THIRTY-FOUR

Lexi 

LAST EXAM.

And late. Again.

I blame Cerys. If she wasn’t leaving to go on tour with Jake, it would have been easier to leave on time today. He’s picking her up later. Along with the rest of them, I guess.

Luc included.

Yes, I’m jealous. Or envious, at least.

Yeah, I know. I could have called him. Messaged him. Something. But with so many deadlines and the most important exams of my degree looming, I was more than a little preoccupied. Easier to just bury myself in uni work and pretend everything’s OK.

Still haven’t told my parents that there’ll be no PGCE.

I round the corner and come into view of City Hall.

Again.

I hurry towards the last crossing standing between me and my final exam.

‘Lexi!’ 

Sam.

Déjà vu.

I turn as she hurries to catch up. We keep walking.

‘Thought you’d finished your exams?’ I ask. 

She looks around as we cross the road. ‘Yeah. I, uh, just wanted to wish you luck. It’s your last one, right?’

‘Yeah. Thankfully.’ 

‘How long is it?’ 

Her questions throw me off a bit. Something’s not right. ‘Uh, three hours. I think.’

‘Right. So finished by noon?’ 

‘Yeah,’ I say slowly. 

‘How was Cerys this morning?’ 

‘Excited,’ I say as we enter the underpass. ‘Going to miss her. And Mylo—not that I see him much these days since he and Dan got so serious.’ I pause. ‘Gonna miss you, too,’ I add quietly. 

‘Same.’ 

It’s not the same though. She still gets to see Cerys when they come back for postgrad stuff after the summer.

We keep walking in silence for a few minutes, until we get to the entrance of the exam venue.

‘I’ll meet you here afterwards?’ Sam says. ‘Thought we could grab a sandwich or something.’ 

‘Yeah, sure. OK.’ 

‘Noon?’ 

I nod. ‘See you on the other side.’

‘Good luck.’ 

I leave her behind as I enter the waiting area, filled with dozens of other students.

Shannen’s cackle rings out from the other side of the room. She’s surrounded by her friends—most of them equally as loud and obnoxious as she is. Bet she saw that stupid photo and loved every pixel of it.

Focus. Forget Shannen. Last exam.

I consider finding out which seat I’m assigned but there’s a huge crowd around the seating chart, so I opt to check my phone instead. Checking the same thing I always do these days.

Messages from Luc.

He hasn’t sent a new one since before I saw Harry. I wonder if he found out. Maybe that’s why he stopped.

I wonder if he’s still drinking tea.

His last text is still visible from the messages home screen.

I miss you x

Then no more messages. No more calls. Nothing.

‘Hey Lexi.’ 

I look up and shove my phone back into my pocket. ‘Tom!’

‘Ready for this exam?’ he asks, grinning. Nearly always grinning. 

‘Ready as I’ll ever be. You?’ 

‘Yeah.’ He glances over in Shannen’s direction. ‘Kind of hoping photosynthesis comes up, just to piss her off.’ 

I snort. ‘And all the RuBisCO stuff she hated?’

‘Obviously.’ 

I feel a bit mean for a few seconds. Maybe she’s not that bad. Maybe I’ve been misreading her.

From across the room, she spots me. She says something to her gaggle. They all turn and look at me.

No. She’s a bitch. Fuck her.

‘Think we’re being called in,’ says Tom. ‘Good luck!’ 

‘You too,’ I smile. 

Students filter from the waiting area to the exam room, like grains of sand falling through an hourglass, and I check the seating plan on the way in.

Bags at the back. Check.

Phones off. Check.

Find seat. Check.

Pens and pencils out. Calculator out. Ruler and eraser just in case. Check.

Pencil case on floor. Check.

No labels on drink bottles. Check.

I start filling in the cover sheet while other students continue to settle in.

There are still a few stragglers finding their seats when I’m done, so I sit back and look around.

Shannen is three seats ahead of me, in the row to my left. Drinking water. Fiddling with her papers.

God knows what she’s been saying about me to her friends.

That I’m sad and pathetic and stupid for thinking someone like Luc could want someone like me.

I cross my arms across my chest as one of the invigilators starts reading out the same pre-exam list of dos and don’ts that we’ve all heard fifty times by now.

No. Shannen’s wrong. Luc was real with me. I’m the one who’s fucked this up by being too scared. Too insecure. We were real. So real that I’m not even taking the money. I don’t want it. Forget the agreement.

And maybe I should message him after this. And if the photography offer is off the table, fine. I’ll sort something out here, while he’s away. And I’ll miss him, like I’ve missed him since February. And it’ll be harder with no exams or coursework to distract me.

He said he missed me.

Harry said he’d wait for me.

I guess I’ll find out.

No matter how much it scares me that he might have changed his mind.

The sound of paper rustling as people all around open their exam papers draws my attention back to the present. I do the same, unfolding my arms and turning the first page.

Photosynthesis.

The Calvin cycle.

An audible sigh from Shannen’s direction.

I can’t help the smile on my face.

Well, that’s something at least.