Chapter 12

Clara

 

I wander the house for hours. My mind is running overtime and I can’t seem to slow it. After that day with Alexei, he’s avoided me. Not that I’ve tried to go to him, but he makes sure he keeps his distance.

“Are you hungry?” Vera asks when I walk into the kitchen.

“No, thank you. I’m just touring the house,” I tell her. I’ve grown to like Vera. She talks to me like a mother, even though she isn’t that much older than me. I find myself drawn to her though. She’s sweet and seems to really care about people.

“Well, you should most definitely check out the pool then. There’s a pool house with suits as well,” she says giving me a wink.

“It’s the dead of winter!” I squeal making her laugh.

“It’s indoors, Clara. Heated and all,” she laughs. I smile, and she nods in the general direction. I make my way through the halls wondering why I hadn’t done this sooner. Each room here is amazing. The most beautiful paintings hang on the walls, the spectacular chandeliers sparkle with light. It isn’t that I’m not accustomed to nice things, I am, but my father didn’t decorate nearly as much as Alexei seems to. I wonder if he chose any of these things himself? I run my fingers over a few of the vases on my way down the long hallway. It isn’t until I get closer, that I smell the chlorine. Peeking through the window of the door, I see Alina swimming laps. I decide to go in then.

“Hey! Are you swimming?” she asks when she spots me.

“I wasn’t aware there was even a pool,” I tell her. She laughs and it’s such a sweet sound. So much better than her cries.

“I didn’t even think to tell you. I assumed Alexei would have. Suits are in there. Come in for a bit,” she says. I nod my head and walk into the small house that’s built inside the dome. There are two, one on each side of the pool. I assume this one is for the women as when I step inside there are rows of suits. All are brand new with tags hanging on them and it makes me wonder why they have so many. I walk along and find my size, pulling it free of the hanger and changing. Looking at myself in the mirror, I cringe at the scars that are now on my body from the beatings. Some are fading while others are still angry looking. I shake my head knowing that part of my life is over now, or at least I hope it is. The plan hasn’t changed. I will use what I can to get free and finish the job my father had sent me to do. I see a drawer labeled towels and grab one out before heading back toward the pool. I stop in my tracks when I hear laughter and find Alexei in the pool with Alina. Water sticks to his skin, droplets running down his face as he smiles. It’s a real smile. One that could stop hearts and melt any woman lucky enough to see it. The laughter stops, all eyes turn to me, then his smile slowly slips from his face.

“Come on, Clara! You can see the snowfall from here,” Alina squeals but I can’t pull my gaze from his. There’s heat in his eyes as he slowly looks me over from head to toe. I shudder under his gaze. He’s so beautiful and perfect and I am used and broken. A sob escapes me, and I raise my hand quickly to cover it, lowering my head. In seconds, I can feel his warmth surrounding me, enveloping me.

“What’s wrong?” His breath dances over my skin as he leans down to my level, pulling my hand from my face. Slowly he tilts my head so that I’m looking up at his eyes. I can see sincerity. No one has looked at me like that before.

“I am broken, Alexei. I have failed my father, I have failed myself.” Admitting that is harder than I thought it would be. Although I still have time to do as my father wanted, I’m still ashamed that it’s taken me this long. This was never in the plan and now I must live with that.

“You have fought to live, воробей. Why give up now?”

“I’m not giving up. I know what I am though.”

“I’m going to find food,” Alina speaks but Alexei and I can’t tear our gazes from each other. His breath feathers over my skin igniting that fire he always seems to elicit from me. For whatever reason, I can’t seem to stop myself from wanting him. His lips touch mine gently before his arms wrap around me, lifting me to his level. He kisses me roughly before I wrap my legs around his waist. I can feel how hard he is right now, and I want nothing more than for him to be inside of me, yet as he walks us into the water, I find peace. Alexei pulls away and gazes up. I follow his gaze and watch the snow fall on the clear dome above.

“You had it made this way, why?” I ask him.

“I wanted to be able to see all the beauty that’s out there. Even though I live in darkness, this is my light. I like to sit in here at times and just breathe.” Lowering my gaze from the astonishing view, I search his eyes with my own. Alexei lowers his head and finds me watching him.

“What if you aren’t all darkness?” I ask. He smirks.

“I was raised to be darkness.”

“What do you mean?” I can see the war in his eyes. He wants to talk to me, to tell me, but he’s holding back. He’s unsure of me as I am of him, but in his arms I feel a contentment that I have never felt before.

“When I was young, my father sent me away. I was to train to become a killer. I was good at it. I thrived in my learning and did what I was told. I wear the scars of my past like a badge of honor because they are what built me,” he admits and my heart flutters. That’s where the scars on his body came from. I’ve seen them but never asked about them. Most of them are covered by his tattoos.

“And your mother?” His eyes soften as he looks at me. Through me. It’s as though he can reach in and touch my soul, hold it in his capable hands.

“She killed herself before I was sent away. I was there with her, watched her.” To hear him say that breaks my heart. He watched his own mother kill herself? That had to have influenced him as a child. I raise my wet hand to his face, cupping his cheek. He nuzzles closer to me and I find myself liking it.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“That’s why I lost control when you had that gun in your hand,” he admits. My heart shatters into a million tiny pieces as tears slide down my cheeks. I lean in and press my lips to his. Alexei doesn’t give me much control before he takes it for his own. His hand tangles in my hair, tugging enough for me to feel the burn and moan into his mouth. It’s the best feeling in the world, being owned by Alexei. I never thought that I’d find myself drawn to a man like him, yet here I am. When he breaks the kiss, he rests his forehead on mine. His breathing is strangled but the lust in his eyes is unmistakable. I run my fingers through his hair, watching as his lids grow heavy. The groan that escapes him is sexy and feral.

“Why do you affect me the way you do?” he whispers walking us toward the edge of the pool. With my back pressed against the side, the water lapping at my skin, I sigh.

“I was wondering the same thing as you,” I whisper back. His lips crash into mine. Both of us clawing at the other’s skin. When he slows the kiss, I nearly whine. I bite his lip, drawing blood. Alexei pulls back, his eyes on fire as he hisses between his teeth. In seconds, he has his cock free and is shoving my bottoms aside. He plunges inside of me, water splashing around us as he thrusts. My body quakes at the pleasure as his fingers dig into my ass giving me the pain I now seek. I’m floating on a cloud of deceit and I love it. He’s using me but I’m using him right back. I love the feel of him inside of me. I know whatever this is between is can’t blossom into more. Maybe I’m selfish, but I want whatever I can get from him until the time comes, and I need to go. I claw at his back and Alexei growls. His thrusts become harder, his cock hitting me perfectly.

“You want to come all over me, воробей?” He rasps in my ear. I shudder and nod, licking at his skin. He tastes salty and sweet all at the same time. His flavor bursts on my tongue as he fucks me rougher.

“Yes,” I pant against him, my insides coiled tightly. A few more thrusts and I explode around him. I feel him swell as lights flicker behind my eyes and then he comes inside of me. It occurs to me that we’ve never used a condom, but I do take the shots, so I’m covered or at least I hope I am. It’s been awhile since Timur ordered one. The connection between us is just too strong to stop and think about those things at the moment. Alexei rests his head on my shoulder, feathering soft kisses along my neck. I sigh in contentment when his words ring through my head.

“Can I keep you, Clara?”