Chapter 2

Clara

The pain doesn’t even hurt anymore. It isn’t even a dull ache. I’ve been used, raped, beaten and more. To the point that I no longer feel a thing. I find myself wondering if that’s what they were going for. Did they want me this numb? Broken? I am broken. I wish for death. I know it isn’t what one should wish for, but I do. I remember my Máthair telling me to pray for goodness and light. To always ask for forgiveness in all that you do. How can I ask for that when what I’ve been forced to do is so despicable? The things that have been done to me are beyond forgiveness. Forced into sexual acts with multiple men, then tossed into a cage to rot away has been happening to me since I was brought here. Wherever here is.

The harsh clanging of a club being dragged against the bars of our cells hurts my ears. I cringe and slink back into the corner knowing all too well what that means. Two cells are opened at once, mine and the girl next to me. Two men step into our cells coming straight toward us. I cringe but don’t say a word. I know what this is and its pure torture. The other girl however, screams so loudly it pierces my ears. The men reach down and roughly grab me, yanking me to my feet.

“You follow directions, you don’t die!” one hisses much the same as he does every time. They drag me down the dingy hallway and toss me into the shower room. Lying naked on the floor, the other girl is tossed in next to me. In seconds, ice cold water begins to rain over us. There isn’t anywhere for us to go as it flows from the ceiling. She inches closer to me trying to keep warm as the freezing cold seeps into our pores. I shiver and try to roll into a ball but when the man comes back with an electric prod, I move. I stand up and let the water rain over me as he chuckles.

“You think because you stand you won’t be punished?” He asks before the electricity hits my skin. My whole body jolts as my eyes slowly roll around in my head. It hurts beyond anything I’ve ever felt. It feels like my heart beats a million miles a minute and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I lose track of time as I remain under the cold spray, being electrocuted nearly to death, before I drop to the floor no longer able to hold myself up. The men move back in and grab me by the hair, forcing me to my feet. On unsteady legs, they lead me back to my cell where and they toss me back in. My shoulder aches from landing on. They set the small sandwich and half a bottle of water on the floor before slamming the door closed and locking it. Haze fills my vision as I try to force myself to crawl toward the food. This is my every day now. In between this, we are raped by random men. They pay well from what I hear from the men who come into my cell. It makes me sick to know they pay to use me.

“You, my girl, you will have a special visitor tomorrow. You will act like a good little girl, now won’t you?” the man I’ve come to know as Timur asks, his Russian accent thick.  He looks down at me with so much disgust in his eyes that it kills a part of me. “Do you hear me? You used to scream so perfectly for me and now nothing. Maybe I’m not using enough force on you.” I shiver at his words, wrapping my arms around myself. He’s right. I don’t speak to them or scream any longer. Partially, because of what they’ve done to me, but more so because I don’t want them to have that satisfaction. Timur walks away and heads toward the door that leads somewhere else in the house that I’ve never seen. It’s only then do I glance over at the girl in the cell next to me. She cries, with sobs shaking her body. I scoot closer to the edge and reach through, offering her my hand. It never surprises me when she takes it. We link our hands together hanging onto the last thread of life that either of us has. She was brought down here sometime after I was. We’ve become a bonded pair, both of us staying longer than the others. Some have been sold, others died from the sickness they’ve contracted. I await my death with open arms. Some days we are drugged, and I pray that they will overdose me. Other days we are forced to endure all the pain and torture with nothing in us. Today we lie in silence, the freezing cold cement beneath us doing nothing more than causing us to shiver and shake from the fevers we both have.

“How are you always so calm?” my neighbor asks. I shrug and look into her eyes. “Why don’t you speak to me?” I wish I could. I give her a solemn look and she seems to understand.

“Can you speak?” I nod my head but look away quickly. It hurts to not talk to her but at the same time, how can I? What would I say to her? Tell her everything will be alright? It won’t and we both know it. I squeeze her hand giving her the best reassurance I can for now. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep. At some point, the door is flung open and I snap my eyes open. The girl next to me shivers and shakes, her eyes tightly closed. I shift and huddle in the corner as men approach the cells. Timur is one of them but the others I don’t recognize. Their eyes move over the cages until they stop on hers. My breathing picks up, thoughts of losing her running wild inside of me. I don’t want to lose her. She’s all that I’ve had since I’ve been here.

“That one,” one man says pointing at her. My heart stutters in my chest as I watch the cell open.

“She is a good choice,” Timur chuckles motioning for one of his men to move in. It’s then that the man buying her moves his gaze to mine. Does he recognize me? Could he? I’m here for a reason although no one else knows that. This man, the one eyeing me is not that reason either. My athair told me about his acquaintance that I’m to wait for. The man that will ultimately buy me but that isn’t him. His eyes roam over me but the fever has my head lolling to the side.

“I want that one as well,” the man says pointing at me. Timur laughs a hearty laugh before he speaks.

“She isn’t for sale, my friend.” The man spins around grabbing Timur around the neck before slamming his body against the far wall.

“I said I want that one as well. Zakhar has informed me that I may purchase as many women as I’d like, and I want that one,” he growls. Timur looks unsure of himself before he nods.

“That one isn’t well. She’s had a fever and--“
“Unlock her cell!” he roars. My body jolts but I sink back against the wall lacking the energy needed to move. Timur moves to open the cell and just as I see the girl next to me being carried out, the tall man walks in and kneels in front of me. His hand comes to my cheek, but I flinch away. He studies me intently for a long moment before reaching for me and lifting me. I’m weak. I have been for almost a week now. I always feel feverish and tired, so when he lifts me in his strong arms, I don’t fight him. I couldn’t if I tried. Instead, I lay my head against his chest and let my eyes slowly fall closed. Maybe this man will be the one to end me. Maybe he will finally take what I’ve been waiting for because if I wait any longer for what my athair had told me, I will be dead. I will never meet the man that I’m supposed to go with.