CHAPTER 3
HAILEY
Mostly work is what’s been occupying my mind these days. I’ve decided to switch it up a little bit in the gallery and add some of the photographs from my old collection. There’s an old black and white picture of Chris. I love that picture. I was so young when I took it and yet the picture seems so mature. I go into the back where we keep some of my old photographs framed and ready to be displayed and I hang it on the wall. My assistant Rachel walks in as I’m making sure the picture is positioned perfectly.
“Morning, Hailey.”
“Morning Rachel,” I respond, still focused on positioning the image.
“Wow. I don’t think I’ve seen that one before. Hailey, it’s amazing.” Rachel is astonished and I can’t be happier. That’s the reaction I expect from all of my customers and whoever decides to buy it.
“I know. It’s one of my favorite pieces.”
“Who’s the guy?”
Ahhh, the guy. “Just somebody I knew when I was in my late teens,” I shrug, not giving out he wasn’t just somebody, he was everything.
“He’s not bad to look at. Look at those arms. But the face, wow. I bet he’s a model.”
Krhmm. I make weird sounds, forcing a cough just to change the topic. “He wasn’t a model back then; I don’t know where he’s now.”
Probably still in jail, I think to myself. To my luck, the phone at reception starts to ring and Rachel runs back to the front desk to answer it.
The day flies by as I make a few sales and try to brainstorm some new ideas for my next photo shoot. I’ll need to have new photographs ready to be displayed to cover for each sale but also, I want to keep it interesting.
As usual, Jacob and I decide to go grab dinner once we’re both finished with work. We usually stay at his place, which is conveniently in Manhattan. I manage to convince him to stay at my place tonight, in Brooklyn.
After we’ve had dinner in a restaurant on the way, we decide to walk to my place. It’s about a 20-minute walk, but neither of us is driving today, and I don’t mind the air. I could use some after spending the day in my office and I know he did the same. On our way to the apartment, Jacob spots a bar that looks like a lot of fun.
“How do you feel about drinks, Hailey?”
“Not too excited about the idea, to be honest. I’d rather go home—it was a long day.”
“Okay honey, let me just look at their menu, so I know if it’s worth going here again.’’
Jacob has this obsession with new bars and restaurants—he keeps saying how he’s ready to invest in one and he’s trying to find the right one. As he stares at the menu that’s displayed outside of the bar, a familiar figure catches my attention. He’s sitting at the bar and I can only see his back. He’s wearing a white shirt, and not a cheap one, tucked into his blue dress pants. His hair looks too familiar and sudden recognition leaves me out of breath.
My heart’s pumping so fast I think it might jump out my chest. That perfect black hair, messy and shiny, not too short or too long…it overwhelmingly reminds me of Chris. For a moment there, I’m convinced this truly is Chris, but then I notice all the tattoos as he tucks in his sleeves. This guy is also bigger than Chris and looks like he devotes half of his day to working out.
I’m most definitely losing my mind, I think to myself.
“Did you change your mind about the drinks?’’ Jacob asks, probably confused by my excessive attempts to see inside the bar.
“Nope, still tired. Let’s head home.”
With that, we end our evening and spend the rest of the night at home. Once Jacob falls asleep, I text Ellie.
Me: I could’ve sworn I saw Chris today, in a bar in Brooklyn.
Ellie: Chris is gone, Hailey, probably rotting in a cell somewhere. You’re losing your mind.
Me: You’re right. I am, and he is. Going to bed. Xx
Ellie: Love you! Don’t overstress yourself.
Jacob doesn’t know about my past. How do you explain to someone that you’ve loved a boy and that boy ended up in jail, where he sort of did belong in? Not to mention going into the horrific details of how my family was involved and the unfortunate events I had to endure. I’m thankful for Ellie, even though I know she’s sick of our talks about this, but she’s the only one I confide in when it comes to my past.
I overthink my recent obsession with Chris and I try to hide the weird feeling in my stomach, the one that you get when you sense something bad is going to happen. That’s how I used to feel all the time when I was around Chris. For some reason, I’ve been feeling like this ever since Jacob proposed.
I shrug away the feeling, convincing myself that I’m losing my mind. which I probably am.
“Suck it up Hailey, nothing bad is going to happen.” I give myself a pep talk and finally manage to fall asleep.
A few days later, Ellie stops by to my gallery again. Feeling anxious, I hope she won’t notice the newest addition on the walls, but of course she does.
“Ummm, Hailey? Why is Chris on the wall?”
“Shhh, Rachel is here!”
I can see Rachel peeking out from her desk. She’s been trying to get more info about the guy and the picture, ever since I’ve put it up. I don’t blame her. Chris is half naked and looks very handsome in the image. Back then, girls were always drooling around him, trying to get his attention. He was always a cold bastard, with his constant poker face on. No one ever knew how to break his façade. In this picture though, there’s isn’t one. Broken Youth says a little paper below the picture, and that’s what it is. That’s what he was.
“Why the hell is this up there?” Ellie fusses.
“Because I want to sell it, and I think I can get a good price for it.”
‘’What if Jacob asks you about the picture?’
“I’ll just tell him it was a friend and that the picture was taken a long time ago. Stop judging me and give me a break!”
“Okay, okay, I believe you. If you’re going to earn some money out of it, who am I to judge?”
I can tell she’s lying and that she’s genuinely worried about this.
“You’ve never told me how the picture was taken. You hid it for so long,” she says and story unwinds in my mind.
6 years ago,
I set up the lighting and moved the chair.
“I need you to loosen up the sheet and to sit on the chair like you usually would,” I ordered him.
Chris started unwrapping the sheet, holding it so it just covered the important parts of his body. While he was doing that, he kept eye contact with me, like we were playing some kind of a power game, trying to prove who had better nerves.
When he sat down, I went down on my knees and started moving the sheet around. I needed to uncover his legs. I only wanted to have his groin covered and to have the sheet falling naturally. I accidentally touched his hips and could feel the warmth of his skin. The skin covering his hard muscle was soft and gentle and I wanted to believe there were parts of him that could be like that too.
A sudden urge to touch him and kiss him all over his body overwhelmed me. Chris was looking at my face and I could tell he was enjoying it. I was never very good at hiding my emotions or my reactions. My heart was beating so fast I was scared he was going to be able to hear it.
Once I finished with the sheet, I got up and grabbed my camera.
“Chris, lean on your knees with your elbows, and look down to your feet. I need you to do this so you look as if you’re staring at the floor, kind of worried.’’
Without a word, he moved.
That one movement uncovered all of his secrets. His vulnerability, his heart and soul, his pain, his darkness. I always believed one photo could capture so much. To me, this was pure art. I started taking pictures. They were coming out perfect. A strong boy, not yet a man, with obvious scars from the past, taking a minute to breathe, taking a moment of silence for himself, trying to catch a break from the journey he had been through so far. That’s how I saw it and that’s how I was trying to capture it. As I took a few pictures, for the first time I truly wished he was mine. There was so much pain and strength connected to this pose, this image he was showing me. If he was faking it, he was doing it really well, but I didn’t think he was. There was a weird connection created between us with these few shots I took. This had become personal for both of us.
I wanted to capture an emotion, and he showed it. He participated by allowing me to see his most personal side. Unless, of course, this whole thing was only in my mind which was also a possibility.
After a few good shots, I stopped taking photos, trying to think if there was another pose we could try. Before I had a chance to suggest something else, Chris suddenly got up from the chair and started walking towards me. I was leaning on the old desk on the opposite wall from where he was sitting and my heart was pumping and my breath got shorter as he got closer. His silence made my imagination go wild. I put down the camera and waited to see what he’d do next, wanting to say something, but not knowing what. The atmosphere in the room was tense and sensual. Something was going to happen and yet, I wasn’t sure what it was and whether I wanted it. Speechless, I couldn’t move.
“Chris?” I asked softly.
He came absurdly close, facing me, and still not saying anything.
For the first time I noticed how much taller he was, enough for him to lean his chin on the top of my head. As soon as he did that, my eyes filled with tears. I’m still not sure why, but I think it was the kindness in the movement. I put my hand around his waist, desperately wanting to pull him even closer. Soon, there were only a few inches holding us apart. Chris placed his hand on my shoulder and gently pulled it down my arm, sending shivers through my body.
He grabbed my hand and entwined his fingers with mine. I moved my head a little bit and brushed my cheek over his. Our cheeks were now touching while we held hands, both of us pressing strongly, as if we were trying not to burst into each other. I pulled my other hand up his upper back and brought it all the way to his hair, passing my hand gently through it, and listening to his breath coming faster.
I couldn’t stand it anymore—all I wanted to do was kiss him, feel him, hug him. I was dizzy from his scent, sweet, musky, and citrusy at the same time. It suited him perfectly. I tilted my head and our lips got closer.
He brushed my cheek with his hand and gently pulled my face up, all while looking into my eyes. In this moment, I would have given him anything.
We were standing still with our lips only an inch apart, desperate to connect. I let myself be, let go of all control and decided to kiss him. Except Chris suddenly pulled away.
“It’s getting late, I really should go.”
Just like that, Chris broke the magic moment.
“Chris, wait. This wasn’t my intention.”
“There is no ‘intention.’ Nothing happened.”
He grabbed his clothes and I automatically turned around to give him privacy to change.
“I’ll see you around,” he said and stormed out of my garage before I even had the time to turn around and walk him out.
I said nothing, I didn’t chase him and I didn’t ask him to stay, I didn’t ask him to talk about what just happened. There was no point, he was Chris and I was Hailey. We had nothing in common. I couldn’t understand how two completely different people from completely different backgrounds could share such connection and feel as if they had so much in common. Suddenly, a strong feeling inside me told me he was going to have a very important role in my life. I was petrified of what was coming.
‘’It’s really not that interesting of a story,” I tell Ellie now. “I managed to convince him to do the photoshoot. That’s it.”
“I find that strange. He never did anything for anybody, but then again, he did always say he'd do anything for you, so there’s that.”
“Ellie, please, let’s not talk about this anymore.” Ellie always had my back, and as much as she wanted me to truly let go of the past and move on with my life, she had no filter when it came to expressing her attitude and saying whatever she wanted to say.
“I agree. I’m already depressed, and we’ve been talking about this only for five minutes. Switching the subject, have you set the date yet?”
We switch to discussing my future wedding, which I’ve decided will be held about a year and a half from now.
CHRIS
Both me and Les manage to put our new friends-with-benefits thing aside as the opening date approaches. The restaurant will be opening on Saturday, which is in three days and we’re more than prepared.
We both participated in the process of hiring the staff. I didn’t want to hire anyone sneaky or mean; each person who works here should be a team player and each one of them seems genuine. I’m sure we’ll need to hire more wait staff but for now, this should be good, and then we’ll see how it goes. As for the managers, I decided it’ll be just me and Les, as I don’t trust anyone else to do this. I know it means long hours and barely any days off, but for now, this is how it’s going to be. The restaurant is still our baby and I need to help it grow.
All of our chefs were hired weeks ago when we arrived to New York. One of our head chefs from Boston trained them until they knew the entire menu by heart. Consistency is what we’re aiming for. Each cooked meal needs to be just as good as the first one, and each time a customer comes back, they’ll be amazed. This is what Jack has taught me, and now I’m passing on the knowledge, and teaching my staff the importance of loyalty.
It helps that we pay them really well. I don’t want to see anyone slacking at work because they’re not happy with the money they’re getting. It’s going to be tough and it’s going to be hard work, but they will be rewarded. Another thing Jack taught me when he gave me an enormous raise before my relocation to New York. Giacomo’s isn’t just any restaurant, it’s a fine dining Italian restaurant that is appreciated in Boston. Although the stress of high expectations tries to catch up with me, I take a deep breath. Fuck stress, I’m more than equipped to do this.
“I’m so proud of you,” Les says and leans into my shoulder. Her perfume teases me and I can’t help but think she’s been purposely teasing me for the past couple of days. Always wearing sexy heels and tight black skirts. Yup, I want to fuck her again. I need to fuck her again.
“Want to come over to my place again tonight?” she whispers into my ear.
“I’ll see you at 9 pm,” I wink. “I’ll be ready.”
She smiles back seductively.
And I’m fucked. It feels like I’m focused only on Les, even though I tried to be interested in one of the girls who approached me in the bar the other night. She’s a catch. Not to mention the sex is mind blowing. Once again, I decide to let it go and stop overthinking it. We’ve both been clear with what we do and don’t want, we’re both grown ups. What could go wrong?