Finn
The inevitable afternoon band meeting has finally finished. Adam and Drew follow Trent out of the room. No doubt they’re off to the hotel bar to have some fun before tonight’s show. It’s just Wes and me alone in the empty conference room.
Wes runs his hand through his long brown fringe. “Sorry about disappearing last night man.”
“What happened? Is Sophie alright?” I ask, hoping Wes’s little twelve-year-old sister isn’t sick or hurt. Although if it was anything serious, Wes wouldn’t still be here – show or no show.
“Yeah, Sophie’s fine…for now.”
“What happened? Pam wasn’t DUI again was she?”
“Nah, turns out she has a brain tumor.”
“Pam has a brain tumor? Is it serious?” Wes’s mom is no saint, but she’s all Sophie’s got. If something happened to Pam, Wes’d leave the band in a heartbeat, and I’d be screwed.
“Don’t know yet. She’s having scans and stuff today.”
“What about Soph?” Wes’s little sister is like family to me as well. She’s ten years younger than us and we had to watch her a lot when she was tiny. Wes’s mom had a problem with alcohol and we did what we had to for them to stay together.
“She’s staying with a friend for the week. That’s what I was organizing last night.”
“Yeah, and money for the tests.”
“Yeah, that too.”
Wes looks tired. As much as he won’t admit it, he should probably be at home with Sophie. I should tell him to go home, but I don’t.
“So Finn…” Wes smiles or at least makes a valiant attempt. “I hear you met someone.”
“It was nothing.” I look away, afraid to admit I spent most of the night thinking about Autumn. “Just a meet and greet.”
“I heard there was more to it than that?”
“Well, you heard wrong. You know what Drew’s like. He sees every pretty girl as just a few minutes of pleasure for himself.”
“Sorry man, I was hoping you might have actually met someone.”
“You know I don’t get involved with the fans any more.”
“Yeah, I know. And I agree with you, I do, it’s just… well, you haven’t been yourself and I know you haven’t written anything for the new album.”
“Hey, I don’t need that from you too.” I push my chair back roughly as I stand.
“Chill, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that it’d be good for you to have someone in your life again.”
“I have to go, I have an idea for a song.” I turn away from Wes, not wanting to continue the conversation.
“Sorry, Finn. You don’t have to go. I’ll drop it.”
“Doesn’t matter, I really do want to try and write this afternoon.”
Wes doesn’t make any further arguments and I escape upstairs to my hotel suite. Picking up my guitar I realize I actually do want to write. For the first time in forever, there is new music flowing through my veins.
The crowd falls silent as the lights dim. I jump up and down on the spot, the new song fills me with an energy I’ve been missing. For once I’m actually looking forward to the show. A roadie hands me Jude. Sure, I have dozens of guitars, but Jude is the one that’s special. She goes with me everywhere, never leaving my sight. I slip the strap over my head and walk out onto the darkened stage. The lights come up and the crowd roars as I play the opening notes to the crowd favorite, ‘Never Be Enough.’ As I belt out the lyrics, my eyes scan the crowd. As much as I try to kid myself I’m just connecting with the audience, I know I’m looking for her – Autumn.
Three songs in and it hits me – she isn’t here. She’s been at all our shows so far, why did she miss this one? Was one meeting enough? Did she get what she came for and that’s the end of it? I know it shouldn’t matter to me but it does. It’s been so long since I felt a connection with an actual human being. To know it wasn’t real hits me like a punch to the gut.
The rest of the show passes in a blur. I’m back on auto-pilot like I have been for months now. If the crowd notices the shift in my performance they aren’t letting on. The applause is still deafening as we finish the set.
Wes joins me as we walk off the stage. “She didn’t come?”
“It doesn’t matter. It was just a moment.”
“For a while there, it felt like old times. Do you remember how pumped we were for our first show?”
“We were more enthusiastic than talented,” I grin in reply, ignoring the sound of the crowd chanting for an encore.
“Even back then everyone could tell you had something.”
“Yeah, enough cockiness to believe I could rule the world.”
“But apart from that,” Wes shoves me good-naturedly. “Even I could see it. I knew we were going places, if I just stuck with you it’d all work out.”
“Well, that was before…”
“Enough, you know some things are beyond your control.”
I look away, time to change the subject. “I wrote a new song today.”
“Is it any good?”
“It’s freaking awesome,” I say grinning.
“Hey, let’s play it now during the encore.”
“You haven’t even heard it yet.”
“You know we used to do it all the time before we made it. Just start, we’ll catch up.”
I still haven’t decided as we all walk back on the stage to thunderous applause. I close my eyes and feel the fretboard under my fingers. Without conscious thought my fingers pluck out the new melody and I start to sing, softly like a caress.
It was just another day
You were just another girl
Like all the rest
Except you weren’t
Something about you
Guess there was something about you
Brought me to my knees
Took me by surprise
And brought me to my knees
Can’t stop thinking about you
Once and then once more
I’m not falling
It’s not something I believe in anymore
Something about you
Guess there was something about you
Brought me to my knees
Took me by surprise
And brought me to my knees
And brought me to my knees
But, I’m not falling
I won’t fall
Still won’t fall for you
There’s a girl in the front row with tears streaming down her face. I take that as a good sign. Usually, tears mean you’ve made them connect with the song. I bow my head before holding my guitar aloft.
“Thanks, Denver, you’ve been great. Rock on! We’ll catch you next time we’re in town.”
As I walk offstage, I hand my guitar off to Simon, my favorite roadie. Simon will take care of Jude like she’s his firstborn.
Adam slaps me across the back, harder than necessary. “Dude, you’ve been holding out on us. That was freaking awesome. Just like old times, though next time, a heads up’ed be nice man.”
“Gotta keep you sharp.”
Drew crash-tackles me from behind and forces me into a headlock beneath his sweaty pit.
“Love the new song bro, you got any more coming?”
I punch him in the gut and he releases me with a grunt. “I’ve got some ideas. How many more shows have we got?”
“Wes, how many shows left?”
“Two, and you really should all know this. Were you sleeping through the last meeting?”
Drew frowns slightly. “I tried to listen, but I had this new idea for the bridge in “After the Fall” so you can’t really blame me.”
“At least you weren’t thinking about a chick. I suppose that’s gotta count for something,” Wes says running a hand through his damp hair.
“I didn’t see your girl tonight, Finn,” Adam smirks, “She get bored of you already?”
“She’s not my girl. At least now I won’t need to get a restraining order,” I try to joke, but my heart’s not in it.
“You coming to the club pretty boy?”
I know Adam is trying to get a rise out of me by using the nickname Trent made up. My almost black hair and dark blue eyes certainly helped us get a fan base in the beginning. Now it’s just one more thing that makes it hard to go unnoticed. Not that I can ever complain. People just laugh in my face and tell me I should’ve picked a different career. But music is all that ever interested me.
“Nah, you go ahead. I’m gonna work on the new songs.”
“You never come out anymore,” Drew whines.
“More chicks for us.” Adam throws his arm around Drew’s shoulders as they head towards the exit.
“You check on Soph?” I ask Wes once we’re alone.
“Yeah, she’s fine. I’m glad we’ve only got two shows left though.”
“And Pam?”
“The test results aren’t back yet. Maybe tomorrow.”
We head back to the hotel together. Once I’m back in my room, I pull out the tatty notebook I like to write in and go over what I wrote last night. I have the beginnings of at least three songs, all because of her. It’s bugging me that she didn’t come to the show tonight. So much so that after two hours I still haven’t been able to finish the songs. It’s as if the door she somehow opened in such a short time has slammed back in my face.