Chapter 28

Clara

 

The throbbing in my head is worse than it was before. I feel like I’ve been run over by a bus. I couldn’t believe that I made it out of the house before it exploded. I was just so glad that Alexei did. If Dmitry hadn’t been there, I don’t know what I would have done.

“Oh God,” I grumble as I try to push myself up. The room spins and bile rises in my throat. I start to heave when a bucket is thrust under my face. The room is a complete blur, but I throw up until my ribs ache. Dropping back onto the pillow, I blink trying to get the room to come into focus. As soon as I do, I jolt.

“You should stop doing that.” His voice sends chills down my spine. I turn my head slowly until he comes into view.

“What’s happening?” He stands from the chair and moves toward me with ease in his stride.

“You have a concussion that is pretty bad. You’re dehydrated which is partially Alexei’s fault. Right now, you are hooked up to some pain medication for a headache and fluids. The doctor seems to think you’ll be fine in a few days. How did you get here?”

“I don’t know,” I say softly.

“The doctor said it could have been your brain remembering this place. The man that let you in has been taken care of though,” he says causing me to shudder.

“I want to leave. Now,” I state pushing myself up on the bed. I can smell Alexei on the sheets and it makes my chest constrict. Dmitry steps closer to the bed, his eyes holding so much anger. Not that I can blame him. I messed up. I know I did. I should have told him from the beginning.

“I don’t think so,” he says.

“I do. I’m not a prisoner anymore,” I protest.

“Oh, that is exactly what you are,” Alexei’s voice washes over me, so dark and sensual holding so much authority. Over me. Over my body. Over my heart. I turn to see him standing in the doorway. His face has bruises and a cut above his eye. I can tell by the way he moves that he is far more injured than he’s letting on.

“No, I’m not. I shouldn’t be here, I don’t know why I came back here,” I plead. I don’t want to be a prisoner again, I can’t. My body can’t handle it and knowing that Alexei hates me is even worse.

“Leave us,” he tells Dmitry. I watch the look he gives me before leaving the room. Alexei moves, coming toward the bed as my heart nearly beats out of my chest. Even broken and bruised he is still the most gorgeous person I’ve ever seen. He makes my heart race and my thighs clench from just the look in his eyes. I’ve never met a man that could do that before him.

“Just let me go. You’ll never have to see me again, Alexei.” I want to beg him, I do but I can’t. Not when he’s looking at me with lust and danger in those beautiful brown eyes. He’s tearing my heart right from my chest and he doesn’t even know it.

“I’ve been thinking about a lot of things. How I didn’t see this coming, how I was so stupid to think that you wanted me. I’ve learned my lesson, воробей. I never wanted to keep you captive until now. Why should I set you free? Hmm? Why should you get to fly after how you betrayed me?” His eyes are fueling a fire inside of me but the hurt that I caused him is killing me.

“I messed up. I should have told you sooner, but I honestly didn’t know until that night, on Christmas Eve. I knew I was supposed to get in with Mr. Pavlov but I never knew that was you!” I cry, tears falling down my cheeks. Alexei sits on the edge of the bed next to me, his warmth consuming all of me. He lifts his hand to my cheek and wipes my tears with his thumb before grabbing my chin roughly enough to make me yelp.

“How can I believe you? How can I know that you truly didn’t know what you were doing? You put on a good show, but I knew who you were too.”

“And you didn’t say anything,” I remind him.

“Why should I? Why would I? You were the one in my house pretending to be something you’re not! You betrayed me, Clara!”  I jolt and try to move away from him, but his grip is too strong. He holds my face in his hands until it burns. My eyes water and only when Alexei slows his breathing, does he release his hold.

“I’m sorry, Alexei.”

“I know you are. I know you saved me, and do you know how much that makes me hate you?” I swallow hard unsure of what to say to him, but I have to say something.

“I understand that. I couldn’t let you die for someone as useless as my father. Yes, I was ordered by him to get in with you and kill you. Yes, I didn’t tell you who I was in the beginning, but I also didn’t know who you were either. Honestly, I didn’t care, Alexei. I fell in love with you. You gave me what I needed and what I craved, and you kept me safe. You gave me a place that I never had and something no one else ever could.”

“Which is what?”

“A home.” Neither of us speaks for a while sitting in our own brand of silence. Alexei doesn’t understand how much I need him. It isn’t just a physical need, it’s emotional and mental. He makes all the messed-up things in my head seem so normal even when I’m not.

“I don’t know what you want from me, Clara.”

“I want you to love me!” I scream as the tears trail down my face. “I want you to care for me, give me what I need. I want you to take what you want from me and make me whole! I’ve never felt whole in my life until you, Alexei. I just want you to love me!” His eyes darken as I scream louder. He takes a deep breath and stands from the bed. He heads toward the door before he stops and looks down.

“Just go! Run away and leave me alone like everyone else does!” I holler. Alexei spins around quickly making his way back to the bed and wrapping his hand possessively around my throat. It’s exactly the way I want him to.

“Don’t you get it, воробей. I do fucking love you. I don’t know how, but I do. I can feel it all throughout my body. There’s an ache in my chest when you aren’t near me. My obsession for you is over the top, but I can’t stop it. My head is a mess and I’m trying to figure out what to do because I’m about to lose control. Now, let me walk away and get my head straight before I hurt you. That’s the last thing I want right now.” His words send me soaring, but I see the darkness lurking in him. I nod my head slowly and Alexei releases his grip on me. He lowers his head and presses a rough kiss to my forehead before quickly leaving the room. I watch him go as tears fill my eyes. He does love me. He said so himself, so why do I still feel like I’m losing him anyway?