SEVENTEEN

Lexi 

‘I DON’T UNDERSTAND why we’ve got to do photosynthesis.’ 

A small group of us are in one of the university’s many group study rooms.

‘Because it’s plant biology?’ 

Shannen, the loudest student on my course—the one who actually asks questions at the end of every damn lecture—shuffles her notes in annoyance. ‘Photosynthesis is biochemistry,’ she says condescendingly at Drew. 

Drew surprises us all by rolling his eyes in response. ‘Whatever. Let’s just start already. Then we can go. We’ve got training this afternoon.’

His unexpected display of not giving a fuck what Ms Teacher’s Pet thinks startles Shannen for a moment.

‘Training?’ she asks. 

‘Rugby.’ 

‘Oh.’ She eyes him up and down, seeing him properly for the first time. Her face relaxes into a smile. 

And she twirls a few strands of her chestnut hair around her finger.

‘Drew,’ she says, suddenly coy, ‘we mustn’t rush.’ Clearly imagining him in shorts now, muddied all over and dripping in sweat. 

I exchange a look with Tom, the fourth and final member of our group project team. Also Drew’s rugby team mate. And it shows. Well, to anyone paying attention to anything other than their own superiority.

Drew isn’t even slightly fazed. ‘Seconds ago you were complaining about even being here,’ he says to Shannen. ‘Let’s just divvy up the topic between the four of us and book the room for after Christmas so we can start putting together our findings for the presentation. We’ve got RuBisCO, yeah?’ Drew flicks through his notes before pulling a textbook out of his bag. I’m impressed by his efficiency.

‘Uh, yeah,’ Shannen says, scrabbling for her own notes on the topic that she just recently shuffled neatly together. 

Tom looks down to hide a smirk.

Drew is way ahead of Shannen. He flicks open to the appropriate section in his textbook. ‘So we could subdivide into structure, activity, regulation and maybe potential genetic engineering applications?’

Tom and I agree while Shannen continues to search for her notes.

Drew looks at me. ‘Lexi, right?’

I nod. Shannen looks up.

‘Any preferences?’ Drew asks. 

‘Drew,’ Shannen says, putting her hand on his bare forearm, smiling. ‘I was going to suggest we work in pairs. Halve the workload, so to speak.’ 

‘That makes no fucking sense,’ Tom mutters, and I can’t help sniggering. 

Drew looks at Shannen’s hand on his arm and narrows his eyes. ‘And even if it did make sense,’ he says, not flinching but clearly not happy with Shannen touching him, ‘we’d have to arrange to meet up with the other person. Only Tom and I have comparable schedules.’

‘But I thought—’ Shannen starts. 

‘And we’ve got Christmas and exams in the meantime. Unless Lexi really wants to,’ Drew cuts in. ‘Then you two can meet up and me and Tom will work together.’ 

Tom looks at me and I cringe. Please no.

‘Don’t think she wants that,’ Tom says, grinning, ducking his head into my line of sight so I’m forced to make eye contact. 

Shannen looks at me, insulted. Then she rolls her eyes. ‘It’s only because she’s too busy with her new boyfriend.’ She practically spits the word “boyfriend”. I look back blankly. It takes a second for me to realise she’s talking about Luc.

Awkward silence. I open my mouth to say something, but I’m not sure there even is anything to say.

‘We all saw you skating with Luc Hall the other night. How do you even know him? Are you friends with that girl who’s seeing the singer?’ 

Drew and Tom look utterly baffled.

‘Cerys?’ I ask, not entirely sure how else to respond. 

‘Fucking Cerys,’ Shannen says dismissively. ‘How’d she even get a guy like that? My friend Laura bumped into the singer a few weeks ago in Metro and said he was fucking obsessing over her.’ 

‘Over who?’ 

‘Cerys! Fuck’s sake. Keep up. And now you’re seeing the drummer. It’s fucking incestuous,’ Shannen says, flicking her hair over her shoulder and leaning back in her chair. 

‘Uh, right,’ Tom says slowly, exchanging a look with Drew. ‘And so what?’ 

‘Think she’s a bit jealous,’ Drew mutters, looking down with raised eyebrows, collecting his notes. 

‘No! It just doesn’t make sense,’ Shannen huffs. She looks at me. ‘Doubt it’ll last, anyway. He’ll be back to supermodels soon enough. Or Hayley, his ex. They were practically engaged.’ 

‘Whatever. Can’t imagine why no one would want to pair up with you.’ Drew shakes his head as Shannen looks daggers at him, sliding the textbook back into his bag. ‘So one topic each? Any preferences? I wouldn’t mind activity.’ 

‘Structure,’ says Tom, standing and slinging his bag over his shoulder. 

‘Genetic engineering,’ I say quietly, avoiding Shannen’s intense gaze. 

‘Leaving Shannen with the huge regulation topic,’ Tom grins, then looks at her and winks. ‘Enjoy!’ 

I quickly gather myself and follow the guys out, leaving Shannen to gather her notes before she can throw any more venom my way. 

WE’LL PICK YOU up from the station. But we can still come there to get you if you want? Xx 

I frown at the message on the screen. It would be nice to not have to fight with my luggage on the train. To be able to just hand my suitcase to my dad and let my parents drive me home.

Not so nice would be the four-hour drive and all the questions. The longer I can delay having to tell them about my involuntary change of plan, the better. Not sure what they’ll think about my placement being cancelled.

And then there’s the whole rock star’s girlfriend-but-not-really thing. Although I doubt they’ll have heard about that. They’re not exactly up to speed on the latest celebrity news. So I might be able to avoid that one entirely.

I toss my phone back on the bed and continue folding clothes for the week or so that I’ll be home. I’ll reply once I’m done packing. I haven’t decided exactly how long I’m staying yet. Maybe just until the day after Boxing Day. The sooner I’m back, the sooner I can start revising for exams. I really need to pass with flying colours now that I actually need a PGCE place. Despite Luc’s objections, teaching is still the most realistic option for me to have a career. And Markus—my older brother—will just distract me if I try to do any work while I’m home.

I pause as realisation hits me. Oh no. I’d forgotten about Markus. Damn it. He might know about the Luc thing.

I don’t even know if he’s going to be there. I haven’t asked, and my parents have mentioned anything. Kind of hope he isn’t. It’s bad enough being compared to him when he’s not there, but when he is…ugh. I get it. He’s the golden child.

I stop packing and grab my phone, quickly typing out a message.

I’ll be fine on the train. Tickets booked already. I’ll phone or text when I’m nearly there tomorrow x

Hit send.

It’s a lie, of course. My tickets aren’t booked. But easier to say I’m locked in than deal with Mum trying to persuade me to change my mind.

Why couldn’t it have been that easy to keep up the same kind of pretence when Sam was asking questions? Instead I got flustered and embarrassed. Or I could have just told her that it’s not real.

Don’t think that would have helped, actually.

I shove the last of my stuff in, including the Christmas presents that are taking up most of the room, and zip the case shut. The suitcase is heavier than it looks as I pull it off the bed to make room for me.

It’s just me tonight. Cerys and Mylo have already abandoned the flat for Christmas. No idea what Sam’s doing this year.

My fingers trace the outline of my phone on the bed next to me. I should message her. I hate leaving it like this over Christmas. I hate that she must think I’m an idiot. I hate that I didn’t just tell them all the fucking truth.

I should tell her the truth.

If I just explain what happened with my placement…maybe she won’t think I’m so dumb.

Sam won’t tell anyone. Luc won’t mind. Only Sam needs to know.

I grasp my phone and scroll through my contacts until I find her.

And hit the call button.