CHAPTER 8
HAILEY
Six years ago
It was one of those beautiful breath-taking mornings on Cape Cod. I enjoyed my morning run more than I usually would, allowing the peacefulness of the moment to sink in. At the time I had no worries, no problems, and no clue what was waiting for me around the corner. Mom wasn’t home when I returned from my run, still working at the pharmacy, finishing her night shift. I was used to being alone, but sometimes I felt as if I was spending more time with Dad than with Mom, though they were both absent a lot. I did hear Dad’s voice in the kitchen and it sounded like he was on the phone.
“Sure William, I’ll be there. This Friday you said? Of course, I didn’t forget about you. You know I’m the man of my word.”
“Dad?” I called, approaching the kitchen. It sounded like the person he was talking to was William, which made me angry and anxious. Ever since I met Chris, William seemed to be everywhere in this town. Why would Dad talk to him? They weren’t friends and they surely wouldn’t be working together.
“Talk to you later, I got to go,” Dad said and hung up the phone.
“Hi sweetheart, how was your morning run?” He wrapped me in a hug and kissed my temple.
“Dad, did I hear you talking to William?”
I never even thought about William before and yet for the last few days, he was all I could think about. It felt like he was invading my life, and this wasn’t something that I welcomed. He was dangerous, and I wanted him nowhere near my family.
“Honey, I know William has a bad reputation but he’s still a business man, and a very good one. I’ve got a few deals I’ve been closing with him. Nothing you need to worry about.”
Michael always treated me like I was clueless. Always keeping me under the glass bell jar. My father worked in real estate, but sometimes I had a feeling none of us really knew what he was doing. He travelled a lot, always for business, but never gave too many details. My mom never seemed to have minded it, so I never paid attention to it either.
The truth is, I always had everything I wanted: the best clothes, school, books, anything I wanted really. He had a college fund for me that he’d been cultivating for years.
“I guess it’s not really my place,” I said sounding like I was ready to let it go, but in my head I was prepared to keep my eyes open and find out as much as I could about the business my dad had with William.
“I can’t believe this is your last summer with us before you go to college. My baby is all grown up now.” He gently brushed my cheek with his finger.
After we finished our conversation, I headed up the stairs to my room.
“Honey, I forgot to mention, your mother will be working night shift on Friday and I have to go on a business trip. Are you going to be okay by yourself?”
“Sure, Dad.’’
I guess I could have let it go—there was no point in dwelling in thoughts about William. Michael was a well-known business man in Wellfleet; if there was anyone I could trust, it was my own dad.
“I know that I love you, but let me just say, I don’t want to love you in no kind of way.” The song plays on the radio in my car as I drive. I’m scared to even think to myself that it’s the truth—but the words touch a place in my heart I was hoping didn’t exist anymore.
The song is followed by a memory of my dad. Chris always said I was naïve, but the truth is I got crossed by both of them, both Dad and Chris. I trusted Michael to be the father he was most of my life, except he was a drug addict in disguise, and he spent all of the savings he had for my college to cover his debts. Mom stayed with him through it all and I couldn’t accept that. I left Wellfleet and never looked back. But the bigger pain in my heart was because of Chris.
Why am I at this place in my heart now? Why do I feel like an 18-year-old girl again? I’m a grown up and I’ve been over this so many times. No one believes in high school, childish loves. They’re not real, aren’t they?
Except ours was. It was so real my heart aches at the mere memories. God, we were so happy, the two of us, everything was imperfectly perfect. I convince myself it’s the past that I’m missing— some other times, better times, when we were kids and neither of us had any responsibilities. Perhaps regardless of our age, none of us are actually fully prepared to let go of the more simpler times when love was pure, and friends were the only gold that mattered.
I drive around the city trying to clear my head and I decide to drive by the restaurant. It’s been a few painful and dreadful weeks since Chris stopped by my gallery. Jacob is constantly talking about the restaurant and he’s currently in Boston, meeting up with the owner. It’s time to face the fact that Chris is staying in New York and that we will be seeing each other occasionally. I need to make this work and I need to clear things up. We’re both adults and there should be no grudges. I tell myself that I strongly believe we can work this out.
I park across the street from the restaurant and decide to go in and talk to Chris. I have no plan of what I’m going to say, I just know I’m going in and I’d like this resolved.
I walk into the restaurant and see the same girl that we were talking to the first time Jacob and I were here. As soon as she sees me, she comes over.
“Hi! You’re Jacob’s fiancée?”
“Yes I am.” I smile lightly. I can tell she’s surprised I’m here.
“Do you need to talk to Chris?” She’s curious.
“I do yes, if he’s here?”
“I’ll go get him. Please have a seat.” She points me to the bar.
“Jenna, please give her a drink.”
“Thank you…?”
“—It’s Lesley,” she confirms.
Hmm, Lesley. I watch her every move as she goes to the back and walks into Chris’s office. After a few moments I can see her walking back and Chris following, keeping his hand on her back. A sting of jealousy courses through my body. She’s pretty, and they look good together. They look so close it makes me wonder if he’s closer to her that he’s ever been to me. The possessiveness kicks in and my drink arrives just on time. I made the stupid decision of ordering scotch again.
I try to remember how convinced I was that we could deal with this situation as adults but as soon as he’s closer to me, I can’t stop staring at this incredibly beautiful, hot, sexy, charismatic man. I notice the small things; his inviting skin, his short beard outlining a square jaw that makes him incredibly attractive, and his deep blue eyes. Oh, those haunting eyes.
The guy is like a stone in my shoes, the stone I can’t get out. Why do I react to him in such way? The familiar pain in my heart becomes unbearable and I try to take a few deep breaths. I can’t breathe even if I think about him, let alone see him or have him next to me. I’m used to the pain by now, I’ve been going through it for years. It’s sad how we get used to the broken heart. We move on with our lives, take deep breaths, and pretend things will get better. My heart has been broken for years and even though I believed it has healed, having him in the same city as me just reminds me of how many old grudges and sorrows I have hanging over me.
He turns his head towards me as Lesley points him to the bar. His face is hard to read, like it always has been, but I notice a spark of a surprise. He tries to suppress it, but his wandering eyes are exploring me from top to the bottom. We keep our eyes locked and he finally sits next to me at the bar.
He doesn’t say a word as he nods to the waitress to give him a drink. To no surprise, it’s whisky. We don’t say a word as she prepares the drink and hands it to him. She takes the hint and leaves that side of the bar that’s luckily quite large and it allows us to talk privately. I notice Lesley smirking at us from the other side of the restaurant, like she can sense something strange is in the air. I don’t care— maybe I’m even glad that she’s noticing something is going on.
“Hales, why are you here?” he asks, giving me the most gentle look.
“Chris. Please, don’t call me Hales.” I hate the nickname and I know it makes no sense because they all used to call me Hales. But it hurts, every time I hear it, like a dagger through my heart.
“Hailey,” he tries to fix his mistake. “You used to love it.”
I’m confused, not thinking he would remember that.
“Love what?’’ I ask.
He throws back his shot of whisky in one go and says: “You loved when I called you Hales.”
I will never admit that it’s because of him I hate it so much now, so I pretend that’s not the case and lie. Like I’ve been lying for weeks.
“We need to make this work Chris. It’s looking good for Jacob, if I’m right?”
“You’re right, it’s looking good.”
“Which means we’ll be around each other a lot more. We need to get past the old grudges and we need to… I don’t know what we need to do, I just know we can’t keep attacking each other. We just need to let go of the past.”
“Have dinner with me?”
Have what? Did he just ask me to have dinner with him? I guess the shock on my face gives him a hint and he tries to explain himself further.
“The best way for us to let go of the grudges is to sit down and talk, say what we both want to or need to say. I can’t discuss this here.”
“Okay. Where should we meet?”
“I’ll cook. Come over to my place tonight at 8. Call me on your way and I’ll give you the address.”
Just like that, he hands me his card and walks back into this office.
“I need to go back to work. I will see you tonight,” he calls over his shoulder and leaves me at the bar of his perfect restaurant.
Lesley comes up to me and talks but I can’t hear a sound. All I hear is the beat of my own heart. Go to his place to talk? Have I lost my mind? Is he right? Is this the only way to resolve this cloud we have between us?
I need to do this for myself. And for him. I owe him that much, even though I have a hard time admitting I owe him anything.
I say my goodbyes to Lesley, not acknowledging anything she said to me, aware I’m acting like a lunatic, and I storm out of the restaurant. I sit in my car and start screaming.
FUUUUUUCKKKK.
What am I doing? Is dinner really a solution? I’m very aware it probably isn’t the best solution, but the excitement takes over my common sense as I realize this is a chance for me to say what I wanted to say in years.
I decide to keep it from Ellie, as I’ll never hear the end of it if she knows I’m meeting up with him. There’s no way she’ll approve of this. I don’t even approve of this. Going against my principles is hard, but I’m unable to stop myself. I need to do this. There are so many things left unsaid, and I need to say them.
I start counting down the hours and decide to take a long bath at home and try to get some rest. I need to calm down. In my head there’s two of me, and we’re battling. I push away the good memories and remember the bad ones. They don’t do me any good, so I clench my fists and dig my nails deep into my skin, desperate to numb the pain. God, so much anger has accumulated within me and no matter how hard I tried, the anger never left.
I text him a couple of hours before the dinner asking for the address and he sends back a simple text with nothing but the address. I realize he doesn’t live too far from me. I could walk up there.
A couple hours later, I’m ready. In my white summer dress, I confidently walk out of the apartment. Remembering I forgot one extremely important thing, I quickly run back into the apartment. There’s one thing I forgot to bring, the letter. THE letter. This might be a good time to give it to the recipient.
CHRIS
I invited her for dinner. Why the hell would I do that? She’s my biggest weakness and I don’t need her this close to me. She pissed me off the last time we talked, and I agree, we need to get past this shit. I’ll be working with Jacob and I genuinely like the guy. We’ll talk and we’ll say whatever either one of us wanted to say.
There’s a huge part of me that thinks dinner isn’t the best idea, but I can’t keep going on like this. I need her to say it to my face, to tell me she’s moved on. She’s so proud of her life and her current relationship, and ours seems like a distant meaningless past for her. Obviously, what we had didn’t mean shit to her. I was too young to see it then, but I’m not a fool, I see it now, and I can take it. I need her to say it to my face and I need closure.
The soft knock on my door gives me a hint it’s show time. I’m well prepared for this. I open the doors and see Hailey dressed in a more relaxed style. Each time I saw her, she seemed way too posh, more luxurious, and uptight she’s ever been. Nothing like the Hailey I once knew. But not tonight--her soft curls fall naturally and she’s wearing almost no makeup, except a shiny lip balm which is emphasizing her full, soft lips. This is the girl I remember, the one who makes me lose my common sense. I guess I’m not that well prepared after all.
“I brought wine,” she says politely, but with a frosty undertone. She seems to be in the same shitty mood as I am.
I finish up dinner and advise her to have a seat. We’re both quiet. From the corner of my eye, I watch her sitting in my kitchen and I can’t help but like the view.
I guess there are some habits we can’t get rid of. We used to do this a lot, be quiet with each other. There were no uncomfortable silences between the two of us and we weren’t always eager to talk. I’m not sure this time the silence is completely comfortable.
I sit down and pour us both some wine. “How is the gallery?” I ask. I hate small talk, but she leaves me no choice. I don’t want to jump into the heavy topics just yet.
“It’s good, it’s still new and it takes time to attract clients. How is the restaurant?”
“It’s doing better than we expected.”
There’s the silence again and I’m about to ask about the weather but she cuts me off.
“Cut the bullshit Chris, you hate small talk.”
She’s tougher, more direct, and seems to have lost the softness she used to have.
“Maybe I’ve changed.” I say.
“I don’t believe people can change.”
“That makes no sense. You’ve changed.”
“No I haven’t,” she fires back, offended, and gulps the wine like it’s water, eagerly waiting for my response.
“Sure you have. You drink more and you’re colder, maybe even bitchier.”
She used to hate alcohol but every time I saw her in New York, she was drinking that shit like it was water.
“I have you to thank for that.”
I hit my fist on the dining table, but not too hard. I’m trying really hard to suppress my anger.
“Which part? The alcohol? Bitterness? Or is it all the above, Hailey?”
The blame was always on me. I was always the bad guy, always the one that needed to apologize, always the one that felt like shit for everything that went down.
“You didn’t change one bit. You’re still temperamental, cocky, and full of yourself” she continues.
“That I agree with,” I say and wink at her. The asshole in me is determined to piss her off even more.
She rolls her eyes and pours herself another glass of wine.
“Are you ever going to forgive me?” I ask, jumping right in. Fuck it, no need for small talk anymore, we know each other too well.
She keeps quiet.
“Hell, I don’t even know anymore what you’re blaming me for. I know I made many mistakes, but I also tried so fucking hard to make it work, to be good enough for you. But you didn’t take that into consideration, did you?”
“You were a drug dealer Chris, and I accepted it. You promised you’d stop once you had enough money. I loved you so much and I took it all, but I asked for one thing – no lies. And what did you do?”
“I lied.” I admit it. I fucking did, I had no other choice.
“Yes, you lied. And let’s just rewind. It wasn’t a tiny lie, it was the fact that my father worked with you and William. He was also a junkie, which you already knew back then. He ended up spending all of his savings that were supposed to pay for my college. He knew you way too well. Hell, he threw the money away at one of your famous parties where drugs were the main thing, the main driver of the party. He lied, and worst of all, you lied to my face. Of course, that was after you pushed me away so many times. All I wanted was to be with you and I tried so hard to break into your freezing cold heart. Once you finally let me in, you fucked me over. You lied, and you hurt me, you hurt us. It's on you, Chris. He was my dad and I trusted him. You know how important family was to me.’’
I knew Hailey’s dad Michael was weak—never a bad guy, but weak. And weakness made him selfish. For a girl like Hailey, this must have been devastating. She was their princess and they always kept her under the glass bell jar.
“You’re right. Everything you said is right. But Hailey, don’t be naïve, your father and William, they were both dangerous men. They had me by the balls. I was so young and I was their toy. I did whatever they wanted me to do and I had no right to live my own life, let alone date one of their own. Don’t you get it? I was garbage and you were from their world. I wasn’t allowed to have you, and yet I did it. You were a pain in the ass too and you wouldn’t let me do my thing. I was an asshole to you so many times, but you just had to bug me, until I let go and started falling for you. Why the fuck did you do it? Why did you push me so hard and got so close to me?”
“I don’t know why Chris! I was young, what did I know about life?”
“I was young too! How can’t you not understand that? I didn’t know what to do. You were so naïve and so sweet, you were pure light and I was the darkness. To tell you your father was such a fuck up? To destroy everything you knew, your perfect bubble? I didn’t know how and I couldn’t do it.”
“Well you destroyed me anyway, because the night you ended up in jail was the worst night of my life. I lost you, and I lost my family. I lost everything I knew. You crushed me Chris.”
I lost you. I hate the fact she was all alone after I ended up in jail. It also hurts to know she blames me for everything and I want her so badly to see my side of the story. I decide to tell her one last thing that could hurt her even more, and yet it’s the only thing that she didn’t seem to know.
“There’s something else…did he ever tell you that it was all a set up? That last fucking business I did for him and William, it was meant to send me to jail? He found out about you and me and he wanted to keep me away. William didn’t care; they had their guys in the police and they fucking set it up. They still got all the money and everything they needed from it, including getting rid of me.”
I can tell she didn’t know, by the tears accumulating in her eyes. I feel terrible for hurting her but she needed to know. She needed to know that if it wasn’t for him, the story might have had a completely different ending and I might have never ended up in jail. I’m desperate for her to see not all of it was purely my fault.
“I didn’t know, but I can’t say I’m surprised. God, my dad is such an asshole. I haven’t talked to him in years, and I don’t plan to.”
“I’m sorry,” I say. And I do mean it, I truly am.
“But Chris, besides him being a terrible person, it doesn’t change a fact that you kept it from me…”
I stop her before she persists because all I can hear from her mouth is the blame she’s putting on me for not telling her about her father.
“Are you ever going to forgive me for it? Can’t you find it in your heart to fucking let it go?”
I’m getting angry again. She’s no saint and I need her to understand she fucking hurt me too.
“You never came to say goodbye. You didn’t have the dignity to say it to my face, to say we’re over. You disappeared and that was it. I kept writing to you, kept trying to reach out. One thing I can’t forgive you for, Hailey, is not caring if I was dead or alive. I must have meant so little to you. All those bullshit stories about you accepting me, no matter my background, none of it was true, was it?”
“Excuse me?” She seems shocked, but I keep going.
“Please, I was practically an orphan, a local drug dealer. You came from an elite family, all of your friends were filthy rich and all of you were just way out my league. I never belonged with you guys. Considering your fiancé is the same, it just proves you could never be with someone like me, you never believed it could work, because let’s face it, we never belonged with each other. And after everything we’ve been through, I almost died, but not even that made me worth one fucking phone call from you, even if it was just the one saying you don’t fucking care and that you didn’t need me in your life anymore. And worst of all Hailey, you’re not even sorry, because everything is my fucking fault, isn’t it?”
She quietly gets up from the table and my first thought is that she’s going to leave. But she doesn’t. She takes something out of her bag that looks like a piece of paper. She sits down, pours herself some wine, drinks it and finally starts talking.
“There was a letter, but I was just too big of a coward to send it. Because sending it would mean it was the end. Maybe I just loved the idea of an unfinished story, a never ending one.”
And she starts reading from the piece of paper, the letter I had waited for but that never arrived.
Dear Chris,
This must be one of the hardest things I’ve ever written. Truth to be told, I was never sure you truly loved me, and I still question it to this day, although people who knew us said it was never questionable.
All the lies and hiding, all the running away, pushing me away…it was hard on me. I always had this fear of trusting you, because deep down I knew—I knew you lied. You never thought this through and I don’t think you ever planned on quitting, leaving drugs and starting over. I was afraid you didn’t know how to quit.
It’s like watching a bad movie. You can see the two main characters making mistakes, going the wrong path—you can predict they’ll fail, and yet they’re completely blind to see it. You want to yell to them, tell them to stop, but they can’t because they’re both in love, and they’re too blind to see the reality. They do truly love each other, but neither one of them believes it or believes the other. It was a game of a cat and mouse between the two of us, we were always chasing each other and both hurting in the process.
When I heard about you and my dad working together, I was completely shattered. Not because of jail, but because this lie would be the end of us. Ultimately your version of what’s right and wrong and my version of right and wrong are completely different, and so we got lost.
I do know one truth—and that is that I love you. I knew you would survive the attack, because that’s what you do, you always survive, just like a phoenix, rising from the ashes. I’m certain that you’ll get through this and that you’ll have a normal life one day.
Please know that I’ll never stop missing you, but, what’s once broken can never go back to its original shape.
Love has a strange way of existing.
Goodbye Chris.
Hailey
Tears fall down her cheeks like it’s raining. She’s sobbing, her entire body shaking, and I can’t move. I have no idea what to say or do but I do feel like an asshole for all the things I already said. I never got a goodbye from her, or an apology and I hated her for that. Yet, now that I’m hearing it, I feel like my ears are about to bleed.
“Hales,” is the only word that silently escapes my mouth.
“You said I didn’t care, you said I wasn’t sorry for leaving you like that. Well, here you have it. This is the truth! God, Chris, you’re still destroying me. I don’t think this will ever end. We were stupid to think we could get past this.”
She manages to get her tears under control and proudly gets up. This time I’m certain she’ll try to leave. I get up and stand in front of her, blocking her from going further. She hides her face with her hands, trying to suppress painful sobs.
“Baby, please don’t cry.” I need to soothe her, I need to chase away the pain. I wrap my arms around her as tight as I can, and allow her to lean her head on my chest.
“I’m so sorry, Hales. I’m sorry everything was so shitty for you. I’m sorry we had no luck. We both tried, we did, it just didn’t work. Sometimes life is shitty like that and things just don’t work out. But Hales, you need to know that whether or not I loved you was never in question.”
I bring her head up and hold her face between my palms. “Always remember this: you were and still are the most important person in my life. You don’t have to be in it, but you’re the most important one. You made me change, you taught me how to love and what love is. You believed in me when nobody else has and look at me now. I wanted to be a better man for you. I’m sorry for being so angry. I just don’t know how to handle this…”
And before I can finish my train of thoughts, she pulls my head closer to hers and gives me the softest, gentlest kiss. Our mouth crash against each other and the familiar feeling of wholeness arises. When we kiss, it feels as if two pieces of puzzles have merged together. We brush each other’s tongues in the same rhythm, breathing each other in. God, I need her naked, below me. I need to be inside her, I need to take her and claim her because all I want for her is to be mine. She is fucking mine.
I lose all control when our kiss deepens with a more violent pace as we try to drink each other in as much as possible. I wander over her body with my arms and she lets out a subtle groan. I hold her up so she can wrap her legs around me. I kiss her neck and all I can hear is her whispering my name. God, I love her. I never fucking stopped. I need her just as much as I need the air I breathe.
She presses a soft kiss on my mouth just before she hesitates and decides to put distance between us. “We need to stop. I need to stop.”
I know she’s right and I know this isn’t fair to Jacob. It’s not fair to the two of us either. I brush my fingers through my hair, frustrated by the need that consumes me. Her sexy body and her beautiful face are making me lose any restraint that I had.
“You’re right.” I brush her arm and her body tenses before she speaks again.
“We’re not those kids anymore, we keep forgetting that. We can’t go back to the past and we can’t change it.”
She’s fucking right. What was I thinking? Taking this further? I try to get a grip on myself and before I know it, she’s ready to get out the door.
“I think it’s best if I leave.”
“It probably is,” I say, not having the strength to walk her out, to let her out of my life again. She’s like a scared cat, has always been like that. If you push her too hard, she’ll run away and probably won’t come back. Yet, I let her leave.
Fuck. This dinner was a terrible idea.
Six years ago
CHRIS
Friday arrived sooner than I expected. It was time for my first serious job for William. This time there would be no kids, no bullshit, only big cash and a heavy grown-up party. William promised to give me 50% of tonight’s income if I managed to get money from one of his clients. Apparently, the client owed him money, and I wasn’t talking about small debt. He promised to deliver $55, 000 tonight.
While I’d be delivering a bunch of cocaine and different pills that the rich clientele were hooked on, I was also supposed to get the bag from the guy and bring it to William once I did my work here tonight.
William was very strict. I wasn’t allowed to just walk in there, do my thing and leave. Those people loved the delivery guy. They wanted him to be charming and fun, maybe have a drink with them and have a line.
I knew how to make people love me when I wanted to be lovable. Especially women. Women loved me, women of all ages. I knew my strengths and I was smart when I needed to use them.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Water dripped off my hair and my blue eyes looked cold and distant. I was selling myself and my soul had disappeared in the process. I thought I knew how hookers felt.
***
I stopped by William’s house in Orleans to pick up stuff for the night, as it wasn’t too far from Wellfleet. “Chris, listen to me carefully. The guy’s name is Michael Clark. He is a rich junkie. He owes me $55, 0000 and I’m quite certain he will have it for me. He promised he’d get me the money a couple of times but he never delivered. I do hope he gets it tonight. The guy is hooked on everything. Can’t go through his day without line of coke and at night, he likes to kill it with pills. Whatever one’s you’ve heard of, he likes them all. He owes me a fortune. I have no idea where he got the money, but I made it pretty clear if he didn’t get it, I would chop his balls off. Now, money is not the only reason why this client is so important. He’s also part of the business. He’s our direct line to many powerful people who pay us a lot of money for the highest quality coke. Do you understand you have to be very discreet with this guy?”
“Of course. I told you that you can trust me.”
“Go on now, don’t let them wait for too long.”
William finished his speech and gave me black leather bag with golden ‘’W’’ engraved. I didn’t know what the worth of the shit in the bag was, and William wouldn’t say. I could feel the heaviness of the drugs but I encouraged myself by continuously repeating in my head that I could handle this.
I wasn’t convinced that it could all be sold out at one party. It seemed too much. But then again, this was a higher level. What did I know? I was only a street player used to selling drugs to lower class.
***
I was finally in front of the house where the party was being held. When I rang the bell, a maid opened the door.
“Mr. Chris, we’ve been waiting for you.”
A maid, waiting to open the door for the guy who brings the drugs and greeting him in a polite way.. Seemed bizarre, but I just brushed it off. I had more important things to wreck my head with. As soon as I entered the house the only two words that came to my mind were “money” and “power.” As I passed over the marble floors, I tried not to be too surprised by the little details in the house that showed just how rich Mark, the owner, was. Mark came towards me and gave me a friendly handshake.
“Hi Chris, let’s go to the bar and have a drink.” He quickly grabbed the bag from me and handed it to his maid.
I knew Mark from before. He was one of William’s closest partners. This is how they were operating: Mark would organize a party for his circle of friends, William would deliver the drugs, and afterwards they would laugh together at the poor fuckers for all the money they gave them.
We were sipping Jack Daniels at the bar and talking about the fucking weather, desperately pushing for small talk. Not long after that a guy approached us.
“You must be Chris. I’m Michael. I’ve been waiting for you. Please come with me.”
This was it, the guy William was talking about. This man was going to hand me a ton of cash. I was extremely suspicious, as I would never have taken him for a drug addict. He seemed like a nice family man.
As we walked through the house to one of the guest rooms, I noticed I was being watched. You could smell the lust and I was the fresh meat. I wasn’t sure whether the crowd here wanted me for the drugs or if the women wanted to fuck me. At the moment, I didn’t mind neither.
We entered the room and Michael handed me the bag.
“There you go, kid. I believe you know what’s in it. Say hi to William. Not sure why he never attends the parties, I haven’t seen him in a while.”
“I’ll make sure I pass on your greetings,” I said absently. I had no interest in making friends with this guy or making any further small talk with him.
“You seem young, what are you, 18?”
“Yes.”
“Same as my daughter. It goes without saying, if you do know her, you’ll never talk of this in front of her. Actually, you won’t talk to her at all.”
“Look, I’m here to do my job. I don’t snitch and I’m not stupid. Besides I don’t know who your daughter is and I’m not interested in knowing. If you trust William, you trust me.”
“Well said Chris. The money will be here whenever you’re ready to leave. Until then, have some fun. You’re at one of the most privileged parties on the East Coast.”
I turned around and left the room. This whole thing felt natural to me. This is what I was made to do. I chatted to a few other people, had few chicks coming to the bar to grab drinks and tap me on my shoulder as we talked, giving me subtle signals. They were desperate for a younger man.
After my fifth Jack Daniels, I could feel the warmth throughout my body. I could also tell the party was getting out of control. This house had so many rooms and there was someone shagging in each one of them. The party was filled with nice hookers, who were just as expensive as the drugs. The men were obviously married but had no memory of their wives as they popped pills like candy and drooled over the younger hookers, who were at least ten years their junior. I didn’t mind the view, but couldn’t help but think that this was what hell on earth looked like. Pure hedonism mixed with dirty humans wanting nothing but to satisfy their needs and forget all about their pathetic lives. This party was dark, although there was a part of me that thought this was wrong, there was a bigger part of me that enjoyed this sort of lifestyle. If someone would have asked me what kind of life I’d want for myself, I’m not sure I wouldn’t agree to this one. This whole thing seemed pretty fucking awesome, I just needed to steer clear from the drugs.
On my seventh whiskey, another one of the women from the party approached me.
She was wearing a champagne coloured dress, but clearly no underwear. She was magnetic.
“Chris is it?”
I smiled at her. I knew exactly why she came. This was going to be my prize. I needed to let myself get into this. This party was what my life was going to look like now.
“And your name is?” I asked, trying to show my interest, but still play it cool.
“Julia,” she said, pulling the chair closer to mine as she sat down at the bar. I noticed the gold ring on her ring finger and asked provokingly, “Where’s your husband, Julia?”
“Right where he needs to be,” she said, looking into my eyes like she was trying to reveal all my secrets. She touched my knees and started pulling her hands up towards my groin. My jeans got tighter as the blood rushed through my body, heading straight to my cock.
“Can you make me come Chris?” she whispered into my ear.
Julia was desperate. There was a certain vibe about her that she couldn’t hide. Sure, she was beyond beautiful. Her perfect skin and perfectly shaped body hid her years. However, whatever damage was done to her throughout the years had broken her spirit. Julia was trouble, and she was just looking for equal trouble to have fun with.
Without second guessing myself, I decided I was more than equipped to be her trouble for the night. I took her hand and walked away from the bar, guiding her to one of the free guest rooms on the bottom floor.
As soon as we entered the room, she started taking off her silky dress. I was amazed by the view and by the matching lingerie that cost more than my entire wardrobe. The thought further encouraged me to rip it off of her.
“Before we start, do you have any coke?”
Oh I had it. I kept some in my pocket, rethinking for most of the night whether or not I should go for it or if I should sell. Even though I was selling drugs, I wasn’t the biggest fan of them.
During high school I tried pretty much everything and got myself to the edge of the darkness. Each time I thankfully managed to come back. The day I cut it off almost completely was the day when my parents both ended up in jail. They were junkies, the worst kind. Junkies who were selling drugs but instead of actually selling them and making sure they didn’t end up in debt, they did the opposite, which eventually landed them in jail.
I took the bag of coke out of my jeans pocket and handed it to her. While she was opening the bag, I took the time to take out a 100-dollar bill. I expected Julia was going to have some first but she had a different plan in mind. She made thin lines on the top of her breasts, perfectly held together by her bra. Her inviting look brought me over the edge and I finally moved closer to her. Taking my shirt off, I grabbed her breasts with both hands, not being gentle at all. I groaned and brought my head lower. Finally, I sniffed both of the lines.
It didn’t take long until a familiar feeling of power and euphoria kicked in. I was invincible. Julia took the rest of the coke and spread it around the top of the drawer in the bedroom. She quickly took it all in and had the same reaction as I did.
It didn’t take her long to get to the point as she unzipped me and took off my jeans. She took my cock into her hand and started sucking hard. I felt like a fucking god, watching as she licked and sucked. I was ready to fuck her like she’d never been fucked before. Surely not by her husband.
I threw her on the bed and quickly pulled a condom on. I pinned her hands behind her head. She moaned as I started entering her, deep and slow.
After a few slow strokes on top of her, I started pumping inside of her faster and faster until she was screaming. I flipped her over on her stomach and fucked her long and hard from behind, occasionally spanking her perfect, rich ass.
I knew I had power over her and that feeling was what made me the most excited. I was a fucking egoistic hedonist but I couldn’t care less.
After what seemed like forever, my cock started pulsing and grew even bigger. The feeling of nothingness and complete freedom in my mind took over and I finally released myself, stroking deep inside of Julia. She screamed and let go of her body, coming in the same rhythm as me.
I was pulling myself together, slowly becoming aware of my surroundings when suddenly the image of Hailey popped up in my mind. As soon as I saw her with my inner eye, I lay down on the bed next to Julia and stared at the ceiling. Guilt, that’s what I felt. I’m sure if she ever knew what I was doing tonight she would hate me even more. It was funny of me to think that way, considering we weren’t dating. We weren’t even friends. Actually, the way we treated each other made us look more like enemies. Regardless, ever since I first saw her, she was always stuck in my head.
I tried to shut up my mind and blamed these unfamiliar feelings that were arising on the coke. Getting up, I went into the bathroom to splash my face with ice cold water. I saw only darkness in my reflection in the mirror. It’s the only thing I’ve ever been able to see. I wondered how come I didn’t care if I was selling drugs and fucking married women and was curious how other people felt. People like Hailey.
“Baby do you want to come back to bed?” Julia yelled, obviously wanting more. I decided it was time for me to leave as I wasn’t planning on getting stuck with her for the night.
“Sorry Julia, I have work to do.”
I kissed her on the forehead and left the room. Julia was desperate and lonely, and although it seemed like she wanted comfort and stability, she knew who I was, and I knew who she was. I was sure she could handle another meaningless fuck.
As I exited the room, I saw Michael talking on the phone. He looked high and a bit anxious. It sounded like he was leaving a message for someone.
“Hailey honey, I guess you’re not home right now. I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be home tomorrow as early as possible. Take care of your mom while I’m gone, will you.”
It took me awhile to register that he said “Hailey.” I wasn’t sure if my mind was playing yet another trick on me. I felt dizzy from all the whiskey that I drank and after all the thinking about Hailey I had just done, I wasn’t sure if this was real or not. But once I started thinking about it, I remembered him saying he had a daughter my age he never wanted me to talk to.
The realization sent me into a state of shock. No fucking way. Perfect little Hailey, with the biggest moral attitude I’d ever seen was Michael’s daughter? I was amazed how quickly my feeling of power faded as I realized she was living a lie. The worst part about it was that I was now a part of that lie, and I would continue to be.
In my mind, I wasn’t freaking out as much, but my body had a whole different reaction. I couldn’t feel my legs and I couldn’t catch a breath. I leaned on the wall in the hallway in shock.
She is nobody to you, Chris. This changes nothing. You don’t owe her anything. I convinced myself, determined to close this chapter.
His name was Michael Clark. As in Hailey’s father. How was I so blind to this and how didn’t I see it coming?