Finn
Holding the phone in front of me I’m in shock. Had Autumn really just hung up in the middle of our conversation? Just before the call ended, it had almost sounded like she was crying. It doesn’t make any sense. Things had been going so well, she’d just been laughing. It must have been something else. My mind fills with pictures of her kitchen on fire or some crazy breaking into her house. I pace back and forth across the floor. I need to talk to Wes, he’ll know what to do. I’m tempted to drive straight over to her house, but I stop myself and go looking for Wes.
Striding through the lounge room I see Wes out in the garden. He’s actually doing something in the dirt – like actual gardening. Opening the back door I head out into the damp afternoon air.
“What on earth are you doing?”
Wes pulls something ugly out of the damp soil, and tosses it into a wheelbarrow. “What does it look like I’m doing?”
“Um, being an idiot.”
Wes chuckles. “You know you should try gardening sometime, it’s very soothing.”
“You realize your cool vibe just dropped by about ninety percent right?”
“Seriously, grab some gloves and join me. It might take that angsty look off your face.”
I take a step back as a pair of nasty looking gloves go flying past me. “Actually, I need your advice about something.”
Wes looks up and grins. “Yes, you should definitely ask her out, on a real date this time. And no, you shouldn’t bring your guitar.”
I frown. “I think I might have made her cry…on the phone.”
“What dumb ass thing did you say to her to make her cry?”
“We were laughing and I told her she made me better or something. I was just trying to compliment her.” I shove my hands in my pockets as I toe the dirt with my boot.
“Look Finn, Autumn’s not like the other girls you’ve been with.”
“I know, she’s special.”
“Yes, she is that. She’s obviously been hurt in the past, so you’ll need to go slow. If you want it to work with her, you’ll have to understand that she might not be able to adjust to everything quickly. Just give her the space she needs”
“Ah, who am I kidding? I have so much BS in my life, I can’t drag Autumn through that.”
Wes stands, brushing his hands across his muddy jeans. “At least give her a chance to try and handle your life. Don’t go trying to make that decision for her. You might regret it for the rest of your life.”
My hands lift in mock surrender. “We only just met, no need to be talking about forever.”
“So the thought of never seeing her again doesn’t bother you?”
“When did you become my therapist?” I turn back towards the house. This conversation is getting to be too much.
“Just own it brother,” Wes shouts at my retreating back.
“Go back to your plants man. I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah, later Finn.”
I don’t head home. It’s not really somewhere I’m that comfortable. I bought this fancy penthouse apartment all white and shiny and I hate it. It’s so sterile and cold. I much prefer to hang out at Wes’s place. It feels like a home, something we both missed out on growing up. He’s been bugging me to buy my own place near his, and maybe I will. When we’re touring it doesn’t really matter anyway. At least I don’t have to worry about a freaking garden while I’m away.
My thoughts continue to spiral, I try to avoid thinking about the past. After my Mom passed life was pretty bad at our place. It’s been years since I’ve seen my father. Last time I saw him his mind was so addled he didn’t even recognize me. My older brother’s still in prison. Let’s just say when I had my music, he had his own ways of escaping reality.
My Jeep comes to a halt in front of her house. Already my thoughts are becoming clearer, I feel the past slipping away where it belongs. I just need to see that she’s okay. Then if she wants me to leave her alone I will. I knock on the door berating myself for coming empty-handed.
Faint strains of music escape from within. I recognize it immediately. It’s me singing. The door opens and the music intensifies. Autumn looks adorable in a pair of oversize sweats and a large purple hoodie. Her face flushes as she sees it’s me. She’s so beautiful, it takes my breath away. No one speaks and I start to feel like a class A jerk.
“Hi,” I finally manage to speak.
“Hi.”
“You have great taste in music.”
More color fills her cheeks, I want to reach out and touch her skin.
“Um, thanks.” She smiles and it’s like the sun coming out after a month of rain. “Would you like to come in for a drink…a coffee or something?”
Wild horses couldn’t stop me. “Sure.”
The tiny living space is still immaculate. Autumn makes herself busy in the minuscule kitchen so I take a seat at the small dining table that takes up most of the space.
“Coffee or tea?”
I laugh, I can’t even remember the last time someone thought to offer me tea. Usually it’s coffee or alcohol as if I’m incapable of wanting to drink anything else.
“Tea sounds great.”
“Peppermint or herbal.”
“Surprise me.”
Autumn
I can’t believe I just offered Finn Holloway a cup of tea. Did he just say yes to be polite? I put peppermint tea bags into two mugs and fill then with boiling water from the kettle. I can’t believe I’m going to serve Finn herbal tea. He looks stunning as always in a simple black t-shirt and jeans. My eyes are drawn to the the dragon on his arm. The way it seems to come to life whenever he moves his arm is hypnotizing. My fingers ache to reach out and touch it. Instead, I place a mug in front of Finn and take the seat opposite. My table is so small, it wouldn’t take much for our hands to touch as we hold our mugs of steaming tea.
Finn takes a sip of tea. “Mmm nice.”
“Really? I didn’t pick you for a tea drinker.”
Finn raises one eyebrow. “What, selfish pricks can’t drink tea now?”
I spit my mouthful of tea back into my cup before coughing. “You’re hardly that.” I manage to choke out.
“I think I know me better than you.”
“Yes, you’re so selfish. You have a whole foundation set up to help underprivileged kids.” I’ve been googling since I heard about the Holloway Foundation that’s paying my medical bills.
“Other people run that though, I just send them money every so often.”
“Maybe you should learn to take a compliment.”
“Ditto.”
The room seems to close in. My heart races and I feel dizzy. I’m glad I’m already sitting down.
“Shoot, are you alright?” Finn reaches out and places his hands over mine.
My heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of my chest. No one touches me – I don’t let them. But rather than increasing my panic, the feel of Finn’s calloused fingers rubbing along the top of my hand and my wrists, seems to slowly calm me and bring me back to myself.
My lips curve into a weak smile. “I’m fine, just a bit light-headed, I forgot to have lunch.” The lie feels uncomfortable as it stumbles off my tongue.
“Well, you need to eat, I haven’t had anything either. Should I call for take-out? Or would you rather go to a restaurant?”
The thought of going out into a public place with Finn ties my stomach in knots. “I’m not really dressed for going out, take-out sounds fine.”
“You look adorable, but I’ll order in if you’d prefer. Do you like Italian?”
“Yum, that’d be great.”
Finn releases my hands, and I feel bereft. He stands and walks outside to make the call. He forgot to ask me what I want, but I’m not sure I’m going to be able to eat anything anyway with the butterflies that have started fluttering inside me.
Infusion Deep is still playing on repeat from my phone which is connected to my speakers. I use the time to put my whole music collection on random, so at least it seems like I’m not obsessed. After that, I straighten the cushions on the couch and look for any mess to clean up. Seeing none, I use the time to make some fresh tea. Eventually Finn comes back inside. He’s too big for my tiny house. He looks out of place here. Which of course he is. I still don’t understand why he’s here.
Finn grins at me. “All set.”
“What did you order?”
“Ah, that would be spoiling the surprise.”
“You did order Italian right?”
“Yep. Why, what don’t you like?”
“Ah, I’m not that keen on Indian food.”
“Right, no Indian. Got it.” Finn sits on my two-seater couch and pats the spot next to him.
There are no other chairs, apart from the ones around my dining table, so it makes sense I should sit next to him. Somehow, I can’t seem to make my legs work.
“If you keep standing up over there Blondie, I’m going to feel bad sitting here.”
“Blondie?”
“No good? Well I can’t call you Muse, seeing as how they’re another band and all.”
“Autumn is fine,” I say, taking a seat on the far edge of the lounge.
Finn laughs. “It’s okay, I won’t bite.”
Images of Finn biting me fill my mind and I blush. To hide my face, I slide closer so I’m sitting on the actual cushion and let my hair fall in a curtain, hiding my face.
“Hmm, did you have a nickname when you were at school?”
“I’d rather not say.”
“Was it Fall?”
I glance up. “How did you know?” The name brings back memories of kids trying to trip me on my way to class as they said things like ‘don’t Fall,’ and laughed while I stumbled.
“Well it’s obvious, isn’t it? Autumn means Fall. But I can see that one doesn’t hold pleasant memories, so I’ll have to keep trying.”
“I still don’t understand why you can’t just call me Autumn.”
“We-ell,” Finn draws the syllables out. “Everyone calls you that, and I want to be different.”
“What about you? Do I get to call you by your nickname?”
“Um Dogface? If you want.”
I snort laugh. “Who would dare call you that?”
“Drew and Adam, but at least they don’t usually call me the one my Trent uses when he’s mad at me, which is most of the time.”
“What does he call you?”
“Pass.”
I tuck my hair behind my ear, my discomfort long forgotten. “Please, you know about mine.”
“Yeah, but I guessed, so you have to do that.”
“How on earth am I supposed to do that?”
“We’ll play Hot and Cold.”
“What are we like six now?”
“We can be. Just let loose and go with it.”
I sit back and fold my legs underneath me so I’m facing Finn. He’s so close I can smell the scent of his aftershave. It’s a pleasant scent that reminds me of being in the woods after the rain. “Can you at least give me a hint to start?”
“Well, maybe. Seeing as how you’re so pretty and all. It has something to do with my appearance.” Now Finn is the one looking uncomfortable. It’s reassuring to know he isn’t as confident as he always seems. I guess no one is always at ease.
“Um Bluey?” I take a punt, because nothing is more appealing than those dark blue eyes of his.
“Warmish.”
I run my eyes over Finn again, it’s nice to have an excuse to look. “Dragon?”
“Cooler.”
So it must have something to do with his face maybe? But it’s something he sees as a negative thing. His face is perfect, what could it possibly be? His almost black hair has a slight curl to it. “Poodle?”
Finn laughs and his eyes light up. “Warmer, sort of. And no, you are never to mention that again. If Drew or Adam were ever to hear that name my life would be over.”
His casual mention of his bandmates reminds me again of just who Finn is and the comfortable feeling starts to unravel inside me.
“How about another clue? It starts with ‘P’.”
“Poodle starts with P.”
“Alright, P R.”
“Um, Pretty?”
“Getting hot.”
His words make me warm all over, even though he’s not using them that way. I make the mistake of looking into his eyes again and he’s looking right at me. Our faces are only inches apart. How did that happen? He’s moving closer and I freeze, I’m unable to blink or move or think. My eyes flutter closed as his lips gently brush against mine. Chills race through my body and I feel as though I might disintegrate as every particle in my body explodes. I’m sure I’ve come apart and so I’m surprised when I open my eyes to find myself still sitting on the couch. As if mundane reality could still exist after that. Finn is looking at me intently as if he sees my coming apart as a real possibility.
“Autumn?”
“Finn.”
“Are you alright? Was that…?”
“Yes,” I breathe.
The doorbell rings and my body takes the opportunity to fly to the safety of the every-day.