CHAPTER 10
Chris
I’m losing control of myself and it’s making me incredibly angry. I need to grow a pair of balls and stop being a pussy. This woman will be the end of me and I need to stop it before she destroys me. Weeks have passed since we fucked and I refuse to reach out to her. She doesn’t reach out either, stubborn as always, but I can’t get her out of my head and I can’t get that feeling of her perfect pussy out of my system
I decide it’s time to move on and focus on everything else other than her. Jacob seems to be doing better. He doesn’t mention Hailey again and he doesn’t mention girls at the club. I decide it’s better if I don’t know. Part of me wants him to move on, but part of me also wants him to fight for Hailey, because that’s what she deserves. And by the looks of it, she’ll be running back to him eventually, rather than running back to me.
Six years ago
I woke up in the morning feeling more relaxed than I usually did. Last night helped me take my mind off the delivery I’m going to have to do soon with Hailey’s dad. I knew this was fucked up and that I was keeping her dad’s secret from her, but I was feeling selfish. Spending time with Hailey made me forget about the shitty cards this life dealt.
I search for Hailey with my hand on the opposite side of the bed, just to find it empty. Getting up, I put on my boxers and go straight to the kitchen.
The view is the most beautiful one I’ve ever seen. Hailey in one of my shirts, wandering through my fridge, probably looking to make breakfast.
I lost count of the weeks since we finally decided that this thing between us is called a relationship. After all the fighting and the drama, almost every time we’d end up kissing each other, and then walking away, neither one of us knowing what to say or how to handle this unbearable need to be with each other.
Who would have thought that my uncle kicking me out of my house would bring me so much good? William and Michael had a plan, a bigger stash I needed to distribute for them, and it just so happened that Michael had a perfectly set up loft above his garage. It had its own entrance on the other side of the house and it was extremely private. Michael and William had the impression they’d have more control over me, but for me and Hailey it was a turnaround. Being physically close to each other allowed us to get to know each other better. Before I knew it, for the first time in my life I had a girlfriend, a partner, someone I cared for more than I cared for myself.
“Morning Hales.”
A wide smile spread across her face as soon as she heard my words. “I like it when you call me Hales.”
“I’ve secretly wanted to call you like that ever since I’ve met you. It fits you perfectly,” I say with my hands on her waist and kiss her temple.
After a quick breakfast, we shared a kiss and she left. Once she was gone, I went into my tiny living room and sat on the couch, still in my boxers, rolling a cigarette. While I smoked it, I stared at the blank TV screen, thinking, worrying.
Worrying was one thing I could deal with without a problem. All I ever did was fucking worry. Worry about not getting beat up by my uncle, worry about not ending up on the street, worry about how to earn money for myself, worry about not ending up in jail, worry about my mean boss and how to sell all the drugs he wanted me to distribute. Now I had to add another thing to my list—worry about Hailey.
I was bad news and I was aware of it. I wasn’t stupid. I knew William was one mean bastard, ready to be a disgusting human being if he wanted to be. And Hailey’s dad, he was just a weak bastard. And you never trust weak bastards. They’re the ones who will fuck you over without thinking. They’re the ones who make bad decisions and are complete slaves to their emotions.
It just turned out so that I was dating his daughter, whom he forbid me to even talk to.
I stop my train of thoughts and get dressed, ready to work on my stash. Today I decide I’m doing this for us. I promised Hailey I’d go to New York with her once the summer is over. She’d go to college and I could find a proper job. We just needed to hold on a little longer.
“Chris? Chris?” Lesley pokes me in the arm, waking me up from my daydream. “Did you hear what I said about the reports?”
Fuck, the reports. I brush off the memory of me and Hailey, pissed off by the fact she hates the goddamn nickname so much now. It’s a happy memory but also a teasing one, in the worst fucking way. I was so aware of how much damage Michael and William could cause to my life. I was only 18, yet I was thinking like a 30-year-old man. Despite it all, they double-crossed me anyway. I was aware of the risk and I still allowed myself to get closer to her. I didn’t regret the hell I went through then, I don’t regret it now.
As Winston Churchill said: “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” So I keep going, I keep moving forward.
We worked on the reports until late that evening and I managed to stay focused.
“Chris, ever since Jacob walked into this restaurant, you haven’t been the same. Is there something going on?”
“Les, I love you, but you need to let this go.”
“Don’t do the whole ‘I don’t talk to anybody’ charade with me, I’m your best friend and you can talk to me. If there is anything from your past that is haunting you, I can understand that.”
“I know you can, but there’s nothing to talk about. If there ever is, I will let you know,” I say and kiss her on the cheek.
She pulls me back towards her and grabs my arm. “What do you say you come over to my place tonight?”
Deep down I know this is a shitty idea, but I’ve decided to let Hailey go and things with Lesley were good before Hailey came into my restaurant. I know how this will end.
“I can come over Les, but you know I’m not that guy. I don’t do commitment and I can’t give you more than I did before.”
“Did I ask you to be my boyfriend? Baby, we’re having fun, no need to get all worried about me, I’m a big girl.”
Lesley is tough, tougher than any other woman I’ve known.
“I guess it’s time to pick up where we’ve left off then,” I whisper into her ear and she gasps.
“Be at my place tonight at 9, bad boy,” she winks, and leaves my office.
Unsure whether this is a good idea, I decide to go with it. I like spending time with Lesley and it’ll be good to get my mind off all the drama. Scratch that, what I really need is to take my mind off Hailey.
***
The day was busy as always and the business was better than okay. Lesley was working the morning shift and I stayed until closing. I text Lesley, letting her know I’ll be late. Around 11 pm, all the guests are gone and I finish everything that was on the schedule for the day. I finally text Lesley again, this time letting her know I’m on my way. I’m excited to spend time with her as I drive to her apartment. I need to relax and let loose.
After only one knock on Les’s door, she opens it, wearing what looks like pajama shorts and a wide tank top that leaves little to the imagination, allowing her breasts to freely peek out.
“Come on in. I ordered Pad Thai. Beer?” she asks, parading her tight but generous ass in front of my face.
“Sounds good.”
She hands me a beer and I take a long gulp, enjoying cooling off.
“We didn’t really get a chance to talk lately about how things have been outside of work. How is New York treating you?”
“It’s good. Different, but good. And the restaurant is doing great.”
“I agree. Boss made the right call. What’s next?”
“From what he’s been telling me, it’s time to make another step up.”
“He’s going to open another restaurant?”
“Les, we’re gonna be big. I’m thinking Chicago is next. He’s already looking into space downtown, and you know the crowd hanging in downtown of Chicago.”
“Wow, who would’ve known you and I would end up where we are? Do you remember when we both started, practically kids, waiting tables? God, we were both so lost, kept waiting for life to show its meaning. We were desperate to find its purpose.”
“I know. I’m proud of you Les.”
“Right back at you, bad boy.”
“This is going to be good for both of us. We can only be going up. And, I’m going to need you to stop calling me bad boy.”
Her laugh echoes around the room. “When you first arrived at the restaurant, you were constantly grumpy and angry. Some days you would come with your face all fucked up from the fights you would get into the night before. But the boss never gave up on you. He always said he knew deep down you were a good guy and kind too. We used to call you bad boy behind your back all the time.”
I smile at the memory, remembering the dark times that are now behind me. “God, I was a fucked up kid.”
“You never told me what happened. I mean, I know the story, but I’m certain you’ve left out the most painful parts.”
“No point in talking about the past,” I say as I lean in closer to her, moving my chair closer to hers.
“Sometimes it helps to talk about shit, bad boy.”
“Mhm,” is the only response I give her, until she leans in even closer and kisses me softly. It feels wrong, but I deepen the kiss and scoop her off the chair. The bed isn’t too far away and it’s not too long until I drop her down and continue kissing her. She’s breathing fast, suppressing her moans. The fact that this feels wrong is the only thing that keeps coming to mind. But I keep pushing myself, determined to get her out of my system. Lesley starts unzipping my pants and that’s when I finally jump.
“Fuck!” I swear, beyond frustrated.
“Chris, hey, what’s wrong?”
“I can’t do this Les. God, you’re amazing. You don’t deserve this shit.”
“What shit?”
I’m quiet. There’s no right answer to this. The boundary should have never been crossed.
“I think it’s best if we go back to being friends.”
“Who is she?” The question shocks me and I’m completely unprepared for this. There’s no point in lying, I already did that with Jacob. I decide to acknowledge that she does exist, but I won’t be going into details.
“She’s not mine, and she’ll never be. She doesn’t belong with me. But she fucked me in the head and I need to get things straight with myself first.”
“When did this happen Chris? You used to tell me everything and as far as I know, in the last three years, you’ve never been in love.”
“I can’t tell you much. Maybe another time.”
“Sure. I’m your friend first. While we’re talking about friends though, there’s this charity dinner we need to go to this weekend. They need a representative of the restaurant and the boss made a generous donation. Will you be my partner?”
“Sure.” I smile and kiss her cheek. “You’re still my closest friend. You know that right, Les?”
“I know.” She smiles back with the same light in her eyes that she always has. I don’t think I could imagine my life without her. Maybe I’ve been holding back from her, from this friendship that could grow into something bigger. Just maybe.