TWENTY-FOUR

Lexi 

PLEASE DON’T BE late, please don’t be late. 

I hurry through town in the direction of uni. Through crowds of morning commuters and against a hard headwind.

First January exam and I’m already running late.

Why did I even take this stupid module? Stupid fish and stupid thyroid and stupid metamorphosis.

The huge clock in the middle of town comes into view.

Eight forty-five.

Exam starts in fifteen minutes.

Crap crap crap.

My feet move faster, hurrying me along to City Hall. At least I think that’s the exam venue. 

I hope.

I desperately want to pull out my diary to check, but I haven’t got time. If it’s not there, I won’t make it anywhere else on time anyway.

If I pass this thing it’ll be a miracle. Not that I’ve really got any excuse to fail. Luc practically insisted we not see each other so I don’t get distracted during my study leave.

Like I need him right in front of me to be distracted by him.

Fucker.

I round a corner and City Hall comes into view. Just a small crossing and an underpass and I’m there. As I hurry towards the road, I plead with the gods to keep it clear.

The gods aren’t listening.

A taxi and three buses come into view, and I’m stuck. Damn it.

‘Lexi!’ 

I turn around at the sound of my name, but I don’t have to look to know who it is.

Sam.

She hurries to catch up.

Sam’s never late for an exam.

I don’t even know if she has an exam. 

‘Did you have a nice Christmas?’ she smiles, drawing level. 

Did Cerys ever actually speak to her?

‘I…uh, yeah, it was OK. How about you?’ 

Sam shrugs. ‘It was fine.’

We stand for a moment, neither of us knowing what to say. Both ignoring the obvious.

Sam speaks first. ‘You’ve got your aquatic biology exam today, right?’

I nod. ‘Yeah.’ I hesitate for a second. ‘Have you got an exam?’

Sam shakes her head. ‘Just going to to library to do some revision.’

‘At this time in the morning?’ 

‘Well…’ She looks down. Then back up. ‘I’m really sorry about the way I reacted. It was stupid. It’s your life. And you’re not a fool, I just—’ 

‘I know,’ I interrupt. ‘I’m sorry too. I should have just told you. The truth, I mean.’ 

‘Cerys already has.’ 

Oh crap. I suddenly realise that the “purely platonic” thing I told Cerys isn’t entirely true any more.

Sam sees my expression. ‘Yes, and that. Her and Mylo told me all about him kissing you in front of everyone.’

Just the memory of it makes me hot and uncomfortable, like she can read my thoughts.

Sam laughs as I squirm. ‘Lexi, it’s fine. I’m not judging you. You don’t have to explain. I was just being weird and over-involved before.’

I nod, looking down.

‘Just, you know, don’t get hurt. That’s all I care about.’ 

I keep nodding.

‘Lexi?’ 

‘I’m listening.’ I look back at her. ‘Thanks Sam.’ 

‘It’s OK,’ she smiles. Then she looks past me, towards City Hall. ‘You better go, or you’ll be late.’ 

‘Oh crap!’ I turn around and check the road, rushing across. Once I’m on the other side, I turn. ‘You want to come over the flat for games on Saturday? I think Cerys and Jake will be there.’ 

Sam nods. ‘Maybe.’

‘OK.’ I turn and dash toward the exam hall. 

‘And good luck!’ she calls out behind me. 

‘Thank you!’ 

SATURDAY NIGHT. 

It’s not until I open the door and see her standing in front of me that I really believe Sam is coming for games.

She holds up a canvas bag. ‘I brought Exploding Kittens and vodka.’

‘Nice!’ I hold the door open so she can enter. ‘Jake—or Cerys, I forget which—is already pouring drinks.’ 

Sam nods. ‘Cool.’

‘And, uh, Luc’s here.’ I frown, not sure how that’ll go down. ‘I didn’t know he was coming until he turned up with Jake.’ 

Sam peers around the corner, towards the kitchen. ‘Well, I guess he really is your boyfriend now,’ she teases.

‘Not sure about that,’ I reply, letting the door close. 

‘Oh please!’ Sam takes a deep breath and walks down the hallway. I follow. 

Jake’s voice comes into focus as we approach. ‘I’m not the fucking miserable one.’

‘I can believe it,’ Cerys is saying in response as we enter the kitchen. She laughs. ‘It’s OK. I still love you.’ She reaches up to pat his head, but she’s far too short. Jake playfully grabs her and tickles her. 

Luc looks at me as I enter. And at Sam.

Right. They’ve never met.

‘Uh, guys. This is Sam. Sam—Luc, Jake.’ I point to the guys needlessly. She already knows who they are. But pleasantries and all that. 

Luc narrows his eyes for a second. And then: ‘Oh! Hey. Lexi mentioned you a while back.’

Sam looks at me cautiously. ‘She did?’

I frown.

‘She was kind of drunk,’ Luc says. 

I struggle to remember. ‘New Year’s Eve?’

‘Not that time.’ 

Oh. The first time. Still can’t remember, but I’ll take his word for it.

‘Cool. What are you drinking?’ Jake asks, opening the cupboard and getting another glass out. 

Sam pulls the litre bottle of vodka out of her bag, plus several cartons of juice. ‘Screwdrivers?’

Cerys scrunches her nose and Jake laughs at her disgust.

Several minutes later, we each have the drink of our choice.

‘So what game shall we start with?’ Cerys asks as we take our seats. With only enough room for four, Jake pulls her onto his lap. 

‘How about that sushi game you mentioned before?’ Jake says. 

Cerys looks horrified for a second, then relaxes. ‘Oh. Ohhh.’ She smiles. ‘OK.’ She gets up to fetch it.

Jake frowns, clearly clueless.

Under the table, Luc’s hand finds mine.

We haven’t had a chance to speak since we parted on New Year’s Day. He entwines his fingers with mine, and I desperately want to ask him where we are now. I hate the not knowing. It’s the worst part. But I’m also scared of the answer.

Sam was right last month. Of course I’m too attached.

Too late now, though.

‘Here it is!’ Cerys bounces back into the room with the box, various sushi foodstuffs illustrated on them. She sits on Jake’s lap again, and a small smile spreads slowly across her face as she starts shuffling the cards. ‘So, miserable? Is that because of me?’ 

Sam takes the box and gets the board and tokens out.

‘What? Fuck off!’ Jake sulks. ‘I’m not miserable!’ 

Cerys and Luc laugh. He grips my hand tighter.

I really hate not knowing.

Jake turns his attention to Luc. ‘You’re the silent antisocial one. No press. Avoiding the fans.’ 

Luc nods and shrugs. ‘Fair.’

Jake narrows his eyes as his attempt to get a rise out of Luc fails.

Then he looks at me.

No, don’t bring me into this. I’m not in the band.

‘Until you,’ Jake says, simply. 

And now all eyes are on me.

What does that even mean?

Luc’s grip softens slightly. Almost imperceptibly. But he doesn’t let go.

Jake looks between us, between me and Luc. His brow furrows slightly. Luc looks back at him, calmly. But something feels different.

‘You never once held Hayley’s hand when you were with us,’ Jake says, his eyes boring into Luc. ‘Not even under the table.’ 

The bottom of my stomach seems to drop. Sam and Cerys look at the corner of the table between me and Luc, leaning down to get a better view of what’s underneath.

I expect Luc to drop my hand in response. But he doesn’t. Instead he keeps looking at Jake, never breaking eye contact.

Cerys, still holding the deck of cards, sits upright again and looks at Jake. ‘How did you know that?!’

I feel like I’m doing something very wrong.

Jake shrugs. ‘I just know Luc. Usually he’s drumming his hands on the table.’ He looks at me. ‘He’s different with you.’

Luc rolls his eyes and sighs. ‘No I’m not. I’m still me.’

‘You’re less agitated.’ 

‘And what’s wrong with that?’ 

‘Nothing,’ Jake says, holding up his hands. ‘Just interesting that Lexi seems more like your real girlfriend than your ex did.’ 

The silence that follows is uncomfortable.

They’re all expecting Luc to say something.

Finally, bristling, he does. ‘Can we just play?’

But he doesn’t let go of my hand. 

FIVE HOURS LATER, Sam leaves with Jake and Cerys, Jake insisting that he drop her off on their way to his place to make sure she’s home safe. 

After the brief awkwardness, we all settled into a few games and a few drinks and everything went fine. Everyone had fun. And nothing was mentioned of Luc’s behaviour again.

But as the front door closes behind the three leaving, and I stand in the dark hallway, I have no idea what’s going to happen.

I wander back to the kitchen.

‘That was fun,’ Luc grins, pulling me into his arms. He lowers his voice. ‘I’ve been wanting to do this all night.’ He plays with a tendril of my hair and leans in to kiss me. 

He tastes so good, so sweet. His hand slides down my back, and memories of his touch come flooding back.

This isn’t helping.

I push against him softly, pulling back. ‘So is it true?’

He shakes his head. ‘What?’

‘That you’re different with me.’ 

He sighs. Not an exasperated sigh. Something else. ‘I don’t know. Does it matter?’

‘Well, kind of,’ I say, bracing myself for whatever rejection I’m about to get. ‘Everything has changed now. We can’t ignore it.’ 

He runs a hand through his hair, keeping the other arm around my waist. ‘We’re having fun.’

I take a deep breath. ‘But I thought it was meant to be platonic.’

He looks at me. With those gorgeous fucking eyes. ‘Do you want to stop this? Go back to platonic?’

‘No! I just…I don’t know,’ I sigh. It’s too early for the talk. Any talk. We’ve had sex once. Rock stars aren’t exactly known for committing after a one-night stand. 

‘I don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to have a girlfriend yet,’ he says quietly, looking down between us. 

Talk about a kick in the stomach. I try to think of a response, but I have nothing.

‘But I’m having fun with you. And I want to keep seeing you. Spending time with you.’ He pauses. ‘I like you, Lexi.’ 

I try to weigh up everything he’s saying. I know it’s too soon for me to be so sucked in. But I am having fun. I nod, to myself more than to him. ‘You’re right,’ I say. ‘It’s fun. I like spending time with you too.’

And I really want to spend more time in bed with him.

‘OK.’ He takes a deep breath and rests his head against mine. ‘I’ve got to go.’ 

‘What?!’ I thought he was going to fuck me. 

‘Band practice first thing.’ 

‘But I thought…’ I trail off, unable to say that I’m really fucking desperate for him to fuck me again. Right now. 

But it doesn’t matter. The smile on his face tells me he knows what I’m thinking and, to confirm, he slides his hand into the waistband of my pyjama shorts and down between my legs. The touch of his fingertips on the edge of my vulva, slick and swollen, sends a shock through me. I inhale sharply in response, and his smile widens into a grin. ‘You’ll just have to wait, Alexis.’

I narrow my eyes. That doesn’t help.

‘We’ve got an event to go to next week, by the way,’ he adds. 

‘An event?’ I’m confused. 

‘Well, you’re still my girlfriend for the cameras.’ 

Oh yeah. That. I nod.

‘I’ll message you the details.’ He looks at me for a moment. ‘Maybe wear that dress you wore the first night we met. You looked so good in it.’ 

He kisses me one more time before leaving me aching with desire.

Damn him.