Chapter 13

Alexei

 

I don’t know where that came from or why I even said it. I’m thankful as hell that she didn’t answer me either. Her rejecting me would send me over the top and I’m afraid that when I start to fall, I’m going to drag her along with me. We climb out of the pool, she’s on wobbly legs as I lead us over to one of the lounges. I sit down and grab her around the waist, pulling her down with me. She giggles but lies next to me looking up at the falling snow.

“It’ll be Christmas soon,” I say softly. I’ve never been one to celebrate the holidays since I don’t really have anyone to celebrate with.

“It will,” she agrees. “Do you do anything special?” she asks resting her chin on my chest, so she can look at me. I run my fingers through her silky red hair and smile.

“No. Do you?” Her smile fades as she shakes her head.

“No. My father never wanted to celebrate after my mother left us. I never noticed until I got older that we were missing things, traditions.”

“Sometimes it’s for the best,” I add.

“Maybe so. Don’t you ever find you miss out on things?”

“No. I have everything I could ask for. I have an empire at my fingertips. What more could I need?” I see the flicker of emotions in her eyes. “What do you need, Clara? What are you missing?” A tear slides down her cheek and I want so much to wipe it away, but I can’t. She’s hurting inside, and I can’t give her anything more than this.

“I’m missing love. I’m missing acceptance of who I am. There are days I wonder why I’m not good enough for those things,” she says softly breaking me inside.

“You are good enough, Clara. Maybe the one you are looking to give it to you is the problem,” I tell her honestly. Clara moves, tossing her leg over my hips to straddle me. I groan when she rests her weight on my cock. Her hands roam over my chest, grazing me, burning me with her touch.

“Maybe they just don’t know they can give it,” she says before leaning down and kissing me. Her lips leave mine and slowly move over my face and down my neck before she bites into my shoulder. My hips buck into her, a roar escaping my throat. This woman is ruining me. She’s tearing apart the walls I’ve kept in place for years, and I can’t fucking stop her. I wrap my hand around the back of her neck, forcing her lips back to mine. The harder we kiss, the harder I get. Clara grinds herself against me, and I’m painfully aware that she was referring to me when she spoke. I can’t give her what she needs, I know that, but why can’t I have her for now? Why can’t we be like this? In our own world of pleasuring each other. Her body slides against me and I can’t stop myself. I reach between us freeing my cock. Clara shifts to move her bottoms out of the way and grips my cock in her hand. I hiss through my gritted teeth when she slides down my length. Air swooshes from my lungs and all that’s left is her. She’s fucking with my mind and my body. Clara sits up, fully taking me inside of her.

“воробей,” I warn her. She smirks, her long red hair tickling my thighs as she rotates her hips.

“What is that you always call me?” She asks, her hips seductively rolling.

“It means, Sparrow. You’re my little Irish Sparrow. So quick to try to fly away from me. You want to fly, воробей but I want you to sing for me and only me.” Her lips part, a soft gasp flowing freely. I sit up and wrap my hand around her neck bringing her lips back to mine. We kiss until neither of us can breathe and I can’t focus. Her pussy clenches around me and I come inside of her.

“Alexei!” She screams my name as she falls apart in my arms. I allow her a moment before I move her off my lap. I adjust my shorts and stand before lifting her into my arms. She wraps her arms around me and nuzzles her face into my neck inhaling deeply.

“What do I smell like?” I tease as I walk us back inside and down the hall.

“You smell like mint and man,” she whispers her voice heavy with exhaustion. I chuckle and carry her up the stairs and straight to my room. I’m probably making a huge fucking mistake, but I do it anyway. Closing my door, I walk to the bed and lay her down, pulling the blanket over her body. Her eyes flutter as she looks up at me with a smile on her face.

“Alexei?” She says my name softly.

“Yes?”

“You can keep me for now,” she says before falling asleep. My chest tightens as I watch her chest rise and fall. Her words ring in my mind as I head into the bathroom. Resting my hands on the counter in front of me, I slowly raise my lowered head and look at myself in the mirror.

“You will never deserve anything as pure as her,” I tell myself, needing it to stick. I need to come to reality about this. She isn’t mine to keep, and when the time is right, I will set my little sparrow free and watch her fly. I climb in the shower and wash away her scent no matter how badly I want to keep it. She looks at me with so much adoration in her eyes that it slowly kills a piece of me. I’ll never be good enough for her. I will never be what she needs, yet the thought of letting her go angers me. I wash quickly and climb out of the shower heading to the closet. I pull out a t-shirt and a pair of sweats and dress quickly. Taking one last look at her, I leave the room and head toward my office. I need to clear my head and focus on the growing threat that the Irish are imposing.

“Are you okay? It’s late,” Vera says when she spots me. I run my hand through my disheveled hair and shrug.

“I don’t know anymore, Vera. That girl has me in knots,” I admit. She smiles and giggles a little when she rests her hand on my arm.

“You care about her. She’s been here for a while now. I saw the way you looked at her, and I was wondering how long it would take you,” she says.

“She doesn’t need someone like me. You know that.”

“Who are we to say what she needs, Alexei? Do you know her that well?” She raises an eyebrow and I sigh.

“Not the way I’d like to. She’s just begun to speak to me.”

“Then don’t put words in her mouth. You know as well as I do that sometimes we can’t help what we feel, or who we feel it for.”

“I’ll ruin her,” I remind Vera. She shakes her head and smiles up at me.

“I think she’s already ruined, Alexei. You can put her back together,” she says before walking away and leaving me to think. Thinking isn’t the best thing for me right now because I will think with the wrong parts and go back to my room and take her again. Instead, I head into my office and grab the bottle of whiskey before booting up my computer. I need to research the Irish in New York. I need to find any type of connection to the Italians and get this shit handled. I don’t stop either. I force myself to keep looking even when I hit a dead end at every turn.