TWO

Lexi 

‘READ CHAPTERS FOUR through six before the next lecture. And don’t forget to check which seminar group you’re in before next week.’ 

No one’s really listening to Dr Jenner. The people around me are already standing, packing away notepads and laptops and making plans for the coming weekend. I stand too, slinging my satchel over my shoulder while carefully moving my too-long hair out of the way of the strap. There’s a queue to exit the lecture theatre. This module is way more popular than I anticipated. Who knew so many people liked insects?

The line moves slowly, so I pull out my phone to check my messages. No signal down here in the basement lecture theatres, so I connect to the university Wi-Fi. Four new notifications instantly pop up.

Some guy has liked me on this dating app I downloaded a few weeks ago. For fun. Trying to make the most of my last year of freedom before teacher training destroys my social life.

And my life in general.

There’s a message, too:

Hey ur cute x wanna go out this wknd?

Not a great start…

I open his profile. His pictures are all group photos. I scroll through, trying to find the common denominator. There are too many in each photo. At least seven in every one of them.

Screw it. Not wasting my time combing through your photos to figure out who you are.

Delete.

The lecture theatre is nearly empty as I approach the end of the row. Dr Jenner joins me as we exit into the corridor between other emptying classes.

‘Alexis,’ she smiles. She looks much older up close and in the brighter lights of the hallway. ‘Just thought I’d let you know that I’ve had a request for a reference for you, for the PGCE programme. I’ll send it off before the weekend.’ 

‘Oh. Yeah. Thank you,’ I smile back, trying to look and sound more interested than I actually am. 

‘Is there any extra information you’d like me to add? I know you did some volunteering for that STEM charity, working with gifted teens just before the summer.’ 

‘Yeah, that would be great. I had some classroom experience as well, and I did some stuff during my gap year. I’ll send you an email later, if that’s OK?’ 

‘Of course, and anything else you can think of.’ 

‘Thanks.’ I’m still absent-mindedly half-smiling as she vanishes down the corridor to her office and I approach the café. A quick scan of the area indicates that Cerys and Sam are still in labs, but the tables are quickly filling up as the other lecture halls empty. I grab the nearest one that’s free and toss my belongings on two of the other chairs, silently praying that the girls won’t take too long to join me. If someone asks for a chair I’m not going to be able to say no. They really should be on their way by now. 

With nothing else to do, I pull my phone back out and send Cerys a message to let her know I’m here already. I briefly consider getting my lecture notes out and looking over what we covered just now. Could prepare for next week’s seminar. But I open my emails instead, more out of habit than anything else, before opening Twitter.

Another force of habit.

I look up, still trying to find Cerys or Sam in the endless wave of students, but there’s no sign of them. My stomach gurgles, empty, but I really don’t want to risk losing the table. Should have had breakfast. They’re usually here before me. Cerys is always so quick. It’s not like her to be later than me.

But then it’s also not like her to be dating the singer of a rock band. Jake Norton, lead singer of No Reckless.

I still can’t believe it. Can’t believe she never told me that she knew him before, and now she won’t let me tell anyone else. Not even Sam knows.

Almost on autopilot, I search for the band’s account on Twitter.

The blurry first picture snapped of Cerys with Jake in town is buried way down in their feed now.

But there’s something far more interesting near the top.

Tram House. Tonight. Come and hear some new music we’ve been working on. Tickets nearly sold out!

Posted twenty minutes ago.

Tram House isn’t a big venue. It’s small. Intimate, even. There probably aren’t any tickets left, but I still check their website.

I shouldn’t buy them even if there are. Cerys must be going. I can’t just crash. She hasn’t even mentioned it.

Besides, I have no money.

I put my phone on the table to avoid the temptation just in case there actually are tickets left.

Cerys is almost certainly going. And how is she dating the lead singer?! My brain just can’t process it. And why is it some big secret? Shouldn’t she be singing it from the rooftops?

I would be. Well, maybe not. But only because I’m not sure my parents would approve.

They don’t really approve of anything about me.

My phone vibrates. Another message. Another guy.

And still no Sam or Cerys.

I open the app back up.

His photo fills my screen and he looks…young. Far too young to have a dating profile.

I scroll down. He’s claiming to be twenty-three. I snort at the ridiculous lie and scroll further to read his profile.

Just started college. Not actually 23 but app wouldn’t let me sign up with real age (16) ;)

Oh no. Yikes. 

Delete delete delete.

Shaking my head, I put my phone on the table and sink back in my seat. Twenty-three…

I’m going to be twenty-three after Christmas.

Time is running out. Time to come up with a plan to not go into teaching.

I considered taking another gap year. Buy myself more time to work out what I actually want to do with my life. But I need the money.

I don’t want to be a teacher. I really, really don’t. I’ve only applied because I can’t think of what else I could do. Which is a terrible reason. And I’ve already been given an informal offer from the school I volunteered at before summer. They said they’d pay for my training if I did it direct with them. A School Direct course rather than a PGCE. It would be salaried and everything. The PGCE applications are just a back-up in case the informal offer falls through.

Every time I think about it I feel sick. Trapped.

Gotta grow up sometime though.

I wish I was more like Cerys or Sam. More focused. They’ve both known since first year what they wanted to do. Even with the gap year I took between college and uni, I’m still not entirely sure.

I’m not sure I’ll ever be sure.

A voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I look up to see Sam and Cerys approaching.

‘Hey,’ I say, pleased they’re here to distract me. ‘Thank God you’re here. I’m starving, but I couldn’t risk losing the table by going to order food.’ 

Sam sits while Cerys, looking distracted, tosses her bag onto a chair. ‘What do you both want? I’ll get it.’

‘Ooh, OK. Chicken wrap and one of those little packs of chocolate biscuits. Thank you.’ 

Sam orders a veggie burrito and Cerys wanders over to join the queue.

‘So,’ I say as Sam reaches into her bag, ‘how was the practical?’ 

‘Awful. Spent the entire morning separating out lipids, then accidentally squirted the teeny-tiny sample all over the bench.’ 

I fail to suppress a laugh and she raises her eyebrow at me.

‘Sorry,’ I say, looking down at my phone in a feeble attempt to hide the grin I can’t erase. 

She pulls a large purple file out of her bag, already stuffed with notes but somehow not falling apart like all of mine are. ‘How were the insects?’ she asks. It takes me a moment to understand.

‘Oh! The lecture. Yeah, it was OK. Still makes me feel weird and edgy seeing them magnified on the slides.’ A shiver runs through me at the thought. 

Sam smiles and uncaps her highlighter, opening her file and flicking through until she finds whatever she’s looking for.

She starts highlighting.

‘How are medicine applications going?’ 

Sam doesn’t look up. Just keeps highlighting important sections of her notes and handouts. ‘Oh, I don’t know. I haven’t heard anything. I know it’s early, but some people have interview offers already.’ She pauses for a moment and looks up. ‘Sorry I’ve been so distracted these past few weeks. Just really need to get the best possible mark this year.’

‘That’s OK,’ I smile, putting my phone back down. ‘I understand.’ 

‘But you’ve already got an offer for teaching,’ she says, worry showing on her face. 

I don’t know how to tell her that I wish I didn’t.

‘We’ll try and do something together soon. Cerys too. I never see her any more.’ 

Sam raises an eyebrow. ‘But you live together?’

‘Yeah but ever since she started dating Jake…’ I trail off, realising I may have said too much as Cerys approaches the table. 

Crap.

Sam looks at Cerys.

Oh well. ‘Was just telling Sam that I never see you any more since you’ve started seeing Jake.’

‘Who’s Jake?’ asks Sam as Cerys sits down. 

‘It’s only been two weeks. Ish.’ Cerys’ tone is nonchalant. 

‘And when you’re not with him, you’re in the library or writing reports.’ Saying it out loud makes me realise I really do miss hanging out with her. With both of them. 

‘Who’s Jake?’ No one has answered Sam. I really want to tell her. She should know. The three of us are best friends. I hate keeping something from her. 

‘He’s no one. Just some guy.’ Cerys looks over at me and I raise an eyebrow. 

‘What about that guy from the shop? Lee or something?’ Sam says. 

‘Oh, Liam. Forgot all about him.’ 

I snort involuntarily. Of course she has. Any woman would. Liam versus Jake? No contest.

Sam, oblivious to the identity of the specific Jake being talked about, looks at me for a moment before turning back to Cerys. ‘Really? I thought you were interested. He seemed nice.’

Argh, this is unbearable. We can’t keep this from Sam.

Screw it.

‘Musicians are way hotter though. Right, Cerys?’ She looks over at me and I hold her gaze, determined not to lose my nerve. 

Sam finally notices something. ‘What’s going on?’

I wait for Cerys to confess, but she’s not going to. She’s too stubborn. I try to think of a way to get her to say something.

Of course. The gig.

And we haven’t really spent any time together this term.

‘How about,’ I say slowly, briefly wondering if this is a good idea before deciding to go ahead anyway. I miss my friends. ‘How about the three of us do something together tonight?’ 

‘I can’t. I’m going to a gig.’ 

‘Wouldn’t happen to be No Reckless at Tram House, would it?’ I try, knowing full well that must be the gig she’s going to. 

‘No Reckless are playing Tram House? Bit of a small venue for them, isn’t it?’ Sam hasn’t made the connection. 

Cerys just shakes her head at me before breaking into a smile. ‘Of course you would know.’

I laugh. I’m not really expecting to go. I just want her to confess to Sam. ‘Don’t worry, I’m not planning to crash.’

‘Crash what?’ 

‘Actually, maybe you should come. Both of you.’ Cerys smiles. 

‘Really? Does that mean we can tell Sam?’ I grin. 

‘Tell Sam what?’ Sam has long since put down the highlighter. 

‘Oh fine,’ says Cerys. 

I turn to Sam. ‘Cerys is—’

‘Not so loud!’ 

‘—dating Jake Norton.’ 

Sam frowns, completely underwhelmed. ‘Who?’

I take a deep breath. ‘Reckless’ lead singer.’

‘What? Shut up,’ she says, turning to Cerys. She nods in confirmation. Sam looks perplexed. ‘But…why? Guys in bands…they just treat women like we’re something to be used up and thrown away when a newer, shinier one comes along.’ 

Cerys takes a moment to respond and her cheeks flush. ‘We’ve known each other since we were kids. Jake’s not like that.’

Suddenly it’s clear why she’s not shouting it from the rooftops.

Our food arrives and Sam gives Cerys a kind but skeptical look.‘I’m sure I read somewhere about him being the worst one in the band for it.’

‘Actually, that’s Harry. The bassist.’ I take a bite out of my wrap, unsure why I’m coming to the defence of some guy I’ve never met. For Cerys, I guess. 

‘And the other two are in relationships,’ Cerys says. 

‘Just the one now. Luc and his girlfriend recently broke up.’ And he’s sleeping with every woman that crosses his path now, too, I add silently. Not that I’m envious or anything. 

At least Cerys is adamant she’s only having fun. Although I’m not sure I believe her.

And we’re watching them tonight. Good music and seriously hot eye candy.

But as I swallow my food I can’t help silently agreeing with Sam’s assessment.

Well, at least I’ll never have a rock star boyfriend to leave me. One less thing to worry about.