CHAPTER 2
CHRIS
I’m happy with the progress we’ve made so far. We have five more days until the restaurant opens and I’ve been working nonstop, 24 hours a day. I haven’t seen much of Brooklyn and Manhattan seems like it’s hours away. I decide it might be time for me to relax— everything is going according to the schedule and there’s no need to overwork myself anymore.
“Hey,” Les says, approaching me, “I was thinking we could go for drinks tonight. We’ve been working so hard, I could use a break from everything.”
“You read my mind. I need to have a few chats with our new chef and once I’m finished, we can go.”
“Sounds good. There’s a great bar just few blocks away. I heard it’s pretty great.”
“It’s a date,’’ I say and instantly regret it, hoping she knows what I meant. It’s not a date-date. I walk away and brush the thought aside. I’m looking forward to having a drink though; I’ve been tense ever since I came to this city.
A few hours later, I’m walking the streets of Brooklyn, with Lesley on my arm.
“I love this city,” she says.
I think about her words. I’m not sure I love it. I was always a realist, never giving in too much to emotions when making life decisions. Never thinking about cities, towns, houses. The life I’ve always lived is the life of a gypsy. The truth is, I’m here to do a job. It just so happens to be in New York. Despite my restraint, I do allow myself to feel the energy of New York. It’s the energy that makes me feel like I’m invincible. For the first time in a while, I feel like bad times are behind me, and good times are ahead.
“I think we’re going to have a lot of fun here, Les,” I tell her and we both allow this moment to sink in. We’re opening a restaurant in Brooklyn. This restaurant is our baby, and we’re loving every minute of our hard work.
We finally arrive to the bar Lesley was mentioning earlier. Once we walk in, I get the impression it is a mixture of hipster and business culture. Nobody here seems to care about their surroundings and you can tell everyone does their own thing. This is New York, the city has a vibe; be whoever you want to be, there are no limitations to your possibilities.
I sit at the bar and we both order drinks. Whiskey. It’s still my number one drink. I drank whiskey when I was a teenager, it was my favorite drink back then, it still is. I guess some habits truly die hard. The blurry memory of a discussion I had with Hailey after way too many whiskeys I drank when I was a cocky young bastard, awakens in my mind.
Six years ago
“You know what Chris, I don’t get it. You’re my age, which means there are countless possibilities out there for you. Somehow, I get a hunch you’ve decided to be the worst version of yourself. Tell me, are you selling drugs?”
“None of your fucking business, Hailey. Jesus, you’re like an annoying kid that follows me around and I’ve only met you a week ago. Why are you so childish and nosy? Well, if I think about it, everyone is nosy in this shithole of a city.”
“None of my business? My friend is completely out of it in the bathroom. If you were the one who brought the drugs, doesn’t it bother you that you’re responsible for this?”
“Did I put it in her nose? Did I tell her to snort coke like she’s brainwashed with that prick Daniel? Jesus, Hailey, you really are as naïve as I thought. Grow the fuck up. This is real life. People do bad things. Nobody’s perfect.”
“You’re an asshole, Chris, and the world is just an excuse for you to be one. Why did you come to Wellfleet anyways?”
“Well you’re a spoiled, judgmental brat who knows nothing about life. Stop being such a bitch and leave me alone.”
Sometimes I feel like all we did was fight. We never got along. She was so damn stubborn, and I was always an asshole. By the time I decided I didn’t want to be an asshole, pretty much everything in my life had gone against it and I managed to fuck up even though I was trying really hard not to. Annoyed that memories of Wellfleet and Hailey are all I can think of these days, I return my focus to Lesley.
After a couple more drinks, we’re both fairly tipsy and I’m finally mindful of her company and grateful for my life now. I need to learn how to stop living in the past.
“You seem distant. You always have been at times, but it seems like here you’re even worse these days.”
“It’s just some stuff from my past I’m still dealing with.”
“You know you can talk to me.” Lesley brushes my shoulder gently, assuring me I can always count on her.
“I know I can. And you know I’m not the type that talks about shit.”
“I just hope you know I’m here for you and I’ll always be your friend.”
“I know Les.” I give her the most appreciative look I have.
The evening continues on a lighter note as we talk about the bright future of our restaurant and the things we need to do to get to know New York. I’m not drunk, but I’m getting there. I’m not sure if it’s my imagination going wild, but I start to notice Lesley giving me signals. I can’t help but think she wants to hook up. Even though I’m aware that it’s the worst thing we can both do, I can’t keep my eyes off of her generous cleavage as she unbuttons the three top buttons of her shirt to fight the warmth in the bar. Her lips are unexpectedly inviting, and I find myself imagining her naked in my bed, or hers. I like women, especially the game of seducing them. Not Lesley though. Lesley is way off limits.
“I think I’m gonna call it a night,” I say, hoping I’ll stop myself from doing something stupid.
“Okay, let’s head out,” she agrees, and we walk out of the bar leaning against each other, laughing at our inability to handle alcohol.
“I’ll walk you home,” I say, as I start walking in the direction of her apartment, which is on the opposite way from mine. She lives closer to the bar than I do, though I don’t mind. I wouldn’t let her walk home alone at night and I could use a walk to sober up.
After a ten minute walk we stop in front of her building.
“Would you like to come up for another drink?”
“I don’t think I should have another drink,” I laugh, trying to hide my fear that another drink might lead to her bed and me on top of her, making her scream my name.
“Don’t be a pussy. I’ve got some cold beers in the fridge, come on up,” Lesley commands, as she unlocks the entry doors of the building.
I follow in silence. I do want to have a cold beer and the night is still young. As soon as we walk into her apartment, I make myself comfortable on her sofa, already familiar with the surroundings, considering I helped her move in ten days ago. She gives me a cold Corona and walks over to the bathroom.
I walk out to the balcony across the room and drink my beer while admiring the bright lights of New York. I have to admit, in this moment I’m starting to think I might love this city after all, even though I’ve only been here ten days. I’ve heard people say you either love or hate New York. I understand that now. In my case, I’m ready to stay here for as long as I can. In one night, I’ve been charmed by it.
Invited by the sound of the bathroom door knob opening, I turn around. I’m about to ask Lesley if she’s okay, considering it’s been a long time since she locked herself in the bathroom. My ability to speak disappears because there’s no longer breath in my lungs. Lesley is leaning on the edge of the door, in the sexiest underwear I’ve ever seen. She’s wearing a black lace bra that holds her C-cup breasts perfectly. Her matching black thong is barely covering her core and the need to rip it off of her is unbearable. She doesn’t say anything, just looks me in the eyes, inviting me to take her. I know this is the moment when I decide—I either leave and save our friendship, or I stay and have mind-blowing sex with one of the prettiest women I’ve ever seen.
My cock is already swollen and pretty much makes the decision for me as I walk towards her. Without saying anything, I crush my lips against hers. We sink into each other violently and she wraps her legs around my waist. On the way to the bedroom I bury my head in her breasts, licking her soft skin, trying to taste every inch of her. I lay her down on the bed and take my shirt off. Before I go any further, I decide I need to make sure this won’t damage us.
“Les… I’m not sure.”
“Shhhh. Don’t think,” she says and pulls me down for another kiss. She starts stroking my dick and that’s when I lose any common sense I had. Ripping my clothes off, I manage to pull a condom out of my wallet.
“Fuck me. Now.” She strokes faster and I decide it’s time to put a condom on. A few seconds later I’m thrusting into her hard and fast. It feels good. Too good. It’s not a meaningless fuck. I quicken the pace and she screams my name while she lets go, her body shivering underneath me. I follow her and let my dick hit the walls of her inside, as I grow bigger until finally releasing inside of her. I bury my head into her neck.
“Fuck. You feel so good.”
She laughs and after a few moments, gets out of bed, putting a silky light blue robe on as she goes into the kitchen to get herself a beer. I walk into the bathroom and clean myself up.
This is the point where I start to overthink what we just did. I don’t want a relationship. I can’t love her. I’m not that man, never have been. I did try once, and that didn’t end up so well. How am I going to explain this without being the biggest douchebag? I walk back into the kitchen, thinking of ways to explain myself and not make it look like it was a meaningless fuck. It wasn’t, but it just can’t be much more than what it was.
As if she read my mind, as soon as I walk out of the bathroom, she puts it into words instead of me.
“Please don’t give me the speech, Chris. I’m your best friend. We fucked, it was great. We might do it again, we might not. Either way, I’m fine with it.”
“Les, I’m sorry I crossed the line.”
“I’m not, and you shouldn’t be either.’’ She gives me a genuine smile and I can tell she truly doesn’t care. She doesn’t seem to be interested in anything more than the whole ‘friends with benefits’ deal and I start to think this thing between us could actually work. Even if we fuck a couple more times.
“Damn, you’re the coolest chick I know,” I grin.
She grins back. “I sure am.”
The night ends with us chatting on her balcony, finishing our beers, and I head home, giving her a kiss on the cheek as a goodbye. New York has been good to me so far.
***
When I arrive home, insomnia kicks in and the sleep won’t come, regardless of all the sheep I’ve counted in my head. My treacherous brain decides this is a good time to be overthinking the past events of my once shitty life. Luckily, I’m off tomorrow.
Truth be told, I’m not happy that I crossed the line with Lesley. I love her and now I’m worried there might be something more there, which I can’t allow. I try to explain to myself why I’m so closed to any possibility of having a healthy relationship, but same as always, Hailey’s face flashes before my eyes. She was the first and the last one. I can’t, and I won’t ever love again.
There’s no point in dwelling in the past, I know that. The past is gone, and can never be returned. Even though most of our time together was painful and I was always on the edge, waiting for something bad to happen, there were still such bright moments. These moments leave me breathless if I even think of them. It makes me feel like such a pussy. I don’t think I’d ever loved anyone before I met her. I only loved myself; other people just existed around me. I hated my parents and I despised my uncle whom I lived with at the time even more.
6 years ago
“HEEEY! OPEN THE GODDAMN DOORS, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!”
I was hitting the doors with my fists, desperate to hear what the excuse of a man had to say about this. Looks like my own uncle had just kicked me out of the house.
After a few minutes, he finally opened the doors.
“Get in here, boy and stop yelling! It’s too late, I don’t want neighbours to call the police.”
When I walked in, he looked at me with a grin. “I think you’re earning enough money to rent your own apartment. Just enough money.”
“A little heads up would be nice, asshole. Kicking me out in the middle of the night—what is your problem?”
“Listen, you little piece of shit, everyone is talking about your little drug business. Now, I already had problems with the law. I don’t need the police knocking on my door because of you. I don’t want you in my house anymore. You’re turning 18 next month and you don’t need a legal guardian anymore. Take your bags and leave.”
“You old piece of shit. I was planning to leave your drunk ass anyway. Fuck you,” I said and left the house. I could hear him laughing behind the doors as I was collecting my clothes. There wasn’t anything else to pack. Constant moving around left me only with a few bags of clothes. Once again, the universe decided to turn against me and just as I thought I would be fine, my uncle pulled a shit move like this. They say blood isn’t water. To some, blood isn’t worth shit.
I tried to figure out where to go and where to spend a night. If I rented a hotel room, I’d spend too much money and the prices were too fucking high because of the summer season and all of the tourists. I knew I was going to have to try and find a room to rent. I drove my car to the parking lot of one of the beaches and decided to sleep the night there.
The hatred I felt towards my uncle was only growing bigger and there wasn’t a chance I would ever go back to him. I grew up with him and when I was younger and weaker, I took beatings any time he licked the bottle. When I got stronger, I returned the favour and showed him I wouldn’t fucking take it anymore. I guess this was his way of showing me he had no mercy whatsoever and I was nothing to him.
He was nobody. Soon this would all be over and I’d live my life without him or anything from my past chasing me around. I tried to fall asleep in the parking lot of one of the local beaches, realizing I was officially homeless.
I smile at the bitter memory, happy I have my own place and that I have a great job. I don’t think I’ll ever go back to Cape Cod or Wellfleet.