CHAPTER 13
CHRIS
I’ve been living my whole life half asleep, never conscious. I never thought happiness was in the cards. There was never light at the end of the tunnel, and I was okay with that. But now, it’s different. My biggest desire, my biggest dream, sleeps next to me in our bed. She’s the light I never knew existed. She’s the family I never had, and for the first time in my life—I’m alive.
Today is the day we share our happiness with the rest of the world. Neither one of us is interested in games anymore and I don’t want to hide. This is permanent, Hailey is mine. She always was and she’ll always be.
“Baby? Chris.’’
I’m awakened from my daydream by the sound of her voice.
“Hey,” I say, giving her a soft smile.
“I need to head to the gallery. I’ll come home before my dinner with Jacob.”
“Okay, I’ll be here,” I say and kiss her. It’s not a short one, it’s deep and passionate, leaving me wanting more.
“I love you,” she whispers and heads out the door.
I do the same and get ready for work, feeling especially peaceful and grateful today. Something’s strange about today. I feel different. I can sense a certain calmness inside of me, the kind I never felt before. It’s recognition that everything is in its place, exactly as it’s supposed to be. I can feel I’m on the right path, living the life I’m supposed to live.
The restaurant is doing better than good. I haven’t seen much of Jacob. He’s been travelling often to Boston, getting more engaged with the way we do business and he’s being trained by Jack. I’m worried about him; the fucker is so loveable that somehow, I manage to genuinely care about him even though I’ve only known him for a short period of time. I let it go for now, hoping he’ll be able to handle Hailey and me and our story. I decide I need to talk to Lesley as soon as I can today, but the busy floor gets my full attention the minute I walk in the door.
“We’ve been waiting for you— there are a few issues I need you to handle.” Lesley approaches me as soon as I get in.
I walk to my office, still feeling unfazed, despite the mess I just walked into.
“Hey, you okay?” Lesley asks concerned.
“I am.” I smile and nod.
“You seem different,” she says.
“There’s just something about today, I’m feeling good.”
“Well, I’m happy if you are.”
We finish talking about personal stuff and jump straight to work in my office. The rest of the day flies by and before I know it, it’s 7:30. Lesley is working a double today so I decide to head home so I can see Hailey before she meets with Jacob. I can talk to Lesley later about my relationship with Hailey.
When I get to the apartment, I catch her as she’s finishing getting ready.
“Stunning,” I say, my arms tucked in my pockets, leaning on the doors, staring at my girl. She’s putting lipstick on and smiles at me through the mirror reflection.
“Where’s the dinner at?”
“Oh, you know Jacob. It’s in Manhattan of course.”
“Do you need a ride?”
“No, I’ll take the subway. It’s the fastest way to get there at this time of the day.”
“No, you won’t, I’ll take you,” I insist, wanting to be close to her as long as can, even though it’s just dinner and it won’t take longer than two hours.
“If you insist.” Hailey comes over and wraps her hands around my neck. “I’ll miss you,” she whispers.
“I’ll miss you more,” I say and slowly pull her entire body closer to mine. We kiss, again and again in a moment that feels like forever. Once we finally pull away and break the magic spell, it’s time to head downstairs to where my car is parked.
Once we’re in the parking lot, the strange sensation in my stomach has me holding her hand slightly too tight, sensing danger. It quickly turns into fear as soon as I hear a voice yelling for us. At first I don’t acknowledge it, but then I realize it’s the voice I heard before. I know this voice— it’s part of my deepest nightmares, my deepest anger and hatred.
We both turn around to see Michael approaching us. Even from far away, I can tell he doesn’t look well. The years haven’t shown him any mercy and the drugs didn’t help.
“I thought it was a rumor! But no, my sweet baby. No. You had to go back to that piece of shit!”
Hailey holds my arm tighter than ever and quickly glances at me. Terror and fear is all I see in her eyes. It’s him, it’s really him, and he’s bad fucking news. After moments of silence and stillness, she finally manages to speak.
“Dad?”
I’m shocked by his words, finding it hard to believe he’s still holding onto everything that happened after all these years. He was never a good father or a good husband. He wasn’t necessarily a bad person, but he was weak. Worst of all he was an addict, which made him unpredictable. The alarm in my head goes off and I know instantly— there is no fucking way this little reunion will end peacefully.
In what seems like hours (even though it’s only seconds), he continues to walk towards us. Hailey and I stand next to each other still holding hands, still as we’ll ever be, nervously waiting for his next move. Why is he here?
“Hailey, baby. I’ve missed you so much. Please give your daddy a hug.”
He’s clearly delusional. With her head held high, full of strength and pride, Hailey finally talks back to the man who disappointed her the most in her life.
“Give you a hug? Have you freaking lost your mind? What the hell are you doing here Michael? You’re nobody to me and I don’t want you here.”
“I’ve been watching you for a while. I’ve been watching you. I wanted to talk to you so badly, my sweet baby.” He’s clearly high— I can see it and so can she.
“You’re unbelievable. Do you think I’m stupid? Do you think I wouldn’t notice you’re still a junkie? You should wipe the white off from under your nose, Michael.”
He moves closer and she moves forward, getting out of my tight grip. I’m not liking it and yet there isn’t much I can do except stand and watch. It’s time for her to work out her issues with him.
“It’s all his fault. He poisoned you. I’ve been watching you inviting him into your house, living with him. Have you lost your fucking mind?”
Angry tears fall down Michael’s cheeks and it becomes clear to me that he’s mentally and emotionally unstable as ever. There is no more old Michael, that guy is completely gone.
“Look at yourself, you’re pathetic,” Hailey kicks back.
“DON’T TELL ME I’M PATHETIC, WHILE YOU’RE WITH A DRUG DEALER. IS THIS WHY YOU LEFT YOUR FAMILY? SO YOU COULD BE WITH HIM?” Michael shouts and violently grabs Hailey’s arm. The painful expression on her face makes me jump and within seconds I’m standing between him and Hailey.
“That’s enough! Don’t you ever talk to her like that, you piece of shit. Turn around and go back to wherever the hell you came from. There’s nothing here for you,” I hiss back at him.
“I made you, boy. I know who you are. You’re nobody and you don’t deserve her.”
The words cut through me and I go too far, grabbing his shirt and pressing our heads together. The anger has accumulated beyond my control and I’m about to break. I’m hungry for revenge, and I never wanted to get back at someone as much as I want to get back at Michael.
“Stop!” Hailey’s screams stop me instantly and I suddenly don’t want to go further; I don’t want to go back to that dark person I once was.
“I love him, Dad. I always have and I always will. That’ll never change. You need to let go of the past.”
Michael’s face is red, angry, and deranged and just as I’ve hoped he might give up and leave, his next move reminds me that drugs take the best out of a human. In one swift movement, he pulls out a gun from the back of his pants. Hailey gasps for air and looks at me. I’m heartbroken. This is the end of our story. There’s no good ending to this and I’m prepared. I feel calm and I know I’ll do whatever needs to be done to end this nightmare and protect Hailey.
I look around and notice there is no one around us. It’s a quiet evening and I hope to God someone has seen what’s going on and that the police are on their way. Knowing my luck, this more than likely isn’t the case and we’re on our own.
“Michael, there’s no need for a gun. Please, sleep it off and we can all talk about this tomorrow.” I try to calm him down.
“No,” Hailey intervenes. While fighting tears, she screams at Michael. “I hate you. I HATE YOU! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?” She takes a deep breath and continues. “Get the hell out of here and take your gun with you. I’m not afraid of you.”
“Hailey, baby, I can’t let you be with him. I can’t let you ruin your life,” Michael says and –aims his gun at me.
Luckily Hailey isn’t too close to me. I stand still, prepared for what’s coming.
“Just don’t hurt her, please. Don’t hurt your daughter,” I beg him.
“I would never hurt my daughter, you piece of shit.”
I can hear Hailey quietly crying and hold out my hand to her side.
“Stay back, Hales. It’ll be okay,” I shamelessly lie. It won’t be okay. This is the end, I can feel it in my soul. I’ve felt it this entire day, I just wasn’t aware of it. Life gave me a little bit of light but that’s over now. I was never destined for the life I wanted and wished for, and that’s okay too. All I ever wanted was for her to know that I love her, and she knows that now.
Michael is still aiming the gun at me, his hand shaking and tears wetting his face.
Hailey’s anxiously begging him to stop. “Dad, please. Please don’t do this to me. We’ve all been through so much, please just go. I promise we’ll talk tomorrow.”
“Michael,” I try to speak, but it only makes him angrier.
“Shut up you piece of shit. Don’t you dare speaking to me. This is all your fault.”
“That’s it, this needs to stop now,” Hailey says and she jumps towards him in an attempt to take the gun. For whatever sick reason, Michael points the gun towards her and every inch of my body is eaten by fear and darkness. The only fear I’ve ever felt was fear for her. I jump towards both of them and stand in front of her, my back turned towards Michael.
“Hailey, no!” I hug her tightly, not allowing her to move further. I feel slightly relieved knowing that I’m protecting her from the mercilessly pointing gun. I look into her beautiful warm brown eyes. “Don’t cry.” I wipe at her tears.
In a matter of seconds, the entire world goes quiet again and all sounds are gone once the gun goes off. Twice. Two bullets.
Pain strikes my entire body, ripping me on the inside. All I see is Hailey’s face, screaming, begging for help. The fear and the sorrow in her eyes, it’s something I’ll never be able to take away. At least I saved her, she’s alive and she’ll have a nice life. Michael did what he wanted to do. I fall to my knees, still unable to hear or speak. Another gunshot goes off and I manage to look behind me. The bastard shot himself.
I try to compose myself, to speak to Hailey, but my body wouldn’t listen, falling limply next to his.
I guess I’ll see you in hell my old friend, my enemy. There’s no heaven for either one of us.
The pain finally subsides, and I can feel the hard, cold ground beneath me. My head is in Hailey’s arms as she holds me close, weeping for everything she’s losing tonight.
Speak, motherfucker, speak. Tell her you love her.
I try to open my mouth, and I want to speak but my body is a traitor, shutting down on me, and I have no control over it.
“Shhh, don’t speak baby, it’s okay. It’ll be okay.” Now she’s lying, we both know it won’t. This is how our story ends.
“HELP!” she frantically screams. I can hear the sirens coming now, a number of them. There is a familiar figure approaching us and before I can recognize who it is, I manage to say, “I love you,” and finally drift away. My body and my soul are no longer one. I can’t feel the ground any longer and I’ve lost sight. I’ve lost consciousness. My purpose on this earth and in this life is done.
HAILEY
“Chris? Chris?!! Please wake up. Come back to me, baby.” I try to wake him up, unsure whether or not he’s unconscious or if this is really how it ends. I’m scared to check his heartbeat. It can’t be, he can’t be dead. Completely petrified by tonight’s events, all I can think of is the fear of losing him. I won’t make it, I won’t survive if he dies. I press a kiss to his forehead and comb through his hair while I bathe his face in the tears uncontrollably falling down my face.
“Hailey! Jesus Christ, are you okay?” I raise my head to see Jacob.
“Jacob,” I cry out. There’s nothing else I can say. I’m relieved he’s here, a friendly face. “Please help me,” I beg.
I beg the devil and God; I’ll beg whoever I have to, just for us to make it. There’s blood everywhere. Michael—Dad—is dead. The fact doesn’t hurt me, just makes me hate him even more.
“The ambulance is on its way. I’m so sorry, I wish I came sooner. I waited for you at the restaurant, but you didn’t show up, and you didn’t answer your phone. I came here to check up on you. I should’ve come sooner.”
I can’t answer him. I can’t speak. I’m looking at Chris’s blue face and the blood that’s spreading beneath him. He looks drained and he’s losing blood too fast.
Ambulance is on its way, they’ll be here any minute, I keep repeating to myself. My arms touch his cold body while I try to keep myself together. Losing him is simply not an option.
My agony has partially subsided when a number of police cars and an ambulance come within view. Three paramedics are running towards us, unable to hide the terror in their eyes.
“Miss, miss,” one of the paramedics says as he tries to move me away.
“No, I won’t leave him.”
“You can come with us to the hospital, but you need to let us treat him.”
Jacob pulls me to my feet and wraps me in a hug. I stand lifelessly, looking at them analyzing what seems to be the dead body of the love of my life.
One of the paramedics talks into his portable radio. “Mid-twenties male, two gunshots, still alive, weak heartbeat. We’ll be in as soon as we can.”
“You can follow us in a car,” the other paramedic says, as they take Chris inside the vehicle. I can’t see him and I’m petrified he won’t make it to the hospital. How many people survive gunshots?
Police are questioning Jacob and estimate the time of death of the man that once again took it all from me.
“Miss, who is this man, do you know him?”
I look at the dead body on the ground. “Yes, he’s my father.”
Jacob looks at me, shocked by what he just heard. Once again, I’m heartbroken, and at the hands of my own father. Part of me remembers who he was before he became on addict. Sadly, who he was when he was on drugs was a completely different person. And this person shattered my world over six years ago and did again today.
I needed to focus on Chris— he’s all I have left, he’s my family.
“Take me to the hospital, please,” I plead to Jacob and we walk towards his car. My dress is completely red from Chris’s blood and I’m about to vomit just as the car starts.
“Stop the car!” I yell, and he stops in the middle of the road. I open the doors and throw up everything I ate that day. I don’t think I can handle the pain, but I have to. I need to make sure he lives.
“You okay?” Jacob asks.
“No, I’m not.”
“I’m sorry this is happening. God, Hailey, this is insane. Your father?”
“Chris is dying, Jacob.”
Saying the words out loud makes this nightmare a reality. I gasp for air.
“I love him so much. I can’t live without him.” I continue to cry.
Jacob holds the wheel with one hand and holds my hand with his other. It’s comforting, but it doesn’t subside the pain.
“He’ll be fine,” Jacob says, still attempting to comfort me. I kept so much from him and I can’t even begin to imagine how confusing this must be in his eyes. But I don’t have the energy to explain myself now. I look down at my arms and my dress—the dark red blood is being diluted by the tears falling from my eyes. I can’t breathe.
“Here, take this.” Jacob hands me a tissue.
I frantically try to clean myself while quiet cries escape my mouth.
“Shhh, it’ll be okay honey. He’ll be fine.”
The trip to the hospital feels like forever and my eagerness to check on Chris only grows. Jacob parks in the parking lot behind the hospital and I run towards the entrance as soon as the car stops.
“Christopher Turner? He just came in. Can you give me an update?”
The shock on the nurse’s face as she looks at my bloody dress and hands doesn’t surprise me. I’ve seen it on so many faces tonight.
“Miss, Mr. Turner is being prepped for surgery. We’re doing everything we can. Please, have a seat in the waiting room. The doctor will come out and update you.”
He’s alive. Hope is all I can feel as her words echo in my head. I go to the waiting room and sit alone. Minute pass like hours and I keep checking the clock on the wall on the opposite side of me. After what seems like forever, Jacob comes in with Ellie following him. I stay sitting, staring lost at nothingness.
“Hales.” Ellie sits next to me and wraps me in a hug. “I’m so sorry. I love you so much and I’m here for you. Jacob called me and I came as soon as I heard.”
“He’ll be okay,” is all I can say, as she hugs my lifeless body. I stopped crying on our way to the hospital. Hope, beautiful hope, is the only thing keeping me breathing in this moment. He survived the trip to the hospital.
Jacob sits next to Ellie and they start chatting.
“Did you know about Chris and Hailey?”
“Jacob, now is not the time.”
“I’m not trying to be an ass, I just want the truth. I’m worried too, he’s my friend. They both are.”
“Chris and Hailey have known each other since they were 18. He lived in Wellfleet for awhile and they were together. Their story was tough and not the happiest one you’ve ever heard. He was on his own at the time and he got mixed with bad guys. Within a few weeks, he became a local drug dealer.”
“Jail. I remember hearing that he did some time.”
“He did. But he was never a bad guy, he just had a shitty luck.”
“And I led her back to him. The night at the restaurant, it all makes sense now.”
“You need to understand, he was the love of her life, and she was the only good thing he ever had. I mean these two, they’re inseparable.”
Inseparable. Except we’re fragile more than anything. And death may be the thing that separates us.
Their talk triggers more pain and all of the happy memories. For a moment I’m in my happy place, except I know it’s just delusion. I’m short of breath and I start feeling sick to my stomach again, so I decide to go to the machine and get a bottle of water.
“Hales, I can get you something to drink.” Ellie tries to anticipate my need, but I stop her.
“I’m okay, I’ll go get it.”
The walk to the other end of the room is painful. The sickness is followed by my vision blurring and I suddenly can’t hold myself up. I lose control over my body and lean into the wall, trying to keep up with myself.
“Hales?” Jacob and Ellie run towards me but before they can get to me, my numb body hits the ground, and I can no longer keep my eyes open.
I know there are people around me now and the sound of their voices sounds like whispers, until the whole world goes quiet and I can no longer feel, hear or see.