said, choking on the words.

“Two lines?” he asked, his head swiveled toward me and his face illuminated by the glow sticks. I could tell how confused he was by the expression on his face.

“A pregnancy test showed two lines. It was positive,” I whispered. His eyes opened wide and he braced his hands on the blanket. “I…” I cleared my throat and tried again. “I didn’t know what to do. We hadn’t seen each other in at least a week and I’d already decided I wasn’t interested in pursuing a relationship with him. I did want the baby, though. Sure, it was his child, but it was also mine and I didn’t want to get rid of it because the relationship with him went south. I decided to do the right thing and went to his house to tell him one night. He invited me in and listened as I explained it to him. I even told him I wasn’t going to ask for child support or even require him to sign the birth certificate, unless he wanted to.”

“He didn’t want to?” he asked, but it was as if he knew the answer.

I laughed hysterically, but clapped a hand over my mouth to get control. “No. No, he didn’t want to. He accused me of trying to ruin his life and punched me in the face. I stumbled backwards and then he punched me in the stomach,” I said, the tears starting down my face and my voice cracking. “He was going to kill me; I could see it in his eyes. He pulled a gun from inside his pants pocket and shot me in the left thigh. He was taking aim again when I caught him in the head with a pipe from the patio doors.”

I couldn’t even speak I was crying so hard and he grabbed a napkin from the basket and handed it to me to wipe my face. I swiped at my nose and left the tears to fall, there would be no damming them now. He didn’t touch me. Instead, his fists stayed clenched around the blanket and he focused on a spot over my shoulder.

“Did you kill him?” he asked through gritted teeth.

“I didn’t know! We hoped I had, but with the flowers arriving today, we know I didn’t. He’s alive.”

He waved one hand. “You hoped. What happened after you hit him?”

I took a deep breath determined to finish the story and escape the beach, and him. “He was unconscious and I got the gun when he went flying across the floor. My leg was bleeding and my stomach hurt like I’ve never hurt before. I held the gun on him and called Kate. I know it’s weird I didn’t call 911, but I was out of it. I called Kate and she called 911, but he woke up before the cops arrived. I aimed the gun at him, and I could hear the sirens, but I had to pull the trigger. He was coming at me and there was no way the cops would arrive before he killed me. I pulled the trigger during my last moments of consciousness. Then I passed out and didn’t wake up until I was out of surgery hours later. Kate tells me when the cops got there I was unconscious and bleeding, but he was gone. I prayed I had shot him and he died somewhere afraid to seek medical attention, but it appears I was wrong.”

I grabbed my crutches. I had to get away from here, from him, and from the loss powerful enough to still make my heart ache. The sand shifted and I fell to my knees where he grasped my waist and held me.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“Away,” I answered, my voice choked off with emotion. “I shouldn’t have told you. I’m sorry,” I said, struggling out of his arms. He stood me up and then let me go. Frustrated by the sand, but determined to make it on my own, I struggled, slipped, and slid my way through sand while tears fell silently. I could feel him following along behind me, but he never touched me, and I never looked back.

My chest hurt from the effort it took to walk through the sand, and from holding in the sobs. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of hearing me cry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have listened to my gut, but instead I listened to Kate. Now working with him on the center was going to be awkward, and if I was honest with myself, heartbreaking for me. His kisses were tender and sweet, but I can’t expect him to want to get involved with a woman who’s still dealing with the marks and memories of another man.

The crutches contacted the fake grass Gideon had installed to brush the sand off guests’ feet before they tracked it all inside his multimillion dollar resort. The traction made it easier to move faster and I crutched my way toward the front of the hotel while he called my name. I didn’t turn and I didn’t acknowledge him because the truth was, he could have caught me if he’d wanted to, but he didn’t and that said it all.