Finn
At exactly 6 o’clock I pull up in front of a tiny house. Weathered wooden siding with faded paint, reflects the evening light. Small shrubs line the narrow driveway. The neighboring houses look worn but well-tended. For some reason, I can’t picture Autumn living here. She seems too ethereal to live somewhere so…mundane. My fists clench as I approach the door. Will she even be here? What possessed me to think I could just show up uninvited – have I lost touch with reality after living in the spotlight? My fist pauses before it comes into contact with the wood. What if she’s not here? What if she is here but refuses to answer the door?
As if my hand has a mind of its own, I knock twice on the door. Silence follows. I’m a moron. She practically told me to get lost at the hospital. My ego has become overinflated by the hundreds of sycophants and hangers-on that surround the band. Queasiness surges through my gut as I turn away from the door.
“Finn?”
The sound of her sweet, tentative voice fills my soul with hope. Turning around, my eyes sweep from her soft pale curls to the blue shirt and fitted jeans that hug her body. I breathe in hope. She doesn’t look mad. Slightly nervous perhaps, but I can work with that.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t give you my number…I guess I didn’t want you to say no.”
Autumn smiles slightly before her skin flushes a pretty pink. “I…I probably would have. I’m not…ummm…it doesn’t matter.” She looks down at her feet.
She’s wearing running shoes. It’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. She didn’t dress up for me. Her face is beautiful, even without make-up and I can’t remember the last time I went out with a girl who wasn’t wearing some ridiculous strappy monstrosity on her feet that she couldn’t even walk in. Probably in high school when I was just a nobody.
I place my hand gently under her chin and tilt her head up until she’s looking right into my eyes. “Of course it matters. You matter. I don’t know what happened to make you think like that, and I don’t need to know. Believe me I have my own skeletons, but I’ll always want to hear what you’re thinking.”
Autumn tries to look down but I don’t let her. So instead she closes her eyes and I’m filled with a sudden desire to kiss her. Instead I bring my hand away from her face and take a step back. She’s obviously fragile and I’m not going to mess with that.
She takes a deep breath. “I have anxiety issues and I faint sometimes – but you already know about the fainting.”
“I’m sorry.” I stuff my hands in the pockets of my jeans. I’m ill-equipped to deal with this beautiful, fragile angel. I wish I knew what to say to fix things. “Do you want to come with me?”
She opens her eyes then. Her pupils are dilated in her beautiful hazel eyes. “I’d like to try.” She says so softly I almost don’t catch it.
“Just tell me anytime and I’ll take you home.”
She takes a step out the door and something inside me erupts with happiness. It’s a foreign feeling. “Do you have a bag?”
Her skin flushes again, and she heads back into the house leaving the door open. Unable to resist, I peek inside, wondering about this girl and the feelings she stirs in the darkness within me. Her house is immaculate. It reminds me of the dollhouse Sophie used to play with. I step back as Autumn emerges with a small black backpack.
“Is this your car?” Autumn asks with a hint of disbelief.
“Have you changed your mind?” I tease as I hold open the door of the eight-year-old black Jeep.
She actually lets out a small laugh and it’s the most beautiful sound I think I’ve ever heard.
“No, have you seen my car?” She nods in the direction of her old Ford hatch. “It just isn’t what I expected.” She climbs into the passenger seat and I close the door and head around to climb in behind the wheel.
“Let’s just say I don’t want to stand out or draw attention to myself.”
“But when you sing, you have thousands of eyes on you.” She shudders at the thought.
I chuckle as I start the engine. It purrs smoothly into life. It may not be the newest model but I keep it well maintained. “That’s different, that’s the music. When I’m playing I just want to share my music with the world. But it isn’t me. The person you see up on stage, that isn’t who I am.”
“The songs are you though.”
“Yes, the songs are me. Well, a part of me anyway.”
“Where exactly are we going?”
“Wes lives over near Forest Park, it’s about an hour’s drive. Is that alright?”
“Um, sure. I don’t mind.”
We travel in silence for a while, but it’s a comfortable silence. After a while I switch the radio on and a popular song comes on. Unable to help myself I sing along to the catchy chorus.
Autumn laughs. “This is so surreal. I can’t believe I’m listening to Finn Holloway sing along to ‘Make Me Believe.’”
“Do you sing?”
“Um, badly and I’d really rather not contaminate this beautiful sound.”
I laugh. I can’t believe how light and unencumbered I feel. I know it won’t last so I try and stay in the moment. “I can’t believe that, your speaking voice is so sweet.”
“Believe it Buddy.”
“Buddy?”
“Dude?”
“Let’s just leave it at Finn.”
“Finn, not Finnley?”
Autumn
And just like that, the mood shifts. The smile leaves Finn’s face and he stares intently at the road. I’m so stupid, why did I have to go and stir things up? I know no one calls him Finnley, I just don’t know why. Was I dumb enough to believe for a moment that I was special, that he would open up to me? That something could happen here? We drive the rest of the way in silence.
Finally, Finn pulls up in front of an elegant wood frame house with dormer windows and a wrap-around porch. The cobblestone decorations on the exterior of the garage and pillars of the porch provided a homey appearance. Large trees screen the house from its surrounds. It was smaller than I was expecting for a rockstar. But then Wes always seems so down to earth, it was just the sort of house he would probably choose.
It’s the sort of house I dream about living in. And that’s all it ever will be for someone like me – a dream. Maybe I should ask to go home now, before I make things worse. The only thing that stops me is knowing that I’d be making Finn drive another two-hour round trip and he doesn’t deserve that.
I’m still sitting there when Finn opens my door. Now he probably thinks I’m so useless I can’t even open my own door. I scramble out awkwardly trying not to trip over my own feet. Finn offers me a hand, but I pretend I don’t see it. Finn turns towards the house walking quickly. Now he’s probably thinking what an ungrateful little witch I am, he’s probably wondering why he ever invited me here in the first place. Why did he ask me here to meet Wes and his little sister? The only thing my brain can come up with is it’s like some sort of community service. After all, who ever heard of an average girl with issues becoming a muse for one of the biggest rockstars on the planet?
Before Finn can even knock, the door is wrenched open and the most beautiful young girl throws herself at him. I’m insanely jealous at the casual way she gets to hold onto him and the smile on his face makes something flutter deep within me.
“Uncle Finn, Wes says you have a surprise for me?” She lets go and looks up at Finn her brown eyes shining with hope.
Wes comes to the door looking incredibly gorgeous in a pair of faded blue jeans and a white T-shirt. He can’t compare to Finn, but he’s still an insanely attractive man.
“Soph, where are your manners?” Wes says, trying to suppress a grin.
Sophie shrugs. “Finn doesn’t care about that stuff, do you Finn?”
Finn tries to look serious but fails. “I care about your manners Soph, it’s not too late for you to behave like a lady.”
Sophie laughs. “Don’t talk to my teachers at school then. They think I’m a lost cause.”
“We’ll be talking about this later young lady.” Wes tries to look stern. “But we really should let Finn introduce his new friend.” Wes smiles at me.
“Sorry,” Finn says running a hand distractedly through his hair. “Sophie, Wes, this is my friend Autumn.”
Sophie offers me a tentative smile. “Are you Finn’s girlfriend?”
Heat floods my cheeks. “Um, no. We only met a few days ago.”
“Oh. You’re pretty.” Sophie shrugs. “Finn, you should ask her to be your girlfriend.”
With that bombshell, Sophie flounces back into the house.
“Ignore her,” Wes says trying to break the awkwardness. “Sometimes she has no filter, but don’t worry, you’ll get used to it.”
We follow Wes into the house. He leads the way into the most beautiful kitchen I’ve ever seen. White granite bench-tops mix seamlessly with wooden doors and a table. A gorgeous window seat overlooks the garden. Glossy stainless steel appliances dominate the far end of the room.
“Would you like a drink?” Wes asks me.
“Um, sure.”
“What would you like? Wine, beer?”
“Um, no. Alcohol doesn’t mix well with my medication.” I look down, I can’t believe I just said that. Why not just tell the totally gorgeous rockstars that I’m a drug dependent loser.
Finn takes my hand and I can’t help looking up into his eyes. “Don’t worry, I don’t drink much anymore either.”
Sophie bounces back into the room and I pull my hand free. “Where’s the food? Did you forget again?”
“No, Miss Impatient. I ordered the food to be delivered at seven. So it should be here any moment.”
Of course the doorbell rings at that moment as if to highlight the fact that Finn has some sort of superpower. Sophie races out of the room, I can’t believe how much energy she has.
Wes looks apologetic. “I’d better go and make sure she doesn’t try and flirt with the delivery boy again.”
I turn to Finn. “But she can’t be more than twelve?”
“She’s eleven going on twenty-five I think. Wes certainly has his hands full.”
“Does she live with him all the time?”
“No, not when we’re on tour. She spends most of her time here when we’re not touring.”
“Oh, that must be hard for them.”
“It is, it’s one of the reasons I’m worried he’ll leave the band.”
“He can’t, Infusion Deep wouldn’t be the same without him.”
“I know, I’m not sure I could continue if he left.”
My mouth drops open. “Please tell me you wouldn’t stop making music?”
Wes and Sophie return, laden down with boxes of Chinese Takeout. “Don’t worry Autumn, Finn could no sooner give up music then he could breathing.”